Skippy

Hi Karen Thanks for understanding. I think sometimes I do expect too much of myself at this stage because physically I'm OK. Just gonna take it easy tonight and appreciate the finer things in life - ie get home feed the ducks, feed us and then bath He is lovely and I tell him so frequently but I think he finds it hard to believe when I feel low. He's been my rock throughout all of this. Anyway I'm off home now (as I do this from work during the week) I've not done too much before you and Andy tell me off!! If you're there Andy, hope all is OK with you and we'll speak soon. I'll pick your message up tomorrow Karen so no rush from your side. Have a good evening and don't let Eastenders get yow down too much!!! Love Sami xxxxx

Hi Karen Not too bad today just heady and tired. Think yesterday was the result of doing too much on Sunday without a rest. Will be struggling to make tonight to be honest but we must arrange another night when we're all feeling up to it. I'd feel tonnes better if I didn't wake with the headache every time - I've tried to lay off the paracetamol today to see if they're partly to blame like the codeine was - am going to have a nice radox mood enhancing bath and a head massage courtesy of my husband later. Just a quick question - a bit nosey but would help - how did your hubby cope with your SAH? My hubby feels that he's not qualified to help/doing enough etc I've told him that he's doing his best and it helps when he hugs me etc but I know he finds it as stressful as I do depressing some days. Take care Sami xxx

Hi Karen Thanks for yur advice. You're right - I never used to wkae up feeling on top of the world everyday either. I think I'm putting too much pressure on myself to be happy everyday and focusing too much on how I'm going to feel. Like you say it doesn't help when you wake up and can feel the side affect of the SAH - I'm still waking with mild headaches at the mo and thats part of the reason I end up feeling down. I also think that what hsppened to me is finally sinking in and it hard to comes to terms with. But hey, I'm alive and yes this is my second chance too so I've got to have the courage and the energy to grab it with both hands! Speak later Sami xxx

Hi Karen Thats exactly how it feels - like I'm not in control. I just feel overwhelmed by this feeling of despair and feel like its never going to lift. I know that I have every reason to be happy and I so want to hold onto those feelings and bring them to the front and over the bad feelings but I just can't seem to do it. No matter how much rest I've had i always feel emotionally drained. I can't stand the thought of feeling like this for much longer - I'm normally bright and bubbly etc and feel like the SAH has killed the person but left the shell. I'm still waiting to hear from the counsellor that my Doc has referred me to. Hope you're feeling better now (even though I'm ranting!!) Speak soon Sami xx

Hi Guys I didn't make it to the wedding - I had a funny turn on the way home on Friday - felt really faint and as though I was going to pass out. Got home and just laid on the sofa. This weekend was no better than the last. Paul had to work too so I spent the day with my parents. It was nice to be looked after by them again, made me feel like a little kid. I'm suffering more each day with the depression side of things, I just don't know whats causing it and I'm not used to feeling like this. I feel like theres no end to it and I'm in a really dark long tunnel and can't see a light. Sorry to put everyone on a downer today Sami xxx

Hi Karen I'll be staying in bed for as long as possible tomorrow don't worry about that. I'll try and log on over the weekend as I didn't last weekend. I'm off now to get ready so I'll try and catchup over the weekend - if not then I'll chat Monday. Everyone have a good weekend and take care love Sami xxxx

Hi all Tuesday 7.30 sounds good to me. I take it I just click on the chat room link and it'll take me straight in. Will have a boogie for you Karen and I promise I won't over do it. Will be good to talk directly - as it were. Speak soon Sami xx

Hi Guys I can do the Tuesday night but prob won't get on til about half seven. Sunday night we're taking 18 year old daughter (Paul's) for meal as its her birthday. Will need reminding if we decide on Tuesday too. Feeling better today - not woke up with the anxiety thing today so that has put me in a more positive frame of mind. I haven't seen or heard from any specialist nurses in Nottingham Andy, maybe I'll get info or contact with my first follow up appointment. I definitely look at things in a different light now - I don't stress the small stuff and realise that theres more to life than making sure the house is tidy and caring about what people think about me - so long as my family and friends love and care for me thats all that matters. I feel very lucky that my recovery is going so well and I haven't had any complications - today I feel as normal as I did before the SAH and I am going to revel in it. The 43 pages was very informative Andy and some info helped not only put my mind at rest but my husband's and daughter's too so thank you very very much in deed. I've bought books on the cognitive thinking rather than gone for the therapy thing - cheaper and take it at my own pace that way. Anyway, I'm diverting my sympathy from myself to poor Richard Hammond and rooting for him to recover - if we can do it he can!!! Off for more coffee now and a sandwhich I think. Catch you all later Sami xxx

