Back To Work

[Gill C]

SAndi I too think I am more tired now than I was in the early days but hubby keeps reminding me I am doing sooo much more than I did. I am doing the school run & driving isn't easy as I have to concentrate more because of not having single vision, the noise in the playground is wearing too!

 

Most nights I cook a meal (not always from scratch) & do washing etc, the shopping online takes some feat of energy too. I think I also underestimate how much being on the computer tires me out too. I have noticed how much worse my spelling is these days too, I really have to think about some words whereas it was second nature. I def don't read as much as I used to, just don't have the attention span!

In the early days I would sleep in until 10 or 11am & be in bed very early or nap in the afternoon!!

[Skippy]

Hey David

Hope all went well for your wife.

By the way - bit of inspiration for you - you work 2 1/2 hours more a week than I do - and I get all the school holidays off - so you are doing really really well - proud of you matey

[amexdm]

Hello,

Yes, thanks Skippy my wife is ok and doing better. Wish I could say the same for myself. It's Monday and my legs feel like concrete. Not a good sign. Maybe tomorrow better. Rested all weekend, except cooking, cleaning and taking care of my wife who was bed bound. Guess that's too much for my brittle self.

Boss come's back Wednesday from leave so may have to work more. Shoot me now.

David

[Sandi K]

Fatigue is unpredictable David. If I could slot it in its appropriate place (never!) life would be so much easier.

I hope you are feeling better tomorrow.

Sandi K.

[Sandi K]

Thursday after work I came home exhausted and in tears. Everything hurt and it's just so depressing to feel like this most of the time.

Good Friday was a quiet day and I cooked a turkey so we could nibble on it all weekend long.

Saturday I had my treatment at the clinic and it put me on the couch for the rest of the day.

Sunday was a quiet and slow day.

 

Monday was my fourth day off and the clouds in my head cleared. My legs didn't hurt. My vision wasn't so blurry. Most importantly, I felt positive, cheerful, and hopeful. I haven't felt that way in so long. Hopeful. I had enough energy to go out for lunch and enjoy it. It was a wonderful window into how I want to feel everyday.

 

Tuesday I went to work. I had back to back meetings. Projects are piling up. People are waiting for me. I'm behind on so many things. My assistant quit a couple of weeks ago and his last day is Friday. By the end of the day my legs were so sore I had to wait 20 minutes before I felt comfortable driving home. I don't stand to do my job, nor do I sit for long periods of time. I move around and walk between buildings to meetings and sit at my desk, it's a variety. The legs is a symptom of fatigue. My head hurt and so on.

What a difference between two days. Monday and tuesday. How disappointing.

Sandi K.

[SarahLou]

I did my first full day at work yesterday.

Today I feel rough as hell.

So tired my bones ache.

Whole head hurts.

[amexdm]

Hello,

Sandy-I know how you feel. People always say how do you know when fatigue sets in and I know it's in my legs. They feel heavy and I can feel the bones in my legs and feet. If it helps, I'm not doing any better. Monday was exhausted at work. Tuesday called in sick as I could just not get out of bed. Fatigue is indeed unpredictable. Back at work today and feel ok. Let's hope we all have a better rest of the week.

SL- My bones ache too. I know how you feel. Sometimes a hot bath and soaking helps.

Where is my life coach Skippy to cheer us up?

Get better all,

David

[Skippy]

Evening all

The fatigue was the biggest problem I had to go through. Even now, if I've not slept well it hits, and its a pain the rear. The only thing I did/do was made/make sure I rested when I got home. I still get home sometimes of an evening and flop on the sofa with the dog for a couple of hours. People say "oh but youonly work in an office" yes I do, and thats the point - everything I do is mental not physical so my brain does suffer and then so does my body.

The only way I can deal with fatigue when it hits is an early night - cup of milky tea, a good book and relax in bed - nine times out of ten I wake up feeling tonnes better.

But no matter how hard it feels or is getting - remember guys, you have survived and you are all doing brilliantly and should be proud of what you have achieved especially getting back to work and working nearly the same hours as before. I feel like a very proud mother reading how well you're all doing and how far you have all come since joining BTG. You are all inspirational, strong and wonderful people and I am proud to have you in my life.

Edited April 12, 2012 by Skippy

[SarahLou]

Hi Sami,

Thanks once again for your words of wisdom.

