Counsellor/Hospital appointment

[Skippy]

Hi Karen

Yeah I always thought the separate bedrooms thing was a bit drastic when I was younger too but we ended up like that about five years ago cos Pauls' snoring was so bad. I wear ear plugs and he wears the mouoth guard that he got from the dentist but he puffs and blows too. he was snoozing on the sofa on Saturday afternoon and me and his mum, who had popped round to see how I was, looked at each other and laughed.

I should imagine the lack of sleep has a lot to do with your dizziness - that could also have something to do with thyroid activity. My best friend has an over active one and she was losing weight at an alarming rate, having dizzy spells and her hair was falling out but since they've given her medication she's ok.

Surely the housework can wait woman - you tell me off for not resting and listening to my body and I do recall you saying that you really should take your own advice!! So do it. The housework will still be there in the morning and the world will not stop turning if you don't do it today!!

My house is always the same after the weekend but I just tell my daughter that if she doesn't a) pick her things up from the front room and tidy her room then I'll go in with a big black bin liner and chuck the whole lot away. Its amazing how quickly things get put away.

Get some resst before you even think of doing any house work!!!

Catch you later

Take care of yourself - you are more important than a tidy house

Lots of love

Sami xxx

[Karen]

Hi Sami,

I did post a reply to your last message.............but must have only previewed it and didn't hit submit!! I was obviously tired and it's been completely lost!!

Oh well! I did have my rest, but couldn't get off to sleep......feeling overtired, so will be getting an early night.

Anyway, will try again tomorrow....take care,

Love K x

[Skippy]

Hi Karen

Have a nice relaxing bath and use some lavender drops on your pillow if you have some. Personally I don't the smell but its brilliant when I need to get to sleep.

Make sure you do get your rest cos otherwise you're not going to know if the tablets are working.

I've had another really good day and feel that I can remain positive now and beat the depression when it raises its ugly head because the good days are outweighing the bad now. So long as I remember that I have good days then the bad days will get less and less and so long as I don't punish myself for having a bad day I'll cope easier.

My daughter and I have decided that every night when she goes to bed we're going to have a 15 minute cuddle to settle her down - normally she goes upstairs and falls asleep reading or watching a dvd - so that will relax me ready for my bed a couple of hours later too.

Take very good care of yourself Karen because you are an inspiring, amazing woman.

Speak tomorrow

Love Sami xxx

[Karen]

Hi Sami,

I will have to pick up some Lavender drops....I use an Avon Lavender Sleeptherapy spray.....which is actually quite nice, but not as strong as the essential oils. If I don't drop off properly tonight, I think that I shall go mad! Anyway, I've just started a new book.....nothing heavy....just some good old chick lit....so I shall keep it beside me tonight....along with the paracetamol.

Re: Snoring, I used to use the foam earplugs before I had the SAH.....but it seems to make the ringing in my ear worse and I find it quite uncomfortable. Most nights I end up on the settee (Which is actually quite comfy.....it's a big 4 seater.....I sleep better on that then I do in the bed) Eric did buy some aromatherapy "anti snoring" jars.....(Yeah, ha ha!)...no, they don't work, but I would imagine that the company that make them are coining in the money and laughing all the way to the bank........ I bet that you can guess where I would have loved to stuff those jars in the middle of the night!!

I miss not having the cuddles with Lauren now she's got older...It's lovely having a hug.....but it doesn't happen quite so often now.....I just make the most of it when it does. Kids are a great tonic. (Well, most of the time!! )

Thank you for your very kind words..... not sure whether I am inspiring or amazing though!....but I've had the priviledge to meet some very lovely people since my SAH and it's helped me considerably with my own recovery.... I suppose that it still touches me, that in adversity, the human soul can still give so much.

Anyway, must go................just about to watch Wife Swap on TV!

