Winb143 Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 (edited) Win holds arm up in air and says How to Wise one...and How to She who has forgot 5 mins ago... lol so funny Mary xx Passes pipe of peace to all on BTG ....no inhaling the smoke !.....puts fingers in paint and draws over Marys and Louise face .. Ouch I am only making you look good no need to slap my hand.......song time Humpa humpa humpa humpa (indian music.) come daughters of pale face dance around the fire lol..we have weight to lose..lol Okay lost it again lol Bye All and thanks for tears of laughter xxxx WinB143 xxxx alias she who sings off key xxxx Edited July 4, 2012 by Winb143 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teechur Posted July 4, 2012 Author Share Posted July 4, 2012 I am actually NOT "peed" off all of the time, and I did unfriend that person who told me it could have been so much worse. I don't owe anyone anything other than to live my life the way I choose to. I don't think making others feel guilty because we didn't die helps anyone, no matter how well meaning it is. I never fail to feel pain for those who have lost a loved one, and I am here to help others who will come after me in this journey, as some have helped me. I think that's part of our purpose. One of the things I do as a Weight Loss Coach is to help people understand that everything they are feeling is okay. I don't judge or tell them to stop feeling this or that, or just get on with it. What I do is encourage them to make positive changes in their life that are sustainable, feel good about those changes, and move forward without looking backwards. That's what I'm doing. But if they have a bad day and want to say "I'm having a bad day and I'm not happy about it" I'm not going to say "Well so and so is having a worse day, so how dare you choose to feel bad today" because that doesn't help anyone! I'm actually a very "up" person and I love life. I've got a fantastic husband who is the world to me, I'm blessed with four dogs, an amazing job as a teacher, supportive friends and family. This "thing" happened and it doesn't define me, but at times it sure gets me down. That's okay. I'm allowed to get down about it. Today my head hurts really bad and it's impacting how I enjoy our holiday here in the good old US of A, but that doesn't mean I'm not having a good day. I ran a 5k this morning with my two Tinies (I call it a Tiny Dog Jog...I run with them in a jogging stroller for balance). I got to see friends and some of my runners, it's a gorgeous day. I've prayed more than one prayer of thanksgiving. My pain doesn't define me, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't frustrating to have to run with a stroller because my balance isn't all the way back, to run 3 min/mile slower because I've lost a lot of endurance, and to be feeling level 8 on the pain scale which means I've had to turn down an invite to a friend's BBQ. If we're going to support each other I don't think we need to wallow with each other, but I do think we need to allow each other the latitude to have our own feelings, whether they are positive or negative. Don't tell me I owe it to someone else to feel "up" because I'm better off. That just trivializes my feelings and it's unfair. I'd never do that to another person. To me that's no different than saying "Quit complaining about your pain, that person over there has more pain!" Emotional or physical, we all carry very real pain and we all should have the freedom to express it on a support forum without being made to feel like we're wrong to do so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryB Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 Well I was having a very lazy day and my memory is shot this week. I mean really shot! So I know I had a busy week with new neuro appt which leads to more appointments etc.... a friend invited us to a cookout. I did not want to attend but later I thought about and was up to it after my nap. Anyway my husband never really feels all that comfortable with these people and I was surprised he wanted to go. Our kids are best of friends but all live in different states now etc.... Anyway we went and had a really nice time and dinner. They have a lovely home etc. but Brenda kept apoligizing for not knowing I was still having issues. Its amazes me when people think you can just get over this kind of thing? She has always been so supported but I am shock to think that someone thinks I am not daily dealing with this. I have taken 3 steps back and I do not know if it is the lack of estrogen the dr took away form me or what but I am an idiot!!!! LOL. So when I say to people I am getting along and I "look" normal am I suppose to say something different like some kind of code to let them know I am not "normal yet"? I mean I love these people but I just do not get how they think you have all this happen to your brain and suddenly you heal and are fine. DO some peole feel fine after a SAH? What is the % of SAH survivers feel fine & normal? I think it is bothers me most that first off I have fibro and second off I had a SAH, stroke, something else ( never can recall what that was??) and a lurking brain tumor. So what do you say to friends when they ask