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Jan, I can only say that this year, I'll be 12 years on, post SAH. I shall also be 55 in August. Every year, since the SAH, I've experienced better recovery .... I've been going through the menopause as well...and still having the drop in hormones. It's a tough road to travel, but I've done more this year, than I've ever done post SAH, so take heart! 2 years ago, I finally went to the Docs and got anti-depressants for my anxiety (I'm still on them) ... I also had stuff going on in my personal life. I struggled. I just wish that I had accepted help earlier and life since, has been a lot better and on a much more even keel.... I've also had balance problems and still do at certain times .... go and speak to your GP and be honest with him/her ... I've always felt that for me, the two year stage, was the starting point in my recovery.... figuring it out and discovering that I was living in a body and brain, that didn't feel like me. I rarely post on the site now, but I know how important mental health is ... please go and see your GP.... I wish that I hadn't been quite so stubborn, there's help out there and I hope that you guys won't leave it as long as me, to seek it. xx

Jan - we are your family hun - we're all here to listen, advise and laugh together. Look forward to your wedding - it'll give you something to stay positive for...and remember, those you can't be bothered are not worth bothering about. Sending you much love and many hugs xxxx

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply to my post.You are the only people with an understanding of how I'm feeling. As I mentioned in a recent post, there is no support or understanding from family. John and I feel very alone at times. Thank goodness we have each other. Without BTG I honestly don't know where e'd be. Louise, I had counselling last year,it did help at the time Paul, I have an appointment with my GP on 13th June, I will be asking for a referral,, mind you, I'm not holding my breath, my surgery don't like spending money and my doctor seems to have little knowledge of Sah. Anyway, today is a new day and the sun is shining Thank you all again. Can we adopt you all as our family? ( I don't moan all the time, I promise, I'll try to find a couple of pics to prove this!!!!) Jan xx

Jan so sorry you are feeling so down at the moment, I hope the words of others on BTG have helped a little. We do all care and understand which is the nice thing about this site. Talking really does help and talking to someone who is not linked to you in any way other than to listen is best. I am lucky that my neuro psychologist has been really good at letting me talk. She often tries to come up with ideas to make life easier even if they are a bit of a telling off sometiimes (I know I am my own worst enemy). You have done really well in your recovery but possibly it's been hard to accept the new you. I know I am only beginning to accept that now and I have not had the physical problems you are experiencing. Take care and remember we are all here for when you need a rant. Clare xx

Jan, I am sorry you are going through such a low period, like Sharon said don't give up hope that you won't improve any further, I was in a similar position as you after my bleed, I had left sided weakness, was in a wheelchair for a while, then on to crutches, I had physio and at no time did she ever say to me it won't get any better than it is now. She also gave me exercises to do to improve my balance, they helped a bit but I still have issues with that Please don't let these people put seeds of doubt in your mind, I don't think they quite realise the impact negativity can have on a person who has suffered SAH do they even understand what we have gone through both mentally and physically, I wouldn't have thought so. Jan, please go and speak to your GP, ask for some counselling it is right what Sharon said, being able to talk to someone who is not emotionally involved does allow you to express everything you are feeling, don't suffer in silence. I know it helped me a lot, I can remember going to see my GP and I walked in, sat down and just cried and cried I was totally inconsolable and she just said let it all out, that's when I had counselling, please try it. Don't forget Jan, you have my number and you can ring me anytime you want to, you know you are welcome at caravan anytime also, maybe a break would do you good. Sending you lots of love & hugs Love Michelle xx

Sorry to hear you're feeling low Jan I believe no medic really knows the depth of the brain and the recovery it can make so never give up hope that things will improve. Counselling helped me as I have said before, they helped me express my anger, reframe and just having someone external who is not emotionally involved was really useful. You have come a long way and you are bound to grieve for the old life you would not be normal. I am sure you will progress or gain more acceptance of the new you. Sharon x

Jan, I send you prayers, love and a sincere hope for patience. I haven't been down your road, but I know that you seem to be the type of person who can fight through anything. I hope things continue to improve and that you feel better about your future. Chris

Physio no need to say anymore they think they know everything mine told me you never had a sah just a little aneurysm I took my notes haven't even tried to count all the pages there is lots xxx I was improving six seven years later and still am 15yrs later so never listen to what they say xxx