I've another full day tomorrow, full clinic, so short staffed.

I'll be working with someone who has no understanding of brain injury whatsoever. We've had a run in before and I know it'll happen again tomorrow so I'm already dreading it. I can't multi task and that's what he doesn't get.

 

My hours are chopping and changing a bit this month as i have a few hospital appointments. I'm waiting on a batch of results at the mo. My hours will change from May. Half of me is excited to see if I can do it...Sure I can! But I'm also a bit apprehensive. I know how I've felt in the past when increasing hours, I hope I can get through the first few tough weeks and it will hopefully settle down, I'll get used to it.

I started getting brain freeze on Tuesday, that was tough emotionally to deal with. The lad I work with sometimes is brill, really understanding, but some co workers... Well...

 

It just breaks me when I'm so exhausted after work that I can't even hold a conversation with my Miss C, or that I'm so tired I can't even get up the stairs by myself.

Please tell me this fatigue does ease off! Plleeeezzzz!

 

Big hugs to Sandi and David, sounds like we all need some extra spoons. Hope your wifes doing ok David, I'm sure your extra zap in strength is due to all the worry and stress you two are going through. Life's never easy eh.

Take care and keep smiling,

SarahLou Xx

[Sandi K]

Sami thank you for your words of support. It's great to be cheered on, especially when it gets tough.

Sarah Lou and David, may you both have an easy day tomorrow. Perhaps all of us will wake up with that 'normal' feeling. If we do let's try and hold onto it for the whole day!

Sandi K. Xoxo

[amexdm]

Thursday,

Thanks so much for your kind words Sami. I wish I could send you flowers across the pond for your genuine caring. Your husband is a lucky man to have someone with such a good heart as you as well as wisdom. I feel lucky to know you and everyone else here.

 

Sarah Lou, hope the day goes well for you, I know it's a busy one and I wish you strength and well being. Gosh we need extra spoons. Sending 5 your way.

 

Sandi, hope your day goes well today, almost the weekend. You're right about a normal day. I just want to feel "normal" again. And that just means being my happy, positive self. But my happy positive self without the 200 lb weights in my legs.

 

I actually feel a little better today. Just tired, kind of sleepy tired. That I can handle. Tired is a "good" day for me. Wife is doing much better, thank you. She wanted to go to market yesterday, but I wouldnt let her. Not supposed to drive yet. But her stitches are healing andshe can shower. 2 big hurdles crossed.

Let's make today a good one.

 

Sami, BTW I used to have a dog named Buddy. He was a Sheltie. So fun and loving. Passed away a few years ago. I used to spoon him on the couch and my wife would come home and make fun of us. He smelled like maple syrup. Used to sniff his head all the time! Sure miss him.

Much love,

David

[Teechur]

David--I call every dog I meet "Buddy" because that's just such a "dog" name. So one time I was out running near the waterfront and passed this family walking a beagle. I stopped for a train and said "Hi Buddy!" to the dog. A little boy about 6 stared at me, wide-eyed and speechless. I smiled at him and said hi. He stammers, "How did you know his name was Buddy?" His mom and I started laughing because he looked like he'd seen a ghost! I explained that I call all dogs Buddy, but he really looked like a Buddy so his name fit.

 

A little while later I passed the family out on one of the docks and the dad had joined them and was now walking Buddy. I said "Hey Buddy! How's it going?" The man looked perplexed and I said, "Oh me and Buddy go WAY back" and all the kids started giggling because they were in on the joke.

Glad you're feeling better. Wonderful to hear about your wife!

 

I finally looked into short term disability and found that I have long term, but not short term and I can't afford 90 days without pay, plus the school year isn't that long. I think it's 72 days left until end of the year. So next year I'm going to start getting STD for both of us because it doesn't make sense not to have it at our age. I think after today I have three more sick days for the year and then it's days off without pay. We can't afford for me not to work, so I will have to keep hanging on. It's just so exhausting. Like I'm home, but just had a friend drop by for about an hour. I was fine while she was here, I just sat down and the exhaustion overwhelmed me and my head started singing. In a few minutes I'm going to recline the chair and try to take a nap, or maybe even go into the bedroom. I have to go back to work tomorrow, no choice.

