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MaryB

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Everything posted by MaryB

  1. KelBel, I can't or it is overwhelming to respond to each of you in here when I wish I could. But you always uplift me. Just know you make a difference somewhere. Thought I would just let you know. MaryB
  2. Hi John , I am new & this place is where I find my soul food. A place to go so I know what I am experiencing is normal. Well your post provided me plenty of food for my soul. You sound like you are really making the world a gentler place to be. Thank you & good luck with your new adventure. MaryB
  3. Many beautiful words you all have written. Truly inspiring....... I miss not being organized and being able to multi task. My energy....... I so enjoy working hard. I miss not being able to fly by the seat of my pants & jumping in car and going somewhere for the day or a short trip or just doing something crazy. A friend of mine from Wisconsin wanted to meet 1/2 way in Chicago for the weekend because she thought since I was feeling better it would be fun.. I have to plan my fun! Sorry I am not ready for that kind of fun yet. I am thankful it is winter and I am not feeling frustrated by not being able to work hard working outdoors. I am thankful I have set an example for my friends and family how to handle a life changing event and being able to roll with it ( most of the time). I am thankful for the health I do have because life could be so much worse. I like myself so much more now than I did before my SAH. It is almost like the practices I had done all before has made it easier for me to cope with something beyond my control. It is what is it is. Simple as that. Almost ZEN like ....... I know my limits. ( OK so last week I really over did it at work and paid dearly the past 6 days for it but I feel good today so I can say I know my limits today) I am soooo thankkful I can put off painting my high ceiling in my old house!!!!! That is what I really logged on to write. Happy weekend.
  4. Thank you all, I wish my memory was better and I could express my graditude the way I wish I could.. know that it is there. I have only a few hours or a day here and there that I can actually get some paper work done and so I have been storing my brain cells up for the awful pile of mail and other stuff I need to do.,
  5. I agree with Amexdm ..“If 80 means go to work every day, be able to do other things cook, clean, do laundry and STILL have time to either exercise or do social activities. Right now I would say I'm not that close. But I do agree that an even keel and not so many ups and downs is key. To quote the Forest Gump movie. SAH is like a box of chocolates, you never know each day what you're gonna get.”. Being 14 weeks out and having other health issue I was not even close to 80% most days prior to my head exploding. I had a really good week last week where I worked Wed, Thurs, Fri -8 ½ hour days & a half day on Saturday. By Saturday I knew worked way too much. I do nothing much when I get home either, most evenings I would just be a couch potato resting my poor head and neck. I also do weekend treatments for sick, hospitalized or animals boarding with medications along with making sure the staff is doing their job etc... I am just now “rested” physically enough to work tomorrow but for some reason head is feeling all weird again. Not sure if it is from over doing it or if it was increasing the new anti seizure meds. I have that weird ear full of fluid swishing around feeling, screws that hold my brain to my skull feel loosen, can’t think straight. I can’t pick out which pair of socks for 5 minutes....Also feel on inhale somewhat of a dizzy feeling. So I would score me in the 40%. Sat., Sun & Monday last week while feeling “good” a 67% . I have no doubt in my mind I will not be 100% or 80% but I would be happy with part time work, some play and able to do some chores and of course just grab a stupid pair of socks and not have to think about it like it was a science experiement!! I would love to get some exercise too. I am thinking of listening to yoga and doing the breathing for starters. I have much foot pain from other issues so yada yada yada!! I love this place! MaryB
  6. Thanks Bill, Not so happy Mary today!!I feel like I have been hit by a truck. I am only pain free when I lay down. Hum.......I did however run a few errands, got a nice massage and booked one for the next 4 weeks in a row. I finally flipped the sofa cushions since my rear has made a dent in the one I have been on for the past several months. I am not going to work my regular schedule this week again thats for sure. YIKES! So much for being a show off. I am so blessed with good friends and family. I am so glad I can come in here and read for encouragement. Goodnight, MaryB
