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zackw419

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  1. I'm now 27. No joke- it takes me a second to even remember my age. My name is Zach. I had a series of "brain complications" that started majorly at age 24- but minorly- i believe at age 19. I've never had insurance. I've been on medicaid more than once and seen doctors- but theres a wall you can't pass through when the money isn't there. Proceeding in treatment is always a matter that relates to money/insurance as apposed to the general well-being of the individual. So with medicaid- the furthest I've gotten is free ibuprofen. I took things in my own hands- and paid 400 bucks to get an MRI that showed nothing. But I had a stroke. Most likely a TIA. I don't really wish to convince anyone of my story. Its real. and even if I'm the only one that knows that- its fine. Because. at the end of the day- I'm the one in my body. Not the doctor or anyone else. I just have a question. for others- since having the stroke- I've had lots of negative thoughts. Its changed my personaliy- and I find it very freaky- like being in a straight jacket (but its my brain). Has anyone else gone through this? and how have you changed to a more positive mindset? if not that- how do you deal with the negative thoughts. I'm only 27- I feel like I didn't get a chance to live my life fully. What I have, I believe, is right brain damage, it severly affects short-term memory and awareness. The only good way to describe it...and I've said this before... but its like when your a kid- and you "daze off" super hardcore...then the teacher calls your name- and your back- but you don't remember how much time has passed. This stroke- feels like I'm stuck in the "dazed off stage" forever. Like, I'm constantly forgetting everything. Always. The brain damage is in the right brain I believe. I'm also open to Spiritual advice. Thank you.
  2. Really late reply- but just wanted to say thanks so much for sharing your experience and feedback. I'm finally getting an MRI in two days a big thanks to everyone who responded
  3. I posted here a while back about difficulty in getting an MRI. I apologize for my being so upset and disorganized previously and greatly appreciate all the feedback and support I received. I am finally getting an MRI in two days. My alleged bleed wasn't something that produced obvious symptoms outwardly speaking that a doctor could see- which is why moving forward with this process had been previously so difficult. I am finally getting an MRI and in the case they they do deem it a medical emergency- being that I've lived this way so long (5 years) my only concern would be that surgery would make it worse. What are the odds of brain damage worsening due to surgery? If I am rushed off to the hospital- what do I need to know? Any tips on how to make the best of the situation etc etc. Obviously I'd want to know that whoever operating on me was a good doctor. Do I have a choice in that situation? thanks
  4. Hi everyone, I have ZERO problem with paying for an MRI or CT scan out of pocket. My only issue is I can't get a doctors referral. I strongly believe that I have had a bleed that started 5 years ago, and the symptoms have gotten more intense since then. I won't sit here and name them all and try to convince you. I'm nauseous for a large portion of the day, have had muscle spasms in various places last for days straight, feels like it takes a few seconds to process whatever I am doing/seeing..change in gaze (the way my eyes look). I have good vision but I have this feeling like "I can't see". A tingly/burning bubble sensation in the right side of my head almost always, a tightness in the right side of my neck that isn't muscular, discomfort swallowing on the right side of my neck. In 2012 I felt a very subtle pop type of feeling in the right side of my head and began to loose conciousness, layed down and didn't go fully unconcious, but thought i was going to die for some reason. Ended up regaining conciousness then as I was walking home I felt the sensation of cool water pouring on the inside of my right head and within seconds the whole perfect right side of my body became numb, but not paralyzed...at this time I saw a very very VERY bright blueish white light FLASH like an aura around me. This didn't hurt but it was extremely peculiar and obviously a serious medical issue. Ever since then I've battled off an on with all the symptoms i've read described by SAH survivors. Most notably Apathy, feeling extremely weak, even trouble breathing, like I'm not getting enough oxygen I have been to two different doctors years apart and have been to the ER (by choice/walk in) 3 times since then and I have never felt I was taken seriously. When the topic of a CT scan comes up the answer always relates to my insurance, which is medicaid. I am still able to workout and I am a healthy looking male, but something is very wrong with my head and I am concerned for my life, honestly. This has been something I have dealt with from age 18- but the numbing event i described happened at age 19 and thats when things got realer for me. I DON'T know what to do. I CAN pay for an MRI/CT scan but I CAN'T seem to get a refferal and I've called centers near me (upstate NY) and they all say I need a refferal...because I guess a doctor knows my body better than I do. This is killing me and im 25 years old. Doctors don't take me seriously. I wait for months to pour out my heart in front of a medical professional. I explain my experience in vivid detail and I haven't been heard. I am more concerned about becoming disabled than I am dying. To wrap this up (and sorry for my frustrated tone) Has anyone here had issues like this? How did you deal with them? I feel unheard, this has affected my life so much. The past two days I feel nauseas almost all day long..and have been having trouble with balance. I feel like I must commit 100 percent of my attention to driving to be safe. However I have no obvious outward symptoms other than my eyes looking distant and the twitching that is sporadic. Thanks Zach