 

Intellectually I agree, Mimi, but I still get so frustrated right now. I feel like I'm 90% better, but that last 10% is a HUGE thing for me. No energy to work out and run my business. No way to make plans knowing I'll be able to follow through. I'm not a good teacher. I'm not a good wife. I'm not a good trainer. I feel like I'm pretty pointless right now, and I don't say that in a "feel sorry for me" way. I mean that at this time in my life, my ability to perform and give is so limited and that has always been my chosen role; I teach and care for my students, I coach and care for my clients, I care for my husband, I care for my friends and right now the only person I can care for with any regularity is myself and I'm not doing a great job at that either.

 

It has only been ten weeks and I know that every week gets me closer to whatever my life is going to be, but it's frustrating to not know where things are going and how long it's going to be until I get there. I just talked with a friend about a marathon we're planning to run in October and reality is, I can't even run a mile right now. Didn't mean that to sound like a pity party because I don't feel depressed about it; I feel frustrated about it.

[Winb143]

Well Done SL you should be proud .....I've ironed 7 shirts and 6 jumpers since Christmas !!! lol

But in my defence I try and hoover then sit then a bit more...then go out for a coffee ~ then I stand at sink until back aches

then sit for 5 mins then put plates in soak...then sit and moan about backache.....then family moan how slow I am !! cheek

Then I think about goodies and limp back to chair and shout ouch my back hurts ..no one comes to see wihats up..lol

Better stop playing on it ha ha....No seriously backache is a real killer.....okay time for another moan..lol

Have a great Day All

Love

WinB143 xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[EmmaF]

Hi everyone

I hope you don't mind me invading your thread as it looks like you're a really nice group and have been supporting one another for some time now.

I'm 32 and had a SAH on 30 December. I was lucky in that I was diagnosed very quickly and my aneurysm was treated on 1st January.

 

Having spent three months resting up finally I felt well enough to start my return to work on Monday 2nd April - my logic being that with Easter I'd have a couple of short weeks to ease myself back in. Also my job is office based and my company's technology means that I can work from home. So, my strategy has been to work every other day in the office (but reduced hours as I also have an hour's commute each way) and when I'm not in the office I'm at home with an eye on the blackberry and doing things when I feel I have the energy to.

 

Week 1 felt great - really good to be back in the world of the working and excited to be starting to get back to normal. I had noticeable tiredness and was daring to think to myself "ah this is going to be easy peasy". However, its now Week 2 and some of my initial excitement has worn off and I'm feeling the strain of starting work again. Especially today I'm pretty exhausted so have decided I need a sofa day.

I can see from the thread that you've each been through this and would be grateful for any top tips from you as to what I should be do and also any unexpected side-effects you felt that I could keep an eye on.

 

Thanks in advance for any advice you can offer. Also well don to you all, it sounds like you're making amazing progress!

Emma x

[goldfish.girl]

Hi Emma, nice to 'meet' you.

Well done on getting back to work, it does help you to feel like you're getting your life back doesn't it? It sounds like you are being sensible about your return & realise you need to rest when your body tells you to. If you need to take it slower than you have done so far, be honest with people & hopefully they will support you.

Michelle x

[Winb143]

Hi Emma,

Welcome to BTG....it helps to know we are not alone...others have been through it and are coping, phew !!!

Listen to Michelle she is sensible..........I just tell peeps to sing..lol

All the Best

WinB143 xxxxxxxxxxxx

[SarahLou]

Hi Emma, welcome to BTG.

You're doing well to be back at work so soon after your SAH. It's great to have that bit if normal back though isn't it.

I was off work for 14 months and have been doing phased return since last October.

I never expected it would be this tough.

 

I've increased my hours again this week and I've been totally shattered. Thursday my whole head hurt, and I mean hurt. Looking back I know that every time I've increased my hours it does zonk me out for a while. I need time to adjust. When I get home I just need peace and quiet for a while. No tv or music on. I pull the curtains to block out the light. My family have kinda got used to the fact I just need to be left alone for a while after work.

 

Some of my co workers are great, others aren't. Do you have understanding people around you? Can you take regular breaks? I know that Sandi recommends going for a short walk on breaks. I would love to get proper breaks but it doesn't work for me like that, well, not very often.

Good luck with your return to work, take things slowly.

 

Teecher you're doing so well, stick with it, your'll get there. I've never known someone with as much determination and positive attitude as you have. Big hugs to you.