  7. Welcome Jo, I am also stubborn and strong willed. AND I always think I am fully recovered when I have a pain free day. I had mine on Sept. 16th 2011. I also had suffered a stroke and later found out I had a small brain tumor. I am 54 ( I just read this and I am NOT 54 but I am 52 LOL) & I have other pain issue prior but what I can say is you must rest. I was so proud that I worked my regular work week for the first time last week and by the time I got off Saturday afternoon I have felt like the bolts holding my head to my skull are all loose, when I inhale I am dizzy so all day today I made myself to lay down, had a massage and rested more. I feel better now but you must really rest. I have to actually be flat on my back. I just wean off pain meds and started on anti seizure medications. I started having migraines everyday about a month or so after the SAH. I also just stood up one day and broke my foot prior to that one month mark. I had to tell myself that it was Gods little way of making me SLOW DOWN! The most help I have gotten has been through the reading the post on this site. Good Luck, be patience with yourself. I am so thankful I am not worse than I am and that is how I have to look at all of this. I certainly understand your situation is much different with little ones, as all our situations are different in so many ways. One thing I do see we all need is patience, drink your water and rest. Good luck. mary
  8. Anyone ever find out about YOGA? I need to do something. I used to do yoga. My feet have issues........ like I stood up 4 weeks after SAH and tore the ligaments and tendons that keep you from dragging your foot. I used to love water aerobics (SP??) but get to chilly now and tense. I do not think I should ride my bike. I do some stretches but I am giant knot. I get massages monthly and decided this weekend to suck it up and do mini ones every other week and full 2 hour body the other weeks. I had my SAH 16 weeks ago and sometimes I feel like my brain is banging loose around a bruised skull. I had a chuckle to myself yesterday when I hit the gas pedal to hard last night and my head flipped back a bit, that there is no enough money in the world for me to EVER get on a roller coaster again.
  9. Ok now I am mad about my health care coverage in the US. Can someone tell me in simple step how to find the "LETTER TO MY BRAIN"? or as I would normally type " letter to brian"............jeezzzzzzz
  10. Carl, I am going to try that coffee cup on my head and think I am on a beach somewhere. I am could fill a room with sand and put a CD of waves on, use my hubbys SAD lightbox and pretend. I wish I could have an emotional day. I haven’t cried in years. I never cry, if I did I may never stop. I can only live in the moment. I asked my husband yesterday something about “How do you think I am doing?" and he said he wished “I did not have the headaches". I just had to ask him what that conversation was yesterday and evidently I must repeat myself because he says we have that conversation everyday. LOL! I am surprised at how much I accept the way I am. I just am so thankful I am not in a wheelchair unable to speak as that has always been my worse fear for my health. It is my mantra…… "It can be so much worse". I have fibromylasia and have had to accept my limitations over the years. I love to garden but cannot dig ( becuz I have STUPID foot problems as well) I love to sew but cannot follow directions to save my soul, I use to be able to drive downtown Chicago or drive the 9 hour trip alone to our oldest son house and if I cannot regain that I will be very sad. But I just don’t think about it yet. I was telling someone the other day how I stopped listening to all the voices in my head long ago. I just tell them to SHUT UP. My friend replied that that is why my head exploded. I have longed for my stamina for a long time prior to SAH and it makes me mad that I have none. I want to get dirty in the dirt and come in and take a hot bath sit back with a beer and look at the fruits of my labor. Now I am looking for some kid that will work cheap & be my sidekick. I think I am suppose to slow down and take it easy – I think God was tapping me on the shoulder for years and then he decided to kick me in the head to get my attention. I wish I did not have to work, it is going to kill me. I want health insurance without me having to hold a job so badly. The working part is the hardest for me. I want to spend my “good days” at home doing my hobbies not working for health care. I wish we would win some money! I do not need to be greedy about it either. Just enough to retire and move at my new pace. Years ago a teenager in our neighborhood died in accident. It was one of my the life changer moments of motherhood. It involved other kids in neighborhood and very easily could of been my boys that day. It dropped me to my knees that day. ( I did cry forever over it) . That mother Brenda has alway had a free pass with me. Her family and closest circle of friends were tired of listening to her. I was in the like 3rd circle of friends so I woudl sit and jsut let her talk for hours, she was seeing psychics etc........ just a desperate soul. She said something that always stuck with me. She was in a therapy group and the only time she EVER felt better or ok ( for lack a of a better word) was when someone had it worse off. It would snap her back to reality and make her move forward. That changed my thinking ever since. Ok, i am in a babbling mood today. Thanks for letting me go on and on and on and on............... mary
