Do the 'Why Me' days ever stop?

[Jan]

I am asking this question whilst having a 'good day'. I've had a couple of weeks of gloomy/down days. Sometimes I think I'm just feeling sorry for myself.I see people getting on with their lives(as they should) but I feel I have a pause button pressed on mine, I am so fortunate to be here but feel guilty because I'm not sure what to do with this new life.

 

When I'm down I get angry and bitter.I have changed as a person and this new life is unrecognisable..Is it normal to have these feelings? when I came home from hospital(21 months ago ) I thought that I would improve day by day and continue doing so until I was 'better' I now know it doesn't work like that.

 

I'm sorry this post has deteriorated into a moan, I didn't mean it to, so back to my question(which may not have a definitive answer) Do the Why Me days ever stop?  Or with more time do we deal with them better (if so, how?)

Thank you for reading

Jan xx

[Super Mario]

My "why me" days did almost stop eventually. Even, over 13 years down the line, I very occasionally get them, usually when I am trying to tackle something that is apparent I can't achieve now but could easily prior to SAH. Frustration and anger kicks in too. 

[Lyn]

Hi Jan. I know what you mean. It's been almost a year for me & I have been feeling a lot better over the last few months....more energy & sleeping better. But last night from nowhere I got this overwhelming tiredness & achy neck. I was asleep by 8.30! Yesterday wasn't particularly busy so no real reason for it. It's frustrating & does get me down sometimes, but I guess there's nothing for it but to embrace the new us & just hope things continue to get better. Take care?Xx

[Chelle C]

Hi Jan,

I think this is a good question, i think Super Mario and Lyn are right, i 'm nearly 3 years down the road and I'm still getting the " why me " days.

 

I long to have the old me back sometimes but I know that will never happen, the main problems or I should say frustrations for me are my memory and the fatigue, i wrote something down yesterday to remind me to tell Verdun when he called me, i even put it under my phone so that I wouldn't forget, he called and i completely forgot to tell him, it upset me but it made Verdun smile,  I do write a lot of notes to myself, problem is I still forget about the notes.

 

As for the fatigue i really hate this, i can't do things like I used to i have to think about things a lot more simply because I know if I don't then I will suffer for it.

 

Lyn is right it is all about embracing the new us, i know i have come a long way since the early days, but sometimes it feels like it just happened yesterday, i still get very scared, the other thing with me is I tend not to tell Verdun when I'm feeling rough, i try and plod on, not always the best idea but sometimes it's easier to deal with it myself, i off load more to my friends at BTG than to anyone in my family, simple reason for that is that we all understand each other.

 

This new life does get better, just a bit slower than we would like.

Take care Jan,

Love

Michelle xx

[Macca]

Hi Jan,

 

I used to think like that in the early stages, when my short term memory was shot to pieces, and I became slower at virtually everything I did and I became depressed, and frustrated at the change.

 

One day, I just sat there thinking what can I do about all this.  I came to realise that what is done is done is done and I can't do anything about it except change the future in front of me.  Instead of thinking 'why me?' I asked instead 'What new opportunities are going to come my way and how can I take advantage of them?'

 

I thought being upset at what had happened was understandable at first, because SAH is such an unwanted and abrupt shock to the system.  Then I thought, 'that emotion is being wasted and I need to channel it into something more positive so I can make the most of the  rest of my life.' So rather than be resentful that I lost my past life, I gave thanks that I was given the gift of it and was privileged to have it for as long as I did.

 

I can remember my past life and yearn for it, but I can't change the past, but I can learn from it to help me in the future.

 

I look in my 'toolkit of life bag now' and realise a spanner has gone, but I've got a new socket set instead.  Yes I'm slower, but that makes me more considerative and therefore a better judge of things than before, and I make better quality decisions, but perhaps not as many. So, quality not quantity.

 

Change happens all the time, just not with the breathtaking speed of an SAH.  Many of us are reluctant to change as we are creatures of habit - but change happens whether we like it or not, it's how we deal with it that counts.

 

So I would deal with it like this - look at life as 'what can I do next?' and enjoy, rather than look back at a record to be played over and over.

 

Yes I still have my odd moments of weakness too, but I don't want to regret a single moment of my life and I'm not going to let the SAH bully me into anything else.

 

Best wishes Jan, I know my take on it isn't for everyone but it's my way of trying to deal with it.  As always, you've asked a well considered and penetrative question that touches what we don't always want to ask ourselves, so thanks for asking it.  As you can see, it made me sit down and think!

 

Macca

[Jan]

Thank you so much for your honest, open and frank replies and admissions. What a difference it makes to know that it's actually ok to feel like this and that the light is shining bright at the end of the tunnel, just need to find the right tunnel ! ,Thank you all again for taking the time to replyI do so appreciate the time you take for me and the care you show

Love Jan xx

[Misty]

Hi Jan,

 

I've had a few of those "why me" days too, especially during the first week or two after getting home from the hospital, but it's getting easier. It could all change next week though as I have my first appointment with the consultant to find out about the other untreated aneurysms. Hopefully it's not bad news when I go. For you though, forgive me but I haven't read all of your posts so don't know your history, just wanted to reply to this particular post.

 

In all situations in life, it really doesn't help to feel anger or bitterness, easy to say I know when you've been through SAH, but acceptance is really the only way forward. Just think how it could have gone for you and focus on that when you have some rocky moments, and like Macca said - focus on what you can do rather than what you can't.

 

You live quite close to me, maybe we could meet up with the dogs and have a chat to get things off your chest and have a good moan? I have a beautiful border collie who is very friendly with other dogs - she helps me through some dark moments as she is such a joy. You can send me a message if it's something you would like to do as it helps to get things off your chest with someone who will understand what you are going through. Acceptance and positivity are what will get you through. All the best. Julie X

[Neilhapgood]

hi jan,

 

i am nearly ten years on and the why me days have gone but most days I have to manage aspects of the new me,

 

I put together a website with my experiences and thoughts around what it is to manage the stuff you can't understand or explain, you might find it interesting - www.braininjuryftp.com