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I've not posted on this thread for a while but hey, ho, another working week is about to start - albeit I've worked both Saturday and Sunday this weekend, so it doesn't actually feel like last week has ended yet!

Not so long ago I was working between 16 & 20 hours a week, but have been working extra hours recently and out of interest I added up the hours I actually have worked between my 3 jobs. I was quite amazed when the last 2 weeks have totalled 37 hours each week.

 

I'm hoping to reduce the hours I have been doing lately at the cafe - I find generally that is the job that tires me out the most especially if it's busy - like it was yesterday - 7.5 hours with a five minute break to eat a sandwich is just too much! However, overall my hours won't alter much as I've just taken on a 4th job doing 6 hours a week.

 

I know it won't be easy, but if working these extra hours takes some of the financial stress out of my life, it will be worth it:-D

I hope everyone else is coping ok with their own work situations - it's not easy, but be proud that you are trying.

Sarah

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Hi you all back to workers..........

I must say even on the newly prescribed Ritalin I am still on a roller coaster. I can have an outstanding remarkable day to be followed by 3 days of being a zombie. I may be able to stay awake most of my days now where the fatigue does not overwhelm my life but I still will be walking around turnign off peoples radios and unable to hear when there is noise etc.

 

So life on the ritalin is much better but it still is not perfect for a working situation everyday. One up, 3 down etc.

Just thought I would add that. I had a worked Thursday - Sunday and the thought of going to work today is killing me.

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Hi everyone,

How is it going for you? Carl, Dawn, Cath, Mary, Macca, David and everyone else?

 

I went to visit my team yesterday. First time in 5 months. I was so nervous. I was trying to figure out what I had to be nervous about. I wasn't returning to work, I hadn't told anyone I was coming, there was no pressure to go there. I loved my job and I had a great team. When I thought it through later I think I was nervous because of how sick I was when I left 5 months ago. All that yucky feeling came back.

It was really good to see everyone. Lots of hugs and smiling faces. I really did have a great team of hard workers, creative minds, and good support for one another. I miss them.

 

I peeked into the acting manager's office. For those that don't know, I was the manager and had to give it up. It was very difficult and there were lots of tears, months of tears. A good psychologist and occupational therapist along with all of you have helped me through. The amazing thing is, I looked in the door of my old office and saw it with someone else's stuff in it and it didn't bother me. Not even a little bit. Unfortunately he was out, I would have liked to have said hello. I'm amazed I had no twinge of sadness or -- anything really. I felt nothing, it was just someone else's office. I 'lived' in there for 5 years.

 

This must be a good sign. This must mean I'm thinking about new opportunities and feeling excited about what's coming next! I will still work for the same organization when I go back in the new year but it will be in a different job. Not sure what yet. I'm so pleased with myself for how far I've come with acceptance.

Sandi K.

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Well done Sandi acceptance is a big part of recovery , even though i am back at work im doing a different job , i dont know what the future holds for me whether i ll be able to go back on the ward . I intend to try my hardest to go back however if i cant i hope i reach your level of acceptance. You are such an ispiration xxx

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I'm glad your visit to work went well Sandi. New journeys are ahead for you, I know your'll do well at whatever challenges lay ahead for you.

I wish I had half of the acceptance that you have found!

 

Yesterday it was a year since I've returned to work.

It feels great to at last be doing my pre SAH work hours.

Some days are still more of a struggle than others.

 

On Monday I was running around loads, a co worker kept warning me to slow down, but I felt fine, was running on the buzz of being in control of what I was doing. However, my brain gave me a huge kick in the evening to remind me that it has been rocked and to slow down. I struggled badly with my words, my whole head hurt and I was so tired my bones ached.

 

A lot has changed over the last year, the company I work for is going through a lot of changes and things are un certain.

I continue to take each day as it comes.

Take care,

SL Xx

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cathmat said:
Well done Sandi acceptance is a big part of recovery , even though i am back at work im doing a different job , i dont know what the future holds for me whether i ll be able to go back on the ward . I intend to try my hardest to go back however if i cant i hope i reach your level of acceptance. You are such an ispiration xxx

 

Amen Cath! I so agree, I had a hard time letting go of my senior position and letting other step up and take over. Now I wonder where they have all gone? I wish I still had that attitude of I do not need to be super woman but that is now goen and I am paying for it. I feel let myself fall back into old routines. I suggest you all not let that happen to you as it leaves you drained once again. :crazy:

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Glad things are going well Sandi.