Hope your evening is a good one, take care,

Love Karen x

[Skippy]

Hi Karen

Anti-snoring jars indeed!!! And yes, probably the same place I'd want to shove them. We tried everything from spraying stuff in the throat to rings on the nose and none of them worked. The mouth guard has to a certain extent but there are nights when I can still hear him through the ear plugs - now I just elbow him in the ribs and tell him to turn over though!

I didn't sleep very well last night - thik like you was overtired by the time I got to bed. But I don't feel too bad this morning. Am at work and catching up on the accounts, once I've done that think I'll catch up on the sleep

I love chick lit - Freya North, Erica James, Jenny Colgan are all really good and can recommend them especially Freya North.

Am having another good day today - that makes eight in a row so I'm getting to the point where the more ggood days I have the less likely I feel I am to have a bad day which puts me in a more positive mood before I've even woken up!

Hope you managed to get a more restful nights sleep and feel more revived today.

And by the way, the kind words were honest feelings - if the SAH has taught me one thing it is to tell people what I think about them as I might not get another chance

Catch you later

Take care

Sami xx

[Karen]

Hi Sami,

Yes........I had a really good nights sleep.........got off okay and didn't wake until the kids were up........just knowing that I've got a half decent sleep is therapy in itself......just hope that I get at least another couple of good nights. I took an ibuprofen tab before I went to sleep......just in case and read some of my book. I'm reading Catherine Alliott - Rosie Meadows regrets. I like books wrtten by Jill Mansell, Chris Manby, Marian Keyes.....to name but a few! But I will keep my eye out for some of the Authors that you've mentioned......I've read some Jenny Colgan and she's very good. I've heard of Freya North.....but don't think that I've ever read any of hers.....but I will have a look on Amazon.com

Having a mate over for a coffee this morning, so it will be nice to have a gossip. She always brings over very nice pastries...so I know what I'm having for brekkie!

Glad that you're feeling so positive......it's good to get a few decent days under your belt and it all helps with your mood.

Good luck with the accounts.......not my favourite job I'm afraid.....I've never been brilliant with maths, but always ended up doing a job where figures were involved.

You're right about telling people your feelings......I think that I'm a bit more of a "huggy" person now....like you say, you might not get another chance.

Anyway, must go and put the kettle on in anticipation of the huge size pastry coming through my door any minute!!

Will speak to you later,

Love K x

[Skippy]

Hya

Enjoy that pastry - hoping for you that its a nice big sticky Danish variety.

Have read Rosie Meadows Regrets - fab book. Love Jill Mansell and Chris Manby too (Girl Meets Ape), Marian Keyes is cool - loved Watermelon. Freya North writes about sisters Pip, Fen and can't remember the other one but they're very good books. Fiona Walker's quit good too - more of a glamourous chick lit tho.

Yeah I alway hated maths at school and I always seem to end up doing a job where maths is concerned somewhere. I worked ata private school in Notts and ended up helping the accounts dept, worked for credit ref agency before that and had to deal with calculating commission and expenses for account managers and reps!!!

Anyway gotta crack on - doing the remittances now - prefer people paying me than me paying them!!!

Have a nice time and kick back and relax - you deserve it.

Catch you later

Love Sami xx

[Karen]

Hi Sami,

Yep....it was a huge sticky danish..... so think that it will also cover me for lunch as well! Dee's a great mate, she's very supportive and very kind...always offering to help out, even though one of her children is mentally handicapped and has physical disabilities. She works in the evenings, has her Mum in law living with her as well, she's like "Wonder Woman" and still manages to look absolutely great, as well as keep a smile on her face. She never moans about her lot.......rarely seems to sleep, partly due to her son's needs, as he is severely epileptic and can fit during the night. How she manages to keep a sense of humour I really don't know, but I feel really priviledged to have her as a friend. (She also buys great cakes!!)

Just waiting for my shopping to be delivered and then I will probably get my sewing machine out and make a few more Christmas bits. I still like to feel that I can achieve something during my day, it keeps my brain going!

