Back To Work

[MaryB]

TIA? Or Back to Work??

When we are ill in the US we have either a private short term disability private policy if you work- mine was 3 months. The problem is as much as I have chewed on David and myself to get a long term plan for being ill and having to work after a TIA, SAh and continued poor health is you cannot give up your health insurance policy. I wonder who supports the household when the ill person quits their job. Who has their health coverage? While it would be ideal to leave your job you have to find one less stressful with health coverage there really is not another choice.

 

I have been off work for a week and my blood pressure is 104/63! MY goodness I have not had that BP since 9 months before my SAH. I know the stress of working is the main cause of most of mine and David problems here. Life would be so much better if we could just quit working or work part time until noon every day. I feel I would better serve as a volunteer etc... But we will not be able to have health insurance =ie no one would give us a private policy. I have tried that is why I am the carrier in our household. Through working full time your employer offers a policy. If you have had a serious illness forget it they will not cover you unless through a job where they have to.

 

Yes, there are ways to maneuver around your job and illnesses in my case but most do not have that flexibility with their employers. Yes, one has to know how important weighing health against wealth but it is not wealth in the US. Before I left for my vacation I almost walked out 3 times one day as I could not handle the bologna of the day. It was pushing me over the top & I could not deal with that kind of on top of doing my fast pace job.

 

Nothing I wish for more than an easy answer to this catch 22. Yes, DAVID you need to get your blood pressure under better control as it is STILL too high.

Just a little rant not directed at anyone just to clear up that it is not so easy to quit your job in the US if you are the insurance carrier in your household unless you plan on losing everything. AND I sometimes think that may be the answer. You have to be unemployeed and unable to work to apply for diabiltiy that make take years to get if ever.

Maryb

[MaryB]

PS.

Sorry one of the good things about returning back to work for me was that I can do my job. Those are the skills that came back to me first. I am still number one at doing it although in the afternoon I ask more questions. I am certain many of my co workers would not have been able to do what I do - because they can't without a head injury. Not to be mean but geez! Difference in personality I suppose. That is one of the things annoying is you are doing it with a not so good head and it is so much more work.

 

I co worker just got back from Holland and she said it was so exhausting to listen all the time to people talk to understand what they were saying. LOL I said welcome to my world. There are so many levels to go get through that people on the outside have no idea what it takes. I am sure I am going to break something by falling off a curb in the future as I must watch my feet when I walk and those curbs sneak up on me.

 

I wonder if I did not return to work if I could get back my cooking and grocery shopping skills? Or enjoy the grocery stores as I once did - looking at all the different items and making meal plans?

Maryb

[Sandi K]

I've been off for 14 months now. Seems like such a long time. SAH will be 3 years ago in November.

I wonder if the combination of returning to work too early, struggling with denial that I was ill, and exhaustion delayed my recovery or impacted how much I will recover. It is so important to pay attention to how you feel and try to find a compromise with your employer so that you have a successful return to work but are also healing. I really feel for Mary and David who have to work a certain number of hours per week so that insurance still covers them.

 

Being on vacation the last 3 weeks and not volunteering has meant my brain has had a nice rest from routine, no real decision making, not having to remember office processes, no alarm in the mornings. Just nice long walks in the warm breeze, lots of fresh fruit and veg and relaxing. Not having to 'think' makes a difference. I feel the best I have in three years.

 

I feel like I can add hours to my volunteering but I'm being cautious, trying to remember that I'm feeling so well because I've been fully resting my brain. The earplugs and medication are absolutely making a positive difference to the level of fatigue I have but it's rest that helps the most. The brain needs rest to heal.

Sandi K.

[sarahk67]

You're quite right Mary to have a rant. You, David and all the other American followers don't have the options that us British people do. We all moan here about the NHS, but in situations like this you realise what a god send it is. It's hard enough recooperating (is that how you spell it?!) without the added pressure of a time scale that you have no choice in to get back to work. Statutory Sick Pay isn't brilliant, but it's certainly helped me out of a hole and kept me afloat whilst recovering.