Hi Karen My hair will need sorting soon too - can't dye it properly as I am allergic to PPDs so I use Sun-IN in mine to make it blonder. I'm lucky really as I can still drink normal coffee without getting a headache - I find that my head hurts if I don't drink the right amount of water though! I'm learning to listen to my body and rest when it tells me to and not do something if I'm not sure I can cope. Like at the moment I'm in good mode and feel like going shopping but don't know if I'm up to that on my own yet. Maybe later this afternoon when the lunch hour rush is over - and I need to rest up before going to my friends wedding reception too. Catch you later when you've finished pampering!!! Love Sami xxx

Hi Karen Thanks for the advice. I've just woken from a sleep in the office and find that a weird thing has happened. I have woken without anxiety and felt like my mind had been cleansed rather like a car windscreen. For the first time in weeks I feel elated and erm...normal!!! I'm not pinning my hopes on this feeling staying but for as long as it does I'm gonna hold onto it and it proves you all right - the more rest you get the better you feel for it. Thanks for the advice for tomorrow - will take that home with me and definitely use it. Can get a lie in tomorrow and take the pain killer if needed. I'm off to make a coffee now to have with an M&S pains au chocolat that Paul bought us for this morning. Any word from Andy by the way? Take care, speak later Love Sami xx

Hi All Had a good evening with friends and a couple of pints. Feel ready to go to my friends wedding this evening. I think part of the emotional turmoil is not understanding why I feel down sometimes and why I'm putting so much emphasis on what mood I wake up in instead of being grateful for waking up. My headaches are now the sort that feel as though my ears need to pop and that sensation you get just before you faint. I think once I stop waking with headaches I'll feel better emotinally too. Am dreading tomorrow as last Saturday was such a horrible day for me. Any tips on how to keep positive and not let the depression get the better of me? Talk later, take care Sami xxx

Hi Karen Glad you like the ducks - they do make me smile especially when I see Siobhan with them and they follow her around. I've just woken up from a nice two hour sleep, am now going to pack up all my things and go and pick Siobhan up from my parents house. They collect her everyday from school and take her back to their house on the opposite site of Nottingham - we live North Notts and they live South. Have bought her some clothes and shoes today so she'll be happy. We'll get home and let the ducks out and then go to the leisure centre with Paul, while he football trains I'll lay in the car while Siobhan reads to me - bless her. Then it'll be into the bar for a drink to help me relax!!! I'm going to try the positive thinking before going to be and reading something cheerful - so I'll report in the morning as to how I feel. Just keep with the mantra - I am alive and well and its all in the past.!! Good night everyone Lots of love Sami xxx (and the ducks!)

Hi Karen and Andy Have just been out for a walk with my hubby and am feeling more upbeat now. just have to keep reminding myself that after all I've been through I'm lucky to be where I am right now and that I'll be a better person for it. The ducks are lovely - although one is lame but apparently its common in these ducks. As we're motoGP fans they're called Vale (Valentino Rossi) and Dani (Dani Pedrosa). Have tried to up load a pic of them and Paul (hubby) building their home! Yeah the DVLA told me that they were sending me a questionnaire anyway and that I have to let my insurance company know. I'll try going to bed in a better frame of mind tonight and maybe read a chic flick type book before - something dizzy and romantic!!! Might make me feel better than the Stephen King novel I'm living in at the mo!!! Off for a rest now though - keep my energy levels good then I can feel emotionally strong!! Catch you in a while Yeah Andy hope all is well with you. Sami xxx [/img]

Hi Andy/Karen Yeah I know I'm doing too much and you're not getting on at me. I need to be able to keep focused to get past what has happened. I'm not planning on driving again just yet even though I can. Maybe this is why I feel so confused because I'm making/made such a good recovery. Karen, I live in Nottingham by the way and we're pretty suburban rather than urban but the ducks like the back garden and they're a welcome distraction to watch. Siobhan loves them to bits and at the moment if she's happy then so am I. As for specialist nurses - who are they and when am I supposed to meet them? I've not even had a follow up appointment yet. I'm hanging on and I know that I have to be strong its just sometimes I feel too tired to even try. Anyway off for a rest now Sami xxx

