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Hi my name is Sherry and I am 34. March 24,2016 the morning after my sons 7th birthday I suffered the worst headache of my life suddenly only a few minutes after i woke up. After only a few minutes I couldnt stand the light and was nauseous and called 911 as I knew something was terribly wrong. After getting a ct scan i was told there was bleeding in my brain and I was careflighted to a major hospital. After having a CTA done I was told I had a subarachnoid hemorrhage. Also non anuresmal. Hard to accept when they tell you I dont know why..I was in trauma icu 4 days and then nuero icu 8 days with doppler testing daily for vasospasms. Also had blood mix with my spinal fluid which caused excrusiating pain in my lower back and legs to where i could barely walk. I finally got to come home April 4. I am married with 4 children and the recovery has been difficult. My short term memory is terrible and I have HORRIBLE anxiety now which I never did before.. This is particularly in crowds or even in the car with my family..I feel like im going to lose my mind when more than one person speaks..I dont know if this is normal..Also have the worst time getting to sleep like my brain wont turn off..My motor skills always seemed to be in tact but ive noticed just in the past couple weeks that I have trouble pronouncing words a lot. My kids joke like I just messed up but It is starting to worry me. I keep waiting to get back to normal but dont know if that is possible anymore. This has been the scariest thing I have ever been through. Thank you for reading

Macca and Super Mario, thank you so much for taking the time to reply and advise me. I have cleared my desk, it is now known as DWP Central !!! Seriously, I really do appreciate your help with this Thanks again Love Jan xx

Hey Sherry, welcome to BTG hopefully if you read up some old threads and ask your questions here you will find a little reassurance that is going to help you adjust as you heal. I was 39 when I had mine, two young kids and like you as well they used to joke when I messed my words up which I did frequently. I would lose them and transpose them and it worried and upset me. I had neuro physiologist testing of my cognitive impacts post bleed about a year on now know this is the affect on my short term memory but it has really improved. It is normally a good indicator that I have done too much and need to rest, Over four years on if I have overdone my limits then my words will start to disappear I can't find the right one so maybe just be conscious that whilst you are coping your brain is also doing a massive amount of healing unseen to you so if the words start slipping it may be a quiet rest is in order. Being someone where there is too much going on can be too much for the brain to process early on or if you are tired. Read the letter to your brain which is pinned in the forum, you may find that helps you to be kinder to yourself. The brain is the control centre , it's going to need a gentle approach to be able to heal after its trauma. Anxiety is also incredibly common post SAH so don't suffer that in silence, go talk to someone and get some help with it. It will improve but don't let it grow unchecked. There are plenty of great tips and experiences shared on the forum that I really hope will help you. Take care now.

Hi Mum Of Five, Yep, yep, yep, I totally get how you are feeling! In August it will be six years since SAH rocked my world. I often still feel like it's one step forward and two steps back in the world of living with a brain injury. And that is what we do. Live with a brain injury. So please try not to be so hard on yourself, remember how far you've come. In April I referred myself back to my Neuro Nurse Specialist because of issues I've been having. My long term memory is fine, my short term not good but in recent months my 'missing memory gaps' have been increasing. I sometimes really have to concentrate hard to follow a conversation. Fatigue floors me. I have visual migraines every day. My balance has got worse. I am almost all out of strength and fight. However, I had a good long chat with the nurse, we discussed everything that's been going on in my life. She said it's perfectly normal for SAH survivors to go through months of coping ok and to then face struggles. She went through my scans with me, explained things in more detail so I had better understanding of my brain injury. She has spoken to my surgeon, my latest scans re-assessed, and due to increased symptoms I am being referred back to a Neurologist. So my advice is if you've ever any concerns that this is out of your 'normal' then get things checked. I also like to be alone, it's very important that I get my 'me' time, and that's ok, my family understand that. I'm sure that being a mum of five means you rarely get that! You really do need to have quiet time for your brain to be able to calm down, remember we can not filter things (multiple conversations/noise levels/different visuals) the way we used to. Your brain works much harder to work around the areas that were damaged. Life is all about making memories, so make some good ones with your family and friends, ok so you may need to look at photos to jog your memory of those memories!! As lovely Macca advises use post-it notes, diaries and calenders , I don't know where I'd be without all of mine! Take care and keep smiling, and we will continue to encourage you to sing!! SarahLou Xx

