getting help

[kempse]

Karen, it concernes me to think you are feeling so low and alone. I can't imagine you have had the time or space to deal with your own recovery as you have had such a lot to contend with during this past year, and if it's anything like me, you just don't get a break from it all.

I think you did really well returning to the ward you were on and as Sandi said, it probably brought back a lot of memories.

I know your girls mean the world to you and I am sure you won't like feeling this way but hopefullly you will overcome this in due course. In the meantime, come on here, where you are among friends who have the time to listen and support you.

I hope you enjoyed your recent holiday.

Take care,

Sarah

[karen78]

Thank you guy's, Its awfull... I have been to my doctor today (as go every 2-4 weeks) asked him to up my "happy pill's" but as i have had my dose doubled since being on them he told me to keep with it and to keep busy and plan new things.... I'm looking forward in doing my sponsored abseil on Mothers day because of what i am raising money for and last years's mothers day didn't look to good for me surviving ....

Momo, I scared if i do cry, i wont stop. (hope that makes sense) !!

Im fed up with feeling like a complete Yo Yo, Up and down....

Not helped by the fact we have been back from Florida over a week and i sooooo didn't want to come back to "normal".

That holiday feels like a lifetime away yet my SAH feels like yesterday.I dont know how to accept and move on .

And Relax.....

Thank you, wish i had knew you all b4 my SAH..then i wouldn't of chose the "friends" i had before . xx

[KelBel]

Hi Karen

Sorry to hear you have been feeling so down, but well done for putting yourself forward for the abseil!! Wow.

It is so depressing when you have to come back from a great holiday, back to 'normal'.

I cried 'a lot' during my first 6 months or so post-SAH, even with counselling, but the counselling helped enormously. Have you been referred for it by your GP?

It sounds like you do need to have a good cry and allow your emotions to flood out. I suppose you don't really get the chance or time to allow that to happen.

I do hope you start to feel better soon xxx ((( BIG HUG ))) xxx

Lynne - You are so eloquent in your replies and you seem to hit the nail on the head (so-to-speak ) every time, and your analogies describe situations perfectly x You are achieving so much in your recovery x

Kel x

[Gill C]

Just wrote a post & lost it!! GRR

karen huge (()) you know you can ring me if that will help. Grief is a good thing & if you need to cry then let go & do it (albeit in the privacy of your own room), It's aon old saying but there is a lot of truth in it 'better out than in'. I really do agree that crying is an inportant part of the healing process & i find it too easy to cry now , perhaps this is why I am so much less angry at how i am now.

xxx

[JayKay]

I agree with what others have said, Karen & Donna - counselling might be worth a try, if you've not already tried it. I have had counselling in the past for reactive depression (after my divorce and the death of my father all the same year!), and it really did help. This time I had the sessions with the neuropsych and it helped too.

I think when you have little ones around, you don't get enough time for YOU and although we superwomen don't like to ask for help, maybe it's time to get other people to take the kids off your hands from time to time, even if it's just so you can have a soak in the bath with candles (and a glass of wine if you are so inclined; for me it's more likely to be a bar of chocolate )

[maggie]

Hi Karen,I have to say Karen that I think you are pretty AMAZING!

You have three wonderful children who are not only very intelligent and beautiful but from what I saw of them last Sept they are well grounded.

Now then Karen can you answer me this ?How is all of the above true? Why have you got a fabulous family? Did it happen all by itself?

Clearly you are an extremely good role model and mum. And whilst life has given you extreme challenges to overcome you are doing just that and clearly better than you think!

You are allowed to feel like you do and you are allowed come on here and moan for Great Britain you are amongst friends. Talking of which you are nurturing three of the best friends you ill ever find in this life and you will become theirs.

Hang in there Karen it does get better! The first year is the worst and whilst you are disappointed that you are not where you hoped to be physically and mentally at your 1 year anniversary you are doing well !

I was unsure as to how to come to terms with all of this too. I waited for the magical day when I had. I too hoped that by a year past I would be well over it and up and running as before!

I got tired of waiting, I decided that I could at least learn to live what I am left with and that any further improvement would be a bonus!

I guess that was the first steps in coming to terms with it. Before I considered it a weakness like I was giving in!

It takes courage and practice, its not an overnight cure but it worked for me.

Once i'd stopped punishing myself for not being the person I once was I began to accept the new me and that my life was going to different but still as good if not better!

