Back To Work

[goldfish.girl]

Sami - I am being really thick (it often happens!!) or do you really get 38 weeks off a year? Even I could do that as a full time job so I'm assuming it was a typo?

I bet I've missed the point & when you reply I am going to look very, very silly - apologies in advance.

Michelle xx

[cathmat]

well done david im very impressed , hope you are feeling ok and have some spoons left for everyday life. My boss has proposed aplan to keep me in work but reduce my hours so i will only be workinf 22.5 hours until at least april next year, this is more feasible to me and feel relieved the pressure is off . Work was zapping my spoons and i slept when off thats not a life . hope everyone is ok x

[Skippy]

Hi Michelle

Hahaha got your attention though eh?? No, I work 38 weeks of the year so I get 14 weeks holiday (have just correct my original post lol) - I was thinking about going back to work on Monday when I typed that

Edited August 30, 2012 by Skippy

[Sandi K]

Cath, thats wonderful news! Sounds like you have a supportive boss. It's really great that they've proposed reduced hours and stretched it out to April. It must be a huge relief to you. I was the same with having no life when I went off work. Just work and rest and nothing else. I'm very glad to read that changes are being made that will support you in your return.

 

I had rehab yesterday with my rehab/occupational therapist. We're making progress! We've gone from her having to prove to me that I'm exhausted and have limitations to now we are talking about what a return to work might look like in a few months and I'm learning how to set boundaries. The boundaries are about protecting myself from taking too much on. And I'm learning what kind of work environment will be best for me (quiet is better than noisy for example). It's all baby steps but I'm starting to feel positive about a return to work instead of dreading it. I'm still not ready but I'm feeling better about it.

Sandi K. Xoxo

[MaryB]

First off I am so impressed that Michelle can EVEN catch such an error by Skippy.

 

Cathmat - Good for you. I decreased my hours from 36 in a row to 32 broken up through out week ( I added my 8 hours on Sunday but sometimes it is only 1 hour but I get paid for 8 for being on call- sometimes it is 12 hours). I think it is the 8 hour days that get me 7:3- - 5:00- but even half days can knock me out after 3 hours I find myself staring into space. So maybe it is just what Phase I am in? After 2 days of 8 hours & I lOVE my Fridays as they are more fun but by late afternoon I have some cognitive difficulties.

 

For insurance reasons I must work at least 32 hours a week.

It is only on my bad days- which would it not be nice if were knew in advanced when they would happen?? That work is a killer to me. On my good days I feel I can be like David- My multi tasking is not what it use to be but it still is above what most can do but I am / was a good trouble shooter, fly by the seat of my pants, handle difficult situations etc.. type of person. I tend to do more of other people job now and less wrestling of dogs and cats!

 

But I have great gut insinct for the most part it is still there. It is a difference in personalites - I am A with experience and great work ethics and I work with - although talents in other areas B persoanlites and they just move so slow. I want to become a B!!!

 

Anyway I did have a "good thing" happen this week. AS I think most of us cannnot do grocery shopping??? Right? I cannot even get junk food. I did go through the store and think of 3 meals for the week- thinking about what I had at home and what I could buy to make it happen. Big deal for me. I think I using my work spoons for home task more now which makes work more difficult on some/ most days?? It is a thin tight rope we walk.

 

So this is where I am at with my new schedule after a month. I have my yearly work review tomorrow. mb

[Sandi K]

Mary I know what you mean about being type A and wanting to be type B. Slow down and focus on one thing at a time. I read an article yesterday that said if we have a report to write for work it can take all day and not be done well if we are doing multiple things at once. But if we focus and ignore disruption it takes half the time, uses less energy, and is done well. I'm trying to learn not to multitask, after years of being so proud of my ability to do that.

The grocery shopping is a milestone, good for you! It sounds like your schedule change is working because grocery shopping and meal planning were not even possible for you with your old work schedule. I remember when I was finally able to post photos to Facebook again. It was a huge milestone! As if a small window in my brain was opening again.

All of these little things help us to understand we are making progress.

Sandi K. Xoxoxo

[goldfish.girl]

Sami thank you for clarifying - I thought I had just discovered the perfect job when I read your post

It's great to hear that you are going to have time to get back to work slowly Cath. I know how awful the work/sleep/work situation is. I used to work 3 days a week after SAH and the 2 days I was off were spent sleeping. It is not a good situation to be in.

 

I had a neuro psychology appt this week and (like Sandi!!) we talked about work. For me this will only be voluntary work & the agreed facts are: it would have to be supported and only a couple of hours once a week. The idea being that it would help me break out of the reclusive life style I am currently living & hopefully be good for my self confidence too.

