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Maria R.

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About Maria R.

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  1. My story up to now - Maria

    Thanks Tina for your wishes, warms a heart that needs a lot of that Maria xx
  2. My story up to now - Maria

    Thanks for the detailed answer Macca, it looks like you read my mind (not sure if that's good 😁) I was counting on checking with his family (I'm staying at a hotel but I'm always asking for updates and I have made sure they know when I'll be there and my hope to make it count). I'll be honest and won't say I'm not overthinking because I am and have been these last days, but don't worry because I have no hopes on the outcome. I have got myself used not to expect anything good after this year, and keep writing some words to Paul every day (5 notebooks already and counting) telling him how he was on our call and how I feel, pointing out those little things like when he says my name,or how he is himself.. Yes your words always help, one way or another, so thanks again, I'll update when I get back Maria x
  3. My story up to now - Maria

    Thanks for your wishes Louise, What I meant (with my English being not my first or second language, thanks for the patience there) is that he has been in a center for more than half a year, not being aware of where he is, just making up the answer every day when I call (usually he is working, sometimes at a wedding..) so he doesn't have a phone, nor his money, his case, his home.. That's why I asked now I'm able to visit him again Maria x
  4. My story up to now - Maria

    Hi all, It's been a while since I last posted but there haven't been changes in Paul's situation, or at least noticeable ones that could bring any hope now that's been one year since he had his hemorrhage. He's been out of the wheel chair for some time now but as I haven't seen him (though keep calling every day) not sure how mobile he is. I'm writing this because this Friday I'm flying to the US to spend a few days with Paul (well, at a hotel close to his center) and his family told me that they would try to help me take him out of the center some time during the 6 days I'll be there (don't know the details yet). So I keep thinking what would you recommend to be my response when he asks for the things in our life that don't belong to his life now, like when he says he can't find his phone, or when he comments about something that doesn't have any relation with now, or me, .. Do I try to make some correction? Is it worth for any kind of recovery? It's easier to deal with this situations on a phone call (upsetting as they are anyway), but I would like to make my stay count, even if it's only a bit, because I'm doing this for him, and because I miss him every day.. Maria x
  5. My story up to now - Maria

    On the last days of this terrible 2017, and when it will be one year since I last spent time with Paul before everything changed, I just wanted to thank you all for the support you have given me these months and wish the best for you and your loved ones, Mariax
  6. My story up to now - Maria

    Holding on to that Macca! Looking forward to the day I can share a good moment with you all, my support in these long months Maria x
  7. My story up to now - Maria

    Thanks Macca, working on that on the bad days (today's chat wasn't one of the best which left me down, trying to climb up) and on the good ones when they come. What I've been doing since it happened is write for him, talk to him in a notebook, and it helps me to remind myself the little things that have improved . Maybe one day I'll be able to share it with Paul.. Maria
  8. My story up to now - Maria

    That's very considerate of you Macca, taking the time to check it all and write what you've learned about it. Yes I get what you mean, and believe me I came back from staying with my fiancé with hope which was something totally unexpected. I contacted with the director and everybody around him those days to try to get a different approach from them when I call him every day (it's different when you know a bit the person you are talking to) and I'm following them because yes they told me they would try to make possible chats on Skype, but I'm still waiting for the first connection. I know it was so different when he saw me! I can only hope that can help him a little more. You are correct, I feel I'm not doing enough and try to search other ways to help him. Are there any guides I can read or study so my calls are more useful for him? I wish I could be with him because when I was around I felt he worked harder on walking and being present and that upsets me. But I'm here for him and the pace his healing may take, even though it's hard and I still cry and miss him every day. Hope you are well, you all help me stay strong (or at least stronger than I thought I could be)
  9. My story up to now - Maria

    Thanks Paul and all for the messages and support. It's the only place where I pour my doubts and what it's going on because it's very difficult to explain to my family and friends what my fiancé Paul and I are going through. I don't want to sound despondent or whining either, you've all been or are going through the same or worse and I have to count as a blessing to be able to talk to my man who, some days, feels like talking and tell me how beautiful I am and smile at the new thing I have every day to explain to him, and other days like today is very busy solving business stuff so he will call me later before I go to bed as he used to do (wishing he could remember to do that.. . I leave my phone by my side all night in case one day he did). But the distance, this not being able to go and spend time with him as I need to do and not being able to get the news even the small ones as they happen is painful and very exhausting. So will keep working on the hope part and the taking care of myself too (I'll have a checking following my loved ones insistence.. Oh well), Take care, Maria x
  10. My story up to now - Maria

