Carl

I am happy about people on here progressing! I am happy I can smile at silly things. I am happy I can make choices for myself. I am happy I am a grandpa and I got to see my first grandchild. There comes a time in every ones life when we learn that rainbows are not magic, When that happens we lose something. After the brain explosion many things seem magic again. The beauty of a fragrance, the joy of being able to filter out a single conversation in a room of many. The joy of silence, the joy of music, the joy of laughter. These are magical. They are milestones. I have come to the conclusion that just because I have reached a milestone, doesnt mean I will pass it. I may come back and visit it a few times, but what an incredible journey. "Not all who wander are lost"

Hi Daff, we are all so proud of you here. I think we all ride those waves, the physical and the emotional ones. I am starting to think more and more that our bodies and brains are like a car. Once you get a car repaired you listen for every slight noise and feel for vibrations and hesitations. Often they were there all along but now that one thing is fixed they become more apparent. There are many words of wisdom posted on the site. I often come here to prove that I am not alone, still sane and to see if others experience the same things I do. Other than the sane part I am fitting in quite well You are doing amazing!

Well the light at the end of the tunnel does shine, but some bozo at work keeps standing up and blocking it LOL Today I was all ready to continue with the task of running the CCTV in the sewer department. I was keen to get to work so I was the first one out of the office and down to the work bay. A few minutes later I was told to return to the office. I have a new job again. Now I go to every property, take a photograph of the property. Check on the condition of the meter box, dig the box out and expose the meter, examine the meter connections, check for backflow devices. Take another photograph and close things up. The dirt from the boxes gets put into buckets and dumped out later. There are almost 20,000 services to do so I will be doing this until I retire of until they change their minds again. Nothing like stability to help someone along with an SAH. I also found out that last week they installed a GPS into the old beat up truck they gave me, just so I dont stray too far. I love the trust! Now this may aggravate the average person, but as many of you are aware I am enduring a legal battle with my employer. I know, because of a statement made to me today, that I have ruffled some feathers and this is why they are doing it. I love being able to stand tall and smile..... I am also singing Afro American work songs, which really tends to annoy my bosses. Oh well. "Jump down turn around and pick a bale o' cotton, jump down turn around and pick a bale a day!"

I am sorry to hear of all that is going on in your life at the moment. I am also very glad you found this site. We don't have all the answers, but we are very supportive. I really feel like many of the people here are an extended family. In times of hardship we need all the support we can get. If you need an ear to bend feel free to send messages, or if you think many people can help just ask in here. All the best, prayers and positive thoughts go out to you and yours.

I am wondering if anyone else is curious about stress indicators I know my Blood Pressure is one. My irritability Fatigue Memory loss. I hope others will add to the list. Once it is more comprehensive we could make a poll.

Macca is isn't just you! Like I said for some time I had great clarity and as situations change so does my state of mind and in turn my health. Fatigue has been a constant, but it rises and falls with stress. Sleep patterns are non existent, more random than a pattern. Morphing is a good description. I do lack motivation right now. I think if we were given the control over our lives that we require we could adapt much more readily. If you have ever seen one of those Japanese water features that scare deer away, that is how I feel. The water fills the bamboo till it tips off balance and then the bamboo knocks on the wood and makes a noise. For me the stress fills my brain till it reaches the tipping point. The problem is I don't always see the brain filling so much. So things are great till they spill over. If we had control at work we could perhaps regulate the stresses and find out what our stress indicators were. I am quite sure that we can do what we need to do, we just need to do it differently. Maybe we need to discover what our stress indicators are. I know none of us are alone and I know this thread is one of the most important ones on the forum. Many of us use it as an indicator of our recovery. Up and down that is the new norm for me