 

To me this would be a huge achievement but the thought of it is very scary. This evening I met a friend at the supermarket who let me know what several of our other acquaintances are doing. The place where we all worked closed down & everyone was made redundant (this was as I was waiting for medical retirement). They have all managed to get good new jobs. While I am really pleased for them all, I came home & cried. I feel like I am stuck where I am. I know that I will never be capable of that type of work again and it hurts. I can't really see anyone feeling the same joy if I turn up and say 'I found a job too, I'm a cleaner'.

 

Another blip even 4 years later I'll get over it but at the moment I just feel very sad at being left behind.

Michelle xx

[Skippy]

Michelle, it was probably wishful thinking on my part too

[Sandi K]

Michelle, it would have been very hard not to feel left behind after that conversation with your friend. When I was doing my return to work the last time around there were lots of changes happening. People retiring and peers being promoted in various departments. Many people I've worked with for years were moving up the ladder ahead of me.

 

I knew I couldn't take on the extra responsibility, my health wasn't allowing me to do the job I had as it was. But I was sad that I wasn't keeping pace. I know that feeling of being left behind and it's not nice.

Somehow we have to think about being on our own jouney and forget what's happening to everyone else. Somehow we have to stop comparing.

 

Volunteering is great step toward going back to work. My rehab therapist explains that through volunteering (when I'm ready) I'll be able to start building up my hours ahead of doing paid work. It makes it easier for both an employer and I if I already know I can do a certain amount of hours a week. It will also help me figure out what type of work environment I need to be in so I can be most productive. I can also practice taking breaks so it becomes habit and not something I have to think about. It's a positive step Michelle!

Sandi K. Xoxox

[Macca]

Michelle,

My sports teacher once said to me 'try to win the race, if you can't win it come second, if you can't come second, come third, just be the best you can be, nobody can ask any more of you if you have given your best.' I've tried to live by that mantra all my life. I don't beat myself up because I can't win - sometimes I am happy and content as long as I did all I could. You are doing your best, but despite being hurt inside, you dusted yourself off and got on with it.

 

That in itself shows there is fight and feeling inside you. Be proud of that Michelle, don't try to be in competition with those others you mention - just be different and be proud of it. We can't all go down the same road if it is too narrow for us. We have to take a different road. Maybe if you look hard enough, the rainbow is at the end of your road, not theirs.

I'm proud of you Michelle, well done, you're doing just great. So smile, I think I can see one coming!!!

Macca

[goldfish.girl]

Sandi/Macca, thank you for your supportive words.

I am OK again today. I cut down a tree & finally did my ironing (months worth!!) AND I didn't have my afternoon snooze

 

To bring the positivity back in I was bored with my administration job a while before the SAH so it is an opportunity to start again now that I am no longer working and not able to do that type of work satisfactorily. I can't believe that I walked out of my job nearly 2 years ago - it has gone so fast in some ways. I don't think any of us would choose to walk out of a well paid job to do something we might enjoy more - this is an opportunity that without SAH I would never have been brave enough to take.

 

A few tears, a bit of sadness & feelings of loss then it's time to get back on that horse & find something better!! Even if it doesn't pay me a wage The possible volunteer work within a brain injury day centre seems to have fallen through in that they thought I could benefit from the service they provide rather than help out. I really don't think I need more help than I am currently getting & working with clients & staff who have such a good understanding of brain injury really did seem like the ideal voluntary job to me. Ah well, on to plan B! Will update if/when I take the volunteer plunge.

Michelle xx

[Carl]

A full week of reading meters and I met the expectation of 300 every day but one. I read two hundred and sixty something on Wednesday because we had a one hour meeting first thing and that took an hour away from the reading.

 

Today there were more mental challenges than physical ones. I had to copy 10 digit serial numbers to paper, enter them in a reader and copy the readings to paper, Then change programs and enter all that information back into the computer.

 

I know it is just numbers but a few times I even was able to recall the full 10 digit number..... side note the first 6 digits were the same LOL. Still I did it.

There are also a few challenges of the routes being changed. The other meter reader customised them for his ease of use. Not a big deal but I did go out of my way and read some that didnt need to be read.

Sept 1 is officially 365 days till retirement, unless I pull the pin earlier. I am enjoying this part of the job so I think I can last a year.

 

Time will tell.

Minor headache at the end of the day, Not sure if it was the sun or the number crunching. All in all a good day.