I really feel for you guys.

Sarahk xxx

[MaryB]

Thank you Sarah, I was not really moaning or ranting ok maybe it was stating some facts about health insurance here. It was not my SAH that put me in the position we are in with me covering the family it was my husband having kidney cancer and heart surgery in the past 5 years that makes it impossible to get coverage privately.

 

Funny they do not even get to asking too many questions about me! He is flat denied, I can get a policy for a billion dollars! So the $9,500 out of my pocket for coverage is bad enough through work and the $5,000. each deductable keeps us with thousands of dollars in debt every years but I know we would have lost everything with 3 major illnesses between us the past 5 years if we had no insurance. I find it a moral outrage.

 

Yes, I am for thankful for a job even if it sucks the life out of me most days. It has been a blessing I see now for some of my skills. It is the mental overload that is hard but in the end it has to be worth it. I am hoping with Obama Care ( which most everyone I know HATES but knows nothing about) will help in the end that I can work less hours and not have the pre exsiting illnesses an issue. Once again for such a "God Loving" nation it seems a no brainer!! Everyone treated equal:lol:. I know it will not be perfect but nor is what we have now either.

[Daffodil]

My phased return continues and today I went into London for the first time for work reasons post SAH. It was a big test of stamina and concentration.

 

I had agreed I would just stay a two hours as it takes me a 3 hour round trip. It was basically a large community meeting to discuss company performance etc. they were very sweet and the HR director welcomed me in the opening address, which was an unexpected but nice surprise. My earplugs stood up well. My hat and glasses were admired and I am now back home feeling tired but pleased. I dont know where I will end up work wise in the long term but today I was proud of what I did and thati stuck to my resolution of not overdoing it and staying longer.

[Gill C]

I've been meaning to pop in to join this thread properly having done 2/3 sessions of voluntary work at the local hospice offices.

 

The first session was a disaster as I had to leave early to sort a packed lunch for Nath, the second session went ok although I was doing very basic stuff, I was pleased that I coped ok & did a reasonable stint. This last Monday I was battling the heat (there is no air con & we only had a few useless fans stirring warm air around) but was left to deal with things in a tray so although I needed to ask lots of questions I did manage to sort a lot of stuff out. I'm helping deal with applications for new volunteers so sometimes we need to ring & get references which I was quite nervous about. I did one & think its just a matter of finding a 'patter' that works for me. Anyway the lady I am working for said I did well, I was ridiculously pleased with myself!!

 

Afterwards I went to nathans concert which was also very hot & airless & I really feel it was one step too far after working that morning. I came home with a tight head, feeling sick & feeling very tired but I wouldn't have missed the concert for the world. next Mon will be my last session for the summer hols unless I can do some time on Fri afternoons as Ian finishes early that day. I need to email them to see if they need me that week.

 

I'm happy to be working again & pleased that they are understanding that if I say I'm done (done in!) then I can leave when I need to.

I think concentrating on one tas

k at a time is the way forward for me, I really couldn't deal with the computer, the phone & people in the office all at the same time.

I probably haven't added anything new that hasn't already been said but its new to me! xxx

[Sandi K]

Gill, good to see you in here and you are doing fantastically! Especially with the added before and after stuff in your day, Nathan's lunch and concert. I agree totally with you, I'm the same, one task at a time. Can only focus on one thing. When I have to cover reception I get totally wiped out and pretty cranky so luckily for all that doesn't happen too often!

 

Daffodil, glad to have an update on your London trip. Very brave and you did it! How very nice for them to mention you at the meeting. That kind of support is reassuring. Most importantly, congratulations on sticking to your time limit, wearing your earplugs, and having your hat and sunglasses. It can be very tempting to stay longer at those events. I never want to miss anything and its an opportunity to see everyone. You've done very well.

 

I've done my second 4 hour volunteering shift and only slight headache today. So far so good. In bed by 7:30pm last night!

