subzero

Thanks for sharing again SB Glad you appreciate that others do care and want to help with their comments- As Daffodil says- the unseen brain is trying to cope with it`s trauma and needs time- fatigue and stress will result from too much effort too soon- Look forward to hearing the results of Kelley`s appointment at the weekend- Claire- as you say- it`s only six months- and you have been testing your boundaries- nothing wrong with making August a reflection month- free from the upper limits- Missing that picture of hubby and the chicken Subs

Good evening SB Many thanks for your comments- How has your day ended? You indicated that it was becoming rather stressful and confrontational. As Daffodil says- things will get better with time- How have you been managing so far following your husbands discharge? Trying to keep your business functioning and running a home, not to mention the implications of having your husband at home- you must be under great strain- do you have any help? Being head of a Wealth Management business- you are used to making important decisions for your clients. Ironically now you are facing some of the biggest decisions you will make concerning yourself and hubby. You have probably covered many options in your mind already so what I say now may only highlight what you already considered- Your husband is home- he has been and still is very unwell-and he needs a long time to help him make the best recovery. How much this recovery will be is not something you can guess at this time. You appear to be very business orientated –are you prepared to look at taking time out for your husband`s sake ?-Maybe it does not appear so right at this moment but he needs you- the speed and nature of his recovery can be very much influenced by you being prepared to devote your time to helping him-perhaps unconditionally- Is there a possibility that you can employ someone on salary to temporarily manage your business for you-can one of your existing staff take additional responsibilities? Would you consider selling your business to free your time ? OR realistically `downsizing` to give you more time- As I mentioned earlier- SAH survivors on this site will gladly try and help you understand how your husband might be feeling at this stage in his recovery- Perhaps you can take time to tell us what a typical day consists of for your husband at the moment- You did mention that he is driving- many on BTG have driving put on hold for around six months- by the UK DVLC. Many of us will sympathise with your comments about your own family not being around to give you any support- families can be rather `frustrating` at times !! Please do continue to share your feelings on BTG- it will help you cope as you try and deal with the many issues that are challenging your `self-control` at this time Subs

Good Morning SB Am I right-your clock is five hours behind us in the UK? I have been reading your comments with interest- and having been a carer for four years I understand some of the feelings coming out in your post. Can I just offer a few more comments bearing in mind that you have been quite detailed in explaining about hubby`s journey so far It`s very early days for his recovery – he has been through so much- You will read often on this site about SAH survivors trying to get `back to normal` asap and six months later accepting that the road to recovery is a long patient one depending on their own circumstances. You mention in your first post about how you `bullied` your husband into making greater effort and how you questioned the medics prescribing drugs. This is all understandable- but the brain`s healing does not work along these rules and you will find many posts on this site to explain this - also Neilhapgood`s New Resource post has much detail on this and is an interesting read when you can get the time. Also- you mention your husband`s outbursts- this is such a difficult one to deal with- as you tackle how to deal with hearing and seeing the person you love behaving in this way- the brain damage caused by the SAH is the reason for this and again you will find on this site that the severity of this varies considerably- trying to come to terms with it and trying to resolve it over time takes it`s toll on your patience, emotions and your own self control (as you say-you have found yourself giving as good as you get) If you read in my Introduction Thread- you will see a very good response from Daffodil when I raised this question at a time when I too was feeling the strain. Your SAH journey has happened at a time when you are at a stage in life when your family are no longer living with you- so you do not have the added pressures of coping with young children and the financial implications resulting- however you mention that you were both very active- you do not say if you are both still working by choice or to meet financial/living commitments (you do not have to comment on this here) but you mentioned that in the early days – you were spending 20 hours around your husband. I would just mention that how to reorganise your life around your hubby`s recovery is a very important decision to make and will have a definite impact on the extent of the strains caused by all that is going on- for me- I immediately took 3 months off work- and a year later decided to retire as I realised that trying to get back to previous normality would be a stress too far- and my health would probably have suffered too. These are all big decisions and choices that do make a difference. Just a few helping hand comments- and remember you are not alone in your `battle` for some normality- this site is a `goldmine` of helpful posts Both of you keep strong Subs

Hi to the many friends I have made on BTG since January- (established members and recent members too) I withheld updating about Mrs Subs too soon as I wanted to make sure her complete withdrawal from steroids was showing steady results. It is now three months and we are both so pleased that there have been no negative effects - as far as she is concerned-her weight has changed considerably and her face has lost the swollen look caused by steroid use. On Sunday she decided to finally pack away all her old clothes which no longer fit and she is back wearing the clothes she wore pre her illness back in April 2011. I know the steroids were not related to her SAH but it is great to see this progress in her recovery. You will recall that when I met Winnie seven months ago, it was me who was experiencing some lows. Mrs Subs had been fighting hard to recover from the illnesses she had and we knew that it would not be for at least three years before we could relax about the Wegeners disease being in remission. In fact because we had been told that the SAH was `fixed` we paid little attention to this. However at the end of last year-with the Wegeners under control- it suddenly hit me that the personality and irritability issues had to be caused by her SAH and with the strain of the past four years - I looked to the future and perhaps selfishly thought how am I going to cope- I hope to give a recap soon in the Carer`s Section on some of the struggles I/we have had which I now know are SAH related - but I do want to end this section by saying that during the past seven months the personality/irritability traits have diminished considerably and I am pleased to say that BTG played a large part in getting us through that difficult patch- I believe that time has played it`s part in healing as well as recognising the importance of being realistic about how many hours Mrs Subs could work without putting her continued recovery at risk- and ensuring that she rests plenty after work. But thanks again to all of you- Subs