how are you? Evienently they assume you are completely fine. I dont feel I should go into detail how I am doing with a casual question. I usually say I am hanign in there or coming along. If anyone has any answers let me know. Thanks. Just had to get that off my chest. I don;t like to have to EXPLAIN myself because I feel like I am asking for pity or something. Maryb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winb143 Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 I love my family but ...after but beware ,,,,lol No seriously I do Love All my family.....but because I can walk to the loo unaided..they think I'm better....I am better than I was 100 times better but no one knows what we sometimes think and how we feel...BTGers knows because we can express ourselves on here and its either "Yes I get that" or "No sorry not had that feeling" ....As long as we have each other to confide in it takes a weight from our Families... gives them a rest lol We can come on here swear it up lol then go back to being Win n Mary alias the squaws....and Wise one Louise lol Anyway I get what you say lol xx Lost it again....Can we call GG ....She who awaits pink card ? ..Sandi can be She who smiles I'll call my Al... Hewhothinks hemust beobeyed ,....ha Be Well One and All ....humpa humpa dances away in Indian fashion ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yaaaaaaaaaaaa lol sounds more like Miss piggy more than indian Love WinB143 xxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teechur Posted July 5, 2012 Author Share Posted July 5, 2012 Yes, it is very frustrating. I am a LOT better. I'd say 90% better but that doesn't mean all better and I think people don't understand that. I so appreciate people who take the TIME to really look. Yesterday a friend invited me to stay for a BBQ and I said I was sorry, but my head was really going off. She said "Yeah, I can see it in your face. Your eyes give it away." I really wanted to stay, but I knew it would be so hard that I wouldn't have been fun company. I appreciate that she takes the time to "get it". My husband is awesome, he gets it and will say "No, you go lie down I have this." or "Are you sure you're up to this. You look like you're not feeling great." It's such a relief not to have to say "But really, I'm not feeling well" (hahaha...my little dog is running back and forth down the hall and it's making me laugh") Well off to PT! It's going to be a lovely day here in the Pacific Northwest! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandi K Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 Teechur, I agree with you. It's a relief when someone says to me 'you don't look so great' ! Sounds weird but honestly, when I don't feel well I don't have the energy to explain that I'm not up for something and why. It's just so much easier when someone recognizes that and acknowledges it. Sandi K. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kpaggett Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 Maybe I'm a little morbid, but I think that's because I REALLY did almost die. I was 100% ready to go. No regrets. No thoughts of, "What will my loved ones do?" because it was that close, all of that was put on the back burner when I HAD to realize that they would live a full life without me and that was OK. I surrendered. Now, I'm here instead and it is so weird. My loved ones are living a full life WITH me so what does it all mean then? If they would live without me, how much do I really matter? As I approached the end, I realized...I don't matter all that much in the big picture and neither does anyone else. Ego totally left me and I was resigned to become part of the 'Dust'. Ash-Wednesday anyone? Don't get me wrong, I am living totally to my ability and savoring all - maybe more than ever. I am not my thoughts, I am not my body, I am not my emotions...I realize that I go way beyond those things now. I am Kris. ~Kris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winb143 Posted July 8, 2012 Share Posted July 8, 2012 (edited) I never wanted to be ill and to leave my daughter hurts me real bad.....I want my daughter and hubby with me forever.... I am so egotistical...what would they do without me..lol.... No seriously.... I feel I have hurt my Sarah..as when I came back from cuckooland she squeezed my shoulder and said "Good to have you back Mum" we both shed lots of tears.....bliming crying now lol ...My Daughter is my life .....if I never do anything else in life ...... I am so proud to have her as my daughter.... She is the best thing that ever happened to me.....and hubby xx but he can cope...well sort of....Sarah cannot ...we are Mother n Daughter but also best pal/mates but we do argue.....lol............. Thats how I know I am better lol Love to all WinB143 alias sleepyhead Edited July 8, 2012 by Winb143 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mike Posted July 8, 2012 Share Posted July 8, 2012 all that you are feeling is normal, i was a courier (a kind white van man) 5 days after my op 4 berry coils, i was driving for amonth before i was told i had no right too, that knocked me for 6, i hit the hills with a huge bang on my face grrr, losing everything i took for granted made me