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subzero

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subzero last won the day on August 11

subzero had the most liked content!

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About subzero

  • Rank
    Senior Member

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Scotland
  • Interests
    Sport-(watching rather than participating now)Football, Golf, Athletics

    World travel

    Reading-Gardening-Having a latte as often as possible with my wife (she had SAH 5/2011)

    Late learner for Washing & Ironing, Hoovering, Dusting, Washing up-

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  1. Hello Maeve and also a warm welcome to BTG. So sorry to learn that your mum passed away following an SAH. Please don`t feel bad about asking these questions ..... it is only natural for you to be looking for answers if you and your sister are still struggling with coming to terms with your loss. You will find so much information on this site about the challenges faced by those who have survived SAH. Did you receive much help from the hospital consultants at the time? How and when an SAH happens can be so different for everyone, and following an SAH some can continue for days without a diagnosis or even attending a hospital, while others like your mum pass away quickly. One thing is certain, the fatality rate from SAH is very high. Most survivors recall experiencing a severe headache (often referred to as a `thunder clap` or being hit by a hammer) You mention stress, and while some have been involved in stressful exercise when it happened, many others have not. Also you can imagine that so many people are living stressful lives and never have an SAH. I do hope that you and your sister can move on knowing that your mum would have passed away peacefully. Please don't dwell on the `what if`s for too long. Wishing you both well as you find the answers you are looking for. Subs
  2. Hello and thanks for sharing your concerns about your progress post NASAH. Can I just reassure you that you are certainly not a `downer`. Confronting life post SAH is a major challenge for most. You have survived a life threatening bleed. I am sure members will share their experiences with you. From following the site for some time, you will no doubt be aware that each recovery experience is different depending on the severity of the bleed, and the age and personal circumstances of those involved. You say that you are unable to return to full time work. How many hours are you working, and how soon did you return to work? Did your employer help with a phased return? Trying to return to `normal` is a great challenge to everyone, and many of those who have been on the recovery journey for several years would stress that patience is so important. Your body and brain will react against any desire to push too hard to reach that `normal` Many of the complaints you mention are exacerbated by too much exertion. You mention your lovely family, and they will have been with you throughout your journey willing you to make progress while also affected by the difficulties you have been facing. Advice offered often on this site is to set yourself realistic goals and always be prepared to re-evaluate as your brain and body react to what you are doing. You will also find members who are involved in exercise to various degrees. Definitely not for everyone. I do hope you continue your positive attitude despite these set-backs. Subs I meant to ask.... is it almost 3 years since your NASAH? You mention 3 1/2 years in your `Header`
  3. Mr & Mrs Subs

  4. Kay - new member

    Kay, also thinking of you Subs
  5. Thank you. Two years on!

    Hello Irene... also many thanks for your update 2 years post SAH. Well done and we appreciate your kind comments about how you have valued the support of BTG and it`s members in your recovery. Well done also to your husband. It is clear that he played an important role in these early days being sensitive to the support you needed along the way. Hope he is fine too. So glad to hear how well you have recovered. Subs
  6. My story up to now - Maria

