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Everything posted by Jan

  1. Louise, congratulations on your anniversary You will never know just how much you’ve helped me over the past five years, Always there for me When I need advice or a hug🤗You are a Star Jan xx
  2. Congratulations on 14 years. You are a beautiful lady inside and out.I will never be able to thank you enough for creating BTG..You have brought together so many people who need help, support, inspiration,a good moan or even better a good laugh.😀THANK YOU KAREN. A great big well done on travelling 14 years on this bumpy road that we’ve all found ourselves on. Love Jan xx
  3. It was 4 years last Friday 7th June that my brain let me down so very badly and changed my life entirely. This has been my worst year by far.I have words and their meanings in my vocabulary now that I never thought would apply to me, for example....... depression, anxiety, ptsd, fear. I have little self confidence.I have got into a rut that I need to find my way out of. This next year will be a year of change.It has to be. First step ( The BigOne ) is underway, selling the house and moving somewhere new. John and I realise now that there are only the two of us on this journey so the destination is OUR choice without having to consider others and what they might think. We have no family support at all so we need to hold each other’s hand very tightly and walk our own path to wherever it leads us. I try to be upbeat about the changes and challenges ahead but that finger of fear still taps me on my shoulder and by doing so has the unique ability to darken a day. I can only keep trying to try which is my intention. I am lucky, so lucky to have 3 people in my life who I love dearly and can rely on ALWAYS. My wonderful & very patient husband John. My darling Mum, and of course my very best friend Michelle who has helped me every step of the way and I hope will continue to do so because I’d be lost without her.Thank you Michelle for everything, for always being there for me. Love you. I’ll finish here, I didn’t know what I was going to post here so I’ve been typing as I’ve thought. Jan xx
  4. Michelle, Huge congratulations on your 5yr anniversary 😀 I could almost ditto your post when I do mine later!! You are a very strong and resilient woman who keeps on doing well, I have much admiration for you. More than that You are a very caring and loving lady always happy to help or advise here on btg. Btg is a better place because you are a part of it. Wishing you an absolutely brilliant 5th year 😊 Jan xx
  5. Hi Coleen, Huge congratulations on your 10 year anniversary I hope you have a truly lovely day ? As you said. . . Keep on keeping on!! Love Jan xx
  6. Super Mario, Thank you for this information, I will definitely look into this. Jan xx
  7. Thank you so much for your replies, Who'd be female?!, I went for my ultrasound scan yesterday, whilst lying there I was so tempted to ask ' is it a boy or girl?' Ha ha!! I decided it would be better to behave like an adult so I kept my mouth firmly closed ( well there's a first time for everything !!) Saraheliza, I don't have any tips re the panic, other than take deep breaths and try to distract yourself, I wish I listened to my own advice. I too seem to have a good day then a bad one, it's like it's par for the course for now ? jan xx
  8. Have any of you lovely BTG ladies had the misfortune to go through the menopause after your SAH?If so, do you have any advice or tips on how to make it easier?!, I had a 'lightbulb' moment last Sunday, having spent the afternoon sobbing and wailing 'I can't cope with this anymore'. It dawned on me that I could be feeling so miserable because of my hormones and not my head. Am I the only one who immediately blames the aftermath of Sah for every ache, pain, feeling, mixed up emotions? Anyway, long story short,I went to my gp on Tuesday to ask for help getting through this. She went through a list of menopausal symptoms, i.e. Hot flushes, night sweats, heavy bleeding abdominal.cramps,tiredness, lack of interest in anything, tearful..I sat there nodding saying Yes to all of them. First thing she did was prescribe citalopram ( anti depressants) I was unsure about having these but I will try absolutely anything to not feel how I felt last weekend. I went for blood tests last Thursday to check oestrogen levels etc, going for another one tomorrow to check vitamin B12 levels, I'm not sure why, can anyone enlighten me on that? Ultrasound scan on Thursday then on 24th I see a gynae consultant. Oh joy ! Im so sorry to have rambled on so much Any advice would be wonderful Thank you for reading Jan xx
  9. Many thanks for all your replies, As Lyn wrote its good to know it's not just me. Perhaps we haven't realised our new vocation? "And here is today's weather forecast, brought to you by BTG !!!!!" Jan xx
