JazzyDog

Hi Marilyn - I had coiling after a rupture just over 2 years ago. I get numbness mainly in my fingers. Generally it happens depending on my sleep position and I'll wake to non-functional fingers.

I love the comparison to hospital release. I find myself *finally* making year to year or month to month comparisons especially when I am frustrated about my perceived lack of progress. I did have the good sense to delete my old "Mi" from our Wii game - so now I compete only with my post-aneurysm self and it helps to see the changes in dexterity/balance through that. Last month I went out in my kayak with my husband. I was just sitting there in the middle of the lake and he paddled up all worried about me. I told him I was just so happy to be out there and that I knew in the previous summer I would likely have never made it into the kayak and I certainly wouldn't have been able to paddle.

I think that is such an individual thing. I tell people I am a work in progress - acceptance is still in that stage as well. I find I stare at people walking or riding their bikes, wishing I could still easily do those things. I also think it's sad that they probably don't appreciate their ability to do something so "simple". It's kind of like a grieving process - we are all grieving our former lives and that takes time and is a very personal, individual process. Eventually there is a point of enjoying the "new normal". I just recently realized that every day I've had for the last 23 months is a day I shouldn't have been here so I should try to enjoy it good or bad. I still have very down moments (I had a really good cry yesterday) but this forum has helped me a lot. When I was sad yesterday I thought of Win telling people to have a chocolate and shop and it made me smile! Kelly

Apparently I would pull all of my wires off as well as the external shunt, then announce I was ready to go home - at which point my poor husband would say "Kelly, you can't walk" - a "minor" detail when I was all unplugged and ready to go!

I thought at one point the hospital had been taken over by a band of terrorists and one of the patients "sacrificed" herself to them for everyone's sake. I was afraid to be alone when I thought this was going on. I later realized there was no way that patient could have done what I thought - she couldn't speak and had no impulse control. I argued with my husband constantly about things I thought he had brought to me. He would gently disagree and try to show me that it wasn't possible. I thought I had gone home for the day, scaled the stairs with a coke - I could not walk at that point and was not allowed liquids. I called my mom a *****. When I had my re-coiling done I was fully cognizant when I awoke in the neuro ward and then I realized all of these types of things are pretty normal, especially early on. Kelly

I was terrified the first time I had a conscious MRI (the 2 I had early on I was pretty out of it so I don't count them). The first time I went back was Nov 2009 which was when they found the problem that was corrected Feb 2010. The weird thing was I had been doing a lot of reading and almost expected to hear bad news. Every one I've had since I've gone in thinking nothing else can go wrong. It sucks you have to wait so long for results - my MRI scans are emailed to my neurosurgeon right away. You may want to check if they can do this and then you don't have to spend those 14 days in between fretting. Best of luck!!! Kelly:-D

Keep thinking positive, you have a whole world of people here who understand and can think/pray along with you!

Michelle - The ones I'm in your arms are inside, but I have room to have them laying on the bed part beside me. As long as I don't raise them I'm not touching the tube. The Ativan they offered me is a relaxing agent, but I had never used it before and apparently in some people it can make them hyper so that factored into my decision not to use it. Perhaps they can let you try out the medication before the MRI so you can make sure it will have the right effect? In my case they didn't offer til just before the first one so I couldn't ensure I wouldn't be hyper and I did NOT want to find out while having the MRI. When I close my eyes I try to view it as getting ready to sleep so I don't feel trapped. Ask them if they are able to talk on speaker with you while you are in. I've had a couple where the person running it would say "this is a loud section. This scan is XX minutes" The whole process is a number of scans. Typically they let me know when they are going to push the dye through the IV.

Hi Michelle - In Canada some of the scans require the dye. In my case I always end up with an IV because my veins are small (and apparently have curves). They say the dye will feel like a cooling sensation, but I feel it as heat near the injection site. I am slightly claustrophobic too. They have offered me Ativan, but I have gone without figuring if I get thru it once, there's nothing to worry about next time (and I've had 4 or 5 next times). The machine they use in Toronto is tube like with an opening at one end. I go in head first and generally keep my eyes closed and think about something that makes me happy. Originally I planned to think of the cottage since it is my happy place, but the machine bangs a lot (they give me ear plugs) so I tend to think about my trip to New York City instead. They may strap in your head a bit. I am put in a head rest type thing with foam on either side to hold my head firm. I hope this helps! It takes about 45-60 minutes and here you get to hold a panic button. Breathe deep, and try to view it as a little rest/nap time. I hope that helps! Kelly

For me - Sally hit it spot on. I kept setting standards for where I should be one year in and was no where near. We were away on vacation in DC so I was busy and kind of forgot the day of, but I had already made a point of NOT booking something with an old friend I was visiting while there on THE day because I just wasn`t sure how I would feel on the `big`day. Happy annie-versary to those with it this week!

I find I am either flat ( I seem to care less about a lot) or I am crying at the drop of a hat. The crying jags are much less frequent now at 22 months after, but I allow them to come - it's more therapeutic for me than holding in my grief at what has been "lost". My mom helped me see the flat as a bit of a positive - she says I no longer sweat the small stuff. I haven't been depressed. I had a doctor in hospital who kept asking me if I was depressed until I asked him to stop saying that because he was depressing me! It worked out well as he stopped coming in to see me and the new doctor is now my regular doctor. I am Canadian so apparently we say sorry a lot anyway. I do know I apologize for being slow/tired/cranky or frustrated a lot and my husband tells me I have nothing to apologize for, but I am more often short with my son and that I do apologize for and need to!

Thank you all for the warm welcome.

I had a rupture Aug 31, 2009. I was not expected to survive, and when I did they figured I'd never walk or talk again. I've talked all along, lost no memory. I have lost my left side. I walk like a zombie - no knee bend and this throws my right hip out. I have no sensation on the right - can't feel hot or cold though my brain does react to something hot by creating a feeling of discomfort. I also lost hearing on the right and have been living with the whooshing in my ear since the rupture. I *finally* have a follow up with an Ear Nose Throat specialist in late July. The rupture was in the centre back of my brain. It was coiled and then re-coiled due to compression. I found this site through a Facebook group about a week ago and have been peeking in... It has been comforting to see that some of the things I`ve been living with (hot flashes, whooshing ears, frustration, flat emotions, too much emotion, fear that I`ve come as far as I`m going to) are all `normal`.