Misty

Hi Kathie, Mine was New Years Eve too, and 9 months isn't long at all in the recovery after SAH. You say you don't feel ready to go back to a stressful 12 hour shift at work - and that worries you. I wouldn't be ready either - I think that is far too tough on you right now, and if I were you I would wait until you do feel ready. As Macca says - maybe you should think about reducing those hours, or finding a less stressful job. Stress is bad enough in recovery, but 12 hours of it are asking for trouble. I was told that it could take up to 2 years to recover, I'm doing well but am now suffering with insomnia. There is no way I would be ready to go and do a 12 hr shift. Wishing you well with whatever you decide - but listen to what your body is telling you. X

Dear Sophie, What an inspiring young woman you are. Your posts touched me. I have a niece called Sophie who is 2 years older than you. It was a huge shock to me too when I had a ruptured aneurism on New Years Eve, and I am 53, so for you I can imagine that it must have been mind blowing. Like you, I have made a good recovery and we have to thank our lucky stars that we made it, as it could quite as easily been very different for both of us. I felt just like you in the early days, I was scared, I was sad, and then I came on this site and it helped me a great deal. I decided to stop focusing on the negatives, and instead, to focus on the positives of which there are many. It wasn't our time to go, we have more to achieve, and I am embracing my new opportunities. I decided to go away as much as possible and I spoil myself more now than I ever did before. You have a bright future with a new focus, take it with open arms Sophie. I wish you all the very best with your recovery, and your new future xxx

Hi Yoyo, Everything you are going through, and everything you are feeling is perfectly normal after SAH. I think what you have to do is to take tiny steps, and not great big ones. From reading your posts it seems to me that you are giving yourself such a hard time, you are focusing on what you can't do instead of what you can do. Try and put your doubts and anxieties about your marriage onto one side for a while and just focus on yourself. Looking in from the outside it seems like you are mourning for who you used to be. It may take quite some time to be that person again, you have mentioned that you are getting better, so there is no reason why you won't keep on improving and maybe one day in the future the old you will again emerge. By comparing the new you to the old you, you are becoming frustrated and depressed, and again, this is perfectly normal after SAH and quite understandable. It was 7 months ago that I had my SAH and I have just received a letter from the Psychologist asking if I have experienced any of the following difficulties:- . Symptoms of anxiety and/or panic . Symptoms of depression or low mood . Feeling unable to be left alone at home due to anxiety . Feeling unable to venture outside due to emotional factors . Not doing things because you are frightened that it might happen again . Other emotional difficulties . Being overwhelmed by fatigue and unable to resume a reasonable level of activity . Difficulties with memory, which might compromise your safety . Unable to be left alone in the house because of difficulties with memory . Difficulties in planning and organising things .Deterioration in reading ability . Experiencing proems which prevent your return to work All of the above are normal symptoms and most on this site will have experienced some or many of the above. It will help you to post what you are feeling and thinking. You don't have to apologise for being negative, for rambling, for feeling sad. There is nothing to apologise for - it's not your fault - you can't help it and only time and some help will change it. You are probably taking on too much by worrying about your recovery, your marriage & your future all at once. I would try and break it down to one at a time. Put your fears about your marriage into a box for the time being, your brain is still recovering, it may be to overwhelming to deal with everything at this moment in time. Allow yourself to look after "you" for a while, treat yourself, pamper yourself, and give yourself permission to put "you" first. Your husband has been looking after you during the most difficult stage, and I am sure that if he can cope with that, he can cope with your recovery and the road that it takes for you to keep improving. As you begin to see the old you returning, you can then start to open up the marriage box and start talking with your husband more and working on your marriage. From my experience, something like this brings you closer together, not further apart. Maybe you could discuss this site with him and he can read other people's experiences, and what you and he will see, is that there are many positive outcomes, there are many that have improved immensely since their SAH which will give you both hope for the future. Then, when you start to see more positive outlooks, you can then focus on what your future may look like. It may be a little different than the future that you once saw for yourself, but it may also be a wonderful future because you survived against the odds. You had a second chance at life, and a second chance at your marriage. It could quite so easily have been written off, but it wasn't. You are here, you are together, and you will keep on improving. You must take that new future with open arms and reach out and enjoy it rather than fear it. It wasn't your time to go, it was your time to embrace your new future. Get as much help as you can from the Doctors, maybe some anti-depressants to help you through for a while. Write on here more, as getting everything off your chest will help very much. When you are ready, you can then start to talk to your husband about ask how he is feeling and what he is going through, and you can then move forward together, but not until you are ready, because it may be too much for you right now to deal with. Wishing you all the very best with your recovery and your future xx

Hi Kathie, I had my SAH on New Years Eve too. I had 2 aneurisms coiled and another 2 on watch. I have recovered really well but can't do as much as I used to do. I read somewhere that it can take 2 years to get back to full stamina. I'm lucky in that I'm self employed so can do as much or as little as I want, I'm not sure that I could go back to work full time, so I hope you can get some help financially while you are still in recovery. I haven't been on here for a while as I try and put it all behind me and not think about it quite so much, and just get on with life, getting as many holidays and treats as I can. I wish you well with your recovery

Missy, all you have to do is to go and see your GP, they can give you permission to drive. Then you can call DVLA to tell them your Doctor thinks you are fit to drive.

