Anya

Hi there! Please seek urgent advice from your Student Advisor and request some support right away, to help with your morale. Have you had counselling? If not, perhaps you could now or save it for a time in the holidays. Meantime can you find a ‘study buddy’ or a team of them to help you keep focused and motivated? I understand lectures will be finishing shortly and then its a process of lengthy exhausting cramming for exams, which carry the bulk of the marks. My daughter is finishing her degree soon and it's quite shocking how speedy exams come around. Keep a cool head and a focused mind. You are neither lazy or a wuss! It's unfortunate that a brain bleed will affect motivation and focus. Having a mountain of cramming ahead of you will be daunting but do not despair! Are you exhausted or panicking? If so, then a quick trip to the docs would be a good move too! Talk about it with your peers, friends, parents, anyone who will have a positive influence. & Good Luck!

Steph, I remember those days! Your son, being a teenager wasn’t thinking by making such a crushing insensitive remark! You are in recovery from a shattered brain, your energies and other symptoms will take a while to right. Yes, it would be a very useful exercise to educate him on brain injuries. Your husband definitely needs to be on board with this! My daughter, 13 at the time, had little understanding and patience until her teacher, family and other parents exclaimed shock and horror. It made her realise, it wasn’t a case of a quick cure and to be a lot kinder towards me. I spent many months crying and getting angry that I couldn’t function or cope as before. We need plenty of time, space, understanding, love and support to complete our recovery. Message for your son; Yes the crisis passed where Mum survived a brain haemorrhage. Right now she needs you to be respectful, understanding, patient and helpful!! You have just one mother! Help her with the physical tasks as her energy is precious, and too little to waste. She will waste so much more on negative stress. Ask her questions on how she feels, listen and be supportive! Sending you a huge hug Steph X

Kris/ your posts often resonate with me. You ask important questions others don't think to put...e.g., the theme on 'death'. I know it's not to everyone's taste as we are all alive and recovering in our ways. But having had a close shave really brought it home how fragile and short life is. Having had a sah was a 'wake up call' to change my entire life script. I investigated the subject on death soon after my discharge. I bought the Dalai Lama's book on "Advice on Dying...And Living a Better Life". To continue a much deeper search on the subject, I enrolled on a krishnamurti (Indian philosopher) weekend retreat on 'Death', which surprisingly wasnt in the least bit depressing. It answered a lot of my questions, put to rest fears and gave comfort, as well as teaching meditation. Of course I can't remember the contents of it now, but I thought you can track his conversations online if it helps. Win/I thought I heard my brothers voice in the back garden the night before my sah. It was dark and I was about to enter the house when out of the blue, loud and clear, he said "you're going to be very ill, but you'lle be okay. I was so startled I turned around expecting to see someone standing there. I asked him to repeat himself, which he did using the exact same words. I have never forgotten it!

Good to hear that you've set sail on an even keel. Today, I have needed to change direction to "goosewing" where the wind is behind and gently pushing me forward. I have monster fatigue issues today, after overdoing the exercise yesterday running to keep up with a horse! Haha Seriously though, I do love your analogy/visualisation and it's one that will stick in my mind, so many thanks for that! Hope you're in for a spell of calm gentle waters this week.

My goodness, it's very nice to see you here (she chuckles) in order that you keep SandiK and Carl in line! Sorry that you had to find us though but you're in good hands. Sorry to hear that you're facing a bit of a journey with cancer treatment...we need to ensure your energies are kept as good by eating the right foods, resting lots, lots of friends supporting, and nice gentle walks around outside. I'm sure you have plenty of good caring friends who'll be on standby to help out with everything. I think friendships are so important at this particular time so make sure you keep them all on board. I work with patients in cancer care (and I also had an extensive NASAH) so I will pm you my thoughts. It's lovely you stumbled on this site. I had the greatest fortune to visit your part of the world (last year) to visit SandiK so I'm a big fan of Vancouver!!

