Bill B

Hi Ryan. Welcome to BTG. You will find all the advice and support that you need on this site. There is no simple answer or secret formula for recovery. We are all different and yet, have so much in common. The contributors on this site have a combined wisdom that transcends medical expertise. The advice that will flow is based on experience and years of coping with the aftermath of traumatic events. There is a huge scale of neuro- events but there is no such thing as a minor bleed. The psychological effect of any bleed is deep seated and has far reaching effects and health implications that are not considered by the medical profesion. This is where BTG comes in. We all know the fears that you are currently experiencing. I hope you come to open up to the forums ,like I have, as the strength that can be drawn from the collected knowledge is life changing. Use the private messaging system or use the forums, but ask, whatever you need to know, someone will respond. There is no-one more skeptical or suspicious of on-line friendships than me, but the advice and encouragement that I have received on this site has helped me in ways that go far beyond neuro- related events. My downward spiral of depression and self destruction was halted by talking some of the wonderful, generous people on this site.(who know who they are) Ryan, I hope all your fears and uncertainty can be alleviated on this site. Keep talking, keep listening, but above all else, remember, you are no longer alone We all know exactly how you feel. All the best, Bill B.

Hi Victoria. Welcome to BTG, you're in the right place. Everyone on this site has a story to tell, and all the accumulated wisdom will smooth your path to recovery. It took me five years to realize that I needed the help of other people who understood my problems, so, well done for finding us so soon after your SAH. The follow up care (or lack of it) is well documented on this site, and I would suggest completing Karen's King's College survey whilst all your experiences are fresh in your mind. It's only when we all speak as one that things will improve for SAH sufferers. Don't rush back to work out of duty. People should understand the enormity of your event. They won't, of course, because you seem to be recovered, apart from a little fatigue. The main problem, I faced,(apart from depression, which is another story) was the worry of re-occurrence if I put my body under any physical stress. This led to me becoming frail and weak and it was many years before I began to rebuild my strength. Six years on, and I'm building dry- stone walls and digging patios without a thought of any bad effects. What doesn't go away, is the tiredness. After a day in the garden, I sleep like a hibernating bear. You won't find much practical advice from clinicians, but you will find it here, on BTG. Your at the beginning of a long road to recovery, and you may never be exactly the same as before, but life, post SAH can be just as good as before, (if, a little different). The confusion and uncertainty will subside and the new "you " will emerge. If it's any help to you, the advice that I have received on this site has helped me to turn my own self- destructive (alcohol) life around , completely. My family have always pushed me towards recovery, but it took the massive wave of unconditional good wishes that I received from complete strangers. on this site, to make me really change. You're right when you say it's surreal, it certainly is, and no-one should have to go through all of this, but here we are, all of us together, all recovering to the best of our best abilities. None of our symptoms are identical and none of us recover in the same way, but we all understand the common conditions that affect us all. You are in the right place, Victoria, so keep on posting and before you know it, your advice will be helping others to navigate this bizarre world that we are all part of. All the best, Bill B. x

Thanks for starting this thread, full of incite, and very articulate. It is interesting,to me, that you are questioning the interaction between your conscious- mind and your sub-conscious. I have come to believe that the two are linked, but not in linear way. Time and space, as experienced by someone who has not suffered a brain trauma, is not the same, for those who have been affected. Memories, once scrambled, take years to rearrange. Prior to an event, day to day tasks and even the successful prosecution of a difficult job, are taken in your stride. No thought required for all the decisions that make up your daily work and social life. Post-event, all the, previously automatic, processes are clouded by the sub- conscious residue that is the legacy of a bleed. The lingering after effects, (depression, muddled thinking, forgetfulness, apathy, tiredness..etc,etc ) I think, are the result of the sub- conscious invading the here-and- now of the conscious present. I have tried to re-invent myself over the past seven years, but still struggle, as you do, with trying to make sense of it all. Just like you, everything fell into place in my previous life, no need to question the route I was taking. I worked hard and got my just reward. Everything I did was steeped in "cause, and effect". It all made perfect sense. Now, things are very different. Childhood insecurities and lack of self-esteem has somehow wormed its way into my everyday existence. The new "normal" is no longer an automatic, downhill ride, full of familiar, comfortable points of reference. Now everything has to be calculated and evaluated to confirm that is the right decision to take. In other words, all the confidence and spontaneity has gone. The new reality is completely different from before, and really means that I am different person. I believe that, all we are, is our memories, instincts and nervous reactions. When the memories are altered, the rest is altered too. The sub-conscious "hard drive" is much bigger than the "ram- memory" available for normal operation, so, no wonder it affects the waking hours. Riane mentioned Jill BolteTaylor . The things that she spoke of are the preferred route to the new reality that I seek. I,too, felt the euphoria, and glimpsed a world full of beauty and possibility, and now make all my decisions, unashamedly,from, what I regard , as my new moral high-ground. I have accepted my new neural- connections, as an opportunity to start my script from new. This doesn't mean that I have worked it all out yet, far from it, but I know that the old "me" has gone forever, and this I have, now accepted. As for happiness, I'll just hang on in there, until one day, surely, it will return. All the best Neil, Bill B.

