nw42

Michelle, thank you for posting what you have, especially so soon after this realisation came to you, must still be a bit raw, I suppose posting it on here is a way of processing the feelings, downloading it. Whatever your reasons it resonated with me in a big way, in fact I've dwelt on it for an hour or so and felt I wanted to reply. I'm 19mths post SAH and only today I was thinking back to what Saturday nights were like back in the summer of 2010, completely different, for one I certainly wouldn't have been browsing on a website like this at midnight, we would have been out enjoying ourselves, our regular haunt was a pub that had live bands, rock bands, proper noisy nights, we loved our Saturday nights out. We would often venture off to another town, book a room and have a night out, very rarely saw the room before 5am, we were a good time couple. Not saying this for any other reason than to describe how things were pre sah, in the May of 2010 we had a week in Ibiza, put it this way we didn't go there for peace and tranquility. I've always thought I would get back to that but the reality is that it's gone:yesnod: we've moved on to another chapter, life is still good, still being alive is more than enough to be thankful for, it's just that those were golden times, I wasn't asking for the ride to stop so I could get off, I was still screaming for it to go faster.... and it did.. until it shuddered to a grinding halt that Sunday. Everyone that knows me would say that I had more stamina than someone half my age when it came to partying, not saying it was the right way to be but it's the truth, if there was a light on and music playing I'd be there til it stopped. Not suggesting you were the same but it's clear you were a life and soul type. My mantra was always 'live it to the full, you're only here once, long time dead etc etc', a bit cliched I suppose but I'm sure you know what I mean, I loved being spontaneous. Never had kids, so never had to be responsible, always worked and played hard. Not saying I don't love life still but like you I miss what I was, not really accepted the fact that it's all gone, I feel like Henry Normal now, not that there's anything wrong with Henry Normal, it's just that wasn't part of my plan, I was always going to go out with a bang, that's exactly what would have happened if my beautiful darling wife (of 3yrs) hadn't been so alert, of course it was more than that, someone/something was looking out for me that day, the surgeon that repaired me was due to go on annual leave the very next day, ok there would have been a replacement but this guy is recognised as one of the best, he spent 7hours putting me right, there were other significant coincidences that day, everything just happened to easily for it not to be contrived in some way. I too need to accept and move on, I mean you're right, there's nothing to like about the changes, but what's the point in wasting time chasing a pipedream. Not sure how I should begin the process of accepting the different me, the typical old me would never have had any need for counselling or any of that old rope:out:, who knows, maybe this me, todays me, would benefit from something like that. It's strange but when I first registered on here, last summer, I had a really good look around, I was made very welcome, but I didn't think it was a place for me to hang around, I thought it may drag me down, no offence to anybody, far from it, I just thought it was a place for those who were struggling to get over their sah, I thought I was alright and well on the way to being back in the old routine, well it's not happened, probably been out, proper out, 3 times since then. We go out for meals now rather than mad nights out. One big factor in my desire to get back to what I was is that my wife is 12yrs younger than me, even though she has never waivered I can't help but think that trading standards would have a field day with me, not fit for the intended purpose, she must wish she'd purchased the extended warranty. Anyway, luckily she still loves me, still thinks I'm worth what we went through to be together (another story) so I'm going to try and be more positive about the new me, find my new strengths, make the most of the chance I've been given. So thanks for giving me reason to think a bit deeper.

Dawn, I used to get that 'wall' feeling, you have a good way of descibing it. I don't get it any more, 18mths since SAH. I do still get headaches though, the best way I can describe them is that my head feels like I'm wearing a crash helmet, not immense pain by any means but it's as though there is something pressing my scalp to my skull, just like a crash helmet. I can't say I've stopped worrying about it but I try to minimise the impact of it by carrying on doing what I'm doing. Re the lying down in the dark, I also used to do that but, like you, couldn't sleep. I think the problem with the TV is that it takes up too much of our brain power when our brains are still recovering, not only does your brain have to process the pictures you are seeing but you also have to concentrate on what you are hearing. I used to listen to radio, found it much easier. If you are a keen reader you could try audio books, they are great. If you think this may help just click this link, http://www.booksshouldbefree.com/ alternatively just google free audio books, there are plenty available. When I came home after surgery I was strongly advised to rest properly, wasn't easy as I work from home, but I did as I was told. The way I looked at it was this: If it were a limb injury, say a broken leg, and I returned to using it before it was properly mended I would end up walking with a limp for the rest of my days, yes I'd get around but not as freely as I would if I'd rested it properly. Well I didn't want to spend the rest of my life 'thinking with a limp' so to speak, so for the first time in my life I did exactly as I was told. It wasn't easy but I managed it, as for now, well I reckon I still have everything I had before in terms of mental agility, yes I have the headaches but i had them before, so no change really. Not saying that there aren't other parts of my life that are no longer how they were but in terms of my brain power, well I'm still a smartarse:lol: You seem to be doing really well, you certainly have a very active mind and an insightful thought process, the questions you raise have struck chords with plenty of us. So keep on doing what you're doing, take the rest when it feels right, in 2 weeks time you may well get the 'all clear' like I did, I hope you do.