Jan, I was like you, I was told what I couldn't do and some days I feel horrid but other days I feel great. I do not know what to say to you but on down days I try and do what makes me happy, it is hard but I call on all the memories of my happy days. Sometimes it works others it doesn't so on those days I go and have a nice sleep. I do hope you can come out of it as we are told all different things. So be a stubborn mule and say to self, "Huh they don't know me" Now lets hear you sing and see you smile ...come on you can do it xxxx There is a song there but I'll sing it when you feel happier xxx Now early night and remember it is okay to have off days xxxx Tomorrow or next day might be better now smile xxx Love ya Jan and do not get so low come on here and talk about it if need be xxx God bless xxxx

hi jan im sorry you seem to be having a down day and im sorry that somebody has rained on your parade by being insensitive and unfeeling could I suggest that you take their comments with a pinch of salt. a lot of improvements are down to the person affected i.e. you. time is a great healer and with your determination I think that you will do more in the future and not be aware of the improvements you may make as the time goes on and then you can say I've proved you wrong. so bad day yes but you are doing whatever you can and that's what matters. have you though of asking for a second opinion re the eye? If you can see if your gp would refer you to the QE hospital in Birmingham I know it might be a trip but if you don't ask you don't get so to speak. just wishing you a happier day and lots of virtual hugs and cuddles xx paul

Jan I was still inpoving at 3/4 year mark, using my own things all I can say is like we say to others 2yrs really your early in the recovery I was just like you at that point... I'd say the feeling are normal (or what is normal) Jan have you had or been offered councelling if not I think maybe that's the road to go down. I was unlucky to have to go into rehab, but lucky enough that the councelling was there for me although now I don't remember a thing about it but it helped at the time... sending you cyber hugs.

Hello Jan, I am sure you will agree from the responses, that you are valued as a member of the BTG family. Twelve months since you shared your first post with us, and since then you have brought your own personality to the site. Always willing to support others, and not frightened to really open up about your own fears and and struggles post SAH. During that time you have been trying to cope with life in a different way and also challenging SAH because of how it has dealt a nasty hand to parts of your life. As a carer I don`t fully know how devastating that can feel, however since I joined BTG 2 1/2 years ago and have read most of the posts since then, I do know that you are indeed not alone. When Winnie pointed me to this site in December 2014, Mrs Subs was 3 years on from her SAH, and for that time we had not faced up to the fact that our lives were not back to `normal`. We had been told when she was discharged that everything had been fixed ...the coiling was a success ..... goodbye. So BTG helped our recovery emensly when I shared our story. With help and encouragement from many members and Mods in their posts, and for some by PM, after 3 1/2 years Mrs Subs and I found we were understanding each other and SAH, knowing that we were not alone in our challenges to rebuild our changed lives. As others have said .....progress is still being made, and for us too 6 years down the line. Like probably all other members, we have also had to face issues with work...family...and `friends`.... (as if SAH recovery wasn`t bad enough!! ) It`s ironic that sometimes when you want family to be close and understanding, they can be so distant. The relationships you so badly want to be right are sometimes the most awkward and challenging. Be proud of who you are and the relationship you have with John. Let no one from the outside change that. Jan, I do hope you take on board the advice from your friends on BTG, and seek help through your GP to get the kind of therapy/ medication that will help you through this. As Sami says, your wedding later this year must be a great opportunity to look to the future with that new commitment to your `soul mate` John..... and of course your BTG friends raising all their glasses to your future. Subs

Hi Michelle, I've had all manner of strange feelings in my head since the SAH more than eight years ago and still get them. Overall, I don't worry about them but there are those instances when you just can't help but get a bit anxious., especially when they come on very suddenly. I know they are exacerbated by too much caffeine. But do talk to your doctor about it to be sure. love, Colleen

Don't be negative. Look on it as an opportunity to discover new things and new ways of doing things. You'll be surprised at what you can put your hand to when you try! Good luck, Macca

ADAPTED By BTG member Subzero Onward sharing or publication by his permission only. There`s no going back To your previous abode. No, SAH has led you On a different road. There`s no going back You`ve a new life ahead Confusing, upsetting And at times full of dread There`s no going back There is no quick fix But you`re building your new life With different bricks. There`s no going back BTG wants to help you Their message is clear Rest-drink whatever else you do. There`s no going back We go forward together Each day in our posts We give help to each other. There`s no going back With these highs and these lows And our will getting stronger The end result who knows But we are going to adapt Our work may need to change Take account of our brain Our schedules rearrange But we are going to adapt House work can wait As I negotiate with my brain On how much it can take But we are going to adapt If I take too much on Fatigue will soon hit me And I won`t get it done. But we are going to adapt Each day helps I feel. I must not be impatient Give my brain time to heal. When will we arrive there? We are all different you see The road that you take May not be for me. When will we arrive there? I`ve come to accept That each day brings new meaning Things I didn`t expect When will we arrive there? Please..family…wait and see I`m confused and uncertain Please be there for me. When will we arrive there? There is no way to know Just hold my hand tightly Where ever I go