hi all my name is marie and i had a sah on the 11th jan 2012 aged 37. i was alone when it happened and when it did i knew it was something bad. i managed to crawl to the front door to open it and phone my loved ones and then i phoned the ambulance. i tried to tell the paramedics that i think something had burst in my head ( my sister had a sah in jan 2001 so i knew what it might feel like ) but they did not belieive me. even though i was a bit out of it i could see the look on the paramedics face as if to say what do you know. in fact the guy asked me if i WANTED to go to hospital and i said EH YEAH. it took the hospital 48 hours to give me a ct scan as apparantly it was busy with emergencies, dont know what i was classed as but hey ho i eventually got it which confirmed it was a sah. i got taken to edinburgh for coiling which went fine and i came home 2 weeks later. my main worry is work as i will not be able to return to the job i was doing before as it was very physical and stressful so am currently on very small sick pay. i cant afford anything at the moment and am currently having to go bankrupt which is a major stress. i just feel so sad all the time and i cry a lot and my motivation is zero. i have no energy to do stuff with my 9 year old daughter ( and no money ) which is playing on my mind and am worried about our future. i went to my doctor last week to ask about getting to speak to someone but he said that could take months and that i really needed to start taking antidepressants straight away. i have done some reading about them and they dont sound very nice so at present i still haven't taken them. i also have good days in between which makes me question my depression. i feel so worthless sometimes like a bit of a waste of space and a hinderance on others and there has been days when i have thought maybe it would of been easier if i had died. i want to know if i will ever get through this and should i take the antidepressants. i am also thinking about who would employ me now? what use am i to anyone? any words from anyone would be appreciated as you all seem so nice. thanks for listening.
marie