That is indeed a terrible thing to have happened, so young, so much to offer. I know I said in another thread that everything happens for a reason, i do believe that but it's so hard to understand the reason one so young should lose her life. I've no children but I know that when my mum died I would have willingly taken her place in that hospital bed, easy to say but I know I would, like a shot. How that young girls parents must be wishing it was them and not her, got to be one of the hardest things to bear, losing a child, I'm grateful that is one thing I will never have to face. Michelle, I know how my wife worries about me and my head, always asks me "how's your head", I know she can't help it, sometimes I catch her out of the corner of my eye, staring at me, looking for signs, poor girl. So you must be beside yourself with worry for your boy when things like last Friday happen, Just follow your instincts, nobody knows him or cares about him more than you do.

Me too dawn, it is a positive subject and one well worthy of raising. My comment was more at some of the content of the thread, that's all. It seems that people have fallen out with, or keep at arms length, family members, friends, whoever, surely that's a shame, those same people could be the ones who are keen to help but get shunned because of one, or even two, inept comments. Not saying you've backed away from your half sister but you are, quite rightly, unsure of how to deal with her 'insensitivity', well she is possibly just like I used to be before 2010, she just doesn't know what to say, so comes out with something stupid. Like I said in an earlier post, it's deeds that count for me, words are easily said and can't really be unsaid. Also the chap who has the 'boring' friend, well Mr Boring wasn't that far up the Christmas card list until he showed his true colours when the chips were down, so if the chap hadn't suffered as he did can we assume Mr Boring would have remained in his lowly position on the friendship suitabiltiy scale? Mr Boring needed the unfortunate occurrence so he could show his qualities, everything happens for a reason, it's how we deal with it that counts. So Dawn, I think you did a good thing starting this thread, it may help some of us repair relationships that we thought were closed books. I hope you have the right repost for your sis next time she engages mouth (or fingers) before brain. Also, you could try not referring to 'it' at all, this will probably make her wonder why, also it may encourage her to ask you about 'it', then you can tell her about a couple of simple things that you have just about managed to do, things that you couldn't do after your SAH, things she would be able to do without even thinking about it. This may just enable her to see how hard things have been for you, most importantly she will have raised the subject, not you.

Sorry to say but I sense a lot of negativity in this thread, I appreciate that I have been lucky and was able to return to work but I still get headaches, most days as it happens, I get tired too, I have other issues to contend with too, changes that have occurred in me since Aug 2010. As I said in my earlier post, I was probably just the sort of person you are all complaining about, not that I'm insensitive, far from it, but that I used to get flustered around people who were ill, I probably came out with comments similar to those some of you quote, why, I don't know, but I am definitley not the type to deliberately offend anyone, I just got tongue-tied. So maybe you could cut them a bit of slack, give them the benefit of the doubt, example: the poster who's sister said she was glad it didn't happen to her, why not reply with something along the lines of "so do I sis, you would never have coped as well as I have". Ok it's not really a put down but it would almost certainly make her think about how lucky she is, also it may make her more aware of your needs. I know it's easy to be smart after the event but maybe you could keep some good responses in mind for any future such comments. No doubt some may think this post is insensitive, sorry for that. I know the thread was created so that we could discuss how to deal with some of the comments made, well I say just take them with a pinch of salt, if the person who made them is genuine in their concern for you their deeds will speak louder than their words.