 

I have been reading meters at work for the past month or so. This past week I took off as a vacation, Quite a lazy time.

Since I have been reading meters my headaches have returned. Not sure why as this is not stressful. I really enjoy it.

 

I guess I will have to see the doc again and find out what is going on. I do get physically tired but it is not at all the same as the mental and emotional fatigue I have suffered in the past.

I am still waiting to try and see a neuropsychologist. who knows if that will happen.

 

Today I got word from my union that there will be a delay in my arbitration hearing.

It seems the person that the union and management agreed upon is promoted to judge so they need to find a new one that they mutually agree on and then schedule the appropriate time. I guess all things worth having are worth waiting for. Hope it is resolved within the next year :D

In the mean time 322 days till maximum benefits.

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Hello all:

I hope your new life finds you happy and well Sandy. It will be different surely.

I am muddling through my days and surviving. Thats about all it is right now: surviving. I have some good days and bad. My social life is not much. I feel as if I'm building some stamina but that is relative to having none.

 

For anyone that is recently returning to work I would say don't rush and take as much time as you can. But if you have a bad day, don't get discouraged because you can make it through.

 

I am out of vacation days and am rather scared of no more days off this year. I used most of my vacation days as "planned" sick days and it wasnt much fun. But kelBel taught me that trick. Lord help me thru these next 2 1/2 months but we do get a 4 day break in November for Thanksgiving.

I hope everyone is well.

David

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hello,

Where are all the BTWork BTG'ers? Working right. Well to give a small update. Work is going fine. Doing 40 hours but not much time nor energy for social life. Building some stamina.

But I have figured out my problem with SAH. It's a dirty four letter word. Shhh Win. That four letter word is W_O_R_K.

 

I learned that this week. I had Jury Duty Monday. Don't know if you guys have jury duty in UK. Basically you sit in a room full of people for 8 hours and wait for them to call your number to tell you if you are on a criminal court case. I never got called. But I sat there and vegged and didnt use my brain all day. Got off at 3 and went home and felt great. no mental fatigue. Went to work Tuesday and tired and headache by 11am. So it's this damn WORK thing.

 

I'm ******, sorry for saying.

How is everyone elses journey going?

David

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David, it's true. Your brain just wants rest and the more we push on the more it pushes back. You've been doing 40 hour weeks for sometime now, is it getting easier as time goes on?

I had lunch with my boss last week and I'm hoping to start back gradually with a small project in the new year. I get reassessed by Rehab and Psychologist so it will take a few weeks once that begins.

Sandi K.

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Hello,

Sandi- It has gotten a little better. Its been two months. The first two weeks were rough. I hope that at some point I get used to it. Unfortunately the margin for error is very small. Bad night of sleep, busy day at work, or any unforeseen event and I'm toast. But I guess if I'm able to physical be there for 40 hours it is an accomplishment. Actually I feel like finishing each DAY is an accomplishment in and of itself. But I'm here to tell the story and hopefully help others. Gonna try the treadmill this week and see if that helps.

David

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Jury Duty yes we have that here...been on it once couldnt do it now though that was before SAH....

No I didnt manage back to work just couldnt but take my hat of to those of you that do....

To do a job then come home an basically do another job I just couldnt cope, so to get the best I had to say NO wasnt easy ok it made the desission for me....

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I cannot do Jury as my Family would all be in the dock ha ha j/k ~ I Think, plus I'd forget all what was said .

Hope David is well keep working you are doing good, You also Sandi xx

I had x ray and it was confirmed ....No work left in my body..lol ahhh Win you make me laugh..lol

Good luck to all xx

WinB143 xxxx

Be Happy All

added a joke

Edited by Winb143
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David, you have seriously hit the nail on the head there! I always used to feel like I was having an unusual recovery compared to what I read on BTG. Sure, I got tired quickly and would develop a 'wall' in my head and then need to rest, but I didn't have very many headaches, could plow through the physical fatigue (not the mental fatigue though!) without naps through the day etc.