Good morning SB and a warm welcome to BTG. It certainly has been a whirlwind for you since 14th January- So glad that you feel your husband has made good progress. When you look back on those first 24 hours- and all the emotional strains of being so helpless while your other half is struggling for his life- you realise that now 7 months on all your thinking has been about seeing progress and wishing for more- and you don`t realise that you do need to take care of YOU too if you are going to keep physically and mentally fit to nurse your hubby to better health. You say you spent 20 hours being near hubby in the early days- now with him at home you are on a 24 hour shift- I remember when my wife was discharged- the realisation that it was now over to me was a shock to the system- but you both seem to be fighters and this attitude will certainly help- but remember always that when you do push to far and too fast your hubby will get trigger signals to `go easy`. And remember-time does heal- all recoveries are different. How is your own support? Do you have many friends and family near you? I wish you both all the best in your journey and you definitely will get much help and support from this site Subs

Welcome to BTG Jump So sorry to learn about your dad- say hello to all your family and encourage them to take some time read the posts on this site- They will find much help as they find posts that relate to your dad`s situation-and the experience of others who have been there already is of great benefit. How did you find BTG ? My wife suffered an SAH four years ago so I do know something of the panic and trauma you as a family have felt as you`ve watched often feeling so helpless and willing your dad to improve. You all have so much to think about at this time so I will only add a small word of help- you may not see much difference each day- but each day is another day of healing and when you all accept that dad`s recovery in whatever form it takes- will be months and years- it will help you all come to terms this terrible shock and give him greater support as he gets better. Stay positive and strong and look after yourselves too- you all need to able to look after him when he is discharged. Subs

Clare- that`s what I call -making a great decision- ! You will reap so much benefit from accepting the choice you have made- As you say- life is too short............... Well done you. Subs

Hi Issy Welcome to BTG- Glad you joined the site soon after your SAH- it took me almost four years before I came across BTG ! My wife had her SAH May 2011 so I am seeing things from your husband`s viewpoint- I was sitting by her bedside in hospital when she lost consciousness-she had been receiving tests for other health issues and had been in hospital for five weeks. So tell hubby that there is lots of support here as he is facing a life changing journey too- and there will be highs and lows for both of you as you try and help each other come to terms with your SAH. You will find time and time again as you read posts-that taking time and patience with your progress is so important- I wish you and your family strength for the weeks-months ahead and look forward to reading of your progress Subs

Hi Gemma- Great to hear from you and read your detailed update- So glad to learn that you are taking a rational approach to your recovery given that you are now accepting that it will take time- Wishing you the strength mentally and physically to deal with the days ahead -and glad that you feel that the advice of your friends on BTG has been very helpful Keep strong Subs

Hi Mandie For `Letter from your brain` Click on the first Forum- Subarachnoid Haemorrhage- when it opens-it is the 13th section down- Hope this helps- Subs

Hello Mandie- A very warm welcome to BTG- you will definitely get great support here- take time to find and read posts which relate to your circumstances- My wife had her SAH four years ago- so I can relate to how your husband has been feeling- and it must be such a difficult time for your teenage children- I only found this site six months ago after I met Winnie on line-she assured me I would get support here-and I am so glad I did. Please tell your husband to make use of it too-there will be much support for him also. My wife was in hospital with other issues five weeks prior to her SAH and she took a DVT -but again-prior to her SAH- after nine weeks in hospital she also was so glad to get back home- You and your family are starting on a long journey and you will make progress- you will read on here often- don`t rush your progress and take plenty rest- and make sure you are well supported by family and the medical support staff- I wish you the strength you need to be positive in these early days- and look forward to keeping in touch with you and your family about your progress- Take care Subs

Well done on completing the run Clare- that was great- Mrs Subs just would not manage any type of running- she can walk fine for a few miles on the flat- but definitely no sprints-! Well done to you- Especially when it brought back memories of 10th Feby- Keep strong- Subs

Thanks for the update Mandy- Brave post when things haven`t always gone to Plan A. Almost six months post SAH for you and already you have a wealth of experience of do`s and don`ts for helping others- Time will heal- and you will look back and smile when you re`read your journey- Karen covers it well- Keep strong- Subs

