alison

Well Hello again wonderful people its been nearly 4 years since Chris had his SH and stroke. I was just reading back over this thread at how far we had come. And with out this wonderful site i really dont know where i would have been back at the begining so once again thank you for all the posts, advice and support ..has been so great!! As for me and Chris now...well, I say this with a heavy heart but...we are actually seperating..its very sad i know....He is waiting to get his own little flat locally. We are still friends, Ive been there for him 24/7 for 4 alomost 4 years ...I am going to help him ease into his new life and with all the added support he will recieve. I feel I am enabling his acoholism while he is with me here and we have just become incredibly dysfunctional as a family. I feel really guilty for not being able to carry on with Chris as my partner, I still love the guy btw....but I did try..I admire anyone who copes with a loved one in this situation..i know it can be so surreal. I wont go on and on about the negative things with Chris as I am sure everyone knows all about it really, just wanted to update you on our journey. much Love Alison x

Hey Tinks I am there right with you hunny hugs, have been through a very similar situation with my partner. He had an SAH 2 years ago and has improved so much. When he first woke , he was the same, sexually explicit, racist, aggressive ..he was never like this before. I was terribly embarrassed at the time, even leaving the hospital in tears because it was so distressing...BUT...it does pass! Yep, he maybe like it for a while...but, when Dad is more aware and as time goes on you will be able to say to him ' hey Dad, dont say that...or Dad, that is not really very nice ' etc ..words to that effect, he will basically have to learn what is acceptable socially again...my partner was exactly the same...he is fine on that front now..maybe the odd thing here and there but nothing like in the early days. Right now, i know its really hard to see your dad going through all this. My partner also had some skull removed because of pressure ...and a year later they fitted him with a metal plate, just an over night stay at the hosp and it was fine and he looks right back to how he did The best thing i can advise is taking what he says with a pinch of salt, the negative stuff i mean...he really cant help it and the nurses docs etc,..know this too I read that when the brain has this trauma , when awakened again, all the deep early primal emotions wake first, sexual, aggression etc...so its just part of your dads healing process, as freaky as it is So chin up, you are doing all the right things being there for him I wish you all the best on the journey you face and i am sure you will soon begin to have some positive days Please feel free to message me if i can be of any help..and here is the link to my intro on this site and you will see i had very similar worries to you http://www.behindthegray.net/vbulletin/showthread.php?7530-New-Member-Alison-saying-hello

Thank you for your replies Yep, the drinking thing is very hard to be honest, its prob the worst thing that is going on now. Such a shame and i feel guilty about it in some way..i dont want to be an enabler for him. Anyway, i really am keeping as positive as possible about everything. The trouble with Chris and getting help is, in his mind..he is quite fine and can do it all by himself..and anyone who has come to see him, he will quickly get them to leave! lol..so i dont know..still baby steps i guess I know its an escape for him, i really do understand that and I hope in due time we can tackle it positively! and Win...i sing all the time ! i got that from you i sing my head off as i go about the house and even when i take a trip to the shops lol...it makes me smile Well i will keep updating, see how things progress love and hugs to you all and thank you once again for all your on going support , prayer and words of encouragement

Well its been 2 years since Chris had his SAH...cant believe where the time has gone! I have not written here for a while and wanted to pop in as I dont know what i would have done with out the support from the great folks here ! Well, Chris is doing good in some things, bad on others...all the things i worried about, especially his lowered inhibition is much better now He still has to be reminded now and then of his behavior if he says things a lil too OTT but other than that, its all cope able. Last January he had a metal plate fitted to cover the large gap in his skull, his head is now all back to its normal shape. Was just an overnight time in St Georges and he has had no complications at all His blindness in his left eye has improved and he has learnt to compensate with the other. The only down side to things with Chris is that he is now an alcoholic. I feel even strange writing that , as it seems so surreal. So...this obviously has impacted a lot on his recovery. Trying to cope with a drunk brain injured person is not fun at all, very stressful but i do my best each day to get us through it. When he has not had a drink, we talk about his brain and what the drink is doing etc..he knows its a no win situation, but sadly, he has no motivation to stop, he has lost the skills he had to make those decisions sadly so i try to manage it with him as best i can. Apart from the drink issue, Chris is actually doing well he is pretty much the person he was, but there is this core that is missing or is blurred. I see flickers of the old chris now and then. What the future holds?..well i really do now know...we just have to make the most of each day I guess.

smiles..its great news you are getting better. I think maybe the blues and anxiety can come from pp expecting too much from you and maybe expecting to much from yourself Its such a rollercoaster ride and you are only human, dont be so hard on yourself hun x good luck in your wonderful process and great improvements. X Alison x

Welcome Lillian, my partner had an SAH in feb this year, he is 46, i can totally understand what you are going through. my thoughts are with you both xx

oh right scoob, did you have an op to replace the skull or are you waiting to hear about it? Chris's dent is about 3 inches high 6 inches long it does look quite strange, i am used to it now, but some days its very prominent others its less. After he had a clip fitted, he began to get worse so it was performed to purely save his life and release pressure. I think when chris has had it delt with he will be able to move forward even more, its kind of stopping things right now, and i tell him its still early early days in his recovery.