You weren't there man! That seems to sums it up for me. All the specialist nurses and clever councilors can provide all the paper-based support in the world, but it means, not a jot, to all of us that have faced the reality of brain trauma. Riane is right to champion the production of an, experience- based, information leaflet. A leaflet that could explain all the convoluted intricacies of the infinite symptoms that affect our daily lives. Where do you start? Life is unthinking,predictable and instinctive. Then,... there is the event! All of a sudden, life is introspective and analytically, everything that went before is a distant memory of normality. Nothing can prepare you for this journey, no medical expert can explain what has happened to you. The only people who know what it feels like, to have your life ripped from underneath, and rearranged in such an individual, personal manner, are people who have experienced the same trauma. Everyone of us is different, we all have alterations to our lives, and some of us are lucky enough to have support networks to help us through. Some of us are shoved out into the real world, with, only a, "your lucky to be alive" dismissal from the medical fraternity. I don't know much, but this much I do know! The Neuro- surgeons and specialist follow-up teams are expert in there deliverance of physical repair, but totally useless in deliverance of aftercare. Vulnerability, paranoia, depression, lack of self- esteem, limited -time feelings, fear of re-occurrence and, bone deep, tiredness are the legacies that we all live with, day to day. Where is our leaflet? Where is our help? We,...are our help! Only people who have experienced an event can offer insight to others. Riane , if you can articulate some of this in a leaflet, I will help, in any way I can. We all seem to speak with one voice upon this site. The medics don't understand the consequences of our individual, catastrophic, traumas and dismiss our concerns because we are fixed, and should "just get better". I am nearly seven years down the line now, and have no more come to terms with anything, than the day I left hospital. You weren't there, man! Well,....... yes, we were! All of us, on this site. You know, no-one else is going to help us,.... don't you? All we have, is each other. We were there, and now we are here. For each other. Bill B. x

Riane. Forget the chisels, forget the clay, pick up thy camera, and walk! I know it's hard, to let go of the deeply embedded certainties of life. We all see our lives mapped out in some, fragile vision of what we hope will be our future. We, however, and by "we" I mean, some of us on this site, know, that the projected, mythical future is only going to be , what we decide it's going to be. Many people on this site are not of an artistic persuasion. People who desire creativity are blessed, because, the motivation to create is a fantastic aid to recovery. People of faith, or strong views, in any sphere, are also very lucky, as the frameworks in their particular circumstances will support them. Artists, on the other hand, have to face these realities alone. It's very cold out here, where no one else has been. No religion - crutch, no groups of like- minded people affirming your vision of reality. You said you were a Hippie, well so was I. The high water mark of the Hippie revolution was 1970. Joplin, Hendrix , Morrison....after that it all began to unravel. What remained, after the carnage, was the universal message of love. We live our lives in fear, or in love. It's a choice, it's always a choice, fear, or love. The circumstances of your event have led you to this point. You are tired, confused, and unable to pursue the former daily tasks or artistic directions that fulfilled your needs. Yet the desire to be artistic remains, of course it does, because it's part of what you are. I don't even need to say it, do I ? Expression is a need, the means of expression is irrelevant. Art is! It just is. If you are part of it, you will find an outlet for expression. Pick up thy camera, and walk Riane, or return to previous endeavors, but don't give up on your art. Money comes and goes, but art, once created, lasts forever. (Can you tell, I teach creativity?) Rant over, embarrassing ex-hippy knows when it's time to shut up. I looked at your location in my atlas. You are so lucky to live in such a beautiful place! From the heart of Nottingham, I wish you peace and fulfillment. All the best. Bill Bx