  5. Hi, First of all I have not been diagnosed. That being said, I am around 95 percent sure I have some kind of brain bleed. This is based on a lot of research, learning about my symptoms, how its effected me over time. ETC. I'm 24 years old. When I was 19 after eating dinner (stuffing myself) and smoking a mild drug, I began to rapidly lose conciousness, I quickly laid down, and didn't fully lose conciousness. I think the lying down part helped. This lasted for about 1-3 mins. I was fading away, lay down, thought to myself "am I going to die right now", and then gradual regained consciousness. After this I walked to where I was staying at the time and on the walk the whole Perfect Right side of my body "lit up", in this...numbish, electrical, tingly, pins and needle x10 like sensation starting from my head. I could feel it start from a specific part in the right side of my head, then going down rapidly affecting my perfect right side...I say perfect right, because I mean if you drew a line down the middle of my body that is perfect...EVERYTHING "lit up". I also saw a very bright bluish flash of light that seemed to surround me. It didn't cause any paralysis. I was standing when it happened. It also didn't immediately affect my consciousness. ^I think what happened here, and I am guessing, but it seems like that was the original bleed, covering a portion of my brain and then affecting the right side of my body^ There was something that happened a year or so before that, that I feel is the Root. When it began. I was working out and during bench pressing, got a really sharp, specific headache on the right side of my head. This kind of thing had happened before, yet something was more prominent about this situation...because after it happened. I rapidly began to experience muscle wasting on the right side of my body that seemed to affect some muscles more than others, namely the neck/trapezius area on the right side. I no longer felt I could workout, it didn't feel right physically and each time I attempted to, I would get minor flu-like symptoms the following day...the feeling you get when your about to get sick but don't. The biggest and most consistent symptom that followed this even was right-side neck stiffness that feels non-muscular. Almost like I can feel a string from the base/middle of the right side going up into my head. It used to make turning my neck very uncomfortable, now it doesn't so much. I didn't notice any congnitive difficulty till about 6 months to a year later...it was quite elusive. Not obvious, I just felt different, more apathetic. Fast forward to now. A lot has changed since then, its been up and down but mostly down. I was able to get back into working out for a while...Now I get mentally tired very quickly when working out and there has been a NOTICEABLE cloudiness/cognitive difficulty that can fluctuate somewhat throughout the day, however it is always there and now it is noticeable. It seems to mostly deal with short term memory and ability to interpret what I am percieving. It hasn't prevented me from much and isn't outwardly noticable. Its also caused a sense of mental tiredness and apathy. There have been times where no matter how much sleep I got I would feel like falling asleep mid day. And these days, its most uncomfortable/noticable for me at night. As soon as I have my last meal it just all hits me at once like clockwork. Things are cloudy, I have trouble focusing, etc etc. There are mannnnny more details that would better explain the situation and events that marked things getting worse, such as waking up with a feeling of a knot on the right side of my throat I couldn't "swallow". Also my eyes losing focus on their own, and my eyes physically appearing different. Early on, I sought medical attention through medicaid and have been to the ER a few times within the past 8 or so months. All those times, I was not able to get a scan because there were no outward visible symptoms. "I know what sick people look like and you're not one of them". One thing I've realized about this type of condition is its High Risk yet isn't easy to detect. Many people die from stuff like this because they can't get a scan early on because they are denied. To re-itterate. I have not been diagnosed, I am however, close to POSITIVE my issue is of the brain-bleed/anyuerism nature. There have been times where I truly felt I was going to die. However I never experience the "worst headache of my life". I do, however, get headaches on the right side in a very specific spot that come and go....most notably after physical exertion, holding my breath, pressure related things. Sometimes they might just come as "brief stabs" that last only seconds. Another symptom I experience is right side neck spasms that also seem to happen in the lower jaw area. As well as this acid reflux feeling that is specifically only felt in the right side of my neck. It lasts only a second. Feels just like acid reflux does. Another symptom that is off an on is face spasms, really minute and specific that happen in really specific areas of my face, such as a portion of my brow or lip. They can only be seen outwardly from close up. Never had facial droop or any of that. So I made this post just to get feedback. I am not asking for an official diagnosis and I am still seeking medical help. For a while I was completely shattered from my previous experiences with doctors. Feeling that I had no hope and that all they would do is tell me to take Ibuprofen or whatever else. I have no obvious outward symptoms, they just think I am a hypochondriac. But I need to try to seek help. So I will. Another thing is, almost a year ago I started drinking nightly. I was never a drinker, never was drawn to it. When I smoke weed now I feel like I am literally flirting with death. I think this is due to the vasco-constriction and dilation that it causes..as well as the increase in blood flow to the brain. My body is just saying NO to weed...and I think it played a part in the event I had happen at 19. I only started drinking out of fear of my condition and feeling hopeless. Now I only drink beer...and I have grown a liking to it because it seems to make the symptoms go away temporarily and believe it or not, makes me feel less cloudy mentally. I don't know why. I never get hangovers. There are no obvious signs of it making things worse, even though I am sure it is. Also, I don't react in a way where one beer feels like four. I know its bad. I know I shouldn't be drinking. I am truly working on it. There is little motivation to drink aside from me feeling the alleviation of symptoms and anxiety. I know I need to be scanned and officially diagnosed. It may seem ridiculous that I have waited so long, however It is due to irrational thinking. Depression, feeling hopeless, not caring etc. Thanks for hearing me out. Zach
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