Jo_S

Thank you so much for your kind words - it’s so hard to process. We are all very fortunate for sure and I think that’s what really hit me… I have had a lot of therapy this year to cope with the guilt and the anxiety.. and I’m feeling like I am having to go through it again, alongside the loss of my friend. She was one of the strongest people I know and the fact that she helped me so much this year is what will get me through. I hope everyone is doing OK and having a lovely festive period ❤️ Thank you again for the lovely messages xx

Hi All, By way of an update… I am almost coming up to the 1 year anniversary of my SAH. I am feeling SO much better after the 12 months and I’m almost feeling back to my old self again. However, the day before Christmas Eve my best friend ended up encountering the same thing (I currently have minimal details from her family, I just know that she had a bleed on the brain)…. except she wasn’t so lucky. Just before midnight on Christmas Eve and the early hours of Christmas Day, her life support machine was turned off and she donated her organs to people in need. I am absolutely devasted. I cannot comprehend what has happened… I also cannot believe that it happened to both me and my best friend. I am now going through all the emotions - reliving the incident myself, having survivors guilt but also feeling incredibly lucky to have my life. I’m not sure what or how to feel right now. This year has been so tough 😢

Hi @Janey c I went to see a therapist post-SAH and, although this was by no means a diagnosis, they told me I was 'screaming ADHD' and insisted I be referred to a psychiatrist for a diagnosis. I have not yet pursued this and a first felt very much downhearted... I also think I probably had ADHD pre-SAH, which may be different to your case. However, I have since had therapy (with a different therapist!) and although I probably have ADHD tendencies, I am learning to understand and manage my thoughts. ADHD is by no means a sign of weakness and no longer has the same stigma associated with it - for some, it's a super power 🙂 I'm not sure if this is of any help... but good luck with your GP and I hope you get what you need from them. It sounds like it is the best first step! Jo x

Hi @Skippy @ClareM Thank you so much for coming back to me and for the kind and wonderful words of wisdom. This is so helpful! Listening to my body is certainly one of the hardest things that I have found to do! I honestly feel so fortunate and grateful with my recovery so far and trying to be so positive 🙏 I'll keep you updated with my follow up. Thanks so much again, Jo xx

Hi, I hope all is well with everyone, I wanted to check back here for a little bit of advice.. It's now been 6 months since my bleed - my 3 months consultation was pushed back and I now have this tomorrow. I've felt quite lost over these past 6 months and I'm a little (or rather, very) nervous and apprehensive, about tomorrow but hoping it goes well and that I can get the answers I need. I'm genuinely surprised with my recovery physically, as it has seemingly been quite miraculous. I am now back to work full time, going to the gym and trying to manage some sort of a social life - as well as going on holiday! However... I feel that although I am recovered physically (maybe not fully, but almost there!) - I do get stressed very easily, have a lot of tension headaches still, tinnitus and I feel like I am suffering a lot with my mental health - I did so before, but this is just another level. Some weeks I can be fine, some weeks I am not and I can't work out if I am coming or going/ what I need and what I don't need. I feel like people think that just because I seem fine physically and that I can go to the gym, do some social things, that I am fully recovered. I still get exhausted by pushing myself to do these things. I'm not sure if this is my own issue, but my friendship groups have changed drastically and I feel like some people have distanced themselves from me. Based on the fact I can cancel plans quite abruptly, I am feeling that my friendships are diminishing. It's also now got me questioning my behaviour - has this got anything to do with my bahaviour changing? I'm unsure. It's funny - pre bleed I used to think that I couldn't cry, no matter how hard I tried. Now I feel like my emotions are everywhere, I've cried so much and I'm feeling quite alone (even though I'm probably not!) I always find it very hard to articulate how I feel... I'd be really interested to know if anyone else encountered this? Has anyone taken anxiety medication ? Is it even possible to take anxiety medication after what has happened? All the questions .... perhaps one for my consultant tomorrow...! Jo xx

Thank you so much for the responses @jess and @Skippy I really appreciate the advice! I also really love the 'Pit Stop' analogy... I now keep using this when I refer to my experience last week