[MaryB]

Great Carl, I bet you have much self satisfaction.

mb

[cathmat]

Hi everyone i have been reading the thread with a great deal of interest as i too have felt like you Michelle .My manager is being most patient with me in fact has told me to slow down . I am doing a admin job but have finally realised how lucky i am to be in a supportive organisation who want me to succeed and worry about me ,

 

In fact my job is about to go out on a temprorary basis and i wasnt upset like i thought i would be .I have finally realised that i cant do it but i can do the job im doing so its not all bad. Im In agreement with you Carl im gonna be the best i can be at this time . I too felt like you michelle in my personal life where i felt my mates were leaving me behind but i ve realised my limitations now and can acccept them xxx

[amexdm]

Cath-

I just have to say if they want you to do 22 hours, do it. If they want you to slow down, that means they care. I worked 22 hours for the first two months of my return. 10-4 four days a week. It was great. But then I had to go to 28 then 35 and now 40. So take your time if you are able to. Glad you are with us.

David

[Kaz]

I'm almost 1 year post Sah (GOD, DOESN'T TIME FLY) I was very lucky with my work and had a 3 month phased return - well HR had me down for a month phased return but my manager is great and I actually phased myself in over 3 months.

 

it was a worrying time tho as my job was in the redundancy pool (got the notice whilst on sick leave) so I felt pressured to return to my full hours and role quickly. Luckliy I have a supportive team and managers and they kept reassuring me not to worry and not to rush back - but the thought of having to apply for my job and be interviewed had me panicking

 

I still only work part-time - 18 1/2 hours a week - how you guys manage to work full time amazes me. Mind you I suppose if you figure in the hours spent at home sorting out the kids, cooking, cleaning etc it probably adds up to a full time hours

 

I know one day I would like to return to full time work (financially I need too) but my health is more important - it took time to figure this out and accept this, but at least I am able to work the few hours I work -and work to my full ability.

 

I still have to remind some people that i do have days when I struggle - and that my capacity to absorb information is limited so have to write things down - occasionally I get the odd moan because I have asked them to put something in writing for me rather than tell me, would they rather I get the facts and information correct or just make it up as I go along!!

In th emean time, will keep doing the lottery in the hope that one day my numbers will come up

[MaryB]

I have to say we no longer have kids at home, or elderly parents to take care of etc... so my time not working is mostly recouping. I could never do it with kids or family responabilities. Maryb

[DawnS]

I am on week 3 of my phased return and today was the first bad day I've had. Bad, because it ended in tears (mine)! I'm the only person in the office on Windows 7. This means I am having to try to learn a new operating system as well as my job and it all got to be way too much today. Although I use Windows 7 at home, I don't use Excel and didn't realise that everything is now hidden like the print icon and page-break preview.

 

I won't bore you with the details, (mainly because I'm too tired to type it out) but the end result was that they are going to put me back onto Windows XP next week, phew! My manager has said that we will all be moving onto Windows 7 soon and she thought it would be best for me to start off on it rather than change to it later. I can understand the thought process there I suppose. But having to learn 2 things at the same time is just too much for my wee brain.

 

I am disappointed in myself for getting upset, but the frustration was so immense. I had already walked away from my desk to take a moment but as soon as I returned, there was another thing that I couldn't work out how to do. Hopefully next week will be better when I'm back on XP. As a result of the tears, I now feel like I could sleep for a week!

[SarahLou]

Ah Dawn honey, don't be so tough on yourself, you are doing so well. Be proud of yourself and wipe those tears away.

 

I do understand how you feel, I had a complete new computer system to learn when I went back to work. I still struggle with some parts of it now. I've got little notes sellotaped under the desk!!

I'm on my second week of increased hours. I'm now doing my pre SAH hours of 3 days a week.

It's great to have that proper bit of normal back.

 

I'm really enjoying work, am working with someone I used to work with about 15yrs ago. We've stayed in touch over the years and it's great to be working together again.

 

At the moment work is flooring me, but I knew it would. I get so tired my bones ache. The fatigue hits very hard. Some evenings I can't speak a sentence, loose my words, can't concentrate and cook a meal. My body is shattered but my brain seems to be doing cartwheels! I get itchy, tickly feelings at the area of my operation which drives me mad!

I'm still walking to work, I will not give up on that!

Take care,

SarahLou Xx

[Carl]

Hang in there Dawn, Most people have issues with new software. I have no idea why the software companies change things so much.

One of my favourite software developers is Serif in England. The program I use, they give you the option of making the menues look like the old versions of the software. It sure helps!

Don't be upset about crying. I truly think that crying is a gift we are given to help us release some of that pressure.

 

Sarah Lou, be sure to keep a balance, I know like all of us here we want to excel and prove we can be all we can be, but I am finding that quality of life is more important to me now than it used to be. I am glad you kept in touch with the co-worker, that too will add to the NORMAL.

This is week two for me, going back to meter reading. In the past 2 weeks I read over 3000 meters. There were only 9 working days in that time frame so I am meeting the 300 a day expectation. That is a lot of walking. The heat is literally cooking my brain some days. Today I drank almost 2 gallons of water.