Dear MOF. You have some great advice from Macca and Sarah Lou and others already which I hope helps you. The first step though is to give yourself a break and not be so hard on yourself and then See if you can make some small changes and create some new habits that might help your brain with its efforts. The fact that took me a little getting used to is my brain just can't absorb and process the way it used to and I was going to have to take steps to protect myself in that and change how I might have done things. You talk about being cranky and that is easily my biggest sign that I am in need of extra 'quiet solitude' , that's and losing or muddling words. What comes next is my balance goes and I literally will be in the floor so I do well to not ignore them. I call this time my reboot moments and my girls are quick to tell me and then I take myself off, sit quietly with no other distractions and just be still a while. I personally practice mindfulness meditation but maybe find something that works for you to help just quiet things down. If it's really bad then I just have to stop everything and sleep and I don't rail against that now as I know it's the only thing that will work. Pacing is something to be learnt. I hate the word, I rebel against what it means and what I have lost but without pacing myself daily then I actually can't do half the things I now do. Slow things down, do them one at a time, plenty of breaks in between. Ask people to have patience or for help. Explain you can do something but only after you have had a time out. If you have just done something that takes cognitive effort then take a moment to pause before you go onto the next. If there is big emotional upsets or worries then pace yourself even more as these are energy drainers. All that said I then still have days like you describe where everything slows, words gets lost, balance is gone but they pass but like Sarah lou do get checked out if things are deterioating. You're no battle axe you're just adjusting to life with a wounded brain.

Hi Mum of Five, You are not alone with some of the things you describe, I am 2 years post SAH, I have big problems with short term memory, my attention span is like yours. I find myself going in the cutlery drawer for my dogs food, ridiculous I know but it happens. I can be mid sentence and suddenly my words have gone, very frustrating and in the presence of strangers It can be a little embarrassing. I also have big issues with my balance, I still have to use my crutches when it is really bad, I often wonder if people think I might be drunk when I`m really wobbly. I don`t like being alone for long periods of time, I think that stems from the fact I was alone when my SAH happened, but I do enjoy being on my own sometimes. As long as I have something to do. Like Carolyn said you are not a bad person or a battleaxe, It`s just the new you, The new person you have become can take a bit of getting used to, I`m still finding my emotions all over the place, I was never a hard person but I get upset at the silliest of things now. Maybe Carolyn is right, have a try at talking to someone about how you are feeling, it might be just the thing to help with some of what you are going through. What ever you decide I wish you well, Love & Best wishes Michelle xx

Hi mum of five: You sound a lot like me. I am older than you and my sah is also about 2 years out. I know what it's like to feel so crazy with your memory. If someone asks me to bring coffee I am more likely to show up with a potato! I have always been a very proud word person. Typing, spelling, reading, etc. Nobody could ever beat me at scrabble .now I am finding I have to ask my son how to spell a word or so. Geez! I wobble around the house also but seem to be better on a straight surface, I.e. sidewalk. Here's a difference! I hate my short term memory but love my long term. The most amazing things will pop out of my mind from years ago! I am happier alone myself. I feel more positive that way. You are not alone in that. I certainly don't believe you are a bad person OR a battleaxe. You are just a little different than you were before sah. Have you talked to a neurosurgeon about your feelings? I did and took a 3-hour test to check my memory. That would have been great except I forgot to go back for results! Take good care Try a doctor Don't beat yourself up Carolyn ✌✌

I will add to Macca's post, the health care professional who assessed you will have awarded points, BUT, the decision maker at DWP has the last say, they can award more points or they can remove them too. You need to ring the number on you decision letter and ask for a statement of reasons unless you got one for your mandatory reconsideration anyway. That way you can go through each point and see what you don't agree with to make a case for your tribunal appeal.

Hi Jan, Yes it is worth appealing, although the process is long and slow. You must get it in within 28 days of the decision being made, not 28 days from when you receive it. So get your letter in now, even before your appointments with CAB - if the date passes and you have not appealed they will just throw it out. The rules have changed and the first stage is for DWP to review their own decision. Also, it is worth checking that DWP have applied the law correctly so it is worth knowing which laws they have applied. It is not just about the points system, it is about the law too. Also make a note of any underhand tactics used to elicit answers from you that they could use to low score you ie did they ask you to move to a more comfortable chair - that would be to see if you could move unaided, not to make you more comfortable, for instance. Did they ask you any questions about your illness, if not that in itself is grounds for appeal as they cannot have assessed you properly. Look at the questions closely ie can you lift a box? What kind of box, lift it up from where ie a floor or a table, how big is it, what is in it, how heavy etc? Also worth noting who assessed you, was it a doctor, nurse or 'qualified practitioner' - do they have qualifications to assess mental health for example, in other words were they qualified to assess you properly and fairly? If you appeal, make sure you turn up - sometimes DWP don't turn up and the tribunals often come down in your favour. Take Super Mario's advice above, it's good. It can be a long drawn out process and there are no guarantees but if you don't try, you won't get. Above all, get that appeal letter in quickly with the phrase "I wish to appeal against your decision of --/--/----" When their review letter arrives, (if it is not in your favour) write back straight away telling them you wish to carry on with your appeal. Send your letters by recorded delivery as someone in DWP has to sign for them (slightly more expensive but they cannot say they have not received them). Keep copies of everything including telephone calls including what was said, dates, times, and who you spoke to. This can be important as phone calls are recorded and they can recover the transcripts. Latest figures show DWP was losing up to 60% of appeals so the odds are favourable. Good luck, Macca