Where is There? !

[Jan]

I was just wondering if anyone else has come across this?

When I came out of hospital and many many times since, I am asked 'How are you? I always reply with a polite;Not too bad thank you, or Ok thanks, because let's face it, not many people want the honest answer!

so many people say 'You'll get there' or Are you getting there yet?

 

Do any of you lovely people  know where 'There' is? I'm hoping its not too far as I couldnt contemplate flying yet and Im not too good being in the car? ?

 

Jan xx

[Winb143]

 Points to all on BTG,  over there Jan.

 

Seriously once you can start being left alone which for me is heaven unless I feel giddy or rough.(want it both ways lol)

You start to enjoy being you again, and realise how ill we have been and also lucky we are to be here.

 

It is a long haul and there are times I feel so rough, then I find singing and thinking of happy times helps me through it.

 

People say to me "Why you in a wheelchair, what happened?" Well they are soon sorry they asked lol. xx

 

I am sure you will get there (The Magic Place) sooner than later so chin up and off we march xxxx

We are not alone anymore we have BTG xxxxx

Love

Win xxxxxx  Cheer up and always borrow a spoon off Keith xx Or sing with Carolyn and me ..I heard someone go "Oh No"  ha

 

[paul99]

Hi Jan

 

The saying of you will get there is just as you get there it moves.

 

Because its the stages of recovery,  once you reach a milestone someone  ruins it up by moving the goal posts so you have another goal to reach. Every day is different and the elusive you will get there.

Will always move just as you get there its murphys law lol Sorry.

 

I think the adage is never give up and always strive to achieve whatever you can.

[Chris G]

I think "there" is "acceptance".

 

Whether you have recovered as fully as you ever will or if you are still actively working on recovery, I think "there" is the internal acceptance of who you now are after this event in your life.   I also think it's just something people say.  I learned from someone along time ago to just be supportive to others and not get too detailed. 

 

People love to share their own experiences with you at the very moment you don't want to hear them.  Say you lose a parent, people go into, "I remember when my Dad died".  They are trying to connect, but you don't care about their Dad when you are grieving over yours.  I would much rather them say "you are getting there" and I am here for you. 

 

So hopefully the people telling you "you are getting there" are just supportive people in your life smart enough to not be intrusive of the details or personalize it with their own experience, but just show true concern and love.

 

Hang in there, you are getting there.

 

Chris

 

 

[momo]

How are you?  Such a difficult one to answer in the early days of recovery..I used to fight back the tears and couldn't really answer..

I think 'there' is where you where before you had your SAH, I didn't quite get there but I'm near enough to be happy with what I have.

 

Always keep in mind that people don't really understand this and they struggle to say the right thing.  

Take your time you'll get there.

[Carolynusa]

Hi all!

 

Some great responses to Jan's question! 

 

Now...it wouldn't seem right if I didn't throw my thoughts into the arena, right? ?

 

I agree that the question/comment is something people would say just as a way of saying, "hey..I notice you and am aware you have been Ill.".  I believe those people mean well but don't have a clue what to say after that unless you engage them in a deeper discussion.  Mostly I find that it is easier to smile and say something like..."I'm doing pretty good...thanks for asking.". These kind of things so often awkward..for both sides.

 

But! Regarding "where is there?".... Yes you feel like you might be getting "somewhere" ☺ as you see your scars healing, you have more energy, etc.  I am a little more than two years out and, in the last few weeks, suddenly realized.....wow!  It,s a miracle that I am still here! I finally see it and accept it!  Took a while but I finally feel I might be getting "there"!  I think that shows in your eyes at that point and people will pick up on it.

 

Jan....you will definitely feel "there" and I feel like you are on the "fast track"!

 

Be well all

Carolyn ✌✌

[Daffodil]

'There' as a destination not so sure , I agree it's people's way of saying hang in there, I know it's tough but it will change .

