Kaz

I'm almost 1 year post Sah (GOD, DOESN'T TIME FLY) I was very lucky with my work and had a 3 month phased return - well HR had me down for a month phased return but my manager is great and I actually phased myself in over 3 months. it was a worrying time tho as my job was in the redundancy pool (got the notice whilst on sick leave) so I felt pressured to return to my full hours and role quickly. Luckliy I have a supportive team and managers and they kept reassuring me not to worry and not to rush back - but the thought of having to apply for my job and be interviewed had me panicking I still only work part-time - 18 1/2 hours a week - how you guys manage to work full time amazes me. Mind you I suppose if you figure in the hours spent at home sorting out the kids, cooking, cleaning etc it probably adds up to a full time hours I know one day I would like to return to full time work (financially I need too) but my health is more important - it took time to figure this out and accept this, but at least I am able to work the few hours I work -and work to my full ability. I still have to remind some people that i do have days when I struggle - and that my capacity to absorb information is limited so have to write things down - occasionally I get the odd moan because I have asked them to put something in writing for me rather than tell me, would they rather I get the facts and information correct or just make it up as I go along!! In th emean time, will keep doing the lottery in the hope that one day my numbers will come up

On the cross trainer at the gym - only 5 minutes into my work out and my head just 'popped' - felt really strange - almost like a veil came down in front of me - i stumbled off the equiment and thought maybe I should go home - walked past the reception desk - looked at the girls and said my head hurts - then the real pain started - next thing I know I'm on the floor - paramedics asking me questions and all I can do is demand they phone my partner and let him know whats happened and remember being really worried that I had become eplileptic as could hear them talking about me fitting. Ended up in local hospital vaguely remember being told I had had a bleed on the brain and my partner squeezing my hand- I just muttered "thats quite serious isn't it?" and then next thing is waking up having been moved to John Radcliffe Neuro, both my sister and partner looking terrified and me not really taking in the seriousness of what was going on. Even going into surgey for the coiling - I remember pleading with the anaethatist to just put me sleep as I was just sooo tired- never occured to me that I might not come back - apparently was the worst 5 hours of my partner and sisters life, waiting ..... Gosh, 10 months on and I still struggle to believe all this has happened - will it ever really sink in - the fatique reminds me my brain needs more rest, and my memory is no where near as good - anxiety is controlled by anti D's and I think I have finally stopped worrying that every headache or pain is another SAH.

Welcome to the club!! Every thing you describe is normal, believe it or not!! The after care you receive from hospital will be practically non exsistant but you have found this site which should answer any questions you have or any fears you may be feeling. I am nearly 9 mths post SAH - I also was coiled - I receieved no after care. I was also told on discharge from hospital that I would be scanned at 6 wks - this date came and went, I chased and it ended up being 6mths! Its been, and still is an emotional roller coaster - the fears and tears and anger and frustration but it does eventually get better - each week passes and I can honestly look back and think, well that was better or I didin't have to think about that and I'm not as fatiqued. Be patient (easier said than done) and take it one day at a time. Work wise - I had 3 mths off but chose to go back on a phased return = luckily my employers were brilliant (still are) and very understanding. Occupational health phased my return over a month but I actually phased myself in over another 3 months. Drink lots of water and rest when you need to xxx

Just wanted you all to know my partner Iain is doing the London to Brighton Bike Ride tomorrow. He is donning his lycra and packing his vasaline and cycling the 54miles to raise money for Headway (don't need to tell you all what they do and how good they are!) Fingers crossed the rain lets up and the sun comes out (more for me waiting in Brighton!!) If you are interested his page is : www.justgiving.com/Iain-Shelley1

I think these are all 'normal' feelings and part of the healing process. Now almost 8 months post SAH I can look back over the months and see how far I have come. It's not been an easy ride, and its not over yet. The depression has been the hardest to come to terms with, again like most I have always been an active person, easy going and nothing phased me. Since SAH I have struggled to cope with the most simplistic tasks and getting very frustrated and angry - lacking motivation to do things - possibly because I have been anxious and worried about something happening again and even doubting my ablility to return to work and do my job. Fortunately I have a very supportive family and friends and my GP has been fab. I am now on low dose anti d's (which initially I was not keen on purely because of the stigma attached to them) but they have been the best thing - I can think straight, I don't get anxious or worried, infact I have almost been feeling like my old pre SAH self. In essence, it takes time, be patient but talk to your GP sooner rather than later. Keep smiling and keep drinking the water ....