so aware that life is too short, to sit and sulk and feel sorry for myself. I sat stewing and vegitating for 2 years till yesterday when i went to a girls 3 rd birthday party and had my face painted(1st time ever), i felt stupid and weird n very daft, but then i realized that i was having some real fun playing with other peoples children in all those balls and really realyy living life, this has now told me i can have fun and move on and accept my illness, all i can say life is just begining and that everyday counts, make the most of it do all those silly daft things now and have fun please be aware that fun is very contagious, and it makes us feel good in ourselves, so go out do something daft thorpe park and the like, please do it and see if i am wrong haahaa, then come back and tell me i was wrong take care and hope all is well Mike xx:lol : the smilies are there to make ur cheeks raise ok xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Louise Posted July 8, 2012 Share Posted July 8, 2012 I find it difficult to understand No regrets. No thoughts of, "What will my loved ones do? becaue like you I was 'there' twice they told me but was so un-awares that I wouldnt be able to what would those I love do ect....Only thing I can say is dont dwell on it know it happened and forget it I know that sounds harsh but I know that this can eat away at you and thats just not nice...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winb143 Posted July 8, 2012 Share Posted July 8, 2012 (edited) Okay when I came around,,I was so happy to be given a 2nd chance that I have a happy feeling inside me everyday...gets on Familys nerves but I need to live life to the full ..I am never going to be sad again ..Well I will lol....... Things to do Walking ...tick... 60 metres ....good day 100 !! ......Tap dance I will do when giddy feeling goes... did do a wiggle though Skipping race with daughter aim was for August wont do it though so September next year..lol Keep happy All Love WinB143 xxxx Edited July 8, 2012 by Winb143 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Louise Posted July 8, 2012 Share Posted July 8, 2012 always have something to aim for Win thats how I did it I used to set myself little goals to meet......take care your doing great hun..x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winb143 Posted July 8, 2012 Share Posted July 8, 2012 We all need encouragement Louise...so many thanks xx PAL xx I am told I am high maintenance by hubby ...now he says Heavy maintenance lol His way of joking !! Keep well Louise and between us we can be SAH Champs...lol Love WinB143 xxxxxxxx gives Al a left hook lol xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teechur Posted July 16, 2012 Author Share Posted July 16, 2012 I love how everyone is sharing. I didn't entertain the thought I might die for a moment. I was really in a lot of denial and literally thought I would leave the hospital and just continue where I left off. I think that's why it has been so shocking to me. However, while there are still blue times I am feeling very positive lately. I know a lot of what I missed was the ability to say, "I think I will go... (for a run, ride my bike, to the store, visit a friend, etc.)" and not give it a second thought. Now, as a teacher, on break with my husband I can do that again, just not with the same intensity. I'm feeling more 'me'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldfish.girl Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 Likewise Teachur!! I never thought about dying at the time because I really DID NOT understand how serious it was. It took 6 months for me to get a massive body blow (whilst driving past the local park of all places) with the thought 'Oh my god, I had a brain heamorrhage', it took even longer to fully understand that I was very lucky to be here. The shock was enormous but as time goes on, it has less impact even though life has been irrevocably changed by the SAH. Enjoy your summer holiday and the chance this break gives you to recover even more Michelle xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gill C Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 Like Teechur & GG I too had no idea how serious my condition was, after all the urgent MRI was 17 days away & if the NHS weren't worried neither was I. I was only told after my op that if my anni had burst I would have died!! I have never thought why me so I'm not angry as such that is happened to me (after all why not me?) but I am angry with how it has left me. I spent the first few months very angry at the NHS for not recognising the signs (I had a full 3rd nerve palsy by the time I had the MRI) & both my own GP & my friend who is a GP were saying it looked like a bleed. I was considering sueing the hospital for misdiagnsis but I realised it would cost me a lot in terms of energy & emotions & all the money in the world wouldn't bring my sight back to 20:20 I found myself most angry with Nathan as he doesn't understand why mummy is different & he doesn't make any allowances for how I am now, it has got a lot better since I started taking the anti d's Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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