Hi Alison, I have also been wracking my brains to think how you can apply for financial help…I think St Georges may assist with travel costs, but only for the main carer, so check by making a quick call. I hope your sons are coping at school. I think it’s worth mentioning to each of your son’s teachers what is happening, never assume they know! My daughter (14 at the time) never mentioned it to hers and my family didn’t notify the school. Perhaps you could write an email/letter to ‘each’ of them outlining what’s happening and request they keep an eye on them and let you know! Your 15 year old will be facing gcse’s shortly, so it’s important his ‘Head of Year’ understands the repercussions and the emotional stress he is under…these are disruptive times! Relieved to hear Chris is out the other side…and hope now he will improve in leaps and bounds. Hope you’re taking extra special care of yourself and the boys (keeping a sense of humour is vital!) and that your families/friends are being supportive. Hugs to you and the boys! Anya xx

Hi Jo....A warm welcome on a chilly winter's day! I don't ride but my daughter rides and we keep Buzz in livery. We bought Buzz in Sussex three months after my sah. He is a fine gentleman, safe and virtually bomb proof - I think he senses my brain injury, and acts very calmly around me, and this is why the deal was sealed...we bought him! I do think horses are psychic, so have you noticed any change in the way they act toward you? In view of your sah (craniotomy) taking place in November, it is better not to rush things; and how are you going to wear a hat on those suture scars? It is absolutely great to get out in to the fresh air to feed and groom them, but sadly, not to be on horseback quite yet. There is an article I read yesterday - in the January edition of Psychologies magazine - about a woman who had a bad riding accident that caused a small mid-brain bleed. It didn't mention how soon she returned to riding, but when she did, it was cautiously and slowly. Have you any friends/acquaintances (in the horsey world) who could step in to help? Or could you put them in to short time livery; trouble is this can be expensive. You have enough on your plate with looking after three children...heavens, it's amazing you've coped this far! Small steps all the way I'm afraid to say!

Dear Anna, You are in my thoughts today. I hope and pray that your family find peace and comfort over Christmas. Love Anya xx

Hello Anna, I have often thought about you during this year and I thank you for posting an update. Many of us on here would have prayed and thought about your mother and family during that awful time. There are few events worse than the death of a mum. It is understandable to feel you have lost your faith as you'll be grieving for some considerable time. Anniversaries and Christmas will be challenging, so it is important that you look after yourself and keep the family bonded. It is very natural to wonder where the soul goes and to question will they be alright. I have often wondered that too. I will keep your mother in my thoughts and prayers. I don't know how young your brother is, but I know of a lovely comforting book called 'Waterbugs and dragonflies' which explains about death to children. I cried when I read it the other day - it is a beautiful comforting story - and offers more a prosaic interpretation on death and where we go. You haven't mentioned whether you're receiving counselling? This would really help you to come to terms with your grief and loss - to unburden all the pain and sadness, and to help you to plan ahead for the future. I remember you were interested in applying for University?? Sending you lots of love and courage for the road ahead! Anya xx

Hi Jod-Dee, It's good to hear how you are doing. Happy Anniversary and I'm so pleased you have made a full recovery. Hope you're still keeping up with the scuba diving?! I happened to visit your part of the world this year, and I have to say, it was shockingly georgeous!! A fusion of Scotland & Sweden. Hope all things continue well and good luck in the future!

John - I have always enjoyed reading your positive and inspiring posts. You seem to have reached a sane & balanced approach to handling work and setting good boundaries to ensure you remain strong and well. I hope your recovery has much further to go, and that you always keep to a positive mental attitude. You are a star!!

Hi Riane, The following might help you stay focused, and if you have a wipe board in your kitchen, stick it on that! Prioritising List A - Action/Absolutes! B - Before anything else! C - Could do D - Delegate E - Eliminate (silly things that cause you to procrastinate) I'm trying to put this in to practise myself, otherwise my mind wanders. I've also got some sheets (courtesy of my psychologist) which might help with organisation/timekeeping - will send them via pm. Just a laborious case of re-disciplining the brain.

