AnnieT

Hello all, Geeky psychology entry about the different bits of memory coming up - this might help you understand it? Short-term memory is stuff you hold very briefly in your memory that if it isn't reinforced, will not be committed to long-term memory and will be lost. The research suggests you can hold 7 (+/- 2) pieces of information in your short-term memory at any one time e.g. a 6 digit phone number and that you only hold it for a few seconds before it is lost or you actively reinforce it using your working memory and it is moved to your long-term memory. Long-term memory is the stuff you have locked away into your memory to be recalled at a later date. It transfers to LTM from STM if it is something really pertinent to you or you have actively reinforced it in your mind and made yourself remember it, e.g. you have said that phone number over and over again so it is stuck in your memory bank to be retrieved at any time. Working memory is the strategies and methods you use to manipulate the information you are exposed to - which bits of information you ignore and which bits you pay attention to. It is the bit of your memory that does the work to commit information you want to remember from short-term memory to long-term memory (e.g. by repeating the phone number over and over again until you know it off by heart). For you computer people, its the RAM bit in your brain that does the processing. It is also the bit that declines with age (hence why older people can remember the war and not what they had for dinner) and is affected by stress (sounds familiar...!). It would make sense therefore that your working memory is affected by SAH due to the increase in fatigue and reduction in capacity to concentrate. One of the psychologists I work with has offered to do an IQ test on me to see how my working memory is post-SAH which makes me a bit nervous, but might be quite interesting. I have nothing to compare it to though as I didn't complete one pre-SAH! Anyway, forgive me waffling, though this might be interesting to people. You can tell there was nothing that took my facy on TV tonight... Best wishes all Annie

Hello all, Really interesting to read people's responses about their memory. I find this is the single most frustrating thing about having an SAH since all the other symptoms have work off now. People tell me my memory is no worse than everyone elses, when I know it is. And they tell me "oh I do that" when I tell them what I am particularly bad at now. Which is just them trying to make me feel better - but I know it's not quite the same for me as it is for them. It's not their fault, they're just trying to be nice. I search for common words much more often than I used to, and people tell me I ask them them the same thing several times having forgotten their responses. I also write everything down now and email myself at work to remind myself to do things. I guess you just adapt don't you? And figure out new ways and strategies to help you. A new colleague (a psychologist) told me the other day that she has prosopagnosia which is where you cannot remember or recall faces and how she has had to develop new ways of helping herself so that she doesn't get embarrassed in social situations. Hers isn't the result of an SAH - just one of those things she was born with. I had no idea that she had this condition and I have been working with her for a few months now. I suppose what I'm trying to say, however obvious we think our problems are to others, they probably aren't in reality! I remember talking to the lovely Lesley at Wessex neuro at my 3 month check up and my first question being 'am I more at risk of degenerative neuralogical conditions?' e.g. dementia etc. The answer was a resounding 'no' which was reassuring. Although sometimes it feels like that's not the case! Anyway, hope everyone is ok Annie

Hey Sue! So glad I spotted this thread as not getting the chance to go on here much. What a year! For me it's been a year I want to forget but won't - a year of being ill, having family bereavements, losing a job and finding another as well as trying to lead as normal life as possible! BTG helps you when no one else knows what it feels like so I agree with Sue - it has made everything that little bit easier to stomach! Best wishes to all and here's to the next year (it can't be any worse than the last one!) Annie x

Hi Scooby Doo I had my SAH in the gym (a particularly strenuous sit up I seem to recall...!) - but I was determined to get back in the gym and I think I went for the first time after about 3 months. Did running, circuit training quite happily (though not to the same fitness level) for around 4/5 months. then stopped - was tired, lethargic, couldn't be bothered. I think I was busy at week for a few weeks and slacked off and couldn't get back into it. Then I started to ahve headaches again a bit like you and that continued for around 2 months. In hindsight, I was stressed and trying to do too much. I have now started getting the train to work each day rather than driving as it means an hours walk a day. This is great - as it's exercise, makes me feel like I am at least doing something, but I have had to acknowledge that I really don't feel up to the gym and the moment and not give myself a hard time about it! So, you should do what you feel like, even if that is just walking. If you suddenly have a burst of energy, go for a run. but don't be surprised or upset if you have to take it easy for a few days afterwards!! My GP said it will take around a year to feel a biit more myself - well its a year this month and I think I still have a bit to go - especially around my tiredness. Easy to say - but try and chill out a bit and don't worry. (says she who constantly gives herself a hard time for not exercising as much as she used to...!) Annie