It's so cold down here ......I've just put the heating on, as I'm freezing.......Eric has landed in Gibraltar and won't be back until Thursday, so I will have a quiet house for a few days. Think he's off to Poland next week.

Anyway, will catch you later.....hope that you've finished the accounts!

Take care,

Love K x

[Annie]

Hi girls,

I've been on the road for 5 days getting home from out west. We just rolled in last night. My little house looks like a mansion to me after 3 weeks in the RV!!! Anyway, it's GREAT to be home and I need to catch up with you two.

Thanks for your feedback on the anti deps. It's discouraging to hear how hesitant your docs are to prescribe them when ours are just too eager. The rx companies have such a hold on this country! I have been waiting for the right time to begin to taper off my dosage, so I will be looking into that now. It scares me a little. I first went on them during my divorce. I had days of just sitting on the couch crying and unmotivated. The rx really did help me. I also have family history of depression, so I believed the advice that said it's a brain chemistry problem. I had all the counseling too. So I'm confused. I had expected to be on it forever.

As to the snoring... I am all for separate rooms!!! Sleep is just too important. I sleep in our guest room. I know lots of couples that do the same.

xo,

Annie

[Skippy]

Good afeternoon ladies

Glad that pastry was a large one Karen, I had a Pains au Chocolat with my coffee this morning so feel less guilty knowing I'm not the only one indulging.

The accounts are all finished and up to date thank you Just waiting for people to pay me what they owe me now. Thats been the worse thing through all of this for me is not being able to keep on top of the accounts. Its hard being ill and running your own company when you try to keep costs down by doing as much as you can. Paul is the graphic designer and cardboard engineer and I'm the accounts, proof reading and admin department!!!

My best friend was on Anti-Deps for 13 years after a nervous breakdown left her suicidal. They told her it was a chemical imbalance in the brain. She was slowly weened off them. She's fine now and can completely sympathise with me when I'm feeling low - sometimes feels like I have my very own personal counsellor

Anyway ladies - duty calls - I have some adverts to cut and paste into a book for a client.

Catch you later

Sami xxxx

[Karen]

Hi Annie,

Welcome back! Hope that you enjoyed your holiday...it sounded fun!

I can remember going camping in a tent and then coming back home and the house looked huge. (Even though our house is a bit like the size of a dolls house!)

How did you cope with the snoring when your were in the RV? Are you like Sami and myself who wear ear plugs........ I think that when my eldest leaves home, I shall be in that bedroom like a shot ..... I quite fancy my own bedroom again ..... a pretty, feminine room with just my "bits and pieces" in it!!

Re: Anti deps - I really don't know much at all about them. I can understand why you are worried about coming off them altogether. It must be very scary looking back as to how you were, before you took them. I would imagine that you would very slowly decrease the dosage, a little bit like the Anti Sezuire meds that I was on.

I too, felt really scared, but I decreased extremely slowly and took it over many more months than you would normally have to. I think that you have to get used to some of the withdrawal effects as well and it took me about a month to decrease each 25mg and about 8 months to finally stop.

Every time I decreased, it seemed to take about a week to have an effect and then I would have a few days of withdrawal symptoms, normally tiredness...but nothing too awful. I did however, have a couple of months where I stayed on the same dosage, as I started to worry about the seizures coming back and didn't feel confident about reducing at that point. I then stayed on the lowest dose possible for another couple of months, just to build up my confidence that nothing awful was going to happen to me.

Eventually, I managed to stop taking them....but it also took me a fair few months to feel confident that all was going to be okay. Now, I barely think about having seizures, but it took time.

If you go ahead with it Annie, then take it real slow and do it at your own pace. It takes time to re-build confidence.

Anyway, lovely to have you back......

