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It has been almost three years now since my SAH, and I feel that I have come quite a long way in my recovery. Fatigue is still a problem, but it’s slowly getting better, or maybe I am just getting better at adjusting my pace. I have recently been able to exercise more without having to rest up too much afterwards, which has been very helpful. Yesterday I had my first angiogram in two years, and this has left me so upset and emotional afterwards and I just can’t get back to a positive state of mind. I have had a few angiograms before, so I knew beforehand that it would be a bit uncomfortable, but this time I just panicked. I was so deeply afraid that something would happen during the angio that my heart was racing even the night before. And when I got to the hospital in the morning, they told me I would have to wait because the doctors had to perform an emergency surgery first. So three more hours of worry. The fear I felt during the angio made me so tense that it felt like it took forever. And this was even though I had had a mild sedative before. Afterwards I was very lucky to have a nice surgeon, who told me straight away that from what he could see, everything looked fine. He even came to my ward to give me copies of the scans, and explained them to me. After that, I was so relieved and felt happy for a while. Today however, everything just hit me at once. The toll on my brain from the wait, the irrational fear and the anxiety before the angio. And also having to rest and not being able to exercise for a week or so because of the risk of bleeding. It reminds me so much of how I felt at the beginning of my recovery, and I feel confused, angry and a bit sad. And I can’t even explain why, I can honestly say that I haven’t felt this affected mentally for a long time now. I guess I just wanted to share this with you because even though I have been talking to my husband about this, he can’t really understand why I was afraid in the first place, I am usually a very rational person. So thanks for listening. /Tina
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- angiogram
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