Thanks for that Momo, bit clearer now. As for the depression question, well when I first came here I read many threads from start to end, I wanted to get a good overview of how others had recovered, bit like the way I use TripAdvisor when going away, if you just take a view on the first few opinions you are unlikely to get the full picture. Got to say that my considered judgement was that most of 'us' seem to have had a bout of depression, although I have to admit I was similarly misinformed about depression until all this happened, it comes in many forms. Anyway, I don't feel I have a problem with other peoples questions, comments, attitudes towards me and the SAH, maybe that's because I was never one to dwell on other peoples ailments before, in fact I always felt a great aversion to getting into conversations of that type, I knew it was wrong but I just couldn't get involved, which is strange really because I am a proper caring person, my job involves helping people sort certain aspects of their lives out, I get a tremendous amount of feedback on how well I do my job. I do feel gifted by having an ability to empathise, I can almost always sense someones moods, anxieties etc but I can't do it with medical problems, my sister in law has suffered with Lupus for around 10 or more years, I see her regularly but it's only recently that I have been able to discuss it with her, there have been many other times when I have faced this problem and have let myself down. I suppose I'm trying to say that there must be many other people, like me, who just feel so inadequate when faced with a friend/relative who is ill, I'm a fixer of other peoples problems, always have been, tell me about your troubles and I will help you plot a way through it, helicopter view, but I'm no doctor, I can't fix something like Lupus or SAH. Maybe that's why people say the, seemingly, insensitive things, their mouth is working fine but their mind is just crumbling at the enormity of your situation, no excuse but maybe a reason. It's been apparent to me for the whole of my adult life that I've always avoided other's ailments, I only overcame my severe discomfort at being in and around hospitals when my mum was in for 3mths before she died, I went every day, never missed. Anyway, that's another ramble and there was me thinking I'd made a full recovery:crazy: Think again

Got to admit I had absolutely no knowledge of SAH until I had mine, I like to think I wouldn't have been insensitive with anyone I met who had suffered one but in all honesty I may well have made some inadequate comment, not flippant, just inadequate. Although I do now completely understand what happened to me I still feel unsure about what to call it when it comes up in conversation with people I haven't seen in a while and they have heard 2nd hand what had happened to me. Thing is I know one or two people who have suffered strokes but they didn't have to have the surgery I did, so did I have a stroke, or did I just have a SAH, or did I have both? I used to think a stoke was a minor heart attack, which although serious did not seem life threatening, just my own perception bourne out of ignorance. When it does come up in conversation I find that if I say I had a SAH people ask questions and want to know more, I find it's easier in most cases to say I had a stroke, less questions, people seem more comfortable with it, it's acceptable, normal. Lets face it who really wants to know about our problems, it's better to let them off lightly with a stroke, so to speak. I didn't intend to ramble on, sorry for hijacking the thread, it just got me thinking, doing a lot of that lately. Apologies for not being a regular poster on here, I was made so welcome when I joined and intended settling in. I've spent the last few months trying to decide if I have suffered any depression, it seemed that everyone else I read about on here had undergone some sort of angst for a time post op, I never thought I had until I came here, (no offence:biggrin:) now I'm not so sure, also unsure if it really matters or not, I mean I'm still here and that should be enough, it is enough.

Hi Skippy, thanks but I tried that, was fine until I tried to upload and it said 'invalid file', I think this may be because they are avi files, they probably need converting into something compatible with this site. This is where I grind to a halt for now, no worries I will keep trying.

Thanks Sonia, I agree it does seem a friendly place, nice to read how others have coped/recovered, there doesn't seem to be a set pattern though, everyone has their own story but, as someone pointed out earlier, there are bits & pieces that resonate with someone or other. Still trying to work out how to attach scan file, struggling.

Hi Bagpuss, I believe we are known as Stopfordians, I grew up in Hazel Grove but know Cheadle Hulme well, in fact I know everywhere in Stockport as I used to have a black cab licenced there, some of my family and most of my old friends still live there. thanks for the heads up (no pun intended) on vasospasms, I recall being told about the blood needing to be dispersed, apparently there is a drain at the back of the brain and they did say that sometimes it may get blocked and that it would be very painful. I suppose looking back I did have some pains after but nothing came near to the initial explosion so I considered it part of recovery. I do wonder whether I have really had such an easy and seemingly complete recovery, some days I do get up with a bad headache, I've never been great in the mornings. Even right now my head feels like I am wearing a crash helmet, no pain, just a fuzzy feeling, slight pressure, who knows what goes on in there. Glad you are making good progress, keep the faith.