Hi Jan, I've had a few of those "why me" days too, especially during the first week or two after getting home from the hospital, but it's getting easier. It could all change next week though as I have my first appointment with the consultant to find out about the other untreated aneurysms. Hopefully it's not bad news when I go. For you though, forgive me but I haven't read all of your posts so don't know your history, just wanted to reply to this particular post. In all situations in life, it really doesn't help to feel anger or bitterness, easy to say I know when you've been through SAH, but acceptance is really the only way forward. Just think how it could have gone for you and focus on that when you have some rocky moments, and like Macca said - focus on what you can do rather than what you can't. You live quite close to me, maybe we could meet up with the dogs and have a chat to get things off your chest and have a good moan? I have a beautiful border collie who is very friendly with other dogs - she helps me through some dark moments as she is such a joy. You can send me a message if it's something you would like to do as it helps to get things off your chest with someone who will understand what you are going through. Acceptance and positivity are what will get you through. All the best. Julie X

Hi Lise, Just thinking of you and wondering how you got on with your op on 8th March. Hoping to hear from you soon in the hope that all went well. Best Wishes

Yes it helps to think that they will be keeping an eye on me, and actually I'm not overly concerned about the ones they haven't dealt with......it may be different once I find out more info as I have no idea what size they are yet. Although I have made a good recovery so far, I am aware that I'm not out of the woods yet. I am hoping that they are small and that no treatment is necessary.....and will try not to worry about it until a scan reveals that they are growing. It is concerning to hear that 9 months ago your scan was clear...could it be that it was missed on the scan? Then again I have heard that an aneurysm can come at any time. My Grandmother died of a brain haemorrhage so in my case it's probably hereditary. Do you have any one else in your family that have had one? How was your blood pressure before the bleed? Yes it's great to be alive and well and I'm positive for the future

Wow, that's early for driving clearance, I really had to persuade my Doctor that I was fit to drive, I was going crazy stuck at home. Not good news about the Nioxin, I didn't know that, so useful to know. You are doing really well, you must be very relieved....it could have been so different for both of us. I still have more aneurysms to deal with and will know more when I next see the consultant at the end of this month. They've cleared me to fly so I can only assume that I am safe for the time being.

Try some Nioxin, I bought a treatment, shampoo and conditioner on-line. Mine has only started growing in the last week or two so yours should follow soon. I was given the all clear to drive last week which was a huge relief, are you driving yet?

It does help a lot to have somewhere to go to ask questions and seek advice from others who have been through a similar experience, it has been a great help to me since I got home from the hospital. You are extremely lucky (as am I) to have come home with little more than a bald patch, and great that you have an understanding boss, just look after yourself though, and don't feel pressured to do as much as you did at work before this happened, take it a little slower if you can and ease back into it. I didn't need an EVD so I didn't go through the shaving experience (thank goodness) and others will know more about that than me. I did have the onset of hydrocephalus but didn't need a drain. Although my hair is growing back at the back, it's growing back blonde whereas I have dark hair at the back so it's very noticeable. It's the only sign that I had brain surgery so I don't even feel uncomfortable about it anymore....if people look at it so what. I guess procedure may be different between the US and here in the UK so I'll leave it to others to explain their experience with EVD. Good luck with your recovery.....and Donald Trump !! :)....then again, you might be a supporter of his?

Hi, My SAH was on New Years Eve and my coiling 3 Jan so just 3 days before yours. I am also fortunate to have come through it with no lasting damage, just headaches and fatigue which thankfully have now eased. I also have a matching bald patch at the back of my head which at first I wasn't too impressed with, but the hair is growing back, it's just fluff, but I consider it my war wound and a symbol of recovery. I can hide mine with longer hair on top, you could also grow yours longer on top to hide it a little but seriously, don't worry about it, the hair will grow back. I was recommended Nioxin which helps with hair growth. 3rd Feb seems very early to be back at work - try not to get stressed, you need to be looking after yourself right now and taking it easy, your brain needs time to recover from such a traumatic event. Your irritability may be down to the fact that you are pushing yourself too much too early. I was irritable for the first few days of getting home, I had a lot to deal with emotionally coming to terms with everything, but took it really slowly and the irritability disappeared. Try and rest up as much as you can when you are home and hopefully you will be back to your old self soon. Take care

I thoroughly enjoyed reading your story, and glad to hear that all turned out well for you.

Hi Cat, I'm sure your passion will return, for the moment you have other things to contend with but you'll get there. At least you are doing a little of it, that's better than not be able to do any of it. Have you tried doing tapestry? There are some lovely ones to do out there. Spring is here, summer soon after, so plenty to look forward to in the coming months which will make us all feel a bit better. We had snow here last night, thankfully it had cleared by morning. I am delighted to report that I have had the all clear to drive and hastily went out to do some shopping.....I need a rest now, a simple grocery shop has tired me out, but it was nice to be out and about for a change. Take care, All the best.

Thanks Cat, I am looking forward to my appointment with the consultant as I know nothing at all about the aneurysm that burst, or the untreated ones. They have cleared me to go on holiday which is a relief and means that I am not in immediate danger, but just to understand more about my situation will be helpful. I'm not even considering that it might be bad news when I go. Today I have an appointment with a local Doctor to ask if I can drive. I am excited about that and it will make a huge difference to my mood if I am cleared to get back in the car as I feel so trapped here at home at the moment. I completely agree with the fact that the hardest thing to deal with is the emotional sides of things, it really is very difficult and I'm guessing that time is the healer on that score. I tend to swing between positive and negative, I feel good about everything and then it hits me again and I have a down moment. My therapy is this site where I can express myself and talk openly which I can't really do in everyday life. Other than here, no one really wants to know every detail of how I'm feeling and what I'm going through. Take care.