Rachel2405

Hi Mandie You're not on your own with this. It's about six weeks since i came out of the hospital after my stroke which was an ischaemic (clot) stroke. Whilst having tests they also found a slight heart defect. I feel very lucky that the stroke wasn't worse than it was and that the heart defect has been found and can be treated if necessary. However it hasn't stopped me from worrying about my mortality and that of my partner and also fear of having another stroke. I can't begin to understand what it's like for people who've had a SAH. From my own recovery, as the weeks have progressed and i've got stronger, things that at first appeared insurmountable, are now tasks accomplished and a victory however small it might be. I've found as things are slowly returning back to normal, i'm becoming less anxious about such things as mortality. I don't know if it will be the same for you but i wanted to let you know how it has got better for me, and that you're not on your own with how you feel about this. I wish you all the best and please keep talking to us. xx

Cheers Karen a great site it is too. I've learnt a great deal from so many different areas of the site, from previous posts and always someone on hand to answer a question or give advice. Also by getting to know another member on here, i've found out about a swim class for people affected by strokes, that is virtually on my doorstep that i had no idea about. So from my perspective i've gained an awful lot from what you've created xxx

I agree Louise, it's helped me so much to understand. Trying to deal with noise and even trying to have conversations but can't when other things are going on around me, has been so confusing. That post from Daffs was like someone switching a lightbulb on !!! xxx

On my behalf, Karen, thanks for the advice on time being a healer. At the time when you're stuck in the middle of dealing with so many things and you're trying to put your life back together, to regain some sense of normality; It is a little difficult to brush off people's insensitive comments. It's great to hear from someone who's come through the other side so to speak, and to have that reassurance that it gets better. xxx

Considering what people have posted on this thread, it might be helpful if anyone has suitable answers for the insensitive remarks. I totally get it that people don't understand, what they don't know about. It would just be very helpful if people would have the wisdom to think before speaking.

Hi Janey I think it's quite funny you put this post on about stupid things people say,,,, i've taken to writing poetry since my stroke and actually started a poem this morning based on my frustrations about some of the naff things people say and assume .....here's part of the poem... Don’t assume i’m carrying on with my life as if i’m on a long holiday break, Nothing could be further from the truth, for most of it i’ve barely been awake. I’m not basking in the glorious sunshine like i once was able to do, Medication has put paid to that, my skin is now dry like a leathery shoe. I no longer have interest in the hobbies, that i once did in my spare time, I have no inclination to watch tv, the noise to my ears is nothing but a crime. It'll be interesting to see what others have to say Rachel x

Hi Daffs Thank you so much for your post about sensory input. You have made more sense in one post than has been explained to me in the last seven weeks since i had my stroke, which wasn't a bleed but a clot. Although i know it's early days for me compared to most, i have noticed that physical activity is not bringing on the fatigue like it was. However background noises,interfere with my thought processes, stop me from talking and the fatigue usually comes shortly after. cheers Rachel

Hi Michelle Many thanks for replying. 15yrs (for us too) next week is how long i've known my fiance, it's a long time isn't it? but yet the years have gone by in a flash. As for the poetry it hit me out of the blue like having the stroke. The words just fell onto the page and still do....very bizarre. As for the card making, i haven't had any interest in it at all since the stroke which again is bizarre given how many i've made over the past 5 years. Thankyou for the advice and also the tip about the water....i'll go and pour myself a glass now. Nice talking to you x

Hi Win Thankyou very much for the welcome and yes it certainly does make you appreciate things more. I did say to my fiance though that i didn't know the stroke would end up costing me so much money, meaning the wedding! I think our family and friends are as shocked by that as they are about the stroke. We've been together so many years it became a joke that we'd never set the date. bye for now x

Hi Clare Many thanks for your reply. It has been a confusing and scary time, as i'm sure it will have been for everyone else on here, whether they be the sufferer or carer. My main concern is now about the future and how to get back to normal. To try and ensure i don't have another stroke, without wrapping myself up in cotton wool. As for the poetry, it might not seem unusual that someone has started to write poetry. However i am a keen card maker and over the past 5 years i've made between 550 - 600 cards. Not one verse has ever come from me, because i couldn't make 2 lines rhyme let alone a whole poem. They have either come off the internet or i had help from my brother. Which is why it's all the more surprising that this has happened. I have felt a strange sense of calmness since starting to write the poems, i don't know if it makes sense to anyone. Anyway thanks once again for replying x

Hi All My name is Rachel, i learnt about this site from a friend who i had the pleasure of meeting on another website. He has also had a stroke and runs a support group. It's 5 weeks tomorrow since i had my stroke, a clot, it's called left lacunar infarct - a term i will not forget in a hurry! The day i had my stroke was just as normal as any other. I was in work sat at my desk 3 o'clock in the afternoon. I'd been perfectly fine all day, no build up or anything. I went to the printer, sat back at my desk suddenly realised my mouse wouldn't move. I thought someone had played a practical joke and stuck it to my desk. I couldn't grip or hold the mouse or a pen or even my mobile phone. Lifted my arm to stretch and it felt heavy. Got up and went to the toilet. I walked with a limp and the floor felt very uneven like i was walking on waves. I mentioned to a colleague when i came back that i didn't feel well and felt heavy, he looked at me like i'd lost the plot. I actually sat for an hour til it was time to leave, outwardly kept my cool. Fortunately i wasn't driving that day but got a lift from another colleague who i didn't tell either and he's not the most intuitive of people. As soon as my fiance saw me before we even spoke he knew something was wrong. As he eloquently put it i walked like Frankenstein's monster! I went to pieces and told him everything and he took me straight to hospital. I've been a first aider in the past and didn't have a clue what was wrong with me, i felt so stupid. Even when they told me i'd had a stroke i was in denial because other than my arm and leg feeling like they didn't belong i felt otherwise perfectly ok. My mobility is virtually 98% recovered and my stamina is improving but i have never experienced anything quite like the fatigue ever before. I also have some cognitive/memory issues, short term memory is poor, lose words mid sentence that kind of thing. Can't seem to cope with noise. On the surface until the fatigue hits i look fine, but there's a lot going on underneath, so to speak. Despite what's happened i feel so incredibly lucky that it wasn't worse and a heart defect has been picked up that i never knew about which i need further investigation for. I have met some pretty incredible people on this journey. After being with my fiance for many, many years we've finally decided to get married; this has given us a harsh reality check. I now know just how much i took for granted. Even simple things like walking up steps which is now a bit of an issue for me. I also realise that i really need to slow down and not be on the go all the time. The man i mentioned at the beginning of this post has released a talent in me that i never had before. I read some of his poetry on the website where i met him. Something just snapped inside me and i started writing a poem and have now written 7 poems. Whereas before i couldn't make two lines rhyme let alone a whole poem! I know this is a life changing experience, being on a life time of medication for a start but it's had such a profound effect of me. It's like i'm seeing and appreciating life through someone else's eyes. Thankyou all for reading and allowing me to share this with you and i hope to get to know some of you a little better. x