Thank you so much for the warm welcome, also for the kind words of support, fantastic. Nessie - Thanks for the link, never thought it was going to be that sort of place here:shock: then again you are a liberal lot over there aren't you. You are correct that are plenty of similar references on various RLS sites, although it apparently works better for women rather than men, we'll leave it there eh:roll: Mace - I never seem to suffer during the day, at least not naywhere near the same level as at night, it's as though my legs are independently aware of the time. Donnamarie - I did try some medication specifically for the RLS but the side effects were not worth the benefits, they mess with your mind. Sallym25 - yes I am very lucky in this regard, I too am a cleverclogs and would have found it hard to accept not being right all the time:biggrin: Restless leg, yes I do have to get up when it starts, that or disturb my wife by constantly turning to try and releive it. It used to be a minor bugbear, ie an odd night here and there, since the SAH it has become a nightly occurence, eg: I was up from 2-4am last night, there is no escape from it any more. It doesn't hurt though, it's like a pins & needles type thing in that it takes over your mind. Maggie - Thanks, I'm a Stockport lad originally. Interesting that, like me, your RLS has got worse since your SAH, I can't help but wonder if there is a connection, or whether it's just a case of it getting worse with age, strange though that I had not let it bother me for 20yrs until last year. Not done a flight since the SAH but you are right about the long haul point, would be tough going now. Skippy - Correct, she did indeed do well, in fact she reminds on a fairly regular basis that I owe her my life, of course I agree with her, no really I do:-D In all seriousness I don't think I would still be here if she hadn't made the call, I never would have done it myself, always prided myself on having avoided hospital, obviously now I realise they aren't such bad places, well North Staffs isn't, the staff there were so hard working and caring, I have nothing but praise for them all. Well I thought I did well to escape the hospital so quickly but your story is amazing, done and dusted in less than 5 days, brilliant. Tiredness is a problem but I put that down to the RLS keeping me awake at night, I used to be a great sleeper but these days I just wander around the house during the night. I am determined to find some sort of respite from it but not via medicine, there are some real scare stories regarding the type of tablets available for it and I do have limited experience of them. Don't get me wrong, it isn't ruining my life, every day is a pleasure since Aug 1st, it is something I will deal with in good time. KelBel - thank you, I have often wondered if 7hrs was long for this type of surgery, yours is the first comparison I have been able to make, I suppose it depends where exactly they have to go inside the head, mine was in the circle of Willis, like I knew where that was before, it's in the middle and about level with my ears, apparently:yesnod: Winb143 - thanks for the support. Kempse - Thank you, I will try to post them here but I am useless with technology, not a recent occurence I hasten to add, always been the case. I have emailed them to someone before and they arrived ok, I assume the same principle applies here. If anyone can advise how to post them I will try it (they are avi files), alternatively I can email them sometime to anyone who wants a look. I managed to get them through the hospital records department, everyone is entitled to their own records, they do charge but, for me, it was well worth it. What's a vasospasm?:confused: Don't worry, I will look it up later. Louise - thank you for the welcome. Sandi K - thank you also. Ok, I felt I wanted to reply to everyone individually to show my appreciation for the nice words, don't worry I won't drag everything out all the time, it took me ages that:biggrin:

Sure, apologies for the omission. I'm 51y/o now, so was 50 when I had the SAH. I had been out at a party the night before and had a late one, 6am to be precise. At 17.00 I was sat at the table using a laptop, whan I stood up I got that intense pain everyone describes so vividly, the exploding head, I also had pain in my neck, I tried to go up the stairs but could not lift my foot onto the bottom step, this I feel was my first bit of good fortune, if I had got upstairs I would have just lay down thinking I was hungover, probably drifted off to sleep and that may have been the end of me. Anyway, my wife (of just 2yrs at the time) noticed that my face wasn't exactly right, not symetrical, so she insisted on dialing 999, I was pleading with her not to, never been in an ambulance, never had a night in hospital, didn't want to start then. Well as usual she wouldn't listen, the paramedic arrived almost immediately, they park up just down the road from where we live, next the ambulance came and off we went to Leighton Hospital in Crewe, there they did a scan and quickly put me in another ambulance, blue lights all the way to North Staffs Hospital. I had another scan sometime during the night, at 8am I was seen by some doctors, then a Mr jadun arrived, he calmly explained the problem and what he was planning to do, coiling, he did say that if this didn't work they may have to go in through the top. I signed the forms and said 'see you later' to my wife and family who were gathered round the bed, this was a very emotional moment, we all knew I may not be coming back but we didn't talk about, I did my usual and cracked jokes, bad ones as it happens, I was frightened, not for myself but for my wife, we were still in the honeymoon stages, inseparable and totally besotted with each other, still are. The next thing I remember was waking up in the recovery room, my first thought was that the catheter they had attached was causing me discomfort, I asked them to remove it and they did. the surgery had taken 7 hours, not sure if this is the norm. I then spent 2 days in the HDU, I wasn't an awkward patient by any means but I decided I wasn't going to eat while I had things attached to me as I wouldn't be able to go to the bathroom, I know it seems ridiculous but we are what we are and I'm a proper northern bloke, using a bedpan was not an option. On the Weds they removed the drip and I was allowed out of bed, by Thursday I was in a normal ward and each morning I asked if I could go home, they agreed that if I was ok on the Sunday morning I could leave, I was up at 6 am, showered, shaved and waiting for the doctors rounds, that was a long wait I can tell you, anyway I was home for 4pm on the Sunday. As said in my earlier post I just did exactly as I was told, never looked at my work once. I think this is as big a factor as any when I consider how well I have recovered, well maybe not as big a factor as the work that Mr Jadun did, I will be forever in awe of his skills. Here's another example of the luck I experienced, Mr Jadun is, apparently, amongst the best in his field, he left on the morning after my surgery for his annual holiday. His holidays are usually spent visiting other hospitals around the world, learning from and sharing his own knowledge with his peers, that's dedication for you. Anyway, I've rambled again, you did ask though:-D please feel free to ask anything, I've no problem sharing. Just to add, I did obtain a disc from the hospital with my scan results on it, if anyone hasn't seen theirs, or just got the fleeting glimpse when shown them by the consultant, I will be happy to post them on here, I know it's my head but it may help someone to get an idea of what they look for.

I just happened upon this place last night when I couldn't sleep, spent the hours between 1 & 4am trawling through many threads. Not sure exactly what I was looking for, it was really interesting to learn of other peoples experiences pre & post SAH. I'm not sure that I have anything unique to share regarding my experiences, it would seem that there is no set pattern to recovery, we all mend at our own pace. I was back home on the 7th day, I was advised not to consider work for 3mths but when I went back to discuss the results after 6weeks it was agreed that I could return to work once 2mths had elapsed. Up until that point I had done exactly as instructed, the most I did was to potter round the garden. The way I looked at it was that if it had been a broken limb and I had attempted to do too much too soon I may well have ended up never having the same usage of the limb, I was adamant that I wasn't going to end up 'thinking with a limp' so I just did nothing. I started back to work on Oct 1st and everything just fell into place, I work from home, on the phone, my job entails a lot of lengthy, in depth and sometimes phsycologically draining conversations, I was apprehensive, would my thought process still work in the same way, would I be still be able to think on my feet so to speak. Luckily I haven't experienced any problems on the work front, it's like the SAH never happened in terms of mental agility etc, well it feels like that anyway. Not sure if I'm supposed to ramble on in this particular post or whether it just by way of introduction, anyway, the reason I could not sleep last night is down to something I have carried for around 20yrs, restless leg syndrome, I only became aware it had a name in Oct last year, prior to that I just thought it was something everybody experienced, never discussed it with anyone. It came to light because when I came home from hospital last year I had to continue with the tablets (orange ones, the name escapes me), this meant I had to wake up @ 1am & 5am every night for a month or so, I really struggled to get back to sleep at these times due to the RLS, previously it had been a minor hinderance, nothing I couldn't live with. I spoke with my GP, described my symptoms, he identified it straight away, not rocket science I suppose but at least I now had a name for it. I have tried various things in terms of combatting the RLS, these include dietary changes, vitamin supplements and prescribed medication, for reasons which I will be happy to explain later none of these have worked. I found my way here lastnight because I am wondering if anyone else has the similar experience of both RLS & SAH, I know they are probably unconnected but maybe there is a reason why the RLS is now causing me so many more problems than it was prior to Aug 1st. Again, really sorry for the ramble, it wasn't my intention but then it just flowed. BTW, what a great place this is, so many people prepared to share their experiences in order to help others as well as themselves, I hope I am able to help someone in turn. thanks for reading. Michael.