  10. Hi Sis, That is a great explanation thank you, You've just made it make sense for me ?We didn't get the predicted storm, just lots of rain, my head feels better now?Thank you again. Jan xx
  11. I've read posts on here in the past( can't find them now) relating to Barometer head and just wanted to ask a few questions. . . . My head has felt fuzzy and heavy today. I felt really really tired early afternoon so I had a sleep for an hour on the sofa, I Never sleep in the day.It was sunny and warm here this morning, it's cloudy now and I think we're due thunderstorms around 5pm.could my heavy head be related to the weather? If so, how does my head know that we're due a storm? I know that you can't give any medical advice, I just wanted to hear of other people's experiences/ feelings Thank you for reading Jan xx
  12. Macca Thank you, you've just had me laughing til I cried(happy cry !)Ive checked the kitchen cupboard, got a good stock of bin bags and an image ofJohn dressed like a village idiot, whoops I think you said yokel., just joking, he's only an idiot for putting up with me poor man . On a slightly more serious note Thank you for advice re medication, I will check side effects etc. Macca, you have a unique talent with your advice and humour,It never fails to lift me, Thank you Love Jan xx
  13. Where do I start?!!! Thank you all so much for taking the time and consideration to reply to my post.Because I know that you all understand, your replies have enabled me to 'look from the outside in' and that is a huge help. I think my biggest mistake since leaving hospital has been pretending that everything is ok and that I'm ok. Too much pride? Yes I think so. John and I have never been ones to ask for help, always happy to give it but perhaps too proud to ask for it., I think we asked on a couple of occasions in the early days , it wasn't forthcoming so we didn't bother asking again.. I agree that we should meet up with my sisters for a chat, as you've mentioned above if We don't tell them how do they know? The preparations are coming along re wedding This has caused added pressure My organising skills left me 2 years ago,I feel bad that I've not shown much interest or enthusiasm, I've mostly left it to John ( like he doesn't have enough to do! poor bloke) 2 months to go and I haven't bought a dress yet! I asked him if he'd still marry me if I turned up in my jeans and Tee shirt, Bless him, he said Yes(I think he'd prefer to see me in a dress though!!!) My anger and frustrations are my enemies right now, and throw in a touch of the green eyed monster and lots of tiredness, not the best combination! I am on Anti deps~sertraline., I've insisted that the dose be reduced in readiness for coming off them completely, I know they suit some people but they're not for me. As for an appointment with my GP, please excuse the next sentence. . . . I would be better off having a chat with Alfie (my dog) he has more knowledge and understanding of Sah.,sorry if that came across as very rude. Just reading and re reading all of your replies is helping me more than you know.You are all so generous with your time and advice. Thank you again Love Janxx
  14. It's been 2 years since my Sah and I hate to admit that at the moment it's beaten me into submission. I can't find the energy to fight back, my apathy towards anything and everything is relentless, I have little interest in anything. John and I have spent most of the last fortnight arguing(we don't generally argue) I mean arguing to the point that I'm closing windows so the neighbours don't hear. I know that I've been feeling sorry for myself recently, we have no family support at all, I've tried to talk to my sisters a couple of times but nothing changes. I told one sister on Sunday that I'd told John to leave me an go and find some happiness (I am very very lucky, I know John won't go anywhere, he loves me). I (stupidly) thought that by telling my sisters how bad things are,they might be more understanding of what we go through, not holding my breath. I think that I resent the normality of their lives. Sorry to have moaned Ive just read what Ive typed. I do know that this isn't depression(had that last year) Thank you for reading Any advice, experiences, thoughts gratefully received Jan xx
  15. Michelle, when I met you for the first time last year, I was 1yr post Sah and you were 2yr. You gave me enormous inspiration and the courage to carry on along this horrible bumpy road that we all have to travel . For that I am eternally thankful.You are a very strong lady to whom I aspire can't wait to see you next week? Love Jan xx
  16. I am completely overwhelmed by all your lovely and kind responses. I am (almost) at a loss for words, That would be a first for Jan who rambles on and on ! You all make me feel loved and understood.Thank you so very very much Sis, you are welcome here anytime, I can't wait to meet you. Michelle, I'll pm you, we're hoping to come up to the Lakes soon Lots of love Jan xx