  11. Hi, Sorry about your mum or mom as we say it here in the states. I am 16 weeks out and I have not been able to read more than an article for a couple of years prior. Taste and smell, appetite? I like bland and potato chips for some reason. I can barely read the post here without being distracted. It is terrible. I have a meeting at work this week for our new online pharmacy that seemed easy enough but now that we have it I am sure I will not be able to comprehend anything at the meeting unless I am very well rested. I will need one on one training in a quite atmosphere and a notebook that I write everything down like 1. Put mouse in right hand. 2. Go to such and such screen at the top right of …. And I was the one that use to explain it to others. YIKES, I am still hopeful I will regain more brain power. Good Luck. Mary
  12. hi paul, I cannot imgaine working 60 hours a week. I wish I were nearer and could be support for you. I find this is the only place I find people like me. I don't get angry I just shut down and cannot process. I worked for the first time 3 1/2 day this week and this weekend I am in awful pain. My head is killling me and I cannot get anything done. I was just at work with my boss on phone giving me doses etc for a sick animal and I was like a 4 year old. I was like SLOW DOWN I cannot process that fast and I use to be a mover and shaker that ran the vet clinic I work at. My SAH was 16 weeks ago. You can just send me messages and I can listen or email me. BUT I am in the USA. Good lUck ,mary
  13. I think of it as an Etch A Sketch game, that someone has picked the board up and some of the lines of your design are missing. Or sometimes a switch board operator with a new employee messing up all the calls. I was able to work my 3 ½ work week ( plus weekend treatments on sick or boarding animals) this week for the first time in 14 weeks post SAH but this weekend I feel like I should not even be in public. Bad headaches and can’t think straight I have such a positive outlook now and am thankful things are not any worse. I have no energy to WASTE ON “WHAT IF’S”. I live in the moment, make no concrete plans. Yesterday I visited a client of ours who is divorced, mother of 5 and her oldest 20 year old daughter has aggressive brain cancer Glioblastoma. I do not know them other than helping them with a PARVO puppy last summer. I would rather spend my time thinking about what I can do to make her/ their life better/ easier. I want to shake people who don’t look at their glass as ½ full or be thankful that their husband with advanced melanoma are not happy and enjoying the time now of remission instead they are worrying and negative and unappreciated of the good right now. When I walk into work one of my dear friends said to me the other day “ Good Morning! I want you to come in and be in a good mood & excited when you walk in the door”. I was really annoyed because I still wake up with splitting headaches and it takes me a few hours to get past them in the morning. I just know she does not understand. It takes me a lot to even hold a job and if I was not the insurance carrier I would quit & find an easier slower pace place to work without barking dogs. I am amazed that I was once a time nazi and know I have cannot seem to get myself together in the organized way that I use to. – maybe it is that morning headache??? When ask what my New Year Resolution was I said it certainly was not the usual lose weight and stop talking like a truck driver. I said I want to make more effort to help others and want to be an inspiration to others to do the same. If everyone did a little more the world could be such a kinder place. My email is wollenberg@embargmail.com I can really use someone to help me with this site as I never know where to go. If someone has any suggestion. Kindly , Mary
  14. Hi, thank you all for your replies. I am having a bad headache day. jeez., just when I think I have it all figured out BAM! My neuro . appt went fine, He stated me on a night time dose of anti seziure meditcation. My head aches continued this week someday not bad others like today ............ I threw the medicaine cabinet at my head last night and still woke up with hum dinger. I read about rebound headaches but ok more catch 22 in my life. I am so thankful for the slow holiday weeks and me being able to leave work early for now. I came home at noon today to put on my flannel pjs and climbed into bed. It is now almost 7 pm and I am just now feeling a little better. I am thankful for not decorating more for the holidays! Happy New Year everyone and let it bring better health and well being. Thank you all for being here. I hav e ahard time replying as I cannot ever find the right words. But you are my life line to sanity. Oh yea, PS.. I beleive they will never know if any of my problems had anything to do prior to hemmorage and stroke but I know they did. Now it just does not matter but I do I find it interesting that it was not reconginized sooner. I would certainly urge someone that has any of those early symptoms to get tested sooner. BUT I am also sure the insurance companies won't allow that to happen either. What kind of health care coverage is in the UK? In USA I am the holder of our family coverage & must work at least 32 hour a week to hold on to it. I do not know what we would do without it.
