Sophie

Hi all, I honestly cannot believe that an entire year has gone by. It's the strangest feeling. It's difficult to remember a time before SAH I question sometimes just making sure, God did all of this just really happen in a year?! An obviously the answer is yes. Yes the absolutely mental year that you really couldn't write has just happened, and it's happened to you! I was thinking the other day how funny it is that your body just adapts to new situations, or rather how your mind and emotions adapt to the new way of living. At 17 I have simply adapted, I think that's a good way of putting it. It's a healthy way of looking at it too. To adapt is to make something suitable for a new use, well I'd say that sums up anyone recovering from SAH, you've modified yourself into something that's suits you that works with you. I really like me why would I let anything I enjoy or love become redundant, what's the point in that! I said this time last year that the world survival scared me, that it hit home sometimes. I don't see it like that anymore because there were no whatif's I survived, we all survived! The more I think about it and talk and discuss it with people, the more I realise just how utterly beautiful it is. With survival comes living. People ask you what your plans are for the future, where do you see yourself in the next few years and i can't help thinking to myself just soaking up everything that comes my way, every Single experience. This all sounds a bit dramatic when you look at it, but that's not want it to be. I know how easy it is to get annoyed with yourself because you can't remember that one thing, the headache that meant an extra hour in the dark, the appointment you could really do with out especially on your birthday! But I also think that anyone reading this, if anyone reads this or gets to the end of this very long speech, should really just remember how far they've come, whether SAH is something new in your life or something that's been a part of it for years, you survived, and I'd say that is something to extremely proud of, because I know I am.

It's been a very long time since I have written anything, so I figured it was time for an update. I passed my exams to begin with! I am now three months into my A levels and loving every second, surprising! Now that everything in my life is relatively normal again it's hard to believe that at one point this would have been the point when the doctors suggested I should have taken my GCSE's instead of taking them so soon after my operation. The summer was also full of festivals, another example of something that was suggested wasn't going to happen. SAH is still a huge part of my life, it has changed me forever even at the young age of 17 I believe I can say that I won't be the same again, but that's something that I've learnt to embrace - Unfortunately now I just have 101 appointment's to go to but that's just part of my life now, part of my story and part of me. This update seems a bit empty but I wanted to write it to show that, even though SAH changes you, in no way does it become you. I personally couldn't be a happier person and I think that SAH has made me realise, that actually yes life throws things at you you didn't know were possible, things that you couldn't foresee happening even if you tried and several all at once or even what seems like the impossible, but I love living, so throw away because it's good to be alive.

Riorita, I would like to repay your compliment, I think you are a wonderful women. It's one thing to be the person going through trauma, as you know exactly how you feel and what you want. But to be the person standing by watching it happen, especially to a loved one, is extremely difficult. But I think you are doing so wonderfully well. Please keep updating us xx

I can't thank you all enough for your wonderful support, it has improved my recovery immensely. I have finally been able to lift myself out of the bleak area and start living a little again, I got the train yesterday which was the first time since I collapsed (I can't believe I found a train journey so exciting!) My GCSEs have also finished and I am no looking towards my prom which is again something that at one point was not going to happen. I have also started to write all my thoughts and feelings down, everything I can possibly think of and I am now trying to compress it into a speech, as I would like to provide knowledge on SAH but also the trauma of any major incident. I'm 16 and I have a lot more to do with my life, but I think I now understand a lot more about the world around me. People that can't cope with others pain or stress don't mean as much to me anymore for example. Therfore this long summer that I luckily have, I am going to try and become an inspirational speaker. I wanted to write this as if anyone feels the way I did a few weeks ago, it doesn't last forever, my frustration in a way has become my passion and I can't wait to share it with others. Thank you again for your support, each individual message helps me improve greatly and brings comfort to my family also, as this has effected them as well as me.

I'm finding almost everything extremely emotional at the moment. My family has provided me with the most fantastic support, but I feel very isolated from them at times, I just can't seem to shake the hollow feeling inside. My short term memory loss has also become far more prominent to me as I could remember a conversation word for word and now I struggle to put a story together which is becoming extremely frustrating as I'm sure you will all understand! I am having a party in early July to welcome me home and celebrate my survival. The word 'survival' again is something that seems to hit hard at times when I'm least expecting it-my laughter can quite often turn into tears, this reaction is couldn't be further from my personality. I miss feeling untouchable if I'm honest and envy my friends who still think they can take on anything, and aren't petrified of a headache, or exhausted after carry out the most pointless activities. Sounds all rather bleak at the moment, I don't always look at my aneurysm this way, most of the time I'm incredibly proud to have been through such a traumatic event, I feel that it truly is a part of me and just another chapter in my ever changing story. However, If I want to recover I'm aware that this part comes hand in hand with the positive times.

I would just like to say thank you to everyone that has messaged me. I collapaed on Saturday night 22nd April I was out with friends, they very cleverly called an ambulance and my mum. Unfortunately when the ambulance men arrived they thought I was drunk or had taken something (which I wasn't) I have since found out that I had collapsed for about 15 minutes and had thrown up all over myself (not my style) I have no memory of this at all, I couldn't speak after I had collapsed also. The ambulance men then took me to Kingston hospital, I was actually discharged from Kingston hospital much to my parents horror as my mum had specifically asked that i have a brain scan as the GP thought i had, had migraine in the February that had lasted a week (we now know it definitely wasn't a migraine). The hospital claimed "it was just a blip" The following day my mum tooK me to a different AnE (I'm sure we will never return to Kingston Hospital again) and things moved on from there including a: Brain scan, Lumbar puncture and MRI Scan and last but not least being blue lighted Charing Cross hospital, where i had a CT scan at about 3 in the morning. On April 27th my aneurysm was successfully coiled. Because of my age my recovery has left doctors stunned. I am currently doing my GCSE's (something that doctors thought wouldn't happen this year) I have also had double vision since my collapse which has finally cleared which in some cases can take up to a year. Thank you for the support its incredibly reassuring to read and relate to your trauma.