Karen have just had a call from my Doctor as I needed to know how long to refrain from driving (apparently 1 month - which means in 4 days time I can drive again!!!). Anyway I asked him if I should be able to feel the anuerysm and coiling - he said NO! What we can feel is the scar apparently just like a graze it has scabbed over but it still feels delicate to the touch - apparently the scar tissue feels this way too!! Anyway I'm off to let the DVLA know that I've only had to refrain from driving for one month! Take care all Sami xxxx

Hi All I'm sort of worried about going to the self help group - I daren't face the prospect of what could have been if you know what I mean. I don't really want to go down the anti-dep road but I'm not totally opposed to it - they helped save my best friend's life. Maybe you're right about the doing too much thing - yesterday was a pretty big day for me really. I've been reading up on Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and am thinking of giving that some research. My thoughts influence my feelings type therapy - if I can go to sleep not being worried about waking up with those feelings then maybe I won't wake up with them. I'm not sleeping brilliantly anyway so we've decided that I'm going to try some nytol tablets to see if they help - cos I know that when I do sleep well then I feel generally better. Cheers Sami xxx

Hi All I'm sort of worried about going to the self help group - I daren't face the prospect of what could have been if you know what I mean. I don't really want to go down the anti-dep road but I'm not totally opposed to it - they helped save my best friend's life. Maybe you're right about the doing too much thing - yesterday was a pretty big day for me really. I've been reading up on Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and am thinking of giving that some research. My thoughts influence my feelings type therapy - if I can go to sleep not being worried about waking up with those feelings then maybe I won't wake up with them. I'm not sleeping brilliantly anyway so we've decided that I'm going to try some nytol tablets to see if they help - cos I know that when I do sleep well then I feel generally better. I've posted this bit onto the new discussion as well guys. Sami xxx

Hi Andy Yeah the wadge of stuff arrived yesterday so I had a bit of light reading last night. I'm four weeks post SAH in the early hours of tomorrow morning. Am struggling a bit emotionally this morning though. Constantly waking with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomache is starting to wear me down. ANy idea how long that feeling will last? I know that it could be down to anxiety and I also know that my op was a success and that I have come away from the SAH with hardly a scratch so to speak. The mental issues are more daunting and painful for me. I've gone from being a hard person capable of controlling my emotions to a gibbering wreck that can't stop crying. I feel anxious, confused and angry all at the same time. The only way I can describe how I feel is that I am grieving something or someone but I don't know what or who!! I know that I have made a remarkable recovery in such a short space of time and that this indicates that my SAH wasn't as serious as it could have been, I know that the surgery was a complete success and that the surgeons are very happy with the results so why the hell do I feel so down? On that note I'm going to see if I can catch up on some sleep. Andy, thank you very much for the information it has been very useful and now we have something that we can refer to when we're unsure. Catch you all later Sami xxx

Hi Karen Glad you're feeling a little more perky than earlier - I've just woken from my nap taken after a little shopping with my best friend of 25 years, Lisa (she's on one of the photos with me). My coiling/bleed is in the same place as yours only I never had a warning bleed. I have suffered from headaches for a while before though, but they were always at the front. I've asked if there's any connection and apparently there isn't. I get a slight preessure sensation and the odd trickling feeling in that area - its a little worrying but they hae reassured me that its highly unlikley to bleed again - I had two anuerysms together - one had burst and then a smaller one next to it hadn't so they packed them both at the same time. My little girl, Siobhan, has coped remarkably well. She used to be quite a mummys girl and clingy but when I had my SAH she had to stop in Cornwall with my parents at my aunt and uncles while Daddy had to go home to run our business and I was in hospital. She grew up so quickly and so well it was unbelievable. I've lavished praise on her telling her that she has made Mummy's recovery so much easier by being so brave. She adopted two ducks in cornwall (my aunt and uncle have a small farm type home) and as they weren't wanted on the farm we allowed her to bring them home - ironic really as she wasn't even going to be allowed to have a rabbit for her birthday in April!!! I feel very upbeat and positive today - if it wasn't for the slight headache then I wouldn't even know that anything was different. My husband seems to think that I have the right kind of mind set to get through and not let the depression win. And as I don't like to lose an argument I know he's probably right. My step daughter is 18 at the weekend and we're hoping to take her for a meal on Sunday evening so I have something to look forward to this weekend and keep positive for. Each day is a new beginning and another reason for me to look to the sky and say thank you. I anticipate the information that Andy has sent me will be at home when I get there this evening too so I have some light reading for this evening - all 42 pages of it!!!! Take care, Sami xxx