Sandi K.

[amexdm]

Hello all:

Hi all BTG Back to Work people. Been a couple weeks since this has been updated. A special welcome to some new workers here. We are all in this together.

I am back at 40 hours. I was working 35 in July. The little break did help me. This is my last chance. Sink or swim.

 

I do wish sometimes I could channel my inner hippie and drive around in a VW bus.

I have mastered Pacing. Go to Work. Come home lay in bed. Rest. Go Back to work. I am able to go out to dinner with my wife on Saturdays. I am thankful for that. Positive right? Headaches are better though. woo hoo.

 

Mr. Fatigue beats me every day though. Some days ok, others not so much. But, I think I'm gonna make it. I have BP meds that should keep my BP at a safe level. Otherwise rest and water.

Iola- Welcome and please join us. I live in US also and do similar type work. Let me know if you need any help.tips. Take it slow and drink lots of water. You may find a little normal back.

Wem- I have followed your posts but too tired to respond. I feel your pain and feel the fatigue. Glad We're not alone.

 

Sandy-Good job on volunteering

 

Gill- Glad to see you volunteer work went well. I know you've been trying for a while. And you made Nate's concert thats awesome

 

Sarah lou- Enjoy your time off.

Hope everyone is well.

David

[SarahLou]

Hey Davie Bud,

I'm glad to hear that your BP meds are working and that your headaches are easing. As for our dear friend Mr. Fatigue, well, I'm ready to break friends with him too!

Good to hear that you're managing Saturday nights out with Christine, see there is light at the end of the tunnel, no caves mate, just tunnels.

 

I'm so happy to be off work for a while, really need the break.

I am coping a lot better than I was but I do still get good days and bad days, all I can do is take each day as it comes.

 

I push myself when I can and listen to my lil re arranged brain when it kicks out at me to rest.

I am really lucky that a couple of co workers are really good, they can look at me and tell when I've been trying to cope with too much and I need a break.

Well, I'm off to skip around for a bit, too much work and not enough play is no good for SAH'ers! You've got to do something that makes you laugh every day.

 

Take care all,

SarahLou Xx

[Karen]

Admin note to Members:

Would all members replying to this thread which is titled "Back To Work", please stay "on topic" in order to keep the conversation open and understandable for all members/guests. Private conversation should be made using BTG's private message system/personal email and for general chit-chat would you please use the Green Room.

Please refer to BTG's forum rules 9 & 10:

http://www.behindthegray.net/vbulletin/announcement.php?a=3

[Sandi K]

I've been doing 4 hour shifts three days a week for a month (volunteering in admin). Last week and this week the routine changed so my third day has been a 'write-off'. There is a good side to this though.

Last week, on the second day my shift was 1-5 instead of 10-2. Next day I expected to be wiped out and was. I had a quiet morning to rest my brain and then met my husband at a warehouse store in the afternoon. We've found that warehouse stores are particularly difficult so I wanted to try going when it was the only thing in my day. It did work better that way.

 

This week my second day I was taking training. Again the shift was different. 1-4:30. Changes to my routine are hard on my brain. Also, the class size was large, about 40 people. So there were people shifting about, side conversations, people checking smartphones and lap tops. All that distraction while concentrating on an intense and large amount of information is hard on my brain. I did find the vented earplugs to be quite helpful though, I'm sure I would have struggled more without them.

 

I planned to go in and do my regular shift today, from 10-2. The good news is this: I'm not going in. This is good news because I'm learning to feel ok about having to back off from a commitment if my brain needs rest. For so long I would drag myself in anyway, do the shift and feel awful afterward, and for longer. I feel excited that I'm recognizing my symptoms and taking care of myself by not going in. I suppose it seems like common sense but for me in my back-to-work struggle this is a big deal.

 

It's not about feeling sad that my brain is once again letting me down. It's about accepting that this happens and allowing myself to be flexible enough to stop, say no, and take care of myself. This is a step closer to actually getting back to work and it being successful.

