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Not good news I'm afraid. Doctors told Richards family on Christmas Day that his brain is too damaged to make any recovery. They are taking the trachy out and he will be moved to a ward to battle it out on his own where they will continue to tube feed him and turn him to prevent bed sores but that is all they can do. We are all devastated as Richard was the life and soul of the party and one of the nicest guys you could ever meet but this is one battle that was just too much for him. He could of course live for years in this state so the family are hoping to try to get him moved closer to Telford for pallatative care but unfortunately the Richard we all knew has gone.

Richard had a tracheostomy two days ago but unfortunately remains in a coma. Doctors have said there is no response as yet from his right hand side which was his good side following his sah a few years ago. His sister said he does open his eyes but there is nothing there, just stares vacantly. His family are all devastated xx

Hi everyone. It's been a couple of years since I last posted but feel I should give an update on Richards battle. After splitting up he went to live with his parents but due to their age and ill health he moved into a small home round the corner. Here he lives with 5 other people with similar problems and 3 live in carers. He walks slowly with a tripod stick and still has no use in his left arm. His parents pick Luke up from school every Tuesday with Rich and they have a few hours together. Unfortunately, Xara is 12 now and at secondary school so has her own things to do so only sees him for a few minutes a week. Now for some bad news. Last Wednesday Rich had an operation to coil another aneurysm. Sadly he suffered a stroke during surgery and is now in intensive care again. He is off sedation and ventilation but unfortunately every time he wakes he has a massive fit which doctors are unable to control. Will hopefully know the plan of action tomorrow but his parents have been told that if and when he does wake there is likely to be more damage and it will be a very long recovery. I will update as soon as I know more. Zoe xx

Hi All, Just wanted to give you another quick update. Richards parents have put their bungalow on the market with the aim of buying our house. We have decided that I will move out on 1st October and they will move in to take over Richards care. I am therefore going to my moms house (4 doors away) until I can get somewhere of my own. Generally things are going very well. Everyone is still speaking to each other and hopefully it will stay this way. Richard has gone downhill a bit over the last few months. His walking doesn;t appear as good but we have found out that he should have had a new leg splint by now and no-one has sorted this out. The one he wears he finds uncomfortable so maybe this will help him. Mentally he has gone downhill a lot. He still hasn't come to terms with what has happened and I fear that until he does this things will not improve. He has no respect for me but has lots for his parents so when they move in I hope things change for him. Hope you are all okay as don't get to come on here much at the moment. Take care Zoe xx

Thank you everyone. We met with Richards parents today and it went well. The options are: 1. Rich lives with them - they have spent 10 years converting their 2 bed bungalow into a one bed and have now said they will convert it all back again 2. They buy our house and live here with Richard 3. Richard lives here with a full time carer (but financially this isn't really possible) I am going to be walking away from this with nothing as I have said I want what is best for Richard. I will be staying here with him until arrangements have been made (3-4 weeks) and then moving in with my parents until I can get a house to rent. That said, we will probably have to sell our house and this could take time. What upset me most was that during the hour they were here today they never once mentioned our children - it was all about Richard. Thank you once again for you kind words. Zoe

Thank you all for your comments. We have had a few chats and Richard realises that it is the safety of the kids I am fearful for and that he would need to stop smoking for this to be eliminated but he has also said he is not prepared to stop. He also said that he doesn't love me like he used to to and I guess this is the same for me as he is not the Richard I married. I have contacted the social worker and set up a meeting for next wednesday. His folks are coming down sunday morning when they get back but social worker isn't back in till weds so I have said that I am not going to discuss with anyone until then as unfortunately my parents are on holiday and I will have to go through this alone. I have already had his brother phone me and have a go and tell me I should think of other people instead of putting myself first all the time. Veryu hurtful as all I have ever done is what was best for everyone else. So many times i have felt like calling his parents as I was struggling but due to his dads health i decided to go it alone. Looking back, I should have sought help sooner. His auntie and uncle came round today and completely ignored me in front of the kids and said they will come back tomorrow when i am out and he is here with his carer. I still hope for this to be a friendly split - Richard is still a wonderful person who I adore but we are causing each other more harm than good with the constant sniping at one another, but I now feel threatened at home wondering whether his brother is going to come round to have another go. His brother also had a go at me after speaking to his sister so she is obviously miffed aswell so feel that the friendship we want doesn;t stand a chance. Certain his folks will come in sunday with all guns blazing. Anyway, as much as I can I will still keep you up to date with Richards progress as I really do hope he continues to improve. Zoe xx