Hi Samantha, Welcome to BTG or SAHs- R- US, as I like to think of it. You've had a really bad time of it, and not knowing the cause must be a real worry. Most of us, on this site, do know the cause of our event, so we have a "Problem+ operation = recovery" sequence to make sense of what has happened to us. You don't have this, so must be worried about a re- bleed. I know there are others, on this site, in the same situation and they are better placed than me too offer advice. I am shocked to hear that you had five Angiograms. Was this all on the same day? I had two on the same day and was extremely sick for twenty four hours afterwards.The nausea and headaches lasted for months. I asked the Doctor who performed the procedures if it was his first day on the job, which didn't go down too well. It's no wonder you feel so bad. Don't listen to those who tell you to get over it, or move on and put it behind you. If you had plaster- castes on all four limbs, they wouldn't say these things, but you don't, so tell them read- up on brain trauma or direct them here and let them see for themselves the devastating effects that a bleed can have on your life. Someone posted, on a thread, on this site, that "it's like wading through treacle". This sums it up perfectly for me. Sometimes its like physical treacle and sometimes its just mental treacle, but it's all clawing at you, slowing you down and slowing your thoughts. Well Samantha, we're all in the black, sticky- stuff together at BTG. I hope you feel better soon. All the best. Bill B. x

Don't be too hard on your doctors. We are the Cinderella condition of the medical world. SAH is the last thing anyone suspects, everyone on this site will tell you the same. Wait a minute,.... no,... In my case, it was the first thing they suspected....but everybody else! I can relate to the loss of creative drive, as apathy and social isolation invade your waking hours. BUT.... here's a thought that may help. The darkness that occludes the everyday fizz of your former life, can be turned into a new creativity, removed from former thinking, but empowered with a new drive, based on the very lack of motivation that formally drove your creativity onward. Make your sculptures, but make them damaged and incomplete. Reflect the reality of where you are now. Since my SAH, I have written Two albums and two plays, all influenced by my SAH. I am more proud of work post SAH, than anything I produced before. Write about your circles and endless dead ends, with your new insights. You will emerge from all of this with a new perspective on life,....or I'm an unfinished concrete sculpture! Probably am....what do I know? Non of our (BTG People) events are minor, we all know the debilitating effects of major or minor bleeds. The medical world dismisses our fatigue and encourages us all to return to former lives. But, we, on this site, all know , that it takes years to return, to even part, of what we once were! Welcome to BTG, Riane, you are amongst people who understand the individual, crippled path that you have to travel. I hope your creativity smashes through your block. All the best , Bill B. x

Hi Win & Sandi. I'm still here, just a bit down at the moment. Don't feel I have anything positive to say. Win.. your experience of seeing your family is just like mine. Not scary, but comforting, wasn't it? Now I'm in the summer break from college, I seem to have too much time on my hands, too much time alone. I need the framework of my job to stop me turning in on myself. My family are all busy with their own lives so I spend most days loafing around the house on my own. I like being on my own but feel like I should be doing jobs and fixing things, but I can't see properly so I just end up reading, with one eye shut, or playing my guitar. I recognize the state I'm in now, it's part of a cycle. It won't last for too long so it's just a case of riding it out and waiting for the wind to change. Thanks for thinking of me. It does help. Bill B. X

Hi Sandi. I've just watched the video of Jill's experience. So much of what she described was reflected in my experience. She articulates much more than I ever could, but the essence of the feelings is the same. It is gratifying to know that someone else has had the same feeling of euphoria and enlightenment. She is a scientist, with a deep understanding of the mechanics of the brain, whereas I am an ignorant, struggling artist, with no concept of neurology. I just know that she "saw" the same magnificent world, all full of possibility, that I saw. Thank you for directing me to this woman, I feel slightly less- nuts now than I did before. All the best. Bill B.x

