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Greasly23

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  1. Thanks skippy, sorry for my rant earlier. Just feel like my recovery has paused and the frustration boils over, I thought I had accepted the new me but I guess in the early days it’s easy to accept the new you when deep down you think it’s ok I can get back to normal. The longer it takes, the more you have to accept that the old you is long gone. I will try speaking to my gp again about therapy, but last time I tried I was told the waiting list was about 10 months long for 6 sessions which I decided I would probably be ok by that time and even if I wasn’t I’m not sure 6 sessions would even scratch the surface. My gp advised it was probably better to go private, but there is no way I can afford that, I’m only just managing to keep a roof over our head at the moment. This sites helps a lot, just to know I’m not the only one struggling post SAH is a great comfort. Sorry for my current negativity, the heat is making things harder than usual. xxx
  2. So here I am 20 months post SAH and coiling, in constant pain laid in bed overheating. The levels of my frustration have got to breaking point, I feel so useless, I have no energy or motivation. I use to be a person who took on any and every challenge, a person people turned to for help and support. I hate this version of me, who sits and watches my family argue over who’s turn it is to cook or clean, my house is an absolute mess now with so many diy and maintenance jobs piled up and I can’t face coping with any of it. I feel so overwhelmed by all of it that I can’t bear to see it, so I shut myself in my bedroom. I have started to resent family and friends for being able to go out and enjoy life whilst I’m stuck here. Most of my friends have vanished since my SAH and the few that have stayed must be so sick of me, my anger, impatience, tears and inability to do things. I feel like a ghost trapped watching everything fall apart and not being able to do a thing about it, I often wonder what the point of surviving was. The doctors do tests and tell me to give it time and keep taking the tablets, I’m piling on so much weight that I can’t bear to look at myself anymore. So I sit here and wonder if I did actually survive, or is this hell?
  3. Just thought I would share this article I found as this is a fantastic explanation of what happens during an sah and why: https://www.womenshealthmag.com/health/a19995966/brain-aneurysm-symptoms/
  4. So I had my SAH in dec ‘17 and was off work for 6mths. I returned very gradually, starting with just 2 mornings a week, I’ve kept my boss in the loop all the way through and have had a great deal of support, making sure I wasn’t trying to do too much. I’ve slowly built up to now working 4 half days, my pay has been pro rata, surviving on 2/5 of my normal income has been tough, but we have managed just about as a family. The company I work for has recently been bought out by a very large global company and my boss has been made managing director of the site I work at, she is still very keen on keeping me employed as I am apparently a very valued employee, but the new owners have referred me for an occupational health appointment. I’m terrified of this as I’m unsure what the outcome will be, will they think I’m able to work full time? Due to fatigue, brain fog, and congnitive function declining with tiredness throughout the day, I can’t cope with full time hours, which my boss understands. Or will they suggest that I’m unfit for any work, I don’t meet the criteria for disability benefits and can’t face trying to find a new job in my post SAH condition, I just don’t have the confidence to sell myself and would really struggle to learn a new job anyway. Have any of you had experience of this kind of situation, I’m trying not to panic, but as I’m sure you can understand, I’m not at my most rational state at the moment. The appointment alone is an hour and a half drive to get there, let alone getting back aggggghhhh stress
  5. I made it downstairs to the sofa today. My dog was pleased to see me, my two teenage sons still seem quite unsure around me, they are used to their mum just getting on with things, so this has thrown them. My fiancée has been incredible, I dread to think what I would do without her right now. I've never felt so tired and weak. My hearing is very strange, as if I'm underwater, music sounds out of tune and voices sound like high pitched chipmunks. I'm signed off work for 4 weeks and they want me to return sooner, I'm exhausted though, I slept for 2 hours after brushing my teeth and washing. I can't think about work.
  6. So here I am two weeks after my bleed on the brain, home after the most confusing time ever. I remember the immense pain in my head and waiting for the ambulance, the scans at one hospital, then blue lighted to the neuro unit at another hospital. A coiling operation, more pain, scans, drugs and now I'm home and wondering if I will ever be the same again. This is a terrifying experience to go through, I'm glad I found you lot here. I'm hoping you can help me make sense of how I feel, early days I know and I can't say I'm looking forward to the path ahead. But onwards and hopefully upwards
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