    Hello Maria...... six months since your fiancé`s bleed and we can feel the many tensions and anxieties you are feeling. This far on I can`t begin to fully understand how you are coping being so far removed from your fiancé. Trying to keep concentrating on your own employment must be so hard, and keeping your own life afloat each day must leave you exhausted, frustrated, tired and yes you have alluded to it.... feeling that because his progress is so slow.... will he ever recover to any degree. Perhaps you could explain the role his family are playing in his recovery. How many are involved, and what times are they able to spend with him. How positive are they about his treatment and recovery or lack of recovery to date. Many of our members have mentioned to you that even six months is still very early in his recovery. You clearly show from your own comments that you are not prepared to give up on your relationship built over two years. You deserve much respect for this. With so much of the man you loved affected by this devastating bleed, we can tell that you are trying so hard to resurrect the relationship you once had. The distance you are apart must be something you are constantly wishing was different. Did you ever contemplate asking your employer for extended leave of absence to enable you to spend continual quality time with your fiancé. No doubt you have, and this could well be just an impossible action to take given not only that you would be risking your employment, but you also will have your own commitments to cover each month. Maria, I do hope the time you are about to spend with him proves valuable for you both. He may not show it now, but we know that you are doing your best for him. As many have also mentioned earlier..... take care of yourself too. Eat well, sleep well and share your fears and anxieties with a close friend, and thanks for sharing them with us here on BTG. Subs
  7. Thanks Beth .... it makes such a difference when you know you are not alone in dealing with a condition that only those who experience it and their carers understand. Take care Subs
  8. Hello Beth, a warm welcome to BTG. You will receive much support from members and also from reading the comments on the various Forums within the site. As far as your immediate RCVS question is concerned, please use this link which you may find helpful. http://web.behindthegray.net/search/?type=all&q=RCVS Another way to find this information is by keying RCVS in the search box at the top right of the home page. Please continue to ask any questions which you feel might help you on your recovery journey. Subs
  9. New here :) Amanda

    Hello Amanda Also a warm welcome to BTG. It`s good to know that you are not alone in your recovery journey. As Macca says, here there is a wealth of information from real life journeys all with their own high and lows, twists and turns and yes.. medical `issues` too. Concentrate your energies on adjusting to life after SAH. You will find from reading the content of these forums that one of the greatest hindrances to recovery is pushing your body and brain too hard. I am sure you have come up against this many times. However, your positive attitude to your SAH has seen you exceed the medics` expectations. Well done and I wish you well as you cope with the difficulties posed by PTSD and severe anxiety. You will find much support within BTG both in the Forum content and the knowledge that you can share some of your anxieties with members who understand. Wishing you and your family good strength as you face these challenges together. Subs
  10. Tinnitus

    Hello Amy, and a warm welcome to BTG. You will find much helpful information here from members who have shared their post SAH experiences in the various forums. Sorry to hear that your husband is really struggling with tinnitus. It must be so debilitating to be unable to get any respite. Please key `tinnitus` in our search facility at the top right of the home page. There are already some useful comments available. Also please continue to give us your comments on your husband`s progress and our members will make every effort to answer any questions you have. Please feel free to share what happened to your husband back in December in our Introduce Yourself Forum on the Forums page. Take care Subs
  11. Hello Mandie Many thanks for your comments about the changes in your personality following your SAH two years ago. I am a carer for my wife following her SAH in May 2011, and your post brought back memories of how I came across BTG 3 1/2 years later, and how much I value the members of BTG who supported me with their comments. If you read my post on 22 January 2015 you will see how I, as the husband was questioning my ability to cope with Mrs Sub`s personality changes... Your husband has been supporting you through such a life changing time for you and your young family, and of course your hubby in particular. You know your husband better than anyone, but the extent of (highs and lows), uncertainty and of course worry, as he has witnessed his wife reach the brink of life. Seen you fight following SAH, and then the trauma of your pulmonary embolism. Many times he has been emotionally fragile. His work, responsibilities as a father and husband, have been pulling him in all directions and he will have often been near exhaustion and despair himself. In all this, he has been willing your recovering back to the wife he once knew, and like yourself no doubt, recovery has been slow and demanding on you both and your family. One of the hardest areas of recovery post SAH for your husband will have been that change of personality to which you refer. You have not mentioned how it affects your hubby, however you admit that your ability to control your emotions and your opinions is totally different now. You can see from my comments in my thread, that I too was trying to come to terms with this. Your bleed has damaged your brain and your ability to take that few extra seconds to weigh up matters you are confronted with. before you reply or act. This as you say, can cause all sorts of reactions from those around you who were familiar with the `old` you prior to SAH. Back in 2015 when I was questioning this, BTG comments helped me understand how and why this confrontational personality trait was something that needed to be understood. Rather than treated with hostility, it was something to be seen in the light of your SAH bleed, and you needed understanding and help to work through this frustrating change in your personality. Mrs Subs and I take a less serious and light hearted approach when this happens. For example, I mentioned Mrs Subs being a `back seat driver` while in he car. Her ability to let me react to driving conditions had changed and she had started to anticipate vocally what I should be doing. So being told to `brake`, change lanes` `go faster` go slower . I no longer get annoyed and often just say laughingly.. who`s driving this car!!! Politics is another explosive issue with Mrs Subs, and if anyone comments with an opinion different to Mrs Subs, they can get a very confrontational `other opinion` which because of it`s lack of tact, may cause offence!!! ( I smile) Mrs Subs often holds arguments with the politicians as they are interviewed on TV. (again I smile and often say, I am trying to hear what`s going on`!!) Family again is an area which can cause friction, where closer family members have show very little interest in the effects of SAH and the tough recovery. It is often mentioned on BTG about the fact that because you may look ok, they think you should act as if you were OK. Recovering from SAH is never OK, just a continuing process. It is a sad fact that former `friends and family` decide they don`t want to be part of your life anymore. Sadly they have failed to understand that you don`t need criticism, you need support and understanding. You will find you make new and closer `real friends`. (BTG friends are special people ..they understand whether they be survivors or carers) Mandie, sorry for going on at length, but with the benefits of 6 1/2 years on from Mrs Sub`s SAH, we have worked on personality issues, and there will be improvement along the way for you too...everyone however is different (thank goodness) Keep positive and accept the ups and downs. Keep those people important in your life aware of your fears and worries and challenges. Especially your husband... he is with you for the long haul and he needs your love and trust more than ever. Take time to pour your heart out to him about your fears and anxieties. Keep having patience and accept that changes and improvement may be slow and frustrating. Wishing you good strength as you deal with your SAH recovery 2 years on. Subs
  12. 2 year anniversary