My goodness SandiK, this is such positive and hopeful news. Awareness IS everything, you are right!! This can only help in preparing for each day, knowing when you have reached your limits and for taking your breaks. I would have cried hearing the news as well from a 'professional' but this gives you clear understanding on how to proceed and for the team you work alongside to make allowances. Such a brilliant 'Story of experience' you've started, which will help others in the future, to take heed and learn from your valuable insights. Indeed I am very proud of you!! x

Hey SandiK! Reading your account today has made me worry about you. You see, I know how tough and resilient you are, how quick, decisive and motivated you are!! You little trooper!! My "get a grip" cliche was said in jest, but I'm changing that now to "watch yourself", and be strict with your boundaries!! It does upset me greatly to hear you have felt a mess today. Give yourself permission to just relax, unplug and be a blobo for the day; which also means "step away from the ipad!" It's one thing to be physically upbeat, but the brain drain is dramatic!! Fatigue is a near impossible problem to control, and you've got to be really strict in not allowing your health to become damaged. Remember, if you fall in to a deeper hole, it's more difficult/slower to climb out of it. It isn't a race to get back!! Treat yourself kindly! Good job you're on here where we can all take it in turns to nag and support you. I think it would be a great idea to chart your recovery, taking in to consideration events that have a positive and a negative impact...and quietly reflect! Your brain obviously races with anticipation and excitement at the beginning of your work day, just like mine used to. Nowadays, I don't even think of what's ahead, otherwise I think the adrenaline rush would be too exhausting! Try putting all thoughts, expectations, anticipations, fears and excitements well and truly out of your mind. I find this formula really helps with giving me enough energy. I wish you a sound sleep with a gentle start tomorrow...don't worry about what the day holds; and if you feel rubbish, then stay home! X

Aw SarahLou hello...delighted to welcome you in. Now don't be shy...it's difficult to pluck up the courage to post I know. Before I joined I had been in direct contact with Karen who introduced me literally as 'Welcome Anya'...I fell to pieces & ran a mile!!! or as fast as my legs would carry. It then took me several months after to join. Now to the subject at hand! O’h yes Neil I can relate to this philosophical debate! You explain it well. Now let me try to answer and compare it to my experience. I was blessed with a good childhood and parents who drilled in to me a moral compass with a strict set of standards and discipline. Comparably like the Waltons meet theVon Trapp family and we each knew our place in the family. This made me rebel to be different but laid down firm foundations in who I was. I felt a close connection with ‘soul purpose’ and I skimmed along enjoying my nursing…feeling whole, spiritually enlightened and rewarded on a profound level. I think nursing does this. Then I married and lived in Sweden several years, had a daughter who added a momentous change to my life, made harrowing when I divorced her swedish father to return home as a single mother. Still working but now life included a daughter (OMG!!), psychically my life irrevocably changed. The flame in my soul went out!! It was as traumatic a memory as that too!! Then I had my sah, when my daughter was 14…always an easy placid child thankfully, but I became a hopeless inert, a burnt out mother for a couple of years with no direction while struggling for direction and recovery. I had a psychotherapist friend suggest I would make a good counsellor. I thought it pretty straightforward to learn the skills and theories, besides psychology was me! Well, I never anticipated what a profound impact it would make. It stripped away the barriers and many masks I had been wearing, but enabled me to reconnect and know myself. Now, my daughter is all grown up at nearly 21 and attends University. The weight of burden is lifted and my mindset has shifted. I am nearly back to my old self in that I think my sah reinforced certain beliefs I held about life and my philosophical approach is intact. O’h then again, my new mantra is about “making your life count!"

