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tammy

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Everything posted by tammy

  1. Hi Anna, I too have been through similar feelings to you when my now husband Neil (who is on this site too) had an SAH. He was taken to Wessex Neuro and they were great for him. I felt very alone at the time, no idea where to go or who to ask for information. I felt completely powerless as to what to do to help, and all those feelings of things never being the same were all too much for me as people told me to be strong. Id be very happy to chat with you as I completely understand how you are feeling. Everyone on this site is very friendly, so dont be afraid to ask anything. Tammy
  2. Im still here Paul - like Neil Ive been a bit quiet of late.
  3. Karen, Im watching you chatting up my hubby!! You lot are a lovely bunch. And to think we would never have met if it wasnt for it happening. We did celebrate the day in style, putting right what kinda went wrong last year if you know what I mean......... We sooooo need to arrange an Amazingstoke meet so we can catch up again. And Neil - I love you always, and since it happened, I think it make me appreciate you more. Enjoy your very own bottle of wine my love
  4. When I heard this news at work this morning, it sent shivers down my spine thinking the 'what if' about Neil. But when you read more, you do realise how rare it is. Hope she pulls through.
  5. Hi, I witnessed SAH which freaked me out completely and how I felt throughout the whole process was really tough and something I found hard to explain to others. IF I can offer any advise at all, Im happy to. Feel free to PM me. Tammy xx
  6. Hiya Lyn, My husband had a SAH in Feb this year (he comes on here too!) and was treated in Southampton too, we both originally lived in Southampton and moved to near Basingstoke a few years ago. Its tricky when you witness it all and for months I felt really lonely and really ''stupid'' for feeling soo horrid about everything. This site does send a life line out to everyone. We made an appointment to see Headway at Basingstoke hospital (its only 15 mins from home) and they really helped too for both of us to understand what the other must have been feeling etc. We would have gone to Southampton if we lived closer. I too felt like I was being selfish, but honestly, you really are not. It is ok to worry, it does shows we care! ITs a shock to see it happen so it is ok to have concerns. Neil is soo much better now and tends to only get forgetful if he is tired or stressed, the same with headaches too. Hope the appoinment went well. Dont feel guilty or selfish for how you feel - it IS normal, honest Tammy xx
  7. You lovely lot. I thought it was about time I started to release all those feelings. I feel good about it, I feel ready to confess to my feelings as it were. My secret visits helped loads, its really nice to have somewhere to escape to and for someone to understand and explain things and thats you lot that is! I kind of hope that if anyone else reads this and has felt the same as I have, then they do not feel frightened and scared or feel alone. Thats such a horrid feeling because at the time, you do feel very very alone. It does feel like nobody understands and yet they/you all do. Love this little place, its reassuring, and its like an extra family that Ive not met. T xx
  8. OH poo, I had a whole bit typed and hit the wrong button and lost everything! Right, Ill try again then shall I?! Myra, I think your son should register on here. Even if they do what I did to start with and sit back, read, suss out and then write if and when ready. Its taken me ages! I think he, like me, probably feels he cant admit he has/is struggling to come to terms with everything because it didnt happen to us. But as witnesses to it, it has an effect too just in a different way. I'd be happy to talk to him if he wanted - just PM me, Im happy to give my number. Karen, Think you might be stuck with me now, Ive started and now cant stop! I remember Neil saying to me when in hospital, that even though he was snoozing most of the time I was there, it was a lovely feeling knowing I was there, not really talking but still there. I think that was important for me too, I wanted and needed to be there for him. The whole experience hit me more when Neil came home and was doing things for himself again. I became a bit more redundant (in the best way because things were returning to normal again) and my brain caught up with what had happened. I keep getting that feeling though of something caught in my throat as though I am going to be sick. ITs not at any particular time, can be just sat watching TV. Something makes me think of it all. Does that makes sense? Blimey, when you reread what I wrote, I do jump around a bit dont I? Just trying to get out all those things stuck in my head! Appreciate all your support guys, love you all! xx
  9. Oh and Perry, dont be dappy, you dont need to apologise. Hope you are well. Big hugs to you! x
  10. Arh thanks guys. I must say, I feel pretty ok at the moment - maybe its the releasing of it all. Neil is just lovely too, I get to keep an eye on him at work too! I think Neil and I are stronger than we were before, maybe coz we came face to face with the unspoken, who knows. I know for certain how I feel towards my wonderful man. I have a lot of respect for him and how he got through those tough times, I can only imagine what it was like for him stuck in that hospital, it was bad enough on the outside. Felt great to have him home again, seeing him become my man once more, being there to witness the good and bad stuff. Thats what makes life I guess. I love seeing my man now, those cuddles mean soo much more!! Paul, by fake, I think I man about being a carer. I didnt see myself in that way. I saw it as taking care of Neil while he was poorly, the same way he does those things for me when I feel yucky - although I cannot have a headache anymore, he has the monopoly on those in this house! Because Neil is ok, it seems wrong that I am posting in the carers bit, other are experiencing caring is its full light and I hope not to offend anyone who is a carer to that extent. The bit I hate the most, is the worry/panic bit. When Neil is on the computer/in kitchen or whereever, and I hear a noise, I panic immediately. I wonder whether he is ok, has something happened, has he hit his head, all completely bonkers thoughts but they are still there. I am sure they will fade eventually, but for the moment, it still feels a bit raw. I am yet to suss out how you DO get over this you know. I will always rememeber the day it happened, I will never forget the feelings, what I saw.