  15. I am so proud of myself that I did not over do anything, I did just enough. And we all had a wonderful time. Even when my husband fainted 3 times leaving the pub to the car on the 23rd, he was admitted to hospital and transferred 45 minutes away to a larger hospitals cardiology dept.To make this story short he ended up needing to have his heart paddled back into rhythm. We were at hospital until 2:00 am & back to pick him up the next day. I still somehow paced myself so well I did great. He is doing great as well. But everyone thought I was going to go over the deep end. I have such good friends. I am proud I was able to just add an BIG event and Christmas, my sons were home , my meals were simple but good, ordered most of my gifts off amazon, and it all went well. I just kept taking things to do off my list. Like making an extra side dish, bring the neighbors a little something etc... I was able to have quality time between naps and working holiday treatments at the vets office as well. Life is good!
  16. I have an appt with my neurologist 12/28/2011 and one of my big questions has been did any of the symptoms of major fatigue, hot flashes, confusion while trying to write or speak have anything to do with the SAH? They keep telling me no, I am just wondering if anyone had any symptoms months prior that are unexplained. I am only 3 month out but already I am less tired than I was prior to the firework show in my brain. Does anyone think something was going on prior to their episode? Thanks, Mary
  17. Thanks Dan, About 3 weeks after I was home I stood up & tore a bunch of tendons and ligaments in my foot, about 2 weeks after that I went in for a MRI with and without contrast ( I only had a bunch of CT scans in hospital) and they found a brain tumor. I was like REALLY????? I could not even discuss it more than we will recheck the growth in 3 months and I totally put it on my back burner. I do believe everything happens for a reason although we may never know that reason we often are examples of strength and courage to others without even knowing that we are doing anything more than taking one day at a time.
  18. Thank you for your support. I am shocked at how little information I was given at the time of my release. I am due for my nap and every word I write looks wrong...... errrr. I was wondering and should ask somewhere other than here but it would take me an hour to find that place to post. BUT prior to my BH I had symptoms of great fatigue, writing wrong words in charts at work as well as finishing a sentence with a wrong thought. My attention deficient was in overdrive, can’t spell, can’t think straight, before Cymbalta I had much neuropathy. If I was pinched or something it almost felt like I had shingles again. My neurosurgeon does not think any of this was due to my hemorrhages ( we spell that different here in the states). Did anyone have any sort of problems prior to their episode? Just wondering. I have an appt next week with neurologist and I hope to find some answers about the past year. Because I strongly feel something was not right. Kindest Regards, Mary
  19. Hi, I hope this is where I am to introduce myself!! I am a 52 year old female, married with 2 grown sons. We have 2 dogs & 2 cats that share our historical home in Indiana. On Sept. 16, 2011, I had my SAH. It was a Friday and I had flown home from a week in California after visiting family that had suffered a tragic loss. I got in late Wednesday evening; Thursday morning I had my back molar pulled (because everyone told me to just have it pulled, not a big deal). I suffer from oral lichen planus so dental procedures push me into a few weeks of mouth sores. I also have fibromyalgia that I have had for about 15 plus years. I manage ok as I am mover and a shaker! I work for a small animal veterinarian office/ hospital as an assistant. I went to work Friday and did not feel very well. I just thought it was my tooth and maybe I was getting a dry socket. I left work mid afternoon to lie down. Around 8:00 I called dentist to check my tooth and it was fine, 9:00 I drove myself to emergency room to get something for nausea as I knew I was going to be sick. Midnight