    Also a well done two years on post SAH. Great that there is no change in your latest scan result. Hope you enjoyed that cuppa from hubby. Wishing you continuing progress in the months ahead and many thanks for your contributions on BTG. Subs
  13. Elainec

    Hello, many thanks for your update. So pleased that you are feeling positive following your meeting with your consultant. As ever with SAH recovery. Patience and time.......... Good news. Subs
  14. Hello Yoyo, many thanks for continuing to share your anxieties. It is clear from your comments that you are desperate for your relationship to work following your SAH. Our members are urging you to talk it over with your husband and maybe you are even afraid and already presupposing that the outcome of such a discussion may not be what you hope for. The content of your latest post is ideal for moving forward with your husband. It tells him exactly what your anxieties are. Is he aware of this site? There is so much within BTG that would help him too. As has already been said, SAH does have a major effect on relationships. It poses different obstacles depending on the severity of the SAH and it`s after effects; and also depending on the strength of the relationship that existed before SAH. For example, seeing a partner become disabled and no longer able to function as they used to, is so hard. It may take months or even longer before you can consider returning to work, and even then a new set of issues arise. Often full time work is no longer a reality. In addition, SAH may have changed your personality (often this can be temporary and certainly can improve with time). It is not easy to cope with a loved one who seems no longer able to control emotions such as irritability) A bleed can often damage the area of the brain that allows you to take that few extra seconds to evaluate a situation before you comment or react. Now you may say it as you see it without thinking that your actions or words may be hurtful. Your husband may well be confused and uncertain about what the future holds for your relationship Also, from what you say, it appears that you want the relationship to be more physical. Often, due to post SAH issues such as fatigue and low libido and just physical weakness, it is the partner who feels left out of a physical relationship. You have everything to gain by showing your husband that you care about what happens to you both ... you cannot give any guarantees about the extent of your recovery, but you want to do your best to build the future together. I do hope that you can both take that step to share your feelings and find a way to help each other deal with what SAH has done to your relationship. Subs
  15. Hello and a warm welcome to BTG This BTG link referred to by xmartz 3 hours ago may prove helpful with many of your issues raised in your post. http://web.behindthegray.net/index.php?/topic/2112-what-happens-to-us-by-marie-allen-psychotherapist/#comment-110929 Subs