Hi all, Not posted on here for a while as life has been manic during the school holidays. Since Richard's SAH 16 months ago he has changed so much from the man he was. He now only ever has nasty things to say to me and I know most of you will know I was struggling to come to terms with this. Last week I completely lost it and made the decision to end our relationship. I am crying as I write this as half of my life has been spent with Rich and I love him with all my heart but he does things in the house that are dangerous and I no longer feel like I can trust his behaviour. I make him go to bed before me as I worry he may start a fire downstairs (I left him down last week and suddenly the smoke alarms went off and he had tried lighting his fag using the toaster). We have two children aged 5 and 9 and as much as I love Rich these two will always be loved more and there safety is important. Physically he is getting better but mentally he is struggling and I feel like he needs more help than I can now give him. I have considered perhaps sending him into respite at weekends to give me a break but I believe it will take years for him to get better (if he does at all) so feel like it may be better to end things completely. I am also hoping that by doing it now we can stay good friends before we fall out completely. I am losing my patience with him so find myself retaliating to his comments. If anyone has any suggestions as ways to avoid our break up please feel free to mention as this really is the last resort and not a decision I am taking lightly. I try to discuss with Richard but due to how the SAH has affected him he no longer discusses feelings etc so I have no idea how this is affecting him. Zoe

Hello Everyone - me again. Not really much to say but don't want you all to think I have jumped ship. Richard is still progresssing steadily. The new carers are working really well with him and have had him out and about a bit more. He has been to a green gym which is a gardening club and he enjoyed this. He is now having counselling but so far this seems to be making him more depressed but perhaps he has to get worse before he gets better??????? He is off to City General in Stoke on 15th August for his next MRI scan so hopefully things are okay and the latest coil is still in place and the two remaining aneurisms haven't grown. The kids are both great and are the reason I keep going. I have to apply for a job in October so at leaset I don't have to worry about it over the summer holidays like some of my colleagues are having to do. I do read peoples threads but as it wasnt me that suffered the SAH I tend not to reply as I don't always have anything useful to add. Take care everyone Speak soon Zoe xx

Well its been yonks since I updated. Luke has had various checks for his deafness and they don't think he will be affected by it as he has very good hearing in his other ear and only some loss in the one. Xara managed to raise £400 in the end for Headway - such an amazing little girl. My job is now officially at risk so I will have to apply for it probably in August - fingers crossed. Now for Richard. Not much has changed to be honest. He is improving slowly - his walking is coming on a treat. He will walk to the local shop (couple hundred yeards away) with his carers. As of Monday this week he has new carers who are fantastic. He has made much more effort this week as hed was spending most of his days in bed. He is still very depressed - reluctant to do things so needs quite a bit of prompting. A few weeks ago he started swimming which he is doing fantastic with (he swims better than he walks). The council have found us a 'buddy' who meets us there and stays in the water with Rich so I can go in with the kids. I put in a request for some counselling and when we got there it was sex counselling. We have now cancelled this as we are still having issues as a couple. we tend to rub each other up the wrong way and I moan at Rich and he moans at me and we quite often make each other miserable. we chatted at the weekend and I basically said we need to see where we are at come Christmas. We both love each other dearly but it isn't fair on either of us to spend the rest of our lives miserable. We will try hard to make things work up until then so watch this space. Richard has now finally started seeing a psychologist to discuss what has happened to him and it was hard to hear him say that he considers suicide a couple of times a week but doesn't have the nerve to go through with it. Richard had his last coiling in Feb so he is due another mri in August to see if it is still okay and to see if the remaining two have grown. I feel inclined to think he wont have them treated but we'll see. Anyway, take care all Zoe xx

Hi Tina, So pleased your sister is making amazing progress. I have just read through all the posts and your story is very similar to mine. Richard had is SAH in March 2010 and spent 10 days in ICU, 3 weeks on HDU, 8 weeks in our local hospital and then 6 months in a rehab hospital. He came home in January this year and is regaining the use in his left leg so that he can walk with a stick but he still has no use in his left arm. He also has some concetration/memory issues, etc. Isn't is a truly scary time - we went through the not expecting Richard to survive to now wondering if he will ever become a fraction of the person he was before. Take care Zoe