Hi, that is such good news!! She would have received such a boost by her weekend spent on your small holding. Horses understand too, don't they!! Our horse was chosen just two months following on from my sah. My daughter was desperate for a horse and we chose hers all because he showed sensitivity to my head; he just stood quietly by and nestled his cheek on my head and shoulders. I hasten to add, I had been fearful of the big beasts, and would have run a mile from any horse, except this one was different in showing his concern. Then again, perhaps he was vying for us to buy him!! My friend Pollyanna joined the forum the other day. She suffered a catastrophic stroke which has left her rt sided hemiplegic. I met her soon afterwards and she has made/is continuing to progress. From that day to this she has come along leaps and bounds. Like your friend, she had very limited communication. Now looking at her, she keeps her ground on conversation/arguments and always has the last say! Your friend is in there and needs time to repair. SandiK recommended Jill Bolte Taylor as a good read, on which I agree. Also another book titled 'My Year Off' might be another good read, as this is a biography by Robert McCrum on his recovery. Perhaps L would be too tired to focus, but at least it will give you an understanding of her condition. You are a true friend for supporting her through this, and boy, will she appreciate it!!!

Dear Stace, Sorry my answer to you was incomplete. I was just lying in bed remembering how it was for me and suddenly thought that you are probably, like I was, being sent around the twist with fatigue, missing your father and wondering where he is. You must be feeling raw with the first anniversary coming up. I wonder if your sister suffers in the same way? My sisters didn't, and so there wasn't the understanding. When I saw my doctor he described it as a unresolved grief and would I like some counselling...which I grabbed at! You may, for instance, have some form of reactive depression if you're constantly waking up at that hour every morning, in which case see your gp. You can also telephone Cruse Bereavement to talk it over with them. Losing your father is very traumatic and I hope you've been able to grieve for him. I'm sorry I didn't mention this before...so silly of me, as this is a classic case of unresolved grief. Hope I'm making sense as its past my bedtime and my brain feels a little addled! The post before also still stands! I don't see what the problem is sleeping with the tv on (although you'de get better sleep with it off); and leaving the table lamp on, for extra comfort. But if it was my choice I'd listen to the radio for comfort. Hope your sleep will improve and you will be feeling more at peace soon x

Dear Stace, i'm sorry to hear you lost your father to a sah. What you describe, waking up in the early hours almost expecting to see your father at the bottom of your bed, is very common. It happened to me after losing my father when he was visiting Australia (he died suddenly) and I just couldn't stop wondering where he'd gone to. So early morning around the hour of twilight, I woke up looking around for him. I suffered some hallucinations, imagining he was there. I had never had to face death in the family before. I saw my doctor who told me it was a stage of grief. When your father dies so suddenly, unexpectedly, you're psyche is in total shock and you cannot believe they are gone! It's like a heightened state of alert at that hour of the morning!! It's almost as though you'd expect to see them, even if you imagined him (& I don't know what to believe, as I've felt/experienced weird stuff) he is only popping in to see you are okay. Try not to worry, just turn over and go back to sleep. Your symptoms will ease gradually. Glad you have your sister living with you for extra comfort. Grief has a strange effect on us. Seems a little strange to reply to your post...but I had to immediately, because I know how you are feeling!! Love Anya x

At work today, I asked a colleague who is a practising psychotherapist, what form of counselling was most suitable for people who were recovering from strokes. She recommended EMDR. Here is a link for you to read; http://dynamicsomatics.com/articles/ I don't know what's in your area, but think you'll need to pay for this privately anyway. I think Nessie mentioned she was having this, but don't know what progress she's made. My friend Pollyanna arrived yesterday on btg, and she is making sudden ongoing progress. My ex-husband - a swede - suffered a major stroke 14 months ago (he is young like you) and he's been very down, like you, but has the reserves to fight back. He's still on a intensive regime of physio and speech therapy, but he's getting there slowly. It's devastating to other family members and irrevocably alters relationships. My daughter feels she has lost her father and often cries long and hard about this. I think it takes time to come to terms and you haven't yet reached this, but you will. Meanwhile be kind and patient with yourself and try and find the resources to get some private physio...then perhaps you can jump the queue and be referred back to the nhs. Best wishes Anya

Your very positive spirit has kept you going make no mistake! I'm so pleased that now, finally, you're able to access more intensive treatment. A good move to enlist the help of a private physio who then kindly refers you back in to the nhs for more advanced work. That'll ratch it up a bit for you!! Trainers to the ready!!