 

David.. Hello you. Good to hear things for you are still going well. I know what you mean about the 'good' tired days, days,when you know you've achieved something.

Great to hear your wife is doing well, I hope she's allowed to the market soon!

 

I've had my blood tests results back today, got a few problems (nothing sah wise) so more docs appointments and tests coming up. There's always something eh. At least being busy at work will keep my mind off things, hopefully.

 

By the way, thanks for my 5 spoons! Could do with a factory full though really!!

Win.. Dear Win.. I'm still singing and dancing around the room. Your posts always make me smile. Everyone needs a Win in their life. Bless you.

Take care guys,

Much love and big hugs to you all.

SarahLou Xx

[Sandi K]

Hmmm... Been trying to figure out what I want to write about the events of last week.

Firstly, the outcome is positive. It's the best decision for my well-being. My thoughts are all jumbled up though and I'm having moments of panic, anxiety, sadness, relief, optimism, and fright. Sounds a bit all over the place!

 

On Thursday April 12 I had my regular status meeting with Occupational Health and my Rehab Therapist. My only intent was to be honest about how I was feeling and tell them about the fatigue and determine what sort of safety net there is for me if I fail in my attempt to perform my role. I really didn't expect what happened next.

 

Before I was even finished talking Occ Health wanted me to drop everything and go home for a month. I was momentarily stunned. I thought they were over reacting. They said it wasn't a choice. We kept talking and they helped me (again) to see that I'm not helping myself by working extra hours and being keen to do my job and prove myself. I guess this isn't the time to be career building! My mindset has been forward thinking career building forever so resetting and thinking differently is difficult. We talked and talked. I cried.

 

I managed to negotiate working a couple of weeks to tie up loose ends and get organized and help get someone in my role. In any job it's hard to just walk away. As a manager I would be leaving a team of 20 wondering where the funding is coming from to carry on with their projects, sign their timesheets, backfill their sick and vacation days, schedule their weeks and so on. It all needs to be handed off. I'm already working on bringing someone in, we are meeting to discuss details on Monday morning at 8. Whoever comes in will come for 6 months.

 

I will be off for at least a month. To refuel the energy bank. This part is where the relief comes in. My brain and body weren't ready for the schedule I was imposing on myself. I was so stuck on 'losing ground' I wouldn't give up any time I'd gained. My Pitt just got deeper and the blankets of fatigue heavier. I lost the ability to asses myself objectively. I refused to see what was happening. I had one goal. To work despite all else.

 

When I begin back to work again I will be helping the person who is filling in for me. And we (the organization and I) will be assessing over those next months how much I can work and what I'm capable of doing. If I ever get back to where I wanted to be it will be wonderful. But my goal has to change. My goal now is to detail my skill set and apply it to something in the number of hours I am capable of working while allowing myself to have a life outside of work.

 

This is a complete turn of thinking for me. My entire life has been about career building and being upwardly mobile. It's very frightening to not know where I will end up. I am fortunate to have a supportive employer. For now it's one step at a time.

First step, get organized at work and get someone doing my job.

Next step, rest and reset my thought patterns.

When my thoughts are less jumbled and time passes I'm sure the lesson here will become clear.

Sandi K.

[Liz D]

Hi Sandi

Well done, what a very brave and hard decision to make. I understand a bit of how you feel. When I left college and started working, I was very ambitious. I had goals and was meeting every one I set, I was a senior manager and being a director was my end goal. After 5 years of being together we got married. Hubby was as ambitious as me and we were in the throws of moving to London from Glasgow, which would get us onto the next step. Then I discovered I was pregnant, I was 27 and devastated. I was determined that the baby would not get in my way and planned to resume my career. But after being on maternity leave for 3 months before she was born, I started to have another look at my life and questioned what was really important.

 

So when my daughter was born I made a huge decision, with hubby's blessing, to resign. I gave it all up and became a full time mother. It took a lot of adjustment but I have to say, stepping out of 'the rat race' is the best thing I've done. My pace of life slowed right down, although I did have to come to terms with this major change! Loss of status (why are mums so undervalued!), loss of income, loss of independence and loss of mental stimulation. Change is not easy but handled correctly and you can have a positive outcome.

