Winb143 Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 That come from your heart...and it made me cry Michelle......not tears of "oh poor GG" but tears of You never gave up WTG pal Told you ..You are my Hero.....xx Thanks for post Michelle Love WinB143 xxx Go get em ..lol xxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bill B Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 You're absolutely right about professionals opinions. Nothing is official until pronounced by one or more Dr or therapist. I got my official diagnosis today. Nearly eight years post SAH. Post traumatic stress disorder! Finally! A reason for my depression. I have been saying this for years. It took a complete breakdown to get diagnosed. I suppose I wasn't sick enough before. Now I have to wait for a counselling package to be arranged. I hope this is the start of my real recovery. Ever since the SAH I have tried, ignoring the symptoms, getting busy with a new profession and opening up on BTG , all this led to the point I find myself at right now. All the time I was masking the real problem and giving up drinking has removed my anaesthetic/prop and revealed the oblivion that I walked away from. Now , every night, I think of the moment before the operation, when the surgeon said "you probably won't survive this, but we'll do our best". I didn't care whether I survived or not, as long as the pain could be stopped. That is the source of my depression, because the feeling is the same now. I don't care if I wake up or not. So there it is, it took a long time to realise what was behind all of this. I hope the therapy works, and hope this really is the beginning of healing. I feel better already, just writing this . Thanks BTG ,.....for being there. Bill B.x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldfish.girl Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 Hi Bill, That is great news. Now you can start to get the help you need to get well again. Good luck. Michelle x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeanhelen Posted July 21, 2012 Share Posted July 21, 2012 Hi having had a really rough time for 3 months and not coping at all well on my own. I managed to lose my marbles for a while, and got myself sectioned under s136 of the mental health act.Not proud of it, one because I should of had support in place, but had none, 2 should of been able to handle myself better, obviously not. I am now offered two types of help, a pyscotherapist/ and or a physciatrist, I had gotten so low it hurt. Now with some help I maybe able to sort this hiccup out, so which will be better on average please Many thx Mike So sorry to read you are having such a tough time. I was on medical leave for 5 years with depression (before the SAH so unrelated to that) before I did a year-long graduated returned to work with psychotherapy support. For me, the talking therapy helped more than any of the different medications prescribed and I recommend waiting and/or pushing for psychotherapy. Psychiatrists are able to prescribe medication and psychotherapists are not but your comment about Citaloprm etc suggest that getting medication isn't an