Hey Kris Not sure if this is the same thing as you get, but I often get very twitchy legs that just won't settle or relax. They almost move of their own accord! This is usually in the evening at the end of the day before I go to bed and so I equate it with tiredness. It's so annoying that I have to get up and walk around because otherwise I wriggle and fidget. It always goes eventually. Not sure if it's a nerve thing or blood flow? Wierd... I guess building up your muscles would be a good place to start - squats with weights and stretches etc - to strengthen your legs? Annie

Good luck Vanessa! I went back to work after a month, albeit very slowly, because like you I was getting depressed and bored. It took me three months to go up to full time. Sure you will be fine, just don't set yourself unachievable goals so you don't feel you are failing. Best wishes Annie

Hi Gaynor I get your worries about going back to work. I had a NASAH in January this year, had 8 days in hospital and a month off work then back to work gradually over 10 weeks or so. Like you I did not need to worry about pay stopping after a few weeks (I know I was fortunate as lots of people don't have this). For me, it was important to get back to work as I wanted to feel normal... BUT I would caveat that by saying I was lucky as I was able to take as long as I wanted to go back to work and do a really slow phased return. Plus it helps that I'm senior management so they let me dictate what I wanted to do. Despite that, my experience of other people and work, including my managers, was pretty positive. I think as soon as you mention the words brain haemorrhage people suddenly realise how serious it was and how it could have been so much worse for you. So the only piece of advice I would give is that if you want to go back to work - that's part of your recovery and getting back to normal, but take it slowly and don't expect to be full time again straight away. Better to go back slowly and get it right first time than go back full steam ahead and have to go off sick again. Hope this helps - don't worry you will know when its time to go back - when day time TV suddenly seems more awful than usual! Annie

Hey Shellie, As the others have said, you are relatively soon after your NASAH. The one thing I learned from mine in January 2012 was that it does really take a while for you to feel normal(ish) again. I drank loads of water for about a month after the SAH (around 3 litres a day - which was advised by the doctor when I was in hospital). That really helped me and although I did have headaches for the first month, I think they were less severe than if I hadn't drank so much water (if that makes sense). For me, the physical symptoms were manageable (though difficult - and I definitely still really suffer with fatigue and memory loss etc), the psychological impact was more tough. I would say I was fairly depressed for a good month to six weeks after I came out of hospital. I'm a psychologist, so I could recognise the depressive symptoms in myself (but also felt like I should be able to 'fix' myself, which is obviously a bit daft, but there you are!). I still fluctuate up and down with my mood and when I'm tired and my memory is rubbish and I can't find the words I'm trying to use to explain myself, I feel rubbish again. BUT, the important thing is that those depressive feelings do not last and you will feel better as you get your head around what has happened. Keep visiting the message boards as they reassure you that you are not strange in feeling the way you do and that there is no recipie for recovery - some people feel better in a few months, some people don't. Anyway, hope that's vaguely useful for you... Good luck Annie

Totally get what you're saying. As I have got better quite quickly (although I am still tired ALL the time!) I often feel like I should be more ill or that other people are more ill than me and that's not fair on them (why not just be glad I'm ok? Makes no sense!). Really daft but you can't help what you feel. Don't worry about it, I'm sure it's all part of the healing process. I'm a psychologist myself and thus have probably beat myself up even more than others might for not coping/coping too well/not knowing whether I'm coming or going, but I guess the best thing to do is not read too much into your feelings and try to 'ride' them out (if that makes sense?). Take it easy Annie