 

Then, I went back to work. Wow. Ouch. I feel really awful now. I am exhausted, moody and have had a headache for 3 day straight so far this week. Oh, that's every day then :devil: I am not sleeping even though for the first 2 months of my return to work I slept very well. My intolerance of noise has gone through the roof and I am suffering with anxiety bad enough to upset my stomach. I am seriously beginning to wish I hadn't tried to go back.

 

I have asked HR and my manager if there is a possibility of a less responsible role. I am an administrator and have never considered it to be a particulartly responsible position, but my manager pointed out to me last week that I am personally responsible for 50% of the warehouse's work load. It's too much and I am not coping well. They have told me that it might take 2 weeks for a solution to present itself because the decision needs to go higher up the food-chain. In the meantime, they have put me onto part-time hours and I scan pieces of paper for 4 hours a day and this is too far in the opposite direction, I am bored!

 

It's the not-knowing what's going to happen that is causing my anxiety and sleepless nights.

You are right that work is a 4-letter word and I am impressed with your resilience and stamina that you are still ploughing on ahead!

Dawn x

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Dawn, I'm sorry you have the dreaded fatigue. It took a lot of courage for you to talk to management about taking a different role. I admire your ability to see it and acknowledge it and do something about it so quickly. I hope they come back with an opportunity that works better for you soon.

Sandi K. Xoxo

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I've been pondering this morning about work ...and just sharing my ponder.

I'm not back working yet and reading and learning from your experience on this thread and others is hopefully helping me make sensible decisions about when to go back but also realism of what to expect when I do.

 

You have all taught me something. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to do what I used to. I don't just mean in terms of concentration and ability but in terms of energy and commitment. That's a scary thought but one I'm trying to adjust to now before I go back. For me that's a hard thing, knowing I can't be who I used to be, work how I used to work, achieve what i used to. So much of my work fulfillment was tied up in those things and now its going to change. Sure I could say I'm excited to learn new ways of doing things but I'd be lying.

 

Recognition of my capability by coworkers was something I was confident of, now they're going to discover I'm not the self sufficient, able person I once was and I'm not even reconciled to that yet. How will I manage their expectations?. Wow, that's a big change and adjustment to get used to .

 

A reminder of the fragility of our ability and how it is based on the equally fragile support from a healthy body. but forewarned is forearmed and already I've been able to have a frank and honest conversation with work in readiness for return so that they know they're not getting back the worker that left. I'll let you know how i fare as my back to work story unfolds.

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Daff,

You share your ponder with us all xx

I used to work for my Hubby so I can get away with blue murder lol

Yesterday he asked me to do some filing for him. I wasn't afraid as I was in my own home but I wanted him to see I was the

woman I was.

So put papers in order very good at it lol shuffled away filed away and slapped hands together said "Done Al anything else?"

His reply " No see you later Luv.

No Well Done or Ta Win, tut you men..lol

xx WinB143 xx

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Hello,

Well this week has been pure heck. On Wednesday my body felt like Friday but had to press on. I'll gte thru it but sure need a holiday. That will come for Thanksgiving Nov 22-25th Pheew

 

Daff- You will know your own body best. But don't ever sell yourself short. You may surprise yourself. I can do everthing I could before only probably not as fast and not as many things at once. But you sound to have a good plan. I believe to have lost at least 20% of my brain capacity and 50% of my strength. But I still make it somehow. You can too Daff!

 

Dawn- Wonder how you're getting along. I hope things get sorted out at your work. It is not easy going thru what you have to deal with

 

Sandi-I'm sure you'll weigh in when you back from Hawaii

 

Win-You're excused, body tested out at no work. Now do that filing you so and so :)

 

Hope everyone else is doing well. I have no idea how Carl does the meter reading with SAH. I'd be bushed.