SandiK; you always struck me as inspirational and positive! I had to come and see for myself that you were fighting strong, keeping motivated and positive...and you were!!! X

Hi Zoe! I have a friend who suffered a severe left sided stroke in April 2008. She's quite dependant on her partner and son for help but leads a busy social life, mainly on the phone or on the ipad! She has a motorised wheelchair which she was able to buy secondhand from SimplyHealth with her disability grant and gets out and about all over the village, on and off trains. Though this sounds ambitious, it just proves there is a lot of hope for the future! I think others have put forward some interesting suggestions, e.g. painting and model work & I think this might be the way to go! If anything else comes to mind, will let you know. Best of Luck!

A very interesting thread Winter on which I can only give my own personal perspective. I think it’s an area we need to take really seriously. I know it’s very much on the increase so we need to protect ourselves against all unnecessary stresses, such as news! I have not watched the news as I feel this definitely impacts negatively. The world has changed to really bad stuff happening. I also abide by the principle that it’s much healthier to open up about what’s on my mind and to look forward. I am very privileged in being able to help cancer patients in their recovery, which certainly puts my life in to perspective. It has reinforced my motivation to do good and to reconnect with the spiritual side of my life. I also walk religiously, some days with friends. In fact, a walk is not complete without taking a coffee afterwards and having a good chat. I find walking rids me of anxiety as well as giving me energy and motivation to face the day. Restoring ones health is central to rejoining life! The key is not to rush things or create anxiety for yourself. Dealing with a sah forces us to confront some strong emotions, which can leave us with the sense of not coping at times, especially if we are on our own. If you are feeling isolated contact a close friend and invite them to visit. You need to build on this connection as your confidence returns and arrange to catch up with other friends. By reconnecting with your social life you will feel stronger as an individual. I think to get involved in the voluntary sector is a positive step towards finding gainful employment. But make sure its in doing something you enjoy! As SK mentioned, the drugs don't seem to be working as well which could be a result of hormonal changes. Maybe its time to have some blood tests. Having medical and financial worries must weigh you down but the price of friendship and the advice they give is free at least! Just make sure you always look after No 1!! Anya x

Hi, I can’t believe the registrars in casualty dismissing it as a migraine…heavens, what were they thinking??! Or not, as in this case! What a series of traumatic events, but still you sound as though you’re in control. Thank god, you are being sent to rehab for intensive physio as this will be the ‘way to go’! You are so young, my daughter’s nearly your age. I hope you have good and wise, supportive friends who understand and are there for you. It’s difficult at any age believe me, to be understood by your friends, but possibly more being so young…I just don’t know! Once they’ve put right your walking, you will have to keep this up…perhaps take an interest in rambling; borrow a dog to take with you as this will keep up your motivation to keep physically active, and this way you’ll soon be back on form again! Good Luck on a speedy recovery! Anya

Having flown back on a ten hour flight from BC Canada today, I feel qualified to answer this. We don't realise how much pressure from travel we put on our 'energies' - it is our energy that takes a massive knock. I didn't know I was feeling disorientated until I visited a cranialsacral therapist in Canada who said "it feels like you've suffered a car crash, like you have a bad case of measles on that rt side of your brain...feels mushy!" She set about re-balancing and restoring my energy balance, which immediately led to a complete collapse in to sleep. A second visit followed where she mentioned that my head and body were separated - & yes, I could identify with this also, it was disorientation and chronic tiredness and my brain ruling and stubbornly refusing to listen. It throws a light on what impact travel has on our energies, and being as we now are, we're much more sensitive to its effects. Try not to fight the fatigue Anne, rest and drink plenty, and if things are bad, my advice would be to visit a CranioSacral Therapist. Good Luck!