Hiya Ep Yep I do still get headaches but not too often. And the grogginess has stayed, especially if I have too much or too little sleep. My specialist nurse said to expect it to take around a year before I'm feeling 'normal' again. You are very soon after your SAH - I am around 4 months post SAH so probably a little more able to do stuff than you are at the moment. I am rubbish at following my own advice, but if you don't feel like doing anything, don't do it as you will suffer with real tiredness if you push yourself. As for the food thing, I haven't really noticed any major changes regarding what I do and don't like, but I know some people do. Best wishes - hang in there I'm sure you will start to feel better soon. Annie

EPaul1967 Totally get your anxieties - I was circuit training when I had my SAH on January 5th 2012. Went back to my first circuit training session 3 weeks ago. Was I anxious? A little. But I know that it was unfounded anxiety as I had no aneurism and non known cause for my SAH. Feel so much better getting back into exercise (especially as I have put on around half a stone since coming out of hospital!). It takes time though and it is so tiring - but you know as I do that tired feeling after exercise is a good tired feeling and makes you feel good about yourself. Go for it - just don't expect the same levels of fitness as you had pre-SAH to come back straight away. I think it's probably going to take me a while to be as fit as I was. But hey, life could be worse?! Take it easy Annie

Love this thread! I have a black and white moggy who I think was the runt of the litter as she is still the size of a large kitten at 5 years old! She would not leave me alone when I came out of hospital, slept on the sofa with me, followed me around etc. I'm a big advocate for animal companionship - sometimes when you are exhausted and can't be doing with human conversation, animals are just simpler to be around! Annie X

Hi Dawn As a manager myself and a SAH'er - unfortunately I've been on both ends of these OH reports! Often they aren't fantastic... From my experience, I would suggest that "management action" refers to one of a couple of options that your manager can consider - ill-health retirement (there are quite specific criteria that you have to meet to be eligible and usually involves a pay-off and retirement from that particular organisation with an agreement that you cannot return to that organisation in the future - though there is nothing stopping you applying for a job with another organisation) or regrading to a different role within your organisation (not sure if this is an option at your work place?). Regrading is usually to a lesser paid, less responsible role - and acknowledges that you are still able to work, but that not in your original role/grade. You might be able to negociate other options such as a reduction in hours or job share etc? Try not to worry though, your employer has a responsibility to work with you through this, if you are a member of a union, it might be worth engaging them early on so they are aware of what you are going through. Hope this helps Annie

Hi Lisa I know what you mean. Sometimes I feel really restless and can't get comfortable or my skin feels tingly. I notice it the most when I've been sitting or lying still for prolonged periods of time. No idea what it is though or whether it's linked to my SAH. I do know however, that you can become more sensitive in general following SAH so I don't think what we experience is unusual (though it is a little annoying!). All the best Annie

Hi Riane, How positive to hear the progress you have made. I actually feel better this week and a little more positive - like I can do things and be more active. I guess thats the nature of the recovery - some weeks/days are good, some weeks/days are rotten. My mum says I sound better this week and who better to know than her eh?! Have booked a couple of days in a spa hotel over easter for me and my partner - I figure we deserve it! Annie X

All, Really useful advice and suggestions from people. It's kind of difficult coming to terms with the fact that stamina and energy levels might not be the same post-SAH as they were pre-SAH, especially if, like me, you're into that type of exercise (I like running long distances, but quite slowly rather than the other way round!) I totally get what Mags says about not working past contracted hours - although I've started to go back to work, I am only really doing two days a week at the moment and inevitably that means stuff doesn't get done. Because I'm part of a senior management team with a heavy workload, pre-SAH I used to worry about getting things done. Since the SAH, I am much more relaxed about work - if it doesn't get done, it doesn't get done. That doesn't mean you lower your standards, but a SAH does make you evaluate what's important I guess (although I know that sounds a bit naff, you know what I mean!). Home life and doing fun things are really important now as they help me to manage stress levels. On the plus side, I managed 30 minutes on my step machine today and cleaned the house and did the ironing and I don't feel too bad... I'm going to get my bike fixed too so I can get back into cycling. Because I had my SAH when I was in the gym - there's a bit of me that's nervous about returning to the gym (even though I know that's irrational). Oh well, slowly, slowly, catchy monkey (or whatever the saying is!). Thanks all Annie X