Sandi K.

[sarahk67]

Good for you Sandi, I think we should all take a leaf out of your book and accept every working day has different needs. I've been in my phase-back to work for nearly three weeks now and I too find it hard to adapt to changes in timing. I had a meeting with the Management Team where set days and hours were established before I came back as I pointed out to them I now need time to think about things you don't spare a minute on before - what I'm going to wear, what to take with me, what time to leave home to catch my bus.

 

First week, no problem and I actually enjoyed the experience, all be it a very tiring one. Last week I had to change one working day for another as I had to go for a scan, no problem they said. This week, both my working days have been changed - I actually turned up on my regular day to be told I should have been in the previous day!!

 

This has really thrown me and now have to face going in tomorrow to have yet another meeting to explain why they can't do this to me, which will make me seem like an idiot to 'normal' people for making a fuss, when to me it's actually a big deal. As far as I've come on my road to recovery, going back to work has made me realise, as enjoyable as its been, I still have a long way to go to get back to pre-me.

Small steps and all that...

Sarahk xx

[DawnS]

I've been back to work for 1 year today!

 

Although I often feel exhausted, there are so many positive changes in my recovery that it's been very worthwhile. My memory has come on leaps and bounds. It's nowhere near like it used to be pre sah, but I no longer live from my diary. I still use it to take note of appointments and that's about it these days.

I can occasionally multi-task, again, not as well as I could pre sah but hey - little steps! I can talk to a customer on the phone while filling out an order form for them at the same time. It wouldn't sound like much to anyone who has never suffered a brain injury, but to me it's huge.

 

My new manager is fantastic, it has really helped to change roles. Happily for him (but unfortunate for me), he has put in for a promotion at work and is likely to get it which means I'll have a new team leader. Luckily, we have put a few things into place which won't be changed no matter who my new boss is. I was really struggling in the afternoons with fatigue.

 

One day it came to me - if I extended my hours (stick with me here!) to finish at 17:30, I could have a 60 minute unpaid break which I have split into 2. I have my first break at 12:45 and the second at 15:30. This has made my day so much more manageable and I no longer collapse in a heap as soon as I get home so it's also improved my quality of life outside work.

I hope every one is doing well with their return to work?

Dawn x

[iola]

Hi,

So happy to read this. I've been back to work for almost three weeks and I do have fatigue and what I like to call "short circuits" in the afternoon. I have stress headaches from my eyes and the burning, jabbing pains in my head, which, I explain to peope, is like my brain is short circuiting. It's been four and half months and I am slowly coming around. Some days are not good but work does help with routine and takes my mind off of this miserable chain of events.

My daughter just started school (3rd grade) so we lay down in bed to do homework. I truly do need the rest after work these days.

i

[Louise]

Dawn I'm so pleased its working out for you hun, and when it wasn't you worked out someway to help.

I'm afraid 17.30 I'm a heap but hey ho.... big pat on your back...

Iola, my friends daughter just started P3 yesterday..

[Liz D]

Hi Dawn

I'm not on here much at all these days but do 'pop in' and do a bit of reading. That's great news and a big milestone. It really makes so much difference when you get support on your return to work and also that the support is continuing for however long that may take! I'm now back at work 3 years and have seen the improvements in memory and concentration.

 

I'm still improving! I still have crashes but they are no longer related to just work, usually I've had busy weekends, parties, weddings etc. These crashes are just part of me now and that's when I rest, sleep and bounce back with the support of my lovely colleagues and family.

Good luck to all who are striving to get back to work.

[MaryB]

I am almost at my 2 year anniversary of my SAH. I went back to work 5-6 months phase back to a noisy small animal veterinary clinic where I have worked for 17 years as an assistant. I am amazed and stunned how well I do at work and how well my skills came back. Not to say I do not have periods of being over tired, forgetful and overwhelmed by the busyness & noise of the day or week. Or that it was ever easy. My week is pretty much broken up and it helps a great deal.