Take care,

Love Karen x

[Karen]

Hi Sami,

When you mentioned proof reading....it reminded me of the time when I worked at the Bournemouth Evening Echo.......working in advertising and accounts....proof reading, one of the many tasks, basically Jack of all trades......many moons ago...when the likes of Anne Diamond and Bill Bryson worked there also in the 70's. (The 70's make me feel so old!!)

Paul's line of work sounds really interesting..........my daughter is taking Graphics as one of her GCSE's..... she's good at design, but finds it a pretty tough subject. Your work sounds very similar to what I've done...Admin....Jack of All Trades!!......but people like us are normally very versatile, aren't we!!!

Anyway, glad that you've got the accounts done..........being self employed myself, I know what it's like waiting to be paid and having to chase people up!

Must go, the shopping has finally arrived and now I have to put it all away...the excitement is too much!!

Speak to you soon,

Love K x

[Skippy]

Hey Karen

Don't you go getting too excited now - you're supposed to be taking it easy

Yeah we run a graphic design agency - major clients include Boots and 3M (in England, France, Poland, Spain). Its mainly artwork placement into key liines for production of products for 3M but for the likes of Boots it mock ups for photo shoots - so the next time you're leafing through a glossy mag and see the No7 collection advertised we would have prepared those mock ups for the photo shoot, or Ted Baker, No 17, Botanics etc most of the stuff that Boots advertise we would have done the mock up for - helps Boots being a Nottingham company. We're small but efficient I suppose. Cos we're small we can keep our costs down which we pass on to the client.

It can be interesting but at times like this when we're given a deadline and other people still haven't gotten artwork over to us it can get really frustrating and the last thing I want at the moment is a stress headache!!!!

Paul has to work late tonight so it'll be my first night alone with Siobhan since coming out of hospital. Two weeks ago I would have been terrified now I'm just relishing the thought of having the sofa and the remote to myself

Anyway make sure you rest after putting the shopping away - I know how tiring that can be if you're like us and do a huge shop at once.

Catch you later

Love Sami xxx

[Karen]

Hi Sami,

Well my excitement for the day has now passed and all of the shopping is put away...........mind you, the delivery boy was very cute!! Who says that staying at home is boring!! I'm sounding really desperate now!

I can just about remember deadlines etc....... and yep, it used to be frantic......that's why all of us newspaper people always used to end up down the pub! I certainly couldn't or wouldn't want to deal with it now! So, you take care of yourself and I shall look out for some of your work. I love Boots Botanic moisturiser!!

Yes, it can be hard being by yourself....I still can't get used to Eric going away.....he's always gone away through work......but at the back of my mind, there's always the "what if" question that rears its ugly head! .... it hasn't helped having to go into hospital for a 2nd time...but my confidence is coming back again.... I still often wonder where the "old Karen" has dissappeared to....but just hope that she comes back one day.

Must go.......everybody's starving here....

You take care and enjoy the sole use of the remote!

Love K x

[Skippy]

Hya

You are in there somewhere and you still meet deadlines - dinner is on the table when the kids get home, uniforms are ironed on time etc - so don't be too hard on yourself.

Yeah my confidence was knoked by being taken back into hospital with really bad headaches but after going into townon Saturday night I think I'll be Ok whilst he's at work.

You are in there Karen - don't give up on that. You seem like a very strong and determined woman to me and to be honest its a privelege to 'know' you.

Knowing my luck I'll have the remote to myself and there'll be absolutely nothing interesting on

Anyway am going to prepare to go home now so I'll catch you all tomorrow

Lots of love

Sami xxx

[Karen]

Hiya,

forgot to mention earlier that I chased up my hospital appointment for Physio at the Brain Injury Centre........apparently they still haven't got a "slot" for me.....but they're hoping to be in contact with me in the next couple of weeks.

I think that they are going to try to re-train my brain to accept the dizziness...... I'm looking forward to getting started as I really do want to stop feeling so whoozy and out of control all of the time ...... it's debilitating.