  17. Two years ago today my whole world was thrown towards the skies with absolutely no warning. My world was shattered into tiny fragments. The pieces, still drift back down even now,some were lost blown away on the summer breeze and many of those that I found don't fit together anymore. I don't think I'll ever stop looking,I want to fit as much back together as I can . The sensible part of me knows it will be a different picture, a different world. And I am still (after 2years) trying to accept that fact. I have learned a lot in two years, I think that I am now gaining the strength to be me I do know for sure that without John and BTG, I wouldn't be where I am now. John is my rock,I love him 'to the moon and back' BTG is my saviour, A massive Thank you to all of you for your support and encouragement and patience with me Love Jan xx
  18. Thank you so very much for all your kind words, thoughts and advice,I can't explain how much you all mean to me. Thank you for always being here for me. Jan xx Ps. Macca you did make me smile ?x
  19. Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply to my post.You are the only people with an understanding of how I'm feeling. As I mentioned in a recent post, there is no support or understanding from family. John and I feel very alone at times. Thank goodness we have each other. Without BTG I honestly don't know where e'd be. Louise, I had counselling last year,it did help at the time Paul, I have an appointment with my GP on 13th June, I will be asking for a referral,, mind you, I'm not holding my breath, my surgery don't like spending money and my doctor seems to have little knowledge of Sah. Anyway, today is a new day and the sun is shining Thank you all again. Can we adopt you all as our family? ( I don't moan all the time, I promise, I'll try to find a couple of pics to prove this!!!!) Jan xx
  20. I am very nearly 2years post Sah. I'm experiencing some tearful down days at the moment I think because of the many stories and articles I've read and comments from my physio a while ago,It's kind of hit me this week that where I am now could be as good as it gets and I'm finding that hard to deal with I'll try to explain;I have left side weakness with severe lack of sensation in my hand and numbness in my leg. My physio told me that that is the last thing to regain or that the feeling may never come back.I still do my exercises and balance exercises because my balance isn't too good either.My optician told me that nothing can be done for the homonymous hemianopia. You're probably thinking 'Jan, these people know their stuff so just accept it' Therein lies the problem, I don't want to accept that this is me now. I know that I've come through this a lot better off than many, so why do I find this so difficult to accept? My life changed to the point it is unrecognisable.I need to love this life and start living it. Thing is, I'm not sure how Are these feelings normal? Has anyone else gone through this? Any advice would be great Jan xx
  21. Hi Steve ?I'm glad you're feeling a bit better now, me too. There must be some truth in fish being good for the brain healing!!!! Ive had scampi and chips for tea and feel loads better ! Like you, early night tonight ?? ?? Take care of you Wishing you a fab day tomorrow (Don't overdo it !! ) Love Jan xx
  22. Hi Steve, me too! I think we are all affected by this and it can be disheartening but just know that for every bad/dizzy/tired day, there are more good days coming up. I'm almost 2 years post Sah now and I still find it frustrating. In fact a good example for me is today. It was my son's birthday yesterday so he and his partner and our three young granddaughters came over last night, we had a great time? But just trying to keep up with the different conversations and keeping an eye on the girls was really hard work.I got to bed at 11pm, that's late for me these days!!! I am absolutely wiped out today !! It's taken me all this time to understand and recognise that if I overdo it one day, I'll pay for it the next. I suppose what I'm trying to say in my usual rambling way is; It's absolutely normal?Keep well and get lots of rest when you can Jan xx
  23. Thank you so much for your honest, open and frank replies and admissions. What a difference it makes to know that it's actually ok to feel like this and that the light is shining bright at the end of the tunnel, just need to find the right tunnel ! ,Thank you all again for taking the time to replyI do so appreciate the time you take for me and the care you show Love Jan xx
  24. Hi Daff, What can I say? I truly admire the remarkable outlook you have on your new life. Thank you for writing such a beautiful post Im off to look for your blog now. Love Jan xx
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