 

I am however realizing while I got my back to work down I did not get my “back to life” down. Up until the past few weeks all I did was work and rest. I did just enough chores to make it “ok”. Nothing extra or have any kind of routine at all. But I am working on that now. I must add I am on a medication that helps with fatigue as I was ready for bed 2 hours after I got up and I could barely get off the couch. I am hoping I have the right dosing down now. I do have other medical issues that make some things more difficult or impossible.

 

I have started to try to re motivate myself into doing a small project at home, getting back to a normal routine of picking up the house etc daily, including cooking dinner. It has been a challenge for me as I had to return to work for the health insurance coverage my job provides. But it used up every ounce of my energy I had and I had nothing left to use in “my life”. I am feeling pretty good about this new adventure. I do not think I could do any of this without BTG as a guide and mentor.

 

I was just visiting with an out of town friend today and I was telling her how much I had to changed my perspective to be able to move forward. I rearranged my mind to think of things differently and more positively or I could not have made it through the past couple of years. By changing the way you look at things it has made it possible to stop that voice in my head telling me negative thoughts and limits I have/had. I still have struggles in certain areas but I am feeling really good about starting a new chapter. Now maybe I can enjoy some of the activities I use to enjoy or at least be able to move forward with something new.

Maryb

[Sandi K]

Mary, you are so right about having to change how we think and what we tell ourselves. Acceptance of what happened to us and the challenges that come out of it is such a key factor in moving forward. For so long I felt like a failure for not being able to work the same hours and do the same things I did pre-SAH. Honestly, sometimes I still catch myself feeling that way.

 

I try to keep my goal in mind. Back to work. I really miss it and the people there. I know I have to get to volunteering 5 days a week with 4 hour shifts before I step back into the work place. I'm hoping once I'm at that point I'll know what boundaries I need to set for myself and I'll feel more comfortable saying what I can and can't do.

 

As you also say though, it's important to have life outside of work too. Just working and resting isn't a full life. We need to leave some energy for life after work. Good for you for taking it all one step at a time.

Dawn, your posts are always well articulated and make so much sense to me. At first it did seem strange that you extended your day but those breaks are so necessary for your brain and its working for you. What do you do during your breaks? I imagine I would need to find a quiet place where no one is talking. That's hard in the work place.

 

Thank you everyone who is posting their back to work experiences here, we all learn from each other.

Sandi K.

[DawnS]

I am very lucky in that after acres of habitat were wiped out to build all the warehouses on our estate, the owners salved their conscience with a little nature reserve at the back. It's only 10 minutes walk from the call centre and there is a path all the way round with lots of birds and it's very quiet. I walk around part of that twice a day and it's very restful.

 

I can't sit in the canteen because of the noise, though being back at work has also helped with the hearing issues I experienced in the early days. I can't spend my tea break chatting or reading. It might seem a little anti-social but when I spend all day talking on the phone, I need my breaks to be as silent as possible.

 

Mary, I can totally relate to your post. I too have noticed that I'd been scraping by with working and resting and not getting a lot of living done. I've started doing a little cooking again now and then which feels better. I also make sure that I spend a few hours with one friend per month. It doesn't sound like much, but I've been investing so much of my energy into working that it's been too easy to let friendships slide.

 

Today, I worked for 9.5 hours because there was some training to be done this morning. I didn't think the extra hour would matter so much, but by 14:00 it felt like it must be late evening. Thankfully, I have next week off. Phew!

[Desy]

As of last week I'm unemployed, I quit had enough.

Priced two jobs two weeks ago, real tiny wee bathrooms one had no window and both had small halls which ment it would have been hard to set tools up.

 

When the owners phoned back to see if and when I could do it I told them I had picked up an injury in football and am out of action for at least three weeks due to ligament damage, now I don't like telling porkies but did not want to tell the truth.