You rest up and take it easy. I'm feeling Ok today, slowly realising that I didn't always wake up in a brilliant mood so why should I expect to now. Just wish the heavy head and sick in the pit of stomach feelings would leave me - I know I'm being impatient but until they go I can't start to feel 'normal'. Do you think that you can feel where the coils have been planted? I constantly have a slight pressure on the back of my head where I had my bleed and Paul (hubby) and I were speculating as to whether its the coils in the anuerysm that I can feel pressing on my head. Who knows, something to ask the Doc at my follow up I suppose. Anyway, I'll let you go and rest. Chill your boots today sweetie and revel in the fact that we are still alive Take care xxxxx

Hi Karen Have just got up from my rest and the sun is still shining so am going to go and stand on the doorstep with a coffee in a minute and enjoy it while I can. One of my friends is hinting at coming over but I don't know if i can handle visitors at the mo - its alright when I go over to them because at least I can leave when I've had enough but not up for the whole people over to see me thing yet. I'm trying to count my blessings when I get down about the whole thing and realise that I am vry lucky to have recovered so well in such a short space of time. The emotional side is the hardest to cope with but I'm keeping score and its 3 - 0 to me at the moment and I don't intend to start losing to the bad days. I have to realise that before this happened I wasn't in a good mood everyday and its Ok not to be in one everyday now. Just keep smiling and appreciating things to get through. Beans on toast sounds lovely by the way - what time shall I be over??? You rest up and take it easy - you're like mother hen telling us all to make sure we listen to our bodies etc - now take your own advice and have some you time. Take care and thank you so much for being here xxx

Hi All Had a lovely bubbly bath thank you. Not such a good nights sleep though. I keep worrying about siezures. I've not had one and according to my Hubby the docs said thats what the Nimopodine I was taking was to prevent and that I won't have a siezure now. Still feeling up beat and positive today though, its my mum's birthday today so I feel that's giving me something to be happy about in a weird kind of way. My friend is getting married on Friday so I'm aiming to go to the reception on Friday night and thats giving me something to look forward to aswell. I'm trying to do normal everyday stuff in the morning - like straightening my hair and putting on a bit of makeup - the stuff I used to do before the SAH. Came to the conclusion that if I can look nice then I'll feel good - touch wood its working at the moment!!! Catch you all later xxx

Yeah I feel happier that I've heard what I needed to. Karen this website is a god send. It gives hope, support and information. You and Andy have been just what I needed to get through this. I feel lucky and feel that I have achieved a lot this weekend but I also know that my situation is very different to others and that I have, by comparison, had it easy. I feel very blessed and very lucky to be where I am today as far as recovery goes. I'm lucky in as much as my husband and I run our own company and that I can do little bits each day to keep me sane. We have a bed set up in my office and when I'm tired I lay down on it and sleep. This may sound mad but I believe my Guardian Angel has had a lot to do with it, as well as knowing that you guys are here. Going now as I'm gonna have a nice relaxing bath tonight and an easy night in front of the tv. Catch you all tomorrow Sami xxx

Hi Guys Just got back from the docs. He was brill. he gave me all the information about my case that I had not been given. My SAH was 2cm in diameter and was coiled successfully causing a slight grazing to the front right temple area where the blood reached - this explains the frontal headaches at least. My notes also said that I would receive an outpatient appointment in 6 weeks but other than that they are very happy with my recovery. On the mental/emotional side the Doc referred me to their in house counsellor who is specially trained in dealing with emotional trauma of all kinds. I feel so elated coming from the Docs - i feel normal. Its my mothers birthday tomorrow and I even managed to go and get her a present from the city centre - hubby was with me. Am now eating lunch and then I am going to have a rest. The doc gave me an alternative to paracetamol too so I now have more power keeping the headaches at bay. Hope all is a good as can be with everyone else today. Lots of love and thanks for the support Sami xxx

Hi Karen I will knock as loud as I have to believe me. Today I'm having a really good, positive and happy day. I feel normal as almost as if this hasn't happened to me. I know that my SAH was minor compared to most but the depression that overwhelmed me on Saturday was scary. Yesterday we tried to do what we normally do on a Sunday. My husband runs a football team so we met them after the match at the pub and I saw friends that I'd not seen since before the SAH and we had a great time, we then met my husbands parents in another pub and had a meal with them. Today I feel almost on top of the world and am left wondering whether Saturday was the worst of it and it only gets better from now on. The headaches are getting better and I haven't had to take anything yet today or have a lay down. So in Samiland all is well at the moment. I will keep you posted this afternoon tho as to what the response from the Doc is and what information I'm given. Take care and lots of love to all reading this Sami xxx