 

I totally agree with Bronco, it's a nicer way of showing empathy than just saying well here's my pain to share with yours,  

 

They are trying to say 'there' is a place where you find a new state of balance, that is more steady than maybe today, with acceptable levels of discomfort and if you keep your course you will get there. It won't be easy but it's maybe within reach....but then of course Paul is right, when you get there you want a new there...:) 

[Winb143]

We could all be chosen to have Brain bleeds as we are Special people ...Well a nice thought

 

Keep Well All and I'll go before another thought pops into my head lol

 

Laters you Special People xxxxxxxxxxxx

[iola]

To me, "there", it is anywhere you want to be.  Am I there?  Nope.  "There" is frustrating but I'm working on that place I want to be.

 

i

 

[Winb143]

We Will get there "I"  with little help from our friends..feels another song coming on

Better all run while you have the chance lol

 

Love you All

 

Win xxxxxxxxx

[Gemma B-B]

'There' is difficult. I have also found similar things when talking to others during my recovery as I think to other people 'there' is back to what you were prior to this happening. However, I guess 'there' is actually wherever you want it to be and that might be different at different stages in your recovery and at different times. I guess as other people have said on here it is a way for people to show empathy and encouragement towards you - but it can be difficult to answer.

 

On a slight side note - Win what you said about being asked about why you are in a wheelchair made me smile. I often get asked about why I walk with a stick (I think especially because of my age - 29) and when I relay the whole heart condition/heart surgery/brain haemorrhage/hydrocephalus/shunt/spinal arachnoiditis and cysts, I often think people are sorry they asked!

 

Gemma x

 

 

[Greg 21.01.15]

Jan,

 

To me "there" is somewhere different from where I was heading pre-SAH, and though not where I originally intended to be heading I am hoping this wake up call I've had will mean it will be somewhere better.

 

People's reactions to my SAH really fascinate me and I don't take any of it personally. I know that without a personal frame of reference it is so hard to understand what someone is going through, and even between us all here on BTG our symptoms and prognosis can vary hugely.

 

I find going into work and seeing people for the first time since my SAH and reactions from close colleagues varies hugely, most folks give me a huge hug, some want to know all that happened, and a small number don't want to talk to me.

 

Some folks are just awkward about things like that, it isn't anything personal, it doesn't make me think any less of them, its just some folks can't deal with those kind of things and what it infers.

 

My response to the question how I am doing, or am I getting there, is yep I'm getting there, progress but it all takes it's time

[Colleen]

Quite frankly, I don't know where "there" is any more than I know what "normal"is!  When I was much younger, I rode horses, played a little guitar, read poetry and ate ice cream without gaining weight.

 

Life progressed and I spent hours studying to earn a Master's in my science field, then I worked and commuted for hours to keep up with a career.  If that's where "there" is - working 50-60 hours a week for folks who really didn't appreciate it anyway - well I'm glad that's no longer where I WANT to be.  

 

The SAH has left me challenged, and some days definitely have felt like one step forward, two back. However, nearly eight years out I am accepting of the difficulties but also cognizant of my strengths.  I'm also finally becoming wise enough to know my limits and more willing to say "time out" without feeling guilty.

 

i think for any person who continues to grow, "there" changes with the progression. So, why should it be any different for us?  When "there" ceases to move, we'll be upstairs talking to God about what it was all for!

[Winb143]

Where ever you want "There"  to be,  we will All get there eventually as we all have different aims in life.

 

So may you all find your "There" I have found mine it is spouting off on here ha ha xxxxx Thanks for BTG xxxxx

 

Love to you all

Win xxxxxxxxxx

 

 

[Louise]

My answer would be I think 'where ever you want to be' there is in my opinion No 'there' its when you feel ok with it..

 

it doesn't happen quickly that's for sure.

 

but reading your posts your doing ok take care

[Lyn]

I guess 'there' is where we were before our 'episodes'. When I was first out & about & would see people I know, they'd look at me as if they'd seen a ghost! Didn't expect me to be able to walk, let alone be out. Or they'd ask if I needed to sit down/have a rest. And they'd often look at my head when asking how I was, not sure what they were expecting to see....

 

 I know I'm so lucky to have more or less fully recovered, but on the other hand its hard for others to understand the overwhelming tiredness I sometimes feel & I always seem to be saying ' I've got a bit of a headache'. I think my 'there' now is having a good day, no headache & little tiredness. Just being able to enjoy life to the fullest.