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Hello Yoyo, many thanks for continuing to share your anxieties. It is clear from your comments that you are desperate for your relationship to work following your SAH. Our members are urging you to talk it over with your husband and maybe you are even afraid and already presupposing that the outcome of such a discussion may not be what you hope for. The content of your latest post is ideal for moving forward with your husband. It tells him exactly what your anxieties are. Is he aware of this site? There is so much within BTG that would help him too. As has already been said, SAH does have a major effect on relationships. It poses different obstacles depending on the severity of the SAH and it`s after effects; and also depending on the strength of the relationship that existed before SAH. For example, seeing a partner become disabled and no longer able to function as they used to, is so hard. It may take months or even longer before you can consider returning to work, and even then a new set of issues arise. Often full time work is no longer a reality. In addition, SAH may have changed your personality (often this can be temporary and certainly can improve with time). It is not easy to cope with a loved one who seems no longer able to control emotions such as irritability) A bleed can often damage the area of the brain that allows you to take that few extra seconds to evaluate a situation before you comment or react. Now you may say it as you see it without thinking that your actions or words may be hurtful. Your husband may well be confused and uncertain about what the future holds for your relationship Also, from what you say, it appears that you want the relationship to be more physical. Often, due to post SAH issues such as fatigue and low libido and just physical weakness, it is the partner who feels left out of a physical relationship. You have everything to gain by showing your husband that you care about what happens to you both ... you cannot give any guarantees about the extent of your recovery, but you want to do your best to build the future together. I do hope that you can both take that step to share your feelings and find a way to help each other deal with what SAH has done to your relationship. Subs

One thing to add, no marriage is perfect, it's a partnership that requires effort and work and sometimes it can be completely out of kilter so you're not being a pain actually you're being very honest and brace. The SAH really throws a spanner into the Worksop our predictable patterns,, we, who have the bleed don't quite operate the same way any more and the partner had to witness that loss and shoulder the burden of all the worry , caring and taking on everything, so basically both worlds and routines are rocked in similar but also very different ways. Sex is hard to talk about sometimes. My libido was non existent post SAh and to be honest I had no physical energy for nearly a year afterwards and he was scared for me too. I can't tell you things are back to where they were previously because they are not but we our relationship is different now, I'm different now but we talked throughout and made sure we kept up some levels of physical intimacy and caring and sharing contact even if that's just little touches.. Let him know what you need , ask him? Request hugs and offer and give him hugs too and both make more of an effort, baby steps to rebuilding that confidence. I guess that's what I meant by lean in to each other. You both feel fragile and a little broken right now but together you are stronger.

Hi Yoyo I am sure things will get better with time. Your partner is probably scared. Scared that any intimate activity will be too much for you. Have you tried talking to him about this aspect of your recovery? It is known that some people suffer a SAH whilst having sex. With the advent of the internet and access for all to any information you want in an instant, maybe your partner has read this fact and is worried. My husband really looked after me after my bleed and I feel the event has actually brought us closer. But it is a traumatic event for them that takes time to get over. We were lying in a hospital bed oblivious to everything while they were having to deal with the emotional fall out. I always think that at the time it must have been much worse for the family. Hang in there and yes, join that support group. Talking is the best healer and if it's only once a month come here and talk too, we're here all the time. Clare xx

Do what you need to do, not necessarily what you want to do. There's a difference. Listen to your brain. Pushing too hard, too soon could set you back a bit, so instil a bit of discipline into what you do, but when your brain tells you to - stop and rest - and rest well. It's no good going one step forward and two back. Discipline and control is what you want. Before you do strenuous exercise programmes, you should only do so with your doctor's approval. Good luck and let us know how you get on. Macca

Thanks, Daffodil. I am coming to appreciate, and heed, the messages my brain/body are sending me. Moving from "I need to get back to my life" to "this is my life". Yoga, swimming, resting, meditation are all helping, I think. Next challenge will be bringing those habits and pace along when I return to work in another month. Thanks for the "bruised brain" image - it's useful.

Yoyo Hi, My Daughter found this site and it helped her as she didn't like asking her Dad all the time ie "Dad will Mum get better". He'd say "of course but when" ? I came on here and was not alone anymore, there was others who laughed and joked about their bleeds etc. Made me feel like "Oh there is life after an SAH" It is hard for our loved ones and I cry or want to shout at hubby or Daughter, but it isn't their fault or ours this happened. It happened and I try not to stress and I sing instead. You will make it as you have survived xx Now take hubby out for a coffee weekend and keep your happiest face on if possible. Things do get better as time goes on ! We leave the hospital our short term memory shot, and we are told nothing about it and if I was told I'd forget it. Now wipe those tears away and try a smile instead when possible xx Good luck xxxx

Thank you all for the wonderful, thoughtful, kind and informative words. I don't feel I am the only one feeling like this. I totally expect any relationship would be hit hard with what has happened. I just felt alone and a scared of everything being over. I have to be brave enough to give my husband time to heal I guess. I think the impact on him has been immense. I think if I'm honest its truly hit him harder than I realised. He had to be strong all through the time I was in hospital. Being told that things where on a knife edge etc etc. I can only hope things will improve for us. I find however my patience is tested and I don't know if this is normal. I think I am looking to the physical side of things for reassurance that we are ok. As this is not happening it creates more anxieties and doubt for me. I will try and somehow dampen down the anxieties and hope that things, as I become more independent, our relationship will get firmer, if not stronger and we once again I hope be husband and wife fully. Its very hard, and I guess I sound selfish and uncaring but I truly am not. I am grateful for all he has done for me, he has looked after me. I notice as I get better he seems to get worse. It's as if my getting better has allowed him to collapse from the strain of it all. Am I right? I know no one can predict if things will improve for me and I guess I am just looking for certainty which I know at the same time I can't have! Do marriages/relationships come through this awfulness?. I find I am so scared at times of thinking it will all be over. Sorry for going on. I also scared if I'm honest of anyone showing me any kindness and interpreting that. I feel so needy and at times so alone. Then I think of others who really are in a worse situation than me and I then am angry with myself for being so selfish and uncaring. Its like a vicious circle at times. I hope at some point I will step off of this awful merry-go-round. I know my marriage will never be exactly as it was before the SAH, but I hope it will be better than it is at the moment. I hope we can be close again. I'm not sure how long I can hold out as I feel so alone at times. I think I need to pluck up courage to go to the support group. Trouble is, it only meets once a month, but maybe that's a start. I feel I'm asking so many questions and answering them at the same time. I'm sorry to be such a pain. Thank you all of you for you advice and support it is so appreciated. I am going to try and be positive. I think I might even dare to bring this up with my therapist!! I must be brave. Thank you all.

Hi MatJaz I went swimming after shunt and as my leg wouldn't let me swim, I had to swim under water. Now I know it isn't the same but just stating I swam along the bottom of pool and it helped. Done 2 lengths under (See told you it wasn't the same) Good luck on getting your life back xx Win xx

Feel free to share by all means

What you describe sound like classic symptoms of SAH, but we are not doctors and cannot give medical advice other than to say: Get to hospital without delay and get yourself checked out. It is too risky not to. If it is a SAH they will deal with it. If it isn't, you have lost nothing. You are right to be concerned. In my opinion, doing nothing is not an option. Just go, now. Good luck - and let us know how you get on!