Love to all,

K x

[Skippy]

Hi

I think its disgusting that just because we have nothing physical to fix ie broken leg, arm etc that we're treated liked there's nothing wrong with us. It shouldn't be a case of finding you a slot - it should be a case of making you an appointment asap. I can imagine that the whooziness and dizziness is driving you mad besides the fear factor. I guess the consolation is that at least you know that there is something being done for you despite how long its taking.

Had a fairly good night with Paul being at work. Siobhan and I cuddled in mine and Paul's bed and she read her school book to me for half an hour as she has to every night and then we snuggled down and fell asleep for ten o clock. I looked out of the window at five this morning and Paul's car wasn't there!! Rang him at work and he was still there working - made him come home and get a couple of hours sleep. He sometimes works through the night to make sure a job's done but I don't like him doing it. He had a heart attack five years ago in September through working too hard and it terrifies me that it might happen again if he does this, but I know he'll be fine. Just means that we can both get an early night tonight.

Any word from Andy P???

Take care

Love to all

Sami xxx

[Karen]

Morning Sami,

Yes, I think that's the trouble with brain injury...... nobody can see it ...... unless you're walking about with stitches and bandages on your head. It's hidden from view and you look fine.

I was a bit dissappointed that it's going to take some time to get an appointment, but they didn't tell me that, when I saw the Consultant. I suppose they have to prioritise people and I'm probably way down the list on that one.

I do understand though, that there are obviously people that need the treatment more urgently than I do. Just wish that the people that run the NHS, fund it etc could have a taster of my life, spend a day in my body and then see if they could function normally.

That's my moan over with for the day!

I've had an e-mail from Andy P ....... I don't think that he's still feeling particularly well, but he sounded a little better ...... he's been struggling with sleeping by the sounds of it and getting tired spells at lunchtime. If I remember rightly, today is the funeral of the chap that was living with his Mum. So Andy, if you read this, I shall be thinking of you.

I also haven't heard anything from Andy Howland for quite a while, so just hoping that all is okay with him....I always worry when I don't hear from people for a bit. I think that my anxiety stems back from the old discussion site that we used and there was a lovely guy called Wayne who used to post regularly.......then suddenly nothing, until his wife contacted us to say that he had passed away. I was so upset......he was a lovely character, always happy and always put a smile on my face.

You must get really worried about Paul, especially working those sorts of hours.....it's definetly not any good for you......but I suppose when you run your own business and you have deadlines to meet, then you sometimes don't get much choice in the matter.

I also had quite a good night...........but read too much of my book, as it was getting good......always fatal, as I end up going to sleep too late! but I slept well......just a bit late getting up this morning.

Anyway, must go and do some work and will speak to you later,

Love K x

[Skippy]

Hya

Andy P if you're reading this - am thinking of you also.

I have that problem Karen, when I get into a good book I end up reading until the small hours and then feel completely wrecked the day after.

I'm not feeling as up beat as normal today but I know that's down to the anxiety of last night with Paul being at work so i can kind of cope with it. I have my appointment with the counsellor this afternoon so I intend to let loose with all my feelings and fears. I still haven't heard anything from the hospital yet about my outpatients appointment so I've decided that if I don't hear anything by this time next week then I'm gonna give them a call and badger them about it.

I know what you mean about the bandages thing too - I sometimes feel like putting one on for the hell of it just so people remember that I'm not that well at the moment.

I think the mental health service in this country is awful. We're treated like second rate citizens because we have something wrong with our brains - its as if it renders us emotionless and useless - its really angers me. Like I said in one of my previous postings I can kind of understand why people turn to drink and drugs to try and get through each day when they're suffering and no one will listen. I'm gonna try and hold that anger and turn it into a positive feeling though and hope that it helps me recover.

Anyway got to go to the bank now as some clients have decided to pay me this morning 8O Hahahahaha

Speak later

Take care

Love Sami xxx

[Karen]

Hi Sami,

Good luck with the counselling and don't hold back with your feelings or thoughts, they're better out than in.