You can do it Karen you will find that strength I know you will. Your already half way (if not more) there.

Big Hugs and Love to you and your fab family.

Maggie xxx

[Louise]

Hi Karen, massive cyber hugs your way XX

Ditto what everyone else has said, councelling big Yes think that would really help Headway is a great place to contact.

Dont be scared to cry it really is a great release, & I know what you mean your scared if you start you wont stop - you will I thought that.

& I so agree Lynne puts things just how I would like to its there in my head but never comes on the page the same:roll:

But so many pluses you have you survived it & thats an almighty Plus, a lovely family dont look at the past look to the future.....

[goldfish.girl]

Hi Karen,

I think I know how you feel. My 'close' friends pre SAH seem to be my text friends now but I have made a couple of new close friends who have been through SAH or stroke. It is devastating to lose the previous friends you had especially when you could not have needed them more....

I don't know if this will help you but when I feel it has all gotten too much, I tell people that I need a day or two to totally break down before I can get back on my feet and deal with the latest blow. I cry my eyes out, don't have a shower and stay in bed but there has to be a time limit on this. I also find that remembering that to kill myself would seem so ungrateful after 3 surgeons and a lot of NHS money went into saving me. Having people to speak to doesn't always help when you want to be left alone but do you have Headway or Momentum etc in your area? You could meet people who may become friends and will understand how you feel and be there to help you back up when you have had your downfall.

I really hope you start to feel a bit better soon. Black times can be almost beyond what we are capable of enduring but remember that you are here for a reason and your children need you - you are their whole world. Speak to your doctor if things don't improve after a date you choose (a day or 2 at most).

Best wishes, Michelle xxx

[bay]

Hi All,

I thought I would post this and get feedback and hopefully some information that will help others with questions.

I am coming up to 3 year anni in April and emotions are STILL all over x is this something we come to terms with or something that we have to live with x x

At my 1 Year mark I was at the point that I call cracking up couldnt think straight and just didnt know who I was anymore or who I was going to become x x

I was put on anti-depressents at this point and was changed a number of times to find the right one and also referred for councelling ( which I found did help me alot) mainly come to terms with what had happened x x after about 3 months I felt myself coming back and getting back to work helped x x

2-1/2 years in I was re-referred for post traumatic stress and to help me deal with my anxiety and panic attacks........I am coming to the end of these sessions and I am feeling really nervous but really want to overcome all of this and move forward but I feel something is stopping me (Does anyone ever feel this way)

I feel really lonely again at the moment family are getting with their lives and friends are none existent at the moment I just struggle letting anyone in after loosing all my so called friends after sah x x

I have been having a few bad days lately feeling dizzy which is making me feel really sick which I do believe is dragging me down abit plus antony is at work alot leaving me and jack on our own x x

I hope I am not rambling on x x

On a positive note I do love life and thank god everyday for what I do have x x my family are my world :-D:-D

I just want to know how everyone is getting on in their recovery x x and even though it is sounding like a negative post I must say it does get easier but it is a long hard process x x

love to you all

donna

xxxxx

hi donna,im nearly 10 months in and i have my good days ,but lately a lot of bad ones to,i use to have my niece here everyday cus she was on maternity but shes gone back work,and my daughter goes college 3 days a week ,so im left alone, i keep my self busy so i cant think, im having a lot of headaches just lately and cracking in my head whats that all about, freaks me out. i just feel as though this has happened,everyone as gone back to do there usual things again and were sort of left in a time warp, i go up to the shops and i speak to people from before this happened as though i saw them last week, not thinking it was over 10 months ago, take this one woman i saw last week and i said ;have you still give up smoking then; she said ;****** hell dawn that was months ago, no ive gone back on them ,but its that sort of thing im talking about ,because we dont see people we talk to them as though we saw them last week but in effect it was before this had all happened, its weird. take care bay

[donna79]

Guys you are all amazing and your words mean the world to me x x x

Karen - The low times are so horrible and come with no warning x x coming back off holiday wont help

But like other guys say try and keep yourself busy (difficult with fatique) x x I am trying so hard to come off my anti-depressents because I want a baby and the ones I take are not good for baby x x going to cut down to 10mg when I have moved (Doctor Knows) and I know I will have to fight the bad days x x x x you are doing fantastic x I wish I had the guts to fly for a warm holiday but between you and btg I am soooooooo scared x x I think I just keep putting ideas in my own head x pressure on the plane and what if I have a really bad panic attack that I struggle to cope with x x x so maybe you could inbox me some hints x x x