Hi Shelli. Yes, we were(my family) told what caused my sister's SAH. They said it was the result of the spinal- cyst that she was born with. We believed this, until I had my SAH. I now know that aneurysms are hereditary and families should be screened as a matter of course. I have read -up on the "Hellp" condition, and you are very lucky to be alive! You are doing too much for other people. I know it's what we all do, but you need to heed the signs of your own body. I spent eighteen months looking after my Dad with deteriorating Alzheimer's disease, and that nearly finished me off. I now care for my Mother, who berates me with her skin,bladder,joint,sleep,balance,vision, hearing, and neighbour problems, whilst,all the time, I am seeing double and and feeling monumentally tired. But, hey-ho, as the song says, "No Charge". You couldn't tell Rosalie the truth, just the same as I can't tell my Mum to shut- up moaning, because we love them, and that makes us just carry on , whatever the cost to ourselves. Keep on sucking it up Shelli, I'm right there with you! All the best. Bill B. x

Shelli. My apologies . I've just realized, I've said all that stuff on your introduction page. Very bad form! You mention the tiredness. Well so say all of us! The only thing I never tire of, is complaining about the lack understanding of these conditions. Once again, sorry for steaming in, but it's a real help, to let fly every now and then. All the best, Bill B. x

Hi Momo. The genetic link is denied in the UK. In Norway,Denmark and Sweden scans are offered, in all cases of SAH, to all members of the immediate family, as far as I know. My cousin, ( Senior consultant surgeon at Warrington Hospital) had all his family screened on receiving news of my SAH. (All clear, thank whoever is in charge). The only thing preventing this option being made available to UK citizens, is cost. There is,undoubtedly,a genetic link. Breast cancer screening was in the same position as SAH screening fifteen years ago, until public pressure forced the government's hand. Maybe the survey, just completed, will begin the necessary head of steam required to elevate SAH to automatic screening. Don't hold your breath! There aren't enough of us. It is vastly cheaper to repair the few victims, than screen the wider population. My sister was a victim of technology. We, and our families, are victims of expedient, pragmatic logic. It's just a case numbers. Sorry, I'm ranting again! But you know, I'm right! Bill B.x

Hi Shelli. When you had your episode there was little, or no, information available to access as the www was in it's infancy. Survival rates have dramatically improved since those days, as we are all here to testify. My first introduction to SAH was when my 25 yr old sister dropped, face down, into her cornflakes at breakfast in July 1979. She was rushed to Derby hospital,where she was given a Craniotomy and clipping procedure that she never recovered from. There was no information or follow up from the hospital, just a black plastic bag with her belongings. My whole family was damaged by this episode and the effects, still, resonate with all my immediate family. The common theme, that keeps on surfacing on this site, is the lack of follow up and understanding of the long term effects of SAH. Minan was right when she said , (her husband said) clinicians should scour the chat rooms to gain a better understanding of the real long term effects of SAH. I am in no doubt that fatigue is related stress. My job is under threat and all the symptoms of early recovery are returning pro- rata. That feeling of shutting down, that you describe, is what I call "Petty- Mal", a distancing from the immediate surroundings and an indicator that sleep is necessary. I am giving a talk on Autism to an invited audience tomorrow, and I feel very positive and energized at the moment. Following this, (well paid ) event, I am out of contract until September, and just know, that tomorrow night, the symptoms will descend upon me as sure as night follows day. Your a sixteen year and I'm a seven year survivor, and I don't suppose anything is going to improve from here on in. It's just a matter of managing and accepting all the realities of our new lives. Keep talking Shelli, we're all listening. Bill B. x PS. Sandi....TNP=Third Nerve Palsy.