Scrap metal value - one of the nurses in the HDU told me the platinum coils were valued at £500 each - I have 13 (unlucky for some!!) My partner threatens to trade my head in for a new car Depression, lacking motivation, being patient with the recovery, it all takes time. I am now 7mths post SAH - initially I remember the surgeon telling me that just making a cup of tea would exhaust me ... hah ha , I laughed, don't be silly .... boy was he right. But as time goes on you will look back and realise that each week does get easier and slowly you find yourself being able to do more and more. Be patient, drink plenty of water and keep smiling ...

Hi Cath, and warm welcomes. You've come to the right place for support and advice. I am 7months post SAH - and its not been an easy ride - a real roller coaster of emotions - i understand your feelings of feeling alone even tho you have great family and friends around you - it's not unusual to suffer levels of depression as you will find on this site, most of us have gone or are going thro it. You will find this site a source of information and support, full of lovely friendly people - it's a comfort to know you are not alone or you are not the only one to have suffered and survived a SAH. Its a great site for answering your questions but also a place to let of steam and have a good rant and rave to people who know. look forward to chatting soon

Heres a question for gym users We have power plates at my gym which I use to use pre-SAH - for those who are don't know they are vibrating platforms used as exercise equipment - gives the body's muscles a high speed work out using vibrations to stimulate them - no cardiovascular benifits tho. No one seems to know if I am safe to use them post SAH. You can't use them if you have suffered DVT, have a coil (contraception) fitted or have pacemaker. The staff at gym seem to think because I have coils in my head I shouldn't use them - but there has been no definitative answer. Even tried to go direct to power plate manufacturer but no joy there. Any one aware of any reason why I shouldn't use them - does any one else use them - any reason why vibrations would do any damage to the coils in my head?? xxx

Lisa, don't be so hard on yourself hun. We've all been there, and come out the other side, to only go back again, but to resurface again Your post is practically identical to the one I wrote when I first found this site - before I had these guys I would sit in the corner of a room and sob my heart out. It really is an emotional roller coaster, not just for you but also for your family and friends. i have kinda come to the conclusion that if we are STRONG enough to survive a SAH then we are STRONG enough to get through pretty much most ***** thrown at us, we must be very special people to mangage all we do and still come out the other side smiling 6mths on I still have bad days, down days and days things are not so good with my family only last night my partner was getting really frustrated with me because I had to keep asking him questions not once not twice but three times because i just couldn't absorb the answers, it drives him nuts but is also frustrating for me when he seems to think its because i'm not listening to him .... Councelling is definitely the way to go it takes time but I found it helped a great deal with my emotions. Honestly, it does get easy, just takes time and you got to be patient ..... now I just need to read back thro this and actually practice what I preach!! xx

Hi debbie The sounding drunk .... oh yes, words slurred and mixed up .... definitely a sign I was tired and had over done things. Fortunately its not as bad now, well I don't sound drunk, just get words mixed up or struggle to find the right word. Only last night had a row with my partner and had to remind him how my brain works, or doesn't work ... he got frustrated with me because I had to ask the same question 2-3 times to be able to process the answer - it frustrates hims because its usually basic fundimental chores that I am questioning and he thinks I am not listening to him answer because I have to ask again. I think as well because some days are better than others, there is no set pattern, just when things look good, I then have a day when I really struggle to understand and like you have to have even the most basic instructions broken down into small chunks. He even admitted it would have been easier for him to cope with me if I had something wrong - something he could see, rather than just seeing me 'normal' - because he can't see what my brain is doing - had to remind him how frustrating it is for me as well, like you said, having a brain like a washing machine is not easy to deal with and very difficult to understand yourself, let alone try to explain it to others. Going to the cinema was a brave move .... it took me 2-3 months before I could even sit and watch the TV. Use to take myself of to bed just so the rest of the family could watch TV! Like you say, got to keep trying, I still don't really know my limitations but 6mths on, I think I am slowly learning. But as each week passes, I do try and look back at what I've acheived, and usually its a bit more than the previous week, so I know i'm getting better (not as quickly as I woud like!!) just got to be patient .... xxx