Hello Laura So sorry to hear about your dad- and so glad that you have found this site where you will get so much support from people who have first hand experience in either recovering or helping a partner recover from an SAH. Actually Louise has said exactly what I was going to add as a way of support- ` find time for yourselves its very tiring and very stressful time so have a Time out` Four years ago my wife had her SAH and I know in so many ways what you and your mum are going through just now- So just to stress Louise`s comments Do take time out for yourselves- if you are visiting every day- take a day to yourself- Do find a good friend that you can talk to in addition to your mum- and just sit and share your feelings with them- have a cry on their shoulder if you need to. Try and get a good sleep at night Eat regularly and `properly` (not always fast foods)- you need to keep your body nourished Exercise a little each day- go for a long walk to clear your own mind- There is so much information on BTG- try and look for situations which you feel are of help and always post questions when you want to. Your dad has suffered a life changing event- and this takes time for him and yourselves to come to terms with- he will gradually improve but his progress will have its ups and downs for all three of you- Keep strong and give mum our regards- and we look forward to learning more of his progress when you can

Formula for True Love = MC + V It`s not until you almost lose it When your life is filled with fear That you realise how precious Are the things that you hold dear Twelve months ago an SAH Caused so much pain and strife As Michelle battled all the odds To hold on to her life She did not face it on her own Though her future was not plain to see But one thing was in no doubt Verdun her rock would be. She faced so many obstacles A wheel-chair, poor memory and more But fighting spirit she had in loads, And that was plain for sure ! You can imagine how she felt When she fell and broke her wrist And to fix it properly A metal plate they did insist. As time went by her strength came back Plenty rest and drink her plan And nothing could compete With time spent in her caravan. These past 12 months it`s good Her progress has been cool Though she does admit from time to time Her head`s like cotton wool ! This poem would not be complete Something`s missing can`t you see We really have to make a mention About MC`s 40 foot tree ! On the night of nasty weather And winds that blew so hard The muckle tree came tumbling down And hit the ground so hard It was really like a scene Straight out of KEYSTONE COPS First the Council, Police and Fire-Brigade Then Tree Surgeons to carry out Emergency ops. ! There`s someone we`ve not mentioned To leave out-that would be folly Three cheers to MC`s favourite pooch Her loyal dog called Molly- Keep strong Michelle and Verdun - you are a great couple !

Hi Michelle- So glad you did make it through the SAH- what a wonderful 365 day experience you have to tell- The gradual climb to better health and the joys of overcoming blips along the way-best wishes as you continue to recover and get stronger- So pleased for you and Verdun- and yes- three cheers for BTG and all its members- who have built up such a wealth of experiences within the site- Winnie admitting that `silence speaks volumes` QUICK- somebody rescue the `Ed Stone` and superimpose this on it before Winnie changes her mind !

Hi Mandy- Hope you are doing OK ? Relaxing weekend ahead for you?

Wise words Colleen- and you have all these 6 1/2 years experience post SAH to look back on-

Wise words and advice Sarahlou

Hello Clare Glad your shift at work went fine. Your CD round will have helped stimulate your mindset in dealing with accuracy- pressure of getting round in a reasonable time the physical side of being on your feet all the time-well done Only you will know how your body is coping and remember- a few months here or there are nothing in the grand scheme of things with your recovery. Glad to hear your comments on 'rest' Take care and stay strong

Hi Clare Do you start your two day shifts tomorrow ? Hope they go well- and as you know- rest- rest and more rest when you are not at work- Keep strong-

Well done Clare- Wishing you well - getting back into the work environment will give you a tremendous boost to your confidence if your timing is right- rest well and often in your times off- Take care

Hello Jenny and Tony Good Morning from sunny Scotland- Many thanks for your post Jenny- it is good to see that your family have tackled the trauma of SAH with a positive attitude and accepted that there are areas where it is better to work round rather than oppose- I am glad to see that Tony is accepting the changes to his busy work-life and is moving on with his life- and the family are pleased to be seeing more of Dad ! Having said this however- you two like us are in our fifty`s- It must be a much different psychological challenge to let SAH change your life- when it happens to someone in their twenties-thirties and forties- with younger families and perhaps more demanding financial and social commitments- Each circumstance can be so different- The role of BTG for both of us has been so important- it does seem to be a widespread issue that the after-care information is totally insufficient when SAH patients are discharged- I wish you and your family well as you continue your journey-

Hello Mandy- Really feel for you at this time- so much happening and so much pressures with work and health when all you want is to be making good progress. Your break next week is very timely- you so need the time out- and I hope you are able to get the rest and relaxation you need to strengthen you for the days ahead- Contact with good OH personnel should never result in frustration and worries over what is to happen- Win-win situations are in everyone`s best interests- Both of you enjoy that time off-

Hello Tony I would find it interesting as a carer if you could comment on how your family and friends coped with your SAH recovery over the three years- From your profile photo I am sure your family were also faced with a very challenging time as they experienced your recovery first hand and tried to help as best they could. Many years ago I got as far as Bali with my wife and daughter - but never reached the Aussie coastline !