Hi Minan. Tough thing to go through alone. You seem to have some good friends though, this is good. Cyber- friends can help too, they certainly have with me. I have a friend, who watches on the fringes of BTG, who had a similar injury to you. I met him on the ward during my last coiling episode. (you know who you are!) I hope your entrance onto this site will draw in other, non- aneurysm, survivors to the support network that is such a source of strength for most of us. Your not alone now Minan. We're all over the planet! All the best. Bill B. x

Hi Shelli. You are, as far as I know,the senior SAH survivor on this site.(Dubious honour). Much of what you say resonates with me , especially the pain in- sync with the heartbeat. That's exactly how I remember it. I am only seven years down the line, but am also experiencing a resurgence of headaches and fatigue that I thought were in the past. My Ophthalmic Surgeon says the headaches are related to Third Nerve Palsy and my GP says the fatigue is due to TNP and lifestyle. Your point about recovering, then sliding back into symptoms, is echoed in my experience. I do think that when things are going well in your life (my life) that the symptoms recede into the background. I had a couple of these years some- where in the distant past. With the new pressures, of redundancy, loss of pension, increased scrutiny from above, the symptoms are returning.(This could be stress). I think you're right to seek an MRI or CT scan to rule out any physical reason for re-occurrence. The Neurologists are very clever at repairing the Human machine , but less adept at resolving fatigue/headache /depression or anxiety related issues. These areas may be the domain of other disciplines. Welcome to BTG Shelli, I hope you find what you seek, from all the accumulated experience on this site. My guess, is that we will learn more from you. All the best. Bill B. x

Hi Zoe. I've not spoken to you before, as I am a recent member. Reading your posts is a chastening experience. Richard is understandably depressed and possibly distanced from his emotions. Anger and irritation sometimes overpower the love that is still there in the background. I put my family through the same suicide threats and said the same as Richard about wishing I hadn't survived, before I was, eventually, shaken out of it by my friends.( I now see how lucky I was). I know how angry and powerless you must be feeling. My wife nearly gave up on me. But she didn't and I thank whoever is in charge that she didn't. I don't for one second compare my SAH to Richard's grade 4 and cannot begin to understand the hell you must be going through. I just wish you all the power and wisdom in the world, to help you with any difficult decisions ahead. I don't know how to end this, inadequate platitudes seem not enough. So, good luck....... all of you. Bill B. x

Hi Carolyn. Thanks for your greeting and the candor of your response. I'm glad I'm here as well, as I see this site as my path to redemption. Strength is dependent on context. At work, I am the consummate professional, strong for my learners and colleagues. No-one would guess the turmoil beneath the surface. My only decision filter is "what is best for the learner". This is what gives me the clarity to cut through all the political- correctness and short -term thinking that infests the education system in the U.K. at this present time. Translating the confidence and surety into my private life is where I fall down. You, more than anyone I have corresponded with on this site, will understand the day by day battle that is fought by substance dependent people, desperate to free themselves of the all- consuming tyrant that demands attention. I feel like I am two people within the same body. One is strong , articulate, creative and kind. The other is selfish, destructive and intolerant of others, who are just like me. Undoubtedly, the SAH has made everything worse, or at the very least pulled all the negativity into focus. Every body knows what is best for me, but you will know, that banishing the scaffolding of thirty years of a self acclaiming lifestyle, is life-changing hard. My GP hasn't sent the letter to the Priory. Not his fault, as he was taken into hospital last week with a suspected SAH. So I don't know where I am as regards to Re-hab (That Kafka novel again!) No matter, as I have begun the re- hab without them, after all, it's all from within anyway. Your support, and the kind words from all on this site have given me something that I really needed. My family and friends have given me this support before, but to receive it from strangers,who have nothing invested in my future, is, some how, more poignant,if that makes any sense? It's an extra strength, undeserved, but gratefully accepted. Thank you. Bill B x