been there, done that, still doing it!! 6 mths post SAH ... and actually today has been one of those 'overdone it' days. RPM class this morning before work - and felt good so pushed myself harder than i have been doing .... busy day at work,dash home to organise tea then onto daughters netball match which I was asked to ref for .... home, tea for kids, one to get to scouts ... then crashed and burnt ... worst headache i've had for weeks. Not long woken up, its so frustrating, especially the fitness side as I hate not being able to put 100% into my work outs, but I know if I do push too hard it wipes me out and I have to sacrifice doing something else. Its tough finding that happy medium between what you want to do and what you are able to do, I'm still trying to find it .... xxx

Dawn i was also treated at JR - and whilst can't fault the care received whilst an in patient, the after care has been none existant. I am still waiting for the results of my MRI which I had on 6th March - did phone hospital last Friday and they said the results were with the Dr so should hear this week. I am sooo amazed that no follow up appts are offered - i have so many questions I would have liked to ask, and still want to ask the consultant, I have written him letters which have never been replied to - do I keep shouting and insist on an appt with the surgeons - will give it til the end of this week then I will be back on the phone again - will be looking at that link Kel posted as well ... like you all say, Thank goodness for BTG .... xx

Hi Debbie recovery certainly is peaks and troughs. I'm coming up to 6mths post SAH and just when I think I can do it all, I end up in bed, wiped out or with head aches. i still haven't found that happy medium of what I can do and what i shoud be doing - its sooooo frustrating. "looking so well" also makes it harder for others to understand fully what your brain is trying to do as it recovers from the major trauma it has survived. Plenty of water and try not to be too hard on yourself ... baby steps (I really should take my own advice)

so so with you on this one .... people telling me how lucky i am to be alive, how gateful I must feel to have been given another chance .... it makes me feel guilty because i don't see it like this.... and I wonder is that so wrong of me. i am just so angry and frustrated because i want the old me back .... i want to be able to rush around 100mph without suffering from headaches and fatigue, I want to be able to go to the gym 7 days a week and put in 110% without making up for it with headaches and fatigue, i want to be able to return to boxing. I want to not have to worry and get anxious about going out, fret about noise levels and numbers of people around me ... I want to be able to do all those things I enjoyed without the consequences of headaches and fatigue. I want my confidence back, I want my fitness back, Its sooo not fair Don't get me wrong, I am sooo grateful to be here, but god am I frustrated and p'd off with having to accept and adjust to a different way of life .... why did this have to happen to me? Thank god for this site, allowing us to rant and rave, knowing that you all understand and won't judge

Update..... have avoided murder and being offensive to anyone!! Well in earshot anyway .... arrogant bus driver got some gesticulations earlier this morning pulling out in front of me Gp has given me some meds to help 'calm me down'. was never one for antidepressants, but the way I feel at the mo am willing to give them a try, he has also given me the name of a counsellor he recommends so i need to contact her. Also suggested I slow down a bit, maybe I am trying to do too much (again). Tablet taken .... now to relax and chill ...... Dawn - specifics of SAH - 3 aneurysms - not sure which one actually ruptured, so coiled the larger 2 and have left the smaller one untreated - its this one I get a bit twitchy about. Still waiting for results from MRI last week - this should hopefully reassure me that it is stable and hasn't grown any bigger. xxx