Hello all Thank you so much for all your words of wisdom - it really does mean a lot to be reassured that you aren't the only person feeling a certain way! You have definitely inspired me to be a bit more proactive and tomorrow I'm going to a support group for people who have had SAH at the Wessex neuro centre at Southampton (thank you to Gill for encouraging me!!). I also told my manager that I was struggling a bit and he was very clear that I can take as long as I need to get fully back to work and that I can access counselling if/when I want to. So... all in all, feeling a little better, still a way to go, but I guess that's the nature of SAH?! Really pleased I discovered this site - it seems like a good place to get stuff off your chest and help others too! Annie X

Hi all, This is so reassuring! I had a non-aneurism SAH on Jan 5 2012 and was in Wessex Neuro unit for 8 days. I had a CT and two angiograms to make sure that there was nothing untoward before they discharged me. Don't know about anyone else who has had a SAH with no known cause, but I don't feel like I should be struggling with tiredness etc! I don't feel as if I have been as unwell as other people who has had operations on aneurisms etc. So I get frustrated when I lack energy to do anything! I am back at work (two days this week) who have been understanding and supportive. I'm scared that I present as ok because I want to be ok, but that in reality I'm really tired and a bit emotional a lot of the time! I worry that I will get up to full time in a month or so and then manage for a few weeks and then crash and burn and be back to square one! Like other people I was fit and healthy before the SAH - I actually had mine while doing a sit up while circuit training in my lunch break. Seems that this happens to a few people. I think that not being able to exercise like I did before is contributing to my lethargy and is probably making me put on weight. I worry it will take me ages to get back my levels of fitness! To put it bluntly, I seem to spend a lot of time worrying about the future and how long it will take to get back to 'normal'. Does anyone else do this? Was anyone with a non-aneurism SAH back at work full time within 3 months or am I being completely ridiculous and putting undue pressure on myself? Thanks all Annie X

Thank you so much for such quick and wise replies. It's surreal - I know that if I was me listening to someone else say everything I've been saying, I would say exactly what you guys have just said to me (if that makes any sense...). I have never been one to relax and take things easy, so adjusting to the need to slow down and listen to my body when it says it's tired is a strange one for me. I also think that I haven't got a right (!) to be miserable - afterall on the SAH scale, I've had a minor one. Even when in the hospital (Wessex Neuro unit in Southampton) and they were asking me to grade the worst headache I've ever had, I was saying "oooh about a 7 out of 10 I think" (actually it was off the scale!!). I guess I'm also a bit scared of opening my feelings up to the world and asking for help in case it leaves me feeling vulnerable. On the plus side, how wonderful to read so many entries by people who have been through so much and have had their world turned upside down and are still able to be rational and willing to share their experiences to reassure and support others. A whole new world has been opened up to me! Has anyone else accessed counselling through their workplace or have people tended to go to specialist counsellors who have experience working with people with brain injury? I can access counselling through work and I have been offered it since returning a couple of weeks ago (albeit it only on a couple of days a week). I'm not sure how I feel about accessing something like that through work (I work for the civil service) but on the plus side it's free and I have heard good things about it from friends who have accessed it for divorce and various other issues. Any advice gratefully received. And thank you again. Annie x

Hi all, This is all new to me - I've never posted on a forum before, I'm a bit of a private person really. I had a SAH on 5/1/12 from a weak blood vessel that burst (no aneurism so I know I'm a lucky girl) and to all intents and purposes I'm recovered. Except for being tired all the time. And feeling miserable - like everything that happens to me is always bad. My gran died when I was ill, my other gran died the same time last year, my partner's gran just died, restructuring means I'll lose my job next year. I could go one but lets not depress ourselves! The rational part of me knows this is just one of those things that's out of my control. But that's harder really as it suggests I have no ability to have an impact on what happens to me. Does anyone else feel a little like a victim after this SAH? A bit over-emotional and irrational? To top it all I'm a psychologist so of anyone, I should know how to cope! How have people coped with the emotions and depressive feelings following a SAH? Be grateful for any pointers/tips. Annie X