Thank you for your replies guys. Lovely to hear from you and ty as always for your wonderful support and yes, this site is amazing. I have learnt so much here its fantastic xx hugs everyone

Hi Win and Paul, so lovely to hear from you both and ty for your replies. did you get any good tunes on ya dads plate Win..chuckles. I dont know what is going to happen with Chris, will find out more in Aug when we go to the hosp i guess. He is quite frightened at the thought of having the op, i tried to keep him calm and say all the right things to him, but i would feel the same no doubt, at one point he said ' i dont wanna have it done i am happy like this' awwww. but i chatted with him and said he would be safer and be able do do more things with replaced, he agrees but i totally understand his concerns. Interesting about Lin, Paul. Glad to hear she is all fitted for the plate, a scary time too tho. Big hugs for Lin xx. I call Chris Iggle Piggle, a character from a kids tv show cos they have the same shape head at the mo..chuckles, he thinks that is funny. i also noticed when he is dehydrated , the dip in his head is way more prominent so i try to encourage him to drink more. Well its all a waiting game..was told this from the start smiles. thank you again for your replies and Win i dont know what a shunt is, only heard that in a train yard setting...chuckles. hugs and love to you all. My thoughts are with you both xx Have a great week xx

Has anyone had this? if so what happened to you? are you waiting for it to be replaced or a metal plate? I was curious as i dont know anyone else that has had this, and wondered what the procedure is too fix it?

hey lovelies just wanted to say hi as i not been here much lately. hope everyone is doing well Well its coming up 5 months since Chris had is SAH., still early days in the whole scheme of things. He has been home a while now and is slowly improving in many ways. I dont think he will ever be totally the same, i feel i can just tell but who knows. His speech and capacity to grasp the full facts of his condition are much improved. His impatience is still crazy and his concept of time appears to be non existent sometimes. He still may put his clothes on inside out and his shoes on the wrong feet but now we laugh about it, and i look him if he has done this, smiles and say, 'you better look in the mirror love' and he says 'oh ****** hell' looking at his back to front things ..chuckles. But on the other hand he never complains about himself and he does try very hard to get on with stuff. He gets tired very quickly and he has attempted tasks like strimming and mowing the lawn. i used to moan and worry about him doing these things but now, just let him have a go at stuff and just supervise, unless its really dangerous or irrational. We are going back to St. Georges in August, as Chris still has a bone flap at the moment. He will find out then what is gonna happen about that. So its onwards and upwards and keep smiling

I am not entirely sure this applies to your partner but they may help http://www.headway.org.uk/executive-dysfunction-after-brain-injury.aspx http://www.headway.org.uk/caring.aspx i found headway a really good site you can download a lot of pdf stuff too from them xx Alison

Hello Mountain I totally understand how you feel, my partner had an SAH of feb this year and i am slowly learning to be with the 'new' Chris. its only very early in his recovery but he too is a bit of a dif person right now. I understand now that it is his injury and not him that has caused this change. my partner suffered his bleed on the right frontal lobe and is now left with a condition called executive dysfunction. Now i know what this is i have researched and can now understand and help him in many ways. He too used to be a very fit guy always out on his bike, doing DIY round the house or spent time gardening, now all those things are of no interest ( except the bike riding where we have had many standoffs about it, as chris still has a bone flap and needs his skull repaired before he can venture on that again). Chris seems very flat in personality and also very childlike in many ways. i just try to stay chilled even tho I have had my moments where i felt like i was really losing my marbles. It sounds like you are doing your very best hun and you are only human and as every one says, its a long road and everyone recovers at dif paces. as for the bedroom dept..giggles..my partner is the opposite and a lil demanding at times! but i still stay chilled because i am not always in the mood, its hard to be a carer and a lover to the same person without a few issues. I wish you all the best hun and chin up hugs x

Thanks Macca, great post Yes I realise its a long old road we are walking here. I have kept a diary, i started it the day Chris first had his SAH, i do look back and think wow! Chris has come a long way all ready even tho its early in his recovery. Chris is a smart guy, his memory is impeccable, I am thankful we can still have a laugh together amongst the tough times I have been with Chris 23 years, we never married, we both just too lazy to ever sort it out but maybe will now, he has asked me a few times lately...giggles. Your lady sounds a wonderful girl, so brill to hear you getting married and i wish you every happiness in your life together. When i read messages like yours, the light at the end of the tunnels glows brighter so i thank you for taking the time to post. Alison x

I hope your MRI goes all good Mike. Thank you for your support and for sharing your experiences. Chris's behaviour has calmed down a lot thank goodness, He still has the odd day when he may be inappropriate but I can now cope with things much better. I know now that Chris will always be a little bit different from before. Even tho he is in a little denial of his exact state, day to day its been a bit easier. I am learning to cope and put in place new routines to deal with things. I try to stay calm and be lighthearted as often as poss. I have had a couple of bad days with Chris when he has been extremely demanding but we getting there