I am glad that some of you are doing well at work and I am sympathetic with those who are struggling. I have been back to work for almost two years now. My SAH second anniversary is coming up next week. I was foolish enough to go back a full 40 hours a week from two months after the SAH. I don't recommend that to anyone. I find my condition with work rises and falls like the tides. There are days where I feel I am doing so well and have the clarity close to what I had pre SAH. When I first returned I struggled. I wasn't always aware that my struggles were caused by the SAH. For 9 months my employer had me doing my real job of meter reading. This wasn't an accommodation, the junior man who took over my job was off work due to an injury. I have done this job for over 20 years and the tasks are second nature. I found this allowed me to grow and recover much better than I had in previous months. Once the junior man came back to work I was moved to another job. For the last two months my job has changed yet again. I have been transferred to a CCTV inspection truck. Although each task I do is not difficult I find it extremely fatiguing to process the sequence of tasks required to complete the job. This is making me go to bed early again and my motivation has slipped. There has also been a wee bit of a work related legal crusade that I have been enduring. Although I am not the most educated person when it comes to law I am passionate about SAH. This has also created some stress. The light at the end of the tunnel that lifts my spirits and keeps me going is 55 working days till I retire. While I look forward to the change, I need to regain some focus to motivate myself in starting a semi retirement sign business. SO up and down.... which is good. if it was all up I wouldn't appreciate it, if it was all down... well we don't want that. Hang in there folks. Life is getting better daily

Hi Gary, glad you found us. This site has done more for my recovery and understanding than anything else I was offered. There are no cut and dry answers to how long it takes. For myself I think I am always on the road to recovery. I am farther along today than I was yesterday still a little further to go. I have experienced all the symptoms you describe. You are not alone. I am coming up to the two year mark this month. My mind is much clearer than it was, my coping skills have improved. I do find stress is very counter productive. Little stress today that is irking me, but I will get over that. Rest, patience, lots of fluids, and ask lots of questions. The more I learned about my SAH the more I understood why I was feeling the way I was. There are wonderful people here who truly care. Do not be hard on yourself. You are a survivor and tough as nails, we all are. Headaches were annoying for me. I ended up changing some medication to reduce my blood pressure and that helped. Fluids really help. Sleep when you can. It takes a while to get the sleep rhythm back. I still struggle with sleep. As with all recoveries, pace yourself. Each day you are one step closer than you were.

I am 17 months in and fatigue wears me down. Thats like saying aging makes me old!. I was dealing with a bout of depression for the past few weeks but that seems to have lifted a little. Headaches have become part of my life, I seem to deal with them now by taking ibuprofin for migraines. I am fed up of the fatigue and the fact that my employer fails to see that as something my sick time could help. Still fighting the battle there. I also have the "fog" Loud noises get on my nerves. My wife was watching TV a few weeks ago and the commercials were twice as loud as the show. I asked her to turn down the television and she did. The next commercial came on and hit a nerve. I slammed my laptop shut and left the room. Grumpy Gus I should be called. I used to listen to classical music to sooth my nerves, but for safety reasons, they wont allow headphones at work any more. Luckily I am on the home stretch to retirement. The longest I will have to wait is 275 days, not that I am counting. I don't think I will ever be the same as I was but hopefully in some ways I am a better person. I know I am way cuter than I used to be

Enlightenment and clarity, that is my new goal. I talked to a spiritual friend today who suggested that perhaps my brain is looking for new ways to express what I need to express. I like the thought. I would like to use my experiences to help others any way I can.

Glad things are going well Sandi. I have been reading meters at work for the past month or so. This past week I took off as a vacation, Quite a lazy time. Since I have been reading meters my headaches have returned. Not sure why as this is not stressful. I really enjoy it. I guess I will have to see the doc again and find out what is going on. I do get physically tired but it is not at all the same as the mental and emotional fatigue I have suffered in the past. I am still waiting to try and see a neuropsychologist. who knows if that will happen. Today I got word from my union that there will be a delay in my arbitration hearing. It seems the person that the union and management agreed upon is promoted to judge so they need to find a new one that they mutually agree on and then schedule the appropriate time. I guess all things worth having are worth waiting for. Hope it is resolved within the next year In the mean time 322 days till maximum benefits.