I was lying on my bathroom floor vomiting and I had to hold my head in my hands because I had to try to hold it still. My headache felt electrical and it was like Star Wars fighting with lasers. I was diagnosed with Venous AnginomaI spent the weekend in hospital. Wednesday I was having a severe headache again and went back to ER and they transported me to a bigger hospital and the neurosurgeon was waiting for me when I got there. I was diagnosed with Subarachnoid Hemorrhage in a “rare region” & had blood spill into spinal fluid. I do not recall much about it but my husband kept a diary. That ended up being a really nice thing to have after I came home. During my angiogram I was in terrible pain and they nicked my brain stem. So I hope to never have another one of those EVER! I was in the hospital for about a week and if I had to have surgery would of had to go to the university hospital and because of the location I would of suffered greater brain damaged. I had scans everyday and the bleeding was slowing down then it stopped. Today I am still trying to cope with my headaches and just get my feet back on the ground. I have some short term memory loss, taste issues, and fatigue. AND I get confused sometimes so please direct me like I am a 1st grader it does not offend me! Plus I am trying to stay ahead of my pain by taking my medication b4 I am in bad pain. I was not taking it so I could think clear but that was not working very well for me! 1. Subarachnoid hemorrhage, (blood in spinal fluid) 2. Intracerebral hemorrhage 3.Vertebral artery dissection 4.Tentorial Tumor - probably memingioma 5. Right eye some vision loss 6. Headache & neck pain I am so glad to have found this place - It has been one of the best things that has happend to me in months! Thank you all for being in here and posting.
  20. I only want to eat bland food. I do however really like potato chips - I could eat them all day long. Nothing I drink taste right. Not even having a lemon in water. Just plain water, no sodas, ice tea, coffee. I have not lost weight because I lay around most of the time and get no exercise as I do not yet have a handle on my headaches. errrrr:frown:
  21. ps I am more afraid of a repeat angiogram than anything else.
  22. Hello, Does anyone have a taste problem? Nothing taste good.
  23. Hi I am new here and I am wearing reading glasses so I do not have to raise my head to use my bifocals. New tactic. I just started back to work last week and I think it was too soon. I thought I was ready and those 3 months were long enough. I had stopped by the veterinary office where I work and helped out here and there. I only live about a mile away and my co workers and boss are very cool with it. I did not however take anything for my headaches while working. Boy that was a mistake, I am on day 7 of one long headache. I went to neurosurgeon last week 12/15 & my MRA was good so I told him I was going back full time. He asked me that 3 times now I KNOW WHY. I needed to rethink that, I have an appt with the neurologist on 12/28 to talk about pain control. I did get a massage today and saw the GP for a better pain plan over the holidays. I did not know that the headaches would still be here. I think every time I have a good day (or morning) I am "cured", done with this annoyance. I also have fibromyalgia so I am use to sucking it up and moving on but I spend a great deal of time laying down trying to find something soft enough to put my head on. My headaches are in the back of my head & neck and sides, sometimes sinuses seem bad as well. I AM SO THANKFUL to have found this place. I don't understand or recall much and my short term memory is not so hot. But when you are taking pain medications and muscle relaxers you don't know what is from what at some point. I make many lists -I have them all over the house!! More like random thoughts of things that I need to do or pick up but no order to them at all. Maybe I need a bigger sheet of paper to put them in categories! Anyway just wanted to vent and say I was that I found this place & that it gives me a reassurance that this is normal. Thank You, Mary
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