  11. Im not entirely sure that I fall under this heading of carer, although Im not sure I really fall under any! As many of you know, I am one half of Neil and Tammy (and I am not Neil!). I am still struggling to deal with all that happened to Neil even though it was back in Feb. Its certainly not the same feelings now as then, I know he is here, I know he is well but my own brain sometimes goes a bit crazy in over thinking everything that has happened. I have my days where I cannot understand at all. I still have my cry now and then. I do often feel like a bit of a fake to be honest. Things could have been soo much worst, and looking at Neil now, you would never know what happened on that day. So what right do I have to still feel the way I do? I guess I was very lucky while Neil was ill. Although completely exhausted with commuting to work/seeing Neil in hospital etc, I knew I was going to stand by Neil. It was tricky when he came home as I knew for the first time in our relationship, I had to be the one to do pretty much everything and when in 'normal' every day life things are shared, that was really hard. I dont really know what I am trying to achieve writing this, but I feel I need to start letting it out, start facing what happened head on. I am ok, Neil is ok, we have started our life together as husband and wife having already tested the in sickness and in health part of our vows. Now to find that part in me to face up to things properly. Blimey, typed that without crying! I wonder whether me writing this out, and I will continue to, will help someone else. I hope so.
  12. I have been somewhat overwhelmed with everyones responses, thank you soo much. I had been concerned you'd all think I was going a bit bonkers, I mean, nothing actually happened to me! I think since it happened, I have been running from work, hospital visits, home late, sleep, start again so havent really stopped long enough to really deal with the whole thing. Now back at home, at a point when everything in my mind should be positive and all bad thoughts/over thinking should be taken over by the 'thank goodness its all ok and Neil is home', it simply doesnt seem to be. I can't even say what happened to Neil and I know that means Im not really dealing with it. This is the first time really I have written something down straight from reading the comments and not thinking about it (man I hope this is all making sense!). During the whole time Neil was in hospital, he kept soo happy and soo positive, and while I tried, my mind was running overtime. He has recovered soo well, and having him back at home is the best feeling in the world, but my head still doesnt deal with all those emotions from 'staying strong' which was what everyone told me to do. Those emotions ended up bottled, stored away, not really dealt with and they still seem to be. Scott, talking/emailing sounds great, I do like a good coffee too so thank you for the offer. I know Neil is doing great and Im sure others have been through far more, but the emotions in me are just running away faster than I can keep up. I appreciate all your kind words, they do help, and I certainly feel like I have some support for reassurance etc, it means a lot so thank you. Tammy One more thing, Neil doesnt usually look like David Tenant but must admit that his photo did take well! And his hair is really short now so sorry, no more David Tenant piccies
  13. Hi All, I have finally been persuaded to post by Neil who as most have probably read on here and his blog that he had his SAH on 9th Feb. This was the most scary, frightening experience for me to witness. I am struggling to face up to what has happened, listen to conversations specific to what happened to him, understand my own emotions of the whole experience, let alone write that much so please bare with me. While Neil has managed to come to terms with it and keep his sense of humour, I do not seem to be able to understand what is going on in my own head, which then makes me feel extremely guilty as I did not actually go through it. The extremes in my own emotions are impossible to explain right now, but I have spent the last few days reading the posts on here and feel I can at least get a few words out to you who may just have some idea of how I am feeling. I will post again, and I will continue to read your posts as they are giving me advice and an understanding of what has happened and what can be expected. Tammy
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