Hi Damian As I read your post I could have sworn it was written by my husband Richard. His stroke was March 2010 and he has been affected exactly the same as you except that he cannot even move the fingers on his left hand. Since leaving rehab in January I feel he has made no progress. He has no motivation so prefers to stay in bed which means he isn't exercising his leg which means his walking is not improving. We do exercises with his arm but this is not getting any better. He only has feeling when you squeeze his hand and fingers very hard. Richard is having a hard time accepting his 'disability'. He used to be a builder and we know there is no chance of him doing this again but it is hard trying to find hobbies for him - you may be able to give me suggestions of hobbies you have. Unfortunately, I know you probably hear this from the professionals but there are no rules about disability and we just keep being told it takes time and even then things may not get better. I hate to think Rich will never get any better than he is now, especially as all he wants is to be able to walk unaided but hw won't do anything to help himself. Sorry I haven't been much help but please feel free to message me. Zoe.

Thanks for your ideas. We have tried the Wii - wasn;t interested. As for gardening, we have a huge garden which along with his work mate Rich has always grown vegetables. Stuart now has an allottment so has said he is not going to do ours this year. I have tried to get Rich interested but this also isn't happening. We have a greenhouse but the OT came and had a look and unfortunately Richard cannot get inside (there is a high step) and they also said as he is unsteady it could be dangerous with the glass. I have tried very hard to get him involved - I would have loved to grow stuff this year but it is too big a job for me on my own so unfortunately the grass seed has gone down. Just don;t know what he can do.

Hi All, Just wondering whether anyone can give any suggestions as to a new hobby Richard can take up. Remember that he has no use in his left arm, very limited use in his left leg so cannot walk far and has concentration issues. Before this happened he had no hobbies - worked as a builder 6 days and then spent Sundays in the pub drinking with his mates. Any ideas would be gratefully received. Don't suggest computers or reading as we have already tried them without success. Thanks all, Zoe.

Hi Damien, Welcome to the site - it is fantastic. My 39 year old husband Richard is just over a year into his recovery. His SAH has left him with the following: paralysed left arm paralysed left leg which he can now move and walk a short distance but is very weak bad short term memory issues severe lack of concentration severe depression The above doesn't seem like much when written down but the change to our lives is unbelievable. Richard spent 10 months in hospital so his relationship with the children has broken down and due to the effects he has been left with is struggling to rebuild it. When i go to work carers come in to look after him as he cannot be left unsupervised as he has lost his sense of safety. It is likely that Richard will never work or drive again (he was a builder before). He doesn't think about his actions so says and does things that people could misinterpret (he can be very insulting) so I worry that he is going to get himself into trouble. Richard has input from many professionals, e.g. occupational therapist, physio, psychologist, social worker, carers. He is now registered disabled and we have had to have the house adapted for him - stairlift, wetroom, wide doorways, etc. Richard has already had two aneurisms coiled along with part of his skull removed due to blood clot (this was put back after 4 months) but he still has 2 more aneurisms which cannot be coiled so will have to be treated with clipping and stents which hold more risks. I remember in the early days praying for Rich to survive but now look back and realise that he hates the life he now has and maybe surviving wasn't the best result for him. He constantly says he wishes he was dead which I think is part of the depression. Feel free to message me if you want. Zoe

Richard attends Headway every Friday. He has been going since January and says he doesn't like it as it is full of people who are 'not all there' but fails to recognise that he is also one of these people. He pays £2 a week for drinks and toast. The day is split into three sessions with breaks between. Each session you choose an activity to do. Some of these are cooking, woodwork, gardening, crafts, painting, they have a wii and pool table, computers you can use, etc. I guess I tend to view it as an additional form of rehab for Richard. You have to remember that Richard has been quite seriously affected by his SAH. He is unable to use his left arm at all, has a very weak left leg so struggles with walking and has bad memory and concentration issues which affects his ability to want to join in with things, not wanting to talk to people. I think he generally misses his slots for activites and spends most of his day outside smoking. I personally think it does him good as we are having problems getting him to do anything at all so at least it is a day out and hopefully one day he will find something he wants to do there. We get fairly regular meetings with staff there as Richard also has a lot of input from other professionals, e.g. physio, ot, psychologist, social worker, etc, and our Headway in Shrewsbury also have a group of carers called ABICS so these are the carers we get in each day to look after Rich when I am at work.