 

In the week prior to the phone call it had been going over in my mind that I did not want to do it, it was freaking me out and I'm struggling mentally as it is, just the thought of being in such a small bathroom with little light all my tools, tiles and adhesive was wearing me down.

 

Made the decision there and then I had enough and knew it was for real after one of the builders I work for phoned to see if I would measure up two jobs for him, and I told him I had quit, funny enough he was not surprised as he knew of what I had been through lately, so that's that and any way the boss was an idiot and all he ever done was howl, he called it singing tut.

 

I'm a grafter I will just get a job, fancy working in a supermarket or store, somewhere bright and airy with plenty of people around.

 

I've also a very understanding partner who just happens to have a good job and is totally understanding and is more than happy to pay all the bills until I'm sorted, think she's just disappointed that this thing has robbed me of a job that i built from scratch and over fifteen years and loved and was very good at, I'm not on benefits nor never applied for dla or sick pay so it won't be easy but for the long run its for the best... I think lol.

[iola]

Desy,

You have to do what is best for your health. Without our health nothing else matters. Good thing you have a partner that is able to take care of you. From my opinion, you have been doing far too much too soon. We all have to come to a point of accepting we have had this awful thing happen and it has changed us for the good or not-so-good.

 

You have a skill and in time you may go back to doing what you love, if that is what you love? I have been doing what I do for 20+ years and after all this happened to me, it is not as important. My health is and my family is.

 

Now, there are bills to be paid and I am fortunate to have a husband that works and can make the bills. Going back to work does set a routine up but you must do it when you physically can. Pace yourself and heal first. You have had some pretty scary things going on lately.

Dia Duit.

Iola

[Sandi K]

Good advice from Iola. Desy that was a big decision you made but your health does come first. I imagine this is an emotional time for you. When I stopped going to work a little over a year ago it was one of the hardest decisions I'd made. I felt like a failure and as if I had no control over what was happening.

I feel so much better now and hopeful. I know I will get back to work, once I've allowed myself time to heal and I've learned to manage my daily challenges that come with this 'new brain'.

You already sound like you have an idea of what you want to do. Take some time first to rest and heal.

Sandi K.

[SarahLou]

I have been back at work for nearly 2 years, the last year I've worked 3 days a week in a busy clinical environment.

 

For the last 6 months or so I've found improvements, I seem to be coping much better, not quite such bad head pains and fatigue after a days work. I still have good days and bad but overall I'm starting to feel much more better with coping with work.

However, last week was the first time in a year that I've done overtime. I did a 5 hour shift on Saturday with a half hour break. It was very busy but I thought the day went well. Saturday evening I was very tired but I'd expected that.

 

Work on Monday was fine but yesterday I seemed to really struggle, got stressed easily, forgot how to do simple things that I do everyday. For the first time in many months I had to say I needed to step back and do tasks that were easier.

 

When I got home from work my whole head hurt and my bones ached, I was in bed by 9pm.

Then I woke in the early hours with mega bad head pains, really bad temple pressure, big pains across the back of my head, stiff neck and felt really sicky.

 

I took paracetamol, drank a pint of water and had to sit up as to put my head on a pillow hurt. I thought to myself if this doesn't ease off soon I'd best call a doctor.

Thankfully all the pains eased off and I fell back to sleep. Woke this morning feeling ok, a bit drained, and lil creepy head pains.

 

What I'm trying to work out is have I pushed too hard and done too much or is it totally SAH unrelated. I think we're all too quick to jump to the conclusion of things being SAH related when we don't feel quite right. If that makes sense!!

 

I guess I won't know if I am at my limit with work hours unless I try extra hours a few times and see how things go.

I'm feeling frustrated and disappointed with myself.

SL Xx

[Louise]

Cut yourself some slack Sarahlou (easy for me to say) but been there done that, yep try it a few times & if your experiencing the same thing each time then there's your answer.

So don't feel frustrated & disappointed with yourself, you tried sending you warm hugs.xx