 

But I always thought that it would only be until my children had finished school and then I could have another career. I wanted to teach business. This is what I had started, I was in my 2nd year of a business degree when I had my SAH. I knew that it was never going be, my brain would have come to a complete stop if I tried to continue my recovery, whilst working, studying and being a mum. I knew I could cope with work, so the studying came to an end. But even then I had to make changes, I couldn't cope with a 35 hour week and had to cut my hours back to 18.75.

 

The most important lesson I learned, all those years ago, is that you have to get a work life balance. That's why I had to cut my hours back. I feel now that I have it all! I can still work, I enjoy a good social life (although not as hectic!) and I have time and energy to enjoy my hobbies. Last week, due to colleagues being on annual leave and one on compassionate leave, I worked 37.50 hours. I managed this but by Friday evening I was exhausted, had brain fog etc. Today I have slept for most of the day. I did nothing else last week, no cooking no housework, nothing. That's fine for this one off, it was exceptional circumstances at work but I'm not going back to that. My life can't be just about work and nothing else.

 

It will be hard for you these coming months, it is time to reflect but also to look forward at opportunities. You have so much drive that I still believe, whatever you decide, you will succeed. Take care.

[Sandi K]

Thank you Liz, your words are encouraging and I appreciate you sharing your experience.

Sandi K.

[Teechur]

What a blessing to have someone looking out for you like that Sandi!

You are doing so well so please take this month and just be whatever and whoever you want to be! Blessings to you!

[goldfish.girl]

Firstly - well done Sandi for posting this, I know it has taken a while to do so and I know it was hard for you to even type it. Be very proud of yourself, I'm feeling proud of you by proxy!!

I loved reading Liz's post. I got pregnant at 19 with my older son & never let it hold me back at work or socially. I love him to bits & after a few months of adjusting & trying to work out how the hell I could make it all work, I did. I always 'knew' that when he was 16 and I was 36 I would realise my dream & train as a social worker.....

 

At 30, I had another baby, with behavioural and learning difficulties due a brain abnormality. It was incredibly hard to deal with him and his demands and I struggled BIG TIME especially as a single working mum. At 37 (one year after my original life plan to train as a social worker) I had my SAH. Even without the SAH the life plan would never have happened while looking after my beautiful wee boy with his many difficulties but it's good to blame my brain and never him.

 

I haven't given up my dream, just adjusted it to maybe doing support assistant work rather than social work. Even before SAH, I felt that something more hands on would make me happier (although I would've liked the pay as a professional rather than a carer ). I still hope that one day soon I will achieve my adjusted dream whilst still being a good mum to an incredibly special young boy who I love beyond words and has undoubtedly (along with SAH) made me a better person.

 

Sandi, whatever comes next, you will do it and do it well. Enjoy the time to think things through & know that we are all cheering you on.

Michelle xx

[Winb143]

Okay after 3 hip hip hooray (Win adds own bit) For she's a jolly good fellow scratch that bit out..lol doesn't make sense to a girl !!!

Sing it to Keith and Gary phew ! For they are jolly good fellows

hip hip hooray one more

hip hip hooray

To you All xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx and 3 cheers to us All xxxxxxxxxxxx

Edited April 15, 2012 by Winb143

[EmmaF]

..... to each of you for your support. It's very reassuring that the feelings I have at the moment are not unique to me but so many of you have/have had too.

 

SarahLou - I'm very lucky that the people I work with are very understanding and happy to accommodate my need to do less. I'm also lucky that I can do my work anywhere with a decent Broadband connection so am able to fit the work I do around how energetic I'm feeling. The problem is I've always been very career driven, completing my MBA in December etc, with big plans about what to do next so I'm struggling to come to terms with the fact those plans may not materialise in the way I expected. I'm my own worst enemy pushing myself too hard and need to listen to my husband about not running before I can walk!

 

Sandi - I find your experience inspiring. I hope if this return is too much I'll be able to show the same courage you have done and step away (for a while). I'll definitely give the walking tip a try too.

Emma xx

[amexdm]

Hello,

Sandi- Itsounds like this is a good decision for you. Maybe best of all cases? At least that's what my pee brain understood.

Emma-Glad you're with us and can share and contribute you situation.

Win- Thanks as always for your cheer

Sara Lou, Where are you? It rhymed sorry.

MEETING WITH BOSS TODAY at 3PM ABOUT RETURNING TO FULL TIME HOURS. Currently at 35 and struggling. ARGGGGGGGGH!

Pray for me!

David