Hi Karen and Skippy. Thanks for your kind words, as usual, insightful and true. You are both echoing my GP's advice about changing the entrenched habits of my former life. It has already begun, as I have lost contact with my former footballing teammates ( and the competitive drinking culture that went along with celebrating victories or drowning defeat) Most of my friends now, are world weary, cynical , yet wise, grandfathers, cruising towards retirement. The one thing that we all have in common, is me. It was me who befriended them all , one by one as they turned up as strangers in my local. I was frowned upon for including them in the conversation, but over time, the conversations continued, even when I was not there. These friends look after me and tell me when I need to wind it in. It is what I refer to as "cold friends" who encourage the behaviors that amused them in the past. They don't know me well enough, or care enough, to suggest anything different. I don't blame them, but I do know they are not real friends, just acquaintances from a former life. Karen, if you could imagine Alan Bennet talking to Ian Hislop, Foggy and Compo, that about sums them up. You would be like Dame Edna Everage in their company. You don't come across as boring, just considered and articulate in your thoughts, and that's a very different thing. Skippy,you know the pressure of conceiving and producing an artistic project, so will be well aware of the fear of failure that haunts any one who dares to produce original works. You have, sensibly, withdrawn from that pressure and perhaps that's what I should do for a while. That "limited time " feeling has driven me to juggle several projects at once (all nearly finished now) so maybe it's time to take the pan off the boil, and relax a bit, until the equilibrium returns. Perhaps ,in time you can return to some of the work that is, as you know, so rewarding when it is successful. Thanks for your time, And advice. Bill B. X

Hi Lynne. Failure to connect with emotion is exactly what I identify as depression. Not sad or happy, just distant. An outsider who has not been invited to the party. Lynne, if you think it's something deeper than depression, something related to your bleed, then you do need to seek the help of a psychologist. Was your SAH in the rear connective artery? It seems that people who experience a bleed in this area have more problems with emotions and depression. I certainly have problems with my emotions (since the bleed,not before) and would gladly discuss this with someone if I thought it would help. I would like to know how you get on. The pretense of joining in with the fun is something I recognize, and I even take over sometimes and go into Hyper- drive, delivering tirades of outraged political venom (usually when I've had a drink) but it brings no joy to me. People laugh all the more when I stay deadpan, as if it's a comic tool. It is not, I really don't care , and am really, not amused. I refer you to my earlier post....." you are no fun when you're sober". None of it works when I'm sober, so this is probably why I drink, so I can let loose and be popular. Pathetic isn't it? Things are changing for me now, since becoming a member on this site. I have started to deconstruct all my defenses and will, hopefully, find out who I have become in my new reality. I bought a new shirt today. My wife was amazed, and said " You never buy clothes, what's happened?" I said, " I'm just trying something different". Good luck Lynne, between us, we'll come up with the answer. Bill B. x

Thanks everyone. I'm not used to being the centre of attention (except in the classroom,where I have to be). I know that I am just one of many, on this site, who have these physical and emotional problems and should be further along the road to recovery than most, as it's seven years since the bleed. I suppose that my problem, all along, has been my denial and refusal of offers of help. When you spend most of your adult life in control of things, at work, sport and at home, it's really difficult to become to accept the kind of help that I used to dispense. I spent today at the funeral of Lance - Corporal Martin Gill (22) at the Good Sheppard Church, in Arnold, and then with the family and friends at a pub in Carlton. Talking with the family, whom I have known for years, made me feel very humble. Who am I to moan...I'm still here. They all asked me how I was getting on and were glad I was OK. I just drank Coke, despite the offers, and told them all that drinking was in the past. I hope it really is, because I have a future,of sorts, and Martin doesn't. It was a very emotional day and I am exhausted now, so thanks again for your support, it is a lifeline. P.S. two different people said to me, this afternoon, "go on, just have one, your no fun when your sober". What can you do eh? It's not going to be easy. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time. Bill B. X