Hey! I'm Jo I'm 33 and based in London. I've commented on a few posts previously and intended to write my intro... so here I am (albeit a little late!) I love CrossFit; I was in the gym on a Thursday morning at 6 am in early January and we'd just finished doing pull-ups. All of a sudden I had this rush from the back of my neck over the top of my head to my forehead, my hearing went funny, I lost my balance, I felt nauseous and as if I was about to pass out. I tried to crouch low to the ground (thinking I was going to faint) but it didn't stop and I stumbled to the corner of the room where the coach came to help me. My body was shaking and my heart rate on my watch was at 128bpm and increasing. Lying on the floor seemed to help and someone in the gym gave me a few sweets, thinking I had low blood sugar (after all it was 6am in the morning) but after some time on the floor I tried to get up again, the colour drained from my face and I felt like I just needed to be horizontal. I wanted to go home and sleep it off, but my friends in the gym took me to A&E. The car journey was only 8 minutes, but it felt like the longest journey. I lay on the floor in the A&E waiting room and was eventually seen by a nurse - the rest is a bit of a blur, I had a CT scan that confirmed a bleed on the right side of my brain and I started vomiting. After a second CT scan (with dye) I convulsed whilst vomiting and came round with vomit all over me. I felt that this was my low point, but things seemed to get better after this - my body stopped shaking and I felt less pain with the intravenous morphine and anti-sickness. The CT scan came back clear of any bulges in my vessels, so I was told it was probably a weak blood vessel that burst, but I was transferred by ambulance to a specialist hospital for in-person review. I had no surgical intervention. I waited all day in A&E for a bed on the neurosurgery ward and had to wait for an angiogram the next day and in the meantime, I started taking Nipodomine. My friend from the gym stayed with me the whole day until my mum arrived - she had googled 'subarachnoid haemorrhage' without me knowing and refused to leave my side. I don't know what I'd have done without her! Friday morning I was woken up at 6am and told to 'prep for theatre.' This was a rather scary thought. I was nil by mouth, I hadn't eaten properly since Wednesday evening and it seemed that the thought of eating helped me to get through! I'd not long bought my first property (solo) and, with thoughts running through my head, I brain dumped everything to my mum in a text message (my poor mum.) The angiogram was around lunchtime. The nurses were so nice and the radiologist told me that he would let me know straight away if he could see anything, which he couldn't and the consultant confirmed this to me later in the evening. I found the angiogram to be the weirdest experience, not knowing if my head was attached to my body was definitely an extraordinary feeling! I slept most of the time that I was in hospital - the eye mask and ear plugs that my friend brought to me in my hospital bag were everything I needed. I was discharged on the Monday and left hospital armed with a brain injury leaflet and paracetamol. My mum stayed with me for two weeks following this. I'm not going to lie, I was SO apprehensive when leaving the hospital, I just couldn't comprehend what had happened. The sciatic pain, which everyone seems to encounter due to the blood following centre of gravity and irritating surrounding nerves, started immediately after leaving hospital but this only lasted for about a week or so along with what I can only describe as flashing head pain, which was mostly during the night. I only took paracetamol regularly for around a week. I started to feel more normal within 2 - 3 weeks, but I had lingering issues including: Fatigue Tinnitus in right ear Light sensitivity (I can't stand bright lights even to this day - it makes me feel unwell) Sound sensitivity (this has now passed) Feelings of 'brain freeze' (like when you eat icecream) Loss of short term visual memory Brain fog (weirdly, I can't do maths anymore??) Subconcious anxiety (I think I panic at the thought of feeling dizzy or unwell) Jaw clenching and teeth grinding Twitches in my right eye (this has now stopped) Fast forward to today, I am now four weeks in to a phased return to work. I have a busy job in the city of London and I am trying to slowly get back to normal life. I have given up drinking alcohol and I'm too scared to lift heavy weights yet (I was told by the consultant I could do this after 8 weeks..) but I'm using this as an opportunity to become the best version of myself. Although having said this (!) I think I have hit a bit of a brick wall this week. I have been trying to do some cardio classes at the gym, I'm a little stressed with modern day life and I tried to increase my days of work, but I have encountered debilitating anxiety, to the point where I felt like I was in a constant state of panic and I couldn't make it to the office - I just kept thinking I was about to pass out. I got myself checked out for piece of mind and I had confirmation that it is indeed anxiety. Perhaps I have mentally and physically exhausted myself. I'm feeling confused about whether this will last and that I have to accept a new normal, or, if I'm running before I can walk and it's just too soon? Who knows.. I've been trying to be so positive about what has happened, but as someone who was so active and can't sit still, I'm finding it difficult to sit back given that I'm 'physically fine.' Would be interesting to see if anyone else has experienced this. I'll leave it there for now. I've found this forum very helpful so far and hopefully I will continue to do so. Nice to meet you all 🙂 Jo x