Yes, it's probably wise to chase up the hospital if you haven't received an appointment, they're not infallible and at least it gives you peace of mind.

I think that I might wear a bandage around my head as well.....just for the sheer hell of it! The other Saturday, when I was in the supermarket with Eric ... holding onto the trolley for support and trying to avoid the huge amount of people coming at me as though there was a food famine.. this guy just rammed his trolley hard into my legs .... it ****** well hurt ... never apologised or anything ...... I felt really angry and Eric was livid.....I nearly turned around and gave him my life story! That's when I could have done with the bandage ..... some people are just so ignorant and I think that I'm too polite, always getting out of their way, when they don't make any allowances.

Just finished a bacon sarnie ..... it was lovely ..... something I don't do very often, as I would be the size of a house!

It's a shame that you don't feel quite so upbeat today .... I find that too, if I get a bit stressed out, it quickly seems to lower my mood. I think that's part and parcel of the recovery....the brain just doesn't seem to want to cope with the stress, I also find that the fatigue can kick back in, almost like a warning sign telling you to slow it all back down again. Not sure if that makes sense to you!

Anyway, must go....glad you got paid.....now you can spend!!!

Take care,

Love K x

[Skippy]

Hi Karen

Yes it makes perfect sense to me - I didn't get a chance to rest yesterday or the day before so I know exactly why I feel like this and I'm annoyed with myself for letting myself feel this way.

I hate supermarkets whenthey're really busy anyway and am probably too much the other way - I wouldn't so much have given the guy my life story as read him the riot act and turned the air blue

Anyway am off for my appointment now so will let you know in the morning how it went.

Take care and have as many bacon sarnies as you like - my weakness at the moment is Bounty bars

Take care

Love me xxxxx

[andyp]

Hi to both-Yes I have struggled recently ..I think a combination of stress and physical problems.

I have had 2 physio sessions which i think are helping the headaches but it is a question of eliminating things.A 3rd planned for Friday.

Strangely something kicked off after a dental hygeinist hit a nerve on a tooth where I had major nerve problems last year..it all seemed to go downhill from there!

Went to a funeral today which i have to say wasn't sad...the chap was a family friend..but having reached 94 and mostly had good health I thought

he was very fortunate!

Of course the immediate family feel a sense of loss and i am not negating that but when you have faced death in the face as it were and know of many who never got to 30 or 40 then it has a different perspective.

I am keeping an eye on your posts and hope all goes well for you.

I am also hoping David can update on the DVD???

Speak soon

Take care

Andy P

xx

[Karen]

Hi Andy.

It's good to hear from you! Glad to hear that the heads are a little better.

Yep, 94 is a really good age, especially if you've been lucky with your health ..... It's over twice my own age ..... which seems extraordinary really ..... don't think that I will make that many numbers somehow!!

Hope that your Mum is okay though....she must miss him.

Anyway, not much news, which is good in one sense.

Keep well and take care,

Love K x

[Skippy]

Hi Guys

Hey Andy glad to hear that you're 'getting there' if yuo know what I mean. I've never had anything done at a dentists and the thought scares the hell out of me.

Counselling session was good yesterday. He was very understanding and gave me a useful insight into how I'm dealing with all this. Basically I'm used to being quite hard faced and in control of my emotions and the strong one out of a group (my friends always turn to me for advice etc) and the SAH has changed all that because I have become vulnerable and am no longer in control of my emotions. He hit on the fact that something earlier in my life made me this hard faced person who had to be in control of her emotins at all times and its true.

My anxiety is something that we're going to work on once I have seen the Nuerosurgeons or whoever at my outpatient appointment which he has advised me to chase today. Once I have answers to questions I will be better equipped to deal with the feelings of anxiety that I have. But yes a very useful hour and I have another appointment in two weeks time.

Hows everyone here today anyway?

Love Sami

xxxxx