I had a lot of lower back pain in the early days after SAH. I put mine down to the 4 or 5 lumbar punctures they gave me. I have noticed that even now, if I am slouching on the couch I get a back ache. I will say though that the back pain does fade and eventually for me it became a memory..... good job my memory is

Just as you feel I get the same way. It comes in cycles. Somedays I could take on the world and then an hour later I need to curl up in cotton wool and let the world slip by. The other day I picked up my wife from her nail appointment, She rode her bike there so I needed to put the bike in the back of the car. What an ordeal. We got it in the back and then I tied the hatch down. When I got home I could not figure out how to get it out of the car. My wife told me to step back and she merely turned the handlebars and pulled it out. I felt like the cartoon where someone tries to go through a doorway with a long stick and doesnt have the sense to turn it. I don't understand why some days are good and others are not, I think that is the frustration. If I knew my limitations, and they were constant, then I would just be annoyed. Being a glass half full person is a huge benefit. I know that the next task will be easier than the last. And no headache will be as bad as the big one.

Just over three weeks ago I was transferred back to my old job that I did about a year before my SAH. I have done the job for 20 years. Well I was finally asked to provide some feedback. The expectation was for around 300 reads a day . I average around 400 or so. The question I was asked is how am I coping. They dont want to over work me, specially with all the legal battle we are going through at work. The fatigue I feel these days is physical, The mental fatigue is still there but there is something rewarding about being physically tired after a hard days work. I have no idea how this will all play out in the courts, but for now it is a job I enjoy doing and I am allowed to do it without supervision so that is a bonus. The hardest aspect of the job is gauging my day. Some days I go like gangbusters in the morning, only to crash and burn in the afternoon. I need to perfect slow and steady. The other meter reader tried reading the past two days but it is aggravating his injury so he is not to do it for some time. I still have at least two weeks of holidays this year and then in January I start the year with another 6, plus I have two more weeks banked away for retirement. That is well over two months off, plus statutory holidays, I have only 11 months to go till I max out my pension, Things are going pretty good...... The roller coaster is in glide mode

That is a great video. I like her description of a collage. That is what hits me the collage.

I am not sure what the laws are regarding disabilities in the UK. It seems to me the bullying would be so counter productive. I am fortunate in many ways since I get zero feedback and have no clue if they like what I do or dont. I would sooner have that than be picked on. Basic managerial skills tell us to set our employees up for success. If a manager sees a situation or shortcoming it is the managers job to come up with a creative solution to the situation. You, wearing earplugs is a creative solution to your sensitivity to sound. Perhaps they would be happier providing you with a private office... Write everything down Dawn. Even a note or two about your mental and emotional state at the time of these incidents and after they occur. If you feel there is negativity in the comments rather than constructiveness mark it down, It certainly wont hurt you and could prove epic in future discussion with people of authority. If someone tries to talk to you and you have earplugs in, wouldn't it make sense for that person to touch your shoulder or get your attention in a different manner? When people work around heavy machinery, if one cannot hear the other they don't just ignore the person and walk away. Hang in there Dawn, you know you have the skills required, you have far more motivation than is required. You have beaten far more life threatening than this, and you can sit at your desk with that thought in your mind, A solid foundation, no one can take that from you. I think we could all use a little plaque on our desks "I have beaten that! I can beat this!" I am proud of you.

Seems we all want to be Healthy Wealthy and Wise. I think we all evolve at a different rate, even more apparent after SAH. I still question myself on a daily basis, " What do I have to complain about, I don't have half the symptoms my friends on here have gone through" Yet here I am. I guess that is the point. Here I am! I could have not made it, but I did. There are days where my clarity returns, Kind of like a rocky outcropping exposed in a morning tide. Those are the days where I would love to help everyone. Those are the days where I could see myself as an advocate for others who have had SAH. I am always happiest when I am helping others. Then there are the days where the fog rolled in LOL Everything is still there, just not quite sure where. Those are the days I need my family and friends. Work is somewhere between the two. I am thankful I have a job that brings me the money but it is trying sometimes. I crave feedback one way or another from the employer. That is the clarity I need. The reassurance that things are going well. I can here my supervisor now " What? You expect me to thank you and tell you good job just for doing what you get paid for? Not going to happen." Well at least that is clear