Hey Jo.. I'm also Jo I'm 33 and the same thing happened to me whilst I was doing a CrossFit class at 6am in the morning on 5th Jan. I haven't yet done an intro on here and must do so. I gave a quick explanation of what happened on Karin's intro story if you come across it, but know that I have had very similar symptoms - some of which still persist but I'm learning to adopt them in to my lifestyle. After my back spasms disappeared I too started walking a lot and have not stopped since. Walking was the best thing for me both mentally and physically as I felt really lost without regular exercise and no real structure to my day. It sounds like you're doing exactly the same - just remember to listen to your body. I have done no exercise for 2 months to give myself time to rest (the doctor told me I could do crossfit again after 8 weeks, but I am too anxious to do it yet) and I am only just starting getting back in to cardio. My cardio was excellent before the bleed (I could hit a sub 22 mins 5k run) and now it's a bit of a struggle, but I have accepted this as a challenge to get back to full fitness and perhaps even better than I was before! I first used earplugs to help with noise sensitivity. I also tested going to coffee shops to get used to sounds and my brain adjusting to focus on a specific conversation. This has definitely improved over time. Rest lots and try not to worry about going back to work too soon. Take care, Jo

Hey Nic, I’m 33 and living in London. The same thing happened to me whilst I was in the gym in January. I’ve gone from having a crazy busy lifestyle; city Job, socialising, gym 5-6 times a week, to feeling like I’m in some sort of limbo and not knowing what I can and cannot do. Like you, I had an angiogram (it’s the weirdest thing isn’t it!) which the doctors confirmed they couldn’t see anything. I was also not given much information after leaving the hospital and after recently finding this site, it has honestly so helpful. I’ve been back to A&E twice with certain symptoms but discharged with an OK from the neuro surgeons - they told me the process of recovery takes time. This is very fresh for you, but I promise it will get better. I’m now 8 weeks in and I’m only just going back to a phased return to work, so make sure you rest a lot. I’ve had a lot of symptoms, which seem to be improving but there are some that still remain and I’m not quite back to usual self yet, which I’m finding very frustrating. I’d be very happy to keep sharing my progress if that’s of any help ☺️ My advice would be listen to your body, drink lots of water and sleep as much as you can at this point - sleep was the best medicine for me at the start. Wishing you a restful recovery! Jo x

Hey Karin, I'd be very happy to keep you updated and, although I am not pleased that we have both encountered this, I'm very glad that we have the opportunity to share our experiences. After reading some of the detail on this forum, I now completely understand why we are left without much information when we leave hospital, as no one person seems to have the same symptoms or speed of recovery. It's really great to hear that your recovery is improving; that you managed a trip on the tube, that your pain is subsiding and that you are starting your return to work with some small tasks - that's amazing! Do you feel like you have achieved a milestone? Funny that you should mention Loop ear plugs.. I had them brought to me when I was in hospital and they have been with me ever since. I initially used them when I started going out and about, but I now seem to be OK without them and have them in my bag 'just in case.' I found that at first when in cafes/ restaurants it was quite difficult to follow a conversation with whoever I was with and my brain felt really quite bamboozled, but in general my sensitivity to noise seems to improving over time. Hopefully this will also be the same for you. I too have a particularly stressful job, which includes lots of multitasking. I spoke with HR and my boss on Tuesday and I am keen to start my phased return next week. They have been so supportive and continue to be as they are really keen to make sure I go back at the right time. That being said, I have encountered a bit of a head cold this week and I feel like I have been set back a little - I've been feeling more fatigued than I have previously and I have also noticed the tinnitus more. I can't quite figure out if I'm going backwards in my recovery or if it's my brain reacting to the cold... time well only tell, I'm sure! I realised this week that I am supposed to be going abroad when my follow up appointment is to take place. I suspect I should be able to fly, but I currently have an open question with the consultant as to whether this is possible. In some positive news, I haven't had another episode of the distorted vision. I had an eye-test (to double check) which confirmed anything happening with my vision is definitely all brain related. Anxiety hasn't been so bad this week too - I have been going on lots of walks and trying to focus on eating well. I find that if I start to have a weird feeling or sensation, I take a couple of deep breaths in and out to avoid any panic. I hope this week has been going well for you? Jo x

Hi Karin, I am also 33, live in London and had a SH in January this year. Just like you, I presented to one hospital, was transferred to another (I suspect we were at the same one) and stayed there for 5 days in total where I had the most outstanding care. I had an angiogram (no surgery) and have a follow up appointment in 3 months time, but was discharged with limited information on the recovery. I was told by the consultants that I should recover and eventually get back to normal. I'm currently 6 weeks in, feeling quite anxious and although I am physically recovered, I'm not quite there. I have been in A&E twice since, first with pain and spasms in my lower back due to the blood ripping down my spinal chord which left me unable to walk properly (this has now resolved) and more recently, with distorted vision which I can only describe as similar to a migraine aura (this has also resolved.) I'm finding things quite difficult as I used to exercise 5/6 times per week and pre-SH I was very sociable. It would be really interesting to know how you are coping / getting on and if you are seeing improvements? I hope you are recovering well and that you are able to enjoy your wedding preparations. Jo x