Hi Jod -Dee and Sandi K. Thanks for bothering to reply it means a lot to know someone out there is listening. First of all ,Sandi, you are very perceptive, in a subtle way, alcohol is not helping me at the moment and in three weeks time I am committed to a re-hab programme that I hope will rid me of this useless walking stick. It's three weeks until the end of term, and then I have all summer to become clean. My SAH was also in the "rear connective artery", where the emotion is policed,which may have something to do with all this mess. Jod- dee, you are also correct about being kinder to ourselves, and the acceptance of medication, ( which I have refused in the past). I am sick of either being, ecstatically high or barely- functional low. I crave the life I had before the SAH but know it cannot be. I have an appointment with my GP on Friday (arranged last week) but was told , by my wife,who works with him, that he was rushed to hospital two days ago with a suspected SAH.(It will be his third). So I will have to see a Locum doctor who knows nothing of me, or SAHs, and will probably be told that I am depressed and prescribed some mind- leveling drug that will rob me of myself. It's like a Kafka novel , where circumstances conspire to derail you. Sometimes it's easier just to drink and forget. This summer I'm going to beat it, I can't face another year of dreamless sleep and pathetic denial. I feel better already, having got all that off my chest. Thanks for being there....all of you. Bill B. x

It's late now and I'm here, wondering if I should post at all. Lately, lots of things have been really good in my life. Work is good , family are doing well, I have every reason to be happy. Yet,I just feel like I'm at beginning of the long, dark tunnel again. I don't know why. It seems to come from nowhere, there is no reason for it. Normally I would have just kept these feelings to myself, but since June, when I joined this site, I have somewhere to register these feelings. No-one in my family knows what I am feeling, they don't need to know. It claws at me from the inside, robbing me of my future. My eyelids are heavy and double vision robs me of balance. I know it's just a temporary trough, at a least I hope it is, and have know way of knowing if this anything to do with my SAH, or if it's some other underlying problem. It just seems to overwhelm me sometimes. Thanks. Bil

Hi Steven. Welcome to BTG. I hope you've bought a lottery ticket for the Euro roll-over, because you are certainly very lucky at the moment. It seems like you did the right thing by staying in bed and keeping quite for the eight days that you self -medicated. Your GP's diagnosis is quite common, as many people on this site will testify. A SAH is not among the conditions that GPs usually look to for explanations,when headaches or other commonly shared symptoms occur. Considering the clipping and the vasospasm you have done remarkably well to return to work so quickly. It took me eighteen months, the first time, but I too returned to work after two weeks following my second coiling. In retrospect, two weeks was too soon for me, but there are no rules here, we are all different. Well done for coming through it all, and I hope it quickly becomes a distant memory for you with no return of symptoms. I know what everyone who is reading this is thinking right now....go get that ticket, because you are very, very lucky! All the best. Bill B

Hi Vivien. Beautiful photograph(s), very well lit and so full of expression. A picture tells a thousand words and the self portrait captures much of what is said on this site. Well done! Bill B x

Hi Suek! If you had a bleed?............ Don't worry? .....the dismissive attitude of some of the "top" neuro -surgeons, is quite beyond belief. It seems to be a common experience amongst SAH survivors, and associated conditions, that we should not worry and all we need is time, to return normal. This attitude is based on a complete misunderstanding of the long term consequences of a cranial bleed. Clinicians have an excellent understanding of the physical workings of the Human machine and cannot understand why we don't respond favorably after we have been fixed. In my case , the Tinnitus, weakness down my left side, insane tiredness and fear of crowds and moving objects, are all imagined. Well, imagined they may be, but they weren't there before I had the SAH. The only symptom that they think is not imagined, is, double-vision, and that is because the Neuro surgeon found a physical explanation for it.(Third nerve palsy). I have had many conversations with the three neuro surgeons who have been involved in my own surgeries, and all I have ever had (in response to my questions regarding my unexplained symptoms ) is a blank stare and "It's probably just a coincidence". It's as if I've been making it all up, and to be quite frank , until I visited this site, I thought I was, making it all up. I now know that all these things, that we all experience , are real and have a significant effect on our lives. Too many of us report the same,or similar symptoms for it to be imagined. Neuro surgery is amazing and we are all here because of the brilliance of these very clever people, but the the understanding of the aftermath, is still in it's infancy. There is more knowledge here , on this site, than there is amongst the clinicians. So, Suek, all I can say to you, is , listen to the collective wisdom of this site. Over and over again people will suggest that you should "listen" to your own body. This is the best advice I have had. You're not making it up, Your issues are real ,and just because you don't have a scar to prove your condition, you should not feel you need to hurry back to normality. In your own time, on your own terms. All the best, Bill B. x