Karen

Hi Annie and Andy, Thanks for the big hug, as I certainly could do with it. I was taken into hospital on Friday, as I was experiencing the Mother of all headaches and eye pain etc., along with a load of other stuff. My Doctor was great and phoned the hospital to say that I was coming in. I came back home late yesterday afternoon (great birthday!) after begging them to let me out, I was so sad being in there (I shed so many tears, think that the other patients thought that I was a loony!). They think that my aneurysm might be leaking, so I'm booked in for a MRA scan on Tuesday. They wanted to keep me in, but said I would promise to rest up if I went home and if I felt even worse to come straight back in. My Obs were fine, same as the other bleeds, when I had normal blood pressure and pupil reactions etc. So, I'm not sure whether that's a good sign or not. My emotions are all over the place...........so excuse my typing as I'm finding it hard to think etc.....It feels like a ****** nightmare again and have mixed feelings as to what they might find or whether i want them to find anything........probably doesn't make sense. I'm so tired at the moment and feel just like I did when I left hospital last year. I feel that something has definetly kicked off again. I don't know how I'm going to handle this, if I have to go through it all again. It's feeling very surreal and I'm hoping that I will wake up and it's all going to be a bad dream. Lauren is so upset, bless her and I really don't want to put the family through this again. The house is a torrent of emotions. I have a great need of feeling that everything is in order and have packed a bag for Tuesday, just in case I have to stay in hospital or earlier! Anyway, hope all you guy's will keep posting on the board. If I do have to stay in, then hopefully Lauren will be able to post my news to you. Love to you all and big hugs, Karen xx

Hi Andy, Thanks for your reply. Well the dark cloud over me has remained today, along with most of the physical symptoms as well. Eric, is away in Jersey and will be back tomorrow. It's strange isn't it, as when I get these rough patches, he never seems to be around. I'm sure that I feel worse because he isn't here and more worried because I wonder how the kids would cope if anything did start to kick off again. Everything seems to be going wrong at the minute. Poor Lauren (my daughter) has had to put up with a tearful, good for nothing Mother again today.................she was also in tears earlier, she hates seeing me like this. Makes me feel so guilty for putting her through this. Kids shouldn't have to deal with stuff like this. She's gone off shopping with her mate, so I'm really hoping that she will feel all the better for it. Bless her, she's been great. I've managed to get to the shops and buy her some of her favourite chocs. I was bought a pamper day for my Christmas pressie last year and last week I finally booked a date at the Spa for Sept 1st. We are also treating Lauren, as part of her birthday pressie, I just hope that I'm feeling up to it, really don't want to have to let her down. Anyway, won't depress you any longer................just hope that all is going well with you and Heather. Well, tomorrow is another day...................God, I just hope it's a better one!! Take care, Karen x

Hi to all, Well, today has been horrible. Woke up this morning feeling dizzy and nothing unusual in that. I had been asked out for a pub lunch by a friend, which was great. Still don't get out as much as I would like to, so try to make the most of it when I can. I did nearly cancel our date as didn't feel very good at all, but thought no, I'm sure that I will feel better for making the effort. She had very kindly offered to pick me up, which was great as I really didn't feel up to driving, even though the pub/restaurant is literally a 5 minute drive. I took my daughter with us and my friend also took her 2 girls, as they are all friends with each other. Lovely meal and great conversation, but I kept getting hot flushes. Suddenly I had a high pitched noise in my ear (which always frightens the living daylights out of me) and felt as though I was about to be sick. I sat there trying to focus on everything going on around me and trying to look and act normal. I could feel the pulsing sensation in the back of my head and I felt as though everything was in slow motion. I didn't tell anybody that I was feeling rough and luckily managed to stay for another half an hour. (which felt like the longest half an hour I'd ever spent) At that point I really couldn't stay any longer and just made an excuse that I had to get back and tried to be as cheery as I possibly could be. I spent the next 3 hours in bed, wrapped up in the security of my quilt and wishing that I never had to leave my bed again and wondering when this nightmare is ever going to end? The usual tears followed once I felt slightly better. (It's been a little while now, since I felt ths bad and felt so frightened.) Sometimes, I don't think that I'm ever going to get any better and the longer it goes on, the harder it is dealing with it. Still, tomorrow is another day and just hope it's going to be better. Off to bed now and just hope that I get a decent night's sleep. Karen x

I've read a few articles on the "Mozart Experience" re: the effect of certain pieces of Mozart's music on the brain. When I'm stressed and need to unwind I listen to a CD called "Mozart For Relaxation" - it certainly seems to have the right effect!