Do not think of this as moaning. If you cannot share what you go through with your friends here who can you share with. I am fortunate I havent had any flashbacks other than the lumbar punctures. I can look at images of almost anything online but images of that bring tears to my eyes, makes me wince and raises my blood pressure. Anytime someone goes through trauma there is a chance they may be subject to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. This is a normal reaction to something that changes our lives so dramatically. It wouldnt hurt to discuss this with a GP and see if you can talk to a therapist or other professional. It is so very hard to move on when we keep reading the same page over and over again. I know I am not quite ready to move on yet, although I do look to the future with great hope. You are with friends in here and we will always be here to support you.

There are days, not many mind you, where I wish I had a package of alka seltzer. When people are inconciderate and presume everything is ok, just pop one of those in my mouth and froth away for a few minutes, roll my eyes a little then shake my head and say. Wow I am all better. I think you did amazing. What we really need is a business card with the side effects on it. That way we dont have to explain everything to everyone.

It amazes me there is such a difference in attitudes in each country. Here in Canada, no one even told me to stop driving, although I have since heard that I should have been prohibited from driving for a month. They didnt even tell me to stop taking aspirin to thin my blood. There has been no follow up for me on a neurological level. SO I guess I am driving blind and daft. I think 16 months is more than enough time. If you have proven yourself with Diverse Road Safety then it should be suffice. But that is the opinion of a blind crazed driver from Canada.

Welcome to BTG Stephen. Listen to your body. I think all of us here have tried to move ahead faster than our bodies want us to. I went back to work too soon. I still struggle a little with it A SAH isnt like a head cold. It knocks the Dickens out of your brain. Many symptoms are masked at first. Take your time, don't push too hard. You may want to contact Headway. I wish we had headway here in Canada. All the best. Carl

Sonia,I am glad you found someone who understands and cares about what is happening. It must be a huge relief to know you have someone in your corner. I know doctors see hundreds of patients and cannot remember the history of each one but when you find one that you can connect with you sure have to hang on to them. Best of luck to you. Carl

Seems quite a few of us have experienced this. I had one a month or so ago, This was about a year after my SAH. I had no aneurysm, no surgery. When I went to the hospital I was sure I was having a stroke. They just kept me for observation. No meds, no pain and in about 2 hours I was right as rain. I hope it doesnt happen at work. I will have a hard time explaining. Makes a fella feel special. No source of the SAH and no cause for the aura.

I cry much more often than I used to. I used to try and reason things out. Then I came to the conclusion I cry because my brain wants me to. Sometimes it is watching a sappy commercial. Sometimes it is listening to music, I like crying at music... makes me look like the strong sensitive type I should probably check my blood pressure when I cry. maybe it is a relief valve and my brain may be saying,"we are not going through this again" I do know if I stop, step back and reason things out, take some slow deliberate breaths, I can often make it pass. But other times I just ride the wave and see where I land.

Hang in there Dawn, Most people have issues with new software. I have no idea why the software companies change things so much. One of my favourite software developers is Serif in England. The program I use, they give you the option of making the menues look like the old versions of the software. It sure helps! Don't be upset about crying. I truly think that crying is a gift we are given to help us release some of that pressure. Sarah Lou, be sure to keep a balance, I know like all of us here we want to excel and prove we can be all we can be, but I am finding that quality of life is more important to me now than it used to be. I am glad you kept in touch with the co-worker, that too will add to the NORMAL. This is week two for me, going back to meter reading. In the past 2 weeks I read over 3000 meters. There were only 9 working days in that time frame so I am meeting the 300 a day expectation. That is a lot of walking. The heat is literally cooking my brain some days. Today I drank almost 2 gallons of water. I have had zero feedback since they asked me to do the job. I have to assume I am doing ok, but I have assumed things in the past and ended up in hot water LOL. I am glad I have the weekend to recover because I am tapped out this week. I think I left a trail of spoons so I could find my way home.