    Thanks for the detailed answer Skippy, when I was reading how you were gently correcting your husband reminded me how I try to do with my fiance and it makes me feel less lonely. I'll keep your words close to me for those down moments that happen too often still, Maria
  11. My story up to now - Maria

    That's what I fear Mario, I understand he won't be like he was before, and I'm ready to keep calling him every day and any other kind of connection that I can get, but imagining how bad it can be hurts so much and that's what makes me feel silly for having hopes.
  12. My story up to now - Maria

    Hi all, So I'm back from spending my vacation week with my fiancé, which meant going to the care center he is staying in from first hour in the morning until his dinner time (that way I could leave 'to do something' and afterwards he wouldn't miss me and couldn't see me leave in tears). And he remembers me! The first day he couldn't remember my name but he has inside all what means us, so even though he doesn't remember what we did together or where he is, when we held each other and talked of our things he said the same as he would have seven months earlier, and joked and cried as we did when saying how fortunate we are to have each other. He started saying my name on his own and he didn't forget again. He is the same gentle funny resourceful man, he says hi how are you to everyone and takes time to talk and he is learning to move with his walker. His family are working to get his insurance company to pay for rehabilitation and cover what they should (the barstewards refuse to pay so he hasn't had rehab these last weeks which adds concern to the situation) He is fighting and I can only hope he becomes aware of his situation at some point to keep working on it all. I feel grateful for our time together (we could cuddle and talk, and I spent the hours with him sharing all the activities) even though I left terribly sad, but I don't dare to keep my hopes high fearing that they may be that, high. What do you think about the situation as it is now? Maria
  13. My story up to now - Maria

    Hi Paul, no apologies needed and sure you can ask. On January we had started with the lawyers all the paper stuff for me to go there on a fiance visa this year (and if the world hadn't turned upside down we would have been married this June,.. We were even joking on doing it when we spent New Year days together but couldn't make it) so not a chance for me to be there for him. Thank you for your wishes (and for the sweetheart thing.. It's silly but I miss him calling me that, a lot). Maria
  14. My story up to now - Maria

    Thank you so much for taking the time and making the effort to put yourself in my shoes Subs, you can't imagine how much it means to me. Ill try to go by pieces: his family... I know they try to make time and at least one of them visit him once or twice a week and even have taken him out to lunch a few times. But I feel for what they tell me when they share some information that they are not expecting substantial recovery and it' has to be fine for them because they are already planning on selling his home! Which is another devastating thing in my plate when I imagine what he would feel if he ever knows about it. I considered asking for a temporary leave at my work but it's not only not having an income, its the expenses I would go through with the hotel and everything else, and after what I've spent this year with the visits I can't afford to do. Right now I'm not trying to get back the relationship we had because that can't happen, circumstances and both of us have changed, but I know he was happy having me in his life, (I miss him and our connections and time together terribly) and for that love i keep trying to bring him back to himself , because he is my man and that can't change. Will see how this spending next week around him results, Thanks again for being there (this taking care of myself goes well some days and others not that much, everything since I wake up feels strenuous). Maria
  15. My story up to now - Maria

    Hi Mario, not sure about that. I know they know how he reacts when I can talk with him because I even got a message letting me know how happy he looked in one of our conversations, and I made and sent them an album of memories and messages of us, but they have been acting selfish too so don't count much on that. I have been working on a notebook of our 2 yeas together to take with me (with photos and comments on what we did and felt and even letters on how I knew he was my man or what I thought when we met and stuff like that) and believe me, I cried with each page, but lately I've been feeling it will be me the only one going through it.. You tell me not to lose hope but my days aren't getting easier or less painful, and he isn't improving at all, so it's very difficult not to lose some of it on the way. i don't want to sound despondent but this is how I feel. And I hope you are well,