I really do hope the good days are here soon its horrible feeling low x x x

TC hun and stay strong x x

love

donna

xxxxx

[donna79]

oh and did your tattoo on your neck hurt x x x

[jess]

Donna my advice would be don't get pregnant until you are well again, you are young you have plenty of time. You will be ill in pregnancy if you convince yourself you will be. It's nine years this year for me and I have had everything you have, but in the end you will see ( but it has to be you) that its time to close the door on the sah and open a new one go forward and not let it drag you down I know it sounds harsh I really don't mean it too its just I've lived with it longer. Donna you will have another baby when the time is right. Jess.xxx

Ps it will get easier to believe you can have a happy exciting life its different but just as good.

Edited March 13, 2011 by jess

[Skippy]

Sound advice Jess - hope you, Kev and the boys are all well xxxx

[jess]

Yes thanks sami we are fine. Hope your ok. Xxx

[Sandi K]

Donna my advice would be don't get pregnant until you are well again, you are young you have plenty of time. You will be ill in pregnancy if you convince yourself you will be. It's nine years this year for me and I have had everything you have, but in the end you will see ( but it has to be you) that its time to close the door on the sah and open a new one go forward and not let it drag you down I know it sounds harsh I really don't mean it too its just I've lived with it longer. Donna you will have another baby when the time is right. Jess.xxx

Ps it will get easier to believe you can have a happy exciting life its different but just as good.

Jess, does closing the door on the SAH mean ignoring the daily symptoms or that the symptoms go away? I'll feel like I'm getting better, and like a broken bone (which I've never had) I think I should get progressively better each day... But then my head will go right back to where it was 2 weeks after the SAH. How long will this keep happening?

Sandi K.

[donna79]

Jess - I understand your advice and I must say the words have stuck (and not many do )

I dont think I will be trying for a baby this year :confused: x

I am just soooooo broody and really want another person in my life x x but like you say I need to get myself on track and move forward x x I am moving home and job and think that it is a good time for me to do so x x onwards and upwards x x x just hope the bad days dont drag me down to far I can tell myself and pick myself up but sometimes its just so draining x x I dont think it hel x ps that I have quite a few personnel past history to deal with it just all goes together x x but I know I can get through it and I am sure when it is time hopefully I am lucky enough to have another child x x Jack keeps asking also for a sister x x if it was only that easy hey x x x

I hope you and your family are well x x keep in touch x x

love donna

[jess]

Sandi yes I do mean ignore the daily symptoms my neurosurgeon gave me a piece of advice ignore the headaches and dizzyness and they will go away, at that time I was living with it daily and he was right. The more I stressed the worse they became. They do get easier with time and the pąnic gets less.

Donna now is the time to put the past behind you and move forward and don't stress so much. Hope this finds you feeling better and happier about your future. Jess.xxx

[karen78]

Hi Donna79,

Argghhhh .... Is my mood still and the tattoo on my neck hurt very little... I felt it right to have it done, I still thrashing around as my GP says, because of my near death experience and im doing new things that i have never done.

The Abseil is one of them ....

At the moment i feel i trying to busy all the time to stop me from thinking !!

Fly- Do it ... I promise you that you will love it, And Hun you are not the only broody one...

Much love Karen x

[Sandi K]

Sandi yes I do mean ignore the daily symptoms my neurosurgeon gave me a piece of advice ignore the headaches and dizzyness and they will go away, at that time I was living with it daily and he was right. The more I stressed the worse they became. They do get easier with time and the pąnic gets less.

Donna now is the time to put the past behind you and move forward and don't stress so much. Hope this finds you feeling better and happier about your future. Jess.xxx

I wonder if ignoring the symptoms is what made them go away or if you were recovering in a timeline that would have occurred anyway, regardless of ignoring the symptoms Jess? I ignored my symptoms and thought to myself 'chin up, back to work, enough time off!' and then my symptoms worsened. Many here on BTG weren't surprised by that. I would love to be able to ignore my symptoms, if I could I would be back to work now. I wonder if you mean that we shouldn't focus entirely on our symptoms? That we should go for walks, and find things in life that distract us from the symptoms. It does help to have fun but when the blurry or double vision kicks in, the elastic band tightens, the legs get weak, the vertigo makes me fall down, and I can't understand what people are telling me, I know its time to pay attention again and get some rest.