Take care all,

David

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Cheer up xx you and you are doing well

You make me smile and even though my diet went kaput, you never moaned at me alias fatty lol

Night Night and Godbless to us All xxxxxx xxxxx

Love

WinB143 xx xx

I sang at b/day party all off Key !!! The shame of it ha ha never mind xx

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Hi David,

Sorry to hear that you are shattered this week. I have the same holiday off as you do because it's my birthday :cool: Andy and I had planned to go down to Brighton for 3 mights but as I've been put on part-time hours, that won't be financially possible now (sulk).

 

I had a meeting with HR and my manager on Monday 29th October to discuss possibilities. HR suggested that perhaps I could spend a half-day up in the call center to see how it would make me feel because I was concerned about the noise levels. It would seem that there is more than one office up there, one is noisy and one is quiet. Happily, there were 2 vacancies in the quiet one. I was asked to stay on part-time hours for a fortnight while they try to sort something out.

 

Well, as it will be a fortnight on Monday, I asked my manager yesterday what happened to me going up to the call center. She looked at me a bit blankly and said 'oh, that was back when there were jobs going, but they've gone now'. Brilliant. Now I am worried because ACAS have told me that my employer is under no obligation to create a role for me. There actually is no part-time role, they are simply finding me 4 hours of work each day.

 

I am beginning to think I made a serious mistake in telling them I wasn't coping. Thinking about it, I'm not so sure it's the role I wasn't coping with or the constant negativity. Maybe if they had followed the guidlines sent out by occupational health (somewhere quiet to work) then I might have been fine. I would really like to be able to think about something else for a while but my brain will not leave this subject alone, it's like a stuck record in my head!

Does anybody else get that with their concerns?

Dawn x

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Dawn, when I was going through my return to work & it had all gone a little bit wrong, I could think of nothing else, all day & most of the night. It is a huge adjustment & carries a huge amount of worry, financially, emotionally etc but I do think you did the right thing. Try not to let this make you ill. There may still be a silver lining it's just taking a while to find it.

 

Now this will seem so trivial to those of you properly back at work but I'd like to share my first small attempt at voluntary work today after 2 years of not working (I was back at work for 2 years post SAH, followed by medical retirement & 2 years at home). I have been really looking forward to starting voluntary work for 2 hours on a Friday and today was to be my first day. My son got ill last night with his all too regular headache & vomiting and was still pale, dizzy & sore this morning.

 

The plan was he would leave for school & I would have two hours to calmly get washed, dressed & drive to the next town.......easy peasy on paper!! Instead I was calling people to see if they could look after him for me, looking out medicine for him to take along with soup for his lunch. Stress does not even begin to describe it along with guilt that I should stay and look after him myself, he is my priority and I am given a Carers Allowance in recognition of my care for him :shocked: It was a HORRIBLE way to start my new venture. I was welled up with tears on the way to work and almost turned back and came home........

 

Anyway, I did my 2 hours and thoroughly enjoyed them whilst feeling like a fish out of water as this is a completely different role to what I have ever done before & a lot of the day centre users are unable to communicate verbally. My social skills and ability to make small talk are an area that I struggle with post SAH, so add that to not being able to verbally communicate with others and it really was a challenge!! But I picked up on a few of their signals, they use 'makatron'?? I may have spelt that wrong (I'm still learning what's what) I learnt a couple of the signs, I think it's like sign language but just a word rather than a sentence?

 

The drive through, the tour of the building, all the new names of staff & service users etc, etc and I was WIPED OUT!!!!! But I enjoyed the experience, surprised myself a couple of times, annoyed myself a couple of times but overall loved the chance to have this experience and I am looking forward to next week :biggrin:

 

Although I remember how utterly exhausting trying to go back to my original job was, I honestly thought this would be easier but it has absolutely taught me that working significant part time hours is still way beyond what I can do. That is sad and frustrating to realise but even doing a couple of hours a week will make me feel like there is a light at the end of this very long tunnel. It also feels important to me, that as I am unwillingly having to live on Benefits, I might be able to give something very tiny back to others in exchange.

 

I think I have something to offer this day centre and I am keeping everything crossed that this will work out well for both them and me.

Michelle

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Glad you had a postive day Michelle, I can ony imagine how differnt it was for you. Along with Dylan being ill the night before. I hope this works out for you. I also cannot imagine you cannot make small talk, you write so well. I can make small talk and can't find the words to write. HUm?

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