 

I have had zero feedback since they asked me to do the job. I have to assume I am doing ok, but I have assumed things in the past and ended up in hot water LOL. I am glad I have the weekend to recover because I am tapped out this week. I think I left a trail of spoons so I could find my way home.

[MaryB]

Oh Dawn, When my husband started his new job about 1 1/2 years ago, he was crying when he had to learn excel as well! He works with all younger men- he is 57 or 58???. anyway they all have blackberries, i pads, facebook, twitter etc... he was overwhelmed with having to do all the "networking". He still likes his "paper" copies. '

Sarah good for you walking to work and your phase in. Glad that is working out for you. How far of a walk is that?

Carl, trail of spoons! LOL. Is it finally warm there? That heat would cook me if I had to work outside.

Maryb

[goldfish.girl]

Hi Dawn,

Using excel almost broke me when I went back to work. I hadn't used it previously & was given another new task which involved using it. I got tearful with frustration too & hated myself for being so 'thick'. My boss arranged for another member of staff to work with me on it whenever I used it as being shown something once or twice doesn't work for my brain! I have to see and do something new many times before I get it.

 

Once all the staff at your workplace change to it, you will all be learning together & can ask each other - you won't be the only one who struggles. And if you need help, is there someone you can ask to arrange extra help like I had until you understand it fully? I felt very embarrassed about it & more so when I kept making the same mistakes over & over again but the person helping me was someone I got on well with and really showed his true colours when it came to helping me & understanding that my brain wasn't working the same (we had always had a work relationship that involved banter & cheek before then - I never even knew he had a caring side )

 

Good luck & don't give up - it just takes us a bit longer than others to understand something new, but we CAN do it!

Michelle xxx

[DawnS]

Hi Everyone,

many thanks for the warm and encouraging replies!

Today was a far, far better day and I even feel quite cheerful As promised, my PC had been changed when I arrived at work today. I was back on Windows XP and Office 2003 and what a difference it has made! I left work tired but not drained.

 

Tomorrow is going to be interesting...I have two colleagues training me in my return to work. One is on holiday and tomorrow the other needs to take his son to the fracture clinic. My manager went home sick this morning and might not be back this week. So although I've been nowhere near the phone or email inbox so far, tomorrow morning I need to deal with the whole lot. Talk about in at the deep end on your 4th week Maybe it will work out better because I'll just have to get on with it and there will be no-one looking over my shoulder.

Dawn x

[Sandi K]

Dawn you are doing really well! It's really hard for our brains to learn new software. We tire ourselves out just getting through a comfortable routine and then when new things are added it can be quite overwhelming. I went through the same thing when I was returning to work. I made huge mistakes in budget forecasts and presentation material with new Excel. I was struggling just to get throug the day and anything like those mistakes made me feel like a total failure and incompetent.

 

Truth is, even healthy brains have a learning curve and feel frustrated with new software but it is harder for us because we are healing and learning at the same time and it really saps our energy and then the emotions come out. I just felt there wasn't enough energy for both healing and learning but I didn't pace myself well at all.

 

Your spirit will get you through tomorrow! Remember to take breaks and rest your brain. Your colleagues and boss want you to be successful too so they shouldn't mind if you need to pull back for a few minutes here and there.

Sandi K. Xoxox

[DawnS]

Morning!

My return to work isn't going as well as I would have hoped. Well to be more clear, I thought it was going well but my manager seems rather negative. We have regular review meetings which I asked for because I don't want to find out a few weks down the line that my employer isn't happy and still wants to terminate my contract for capability which ACAS have told me is still possible.

 

Anyway, do you remember i said I gotten upset when I couldn't learn the new system as well as the new version of Office and my job? Well, my manager keeps raising that occasion and telling me that everyone is on eggshells around me in case i get upset. It was over a week ago, let it go! I ended up saying to her 'that's called having a brain injury, we get more emotional now'.

 

On Friday, we had another review meeting and she told me she isn't happy with me wearing earplugs all the time. I now have ultra-sonic hearing and can't cope with the noise in the office. Apparently one of the new girls had tried to talk to me and I hadn't heard her. I said to my manager, 'surely the priority is for me to learn my job and get my work done' and she said 'well, if you don't want to make friends I can't force you'. What??

 

I have started writing all this down as I think I might come a cropper sooner or later. She says she's concerned i won't be able to hear my phone ringing when I start doing the phones next week. Well, how do we know that when my phone has NEVER been logged on yet and there has been no reason for me to hear it ringing? It's like she's finding problems before there are any.

It's such as shame because I feel I'm being knocked down without any real reason and my confidence is seriously wavering! Sorry for the moan, but I feel the need to share this with people who understand!

Dawn x