Sandi K.

[jess]

Sandi I was three months in at the time and yes you do need to focus on other things I did a course called epp online it really helped. All I'm saying is the more you panic when you feel dizzy and have a headache the worse they get your heart starts to race making you feel dizzier and head hurts more. Jess.xxx

[Louise]

Jess, that is such good advice honey:thumbsup:

Iv said that load when I put it behind me I started to move forwards - its just a shame for me that things suffered before that happened....

[donna79]

Karen - I am having my live love laugh tattoo x x not sure where yet :confused::confused:

Jess - I am going to TRY and do this re-focus and move forward x x (not easy with my ears playing up alot - but will try) I will try anything if it helps me x x onwards and upwards x x its my fear of fainting that is slowing down my recovery so I am going to try and ignore it and see if it helps x x x

love to all

donna

xxxxx

[JayKay]

Hi there - well, my OT and neuropsych both suggested I try meditation and with the help of some iPhone apps and iTunes downloads, I have tried that. It really helps you to relax and also helps with sleeping.

I have been into Personal Development for years, and I'm sure that's what has kept me positive all this time (1 yr post-op) and through the symptoms. I think you have to listen to your body, and symptoms are part of this, and when dizziness or headaches come, then it's time to slow down and relax. It doesn't mean you have to panic and think you'll never get better - it just means your brain is telling you you are overdoing it. Well, that's what I've found anyway. It's pretty hard to forget we've had an SAH, especially those of us who have scars to show for it, but you can move on. Honour what happened to you, respect it, and then look to the future.

I was told keeping a diary was helpful, and as you know I already had a blog so I wrote about it on there. I think that has been very therapeutic....

I know I tried very hard to just "get on with it" but it wasn't that easy. My body protested. I now respect those times when I'm tired and dizzy, and chill. I still worry about not making any money and things like that, but I suppose they pale into insignificance when the alternative is not being here any more!

[KelBel]

Hi all

It sounds like we all have to find our own way of coping with things post-sah.

Learning to accept what has happened and accepting who we are now, and listening to our bodies telling us when we need to slow it down a bit.

We are all at different lengths post-sah and have suffered in different ways, i.e.severity of bleed, length of time between sah and diagnosis and operating, rehabilitation, aftercare, etc... so there is no one-size-fits-all recovery. We can only share what we have found beneficial and what helps in our situation.

I realise I have been very very lucky with my recovery as I think at 15 months post-SAH I am back to probably 90+% of what I was pre-SAH. I still get frustrated at times that I get so tired, but I am still improving with time and challenging my limitations every so often (like upping weights slightly at the gym and upping the time I spend on the bike and cross-trainer etc...).

My neuro-consultant also told me that I need to forget about my SAH and move on. It's not easy to do though, and I must admit I have not had a day yet where I haven't thought about it, but I don't get upset about it like I used to. Then again I do not have post-sah after-effects like others have. I do get a burning sensation in the top RHS of my head and have some migraine aura at times, but that is bearable.

I have to make sure I allow some time just for me (I realise this is easier for me as I live alone) and I can relax in a nice warm bath with lavendar-scented concoction of bubbliness and read a book.

Kel x

[Vivien]

Hello All,

I am nearly four years on from my SAH and I have found that accepting my headaches, tiredness, lack of memory etc has helped me to get on with my life. If I can't do something because I am too tired or dizzy, I just rest and the feeling passes and I am then able to do more. If I push myself to do more than I am really able to do then I also accept that I will have to pay the next day and allow a rest day. I think that acceptance is the key, I know that I will never be the same as 'before' and have to accept my new limitations, and because of this I am enjoying my life and doing what I can, when I can. I actually think that I am happier now than I was before. I don't 'sweat' the small things and enjoy more of life as I now realise that it is precious.

I also realise that this is easier said than done and I have had to work quite hard to get to this point, and sometimes I still do feel frustrated, anxious and fed-up, but these feelings pass and no longer have such a hold over me. I have had counselling, I do meditation and have taken up photography, as I can no longer work.

We all find our own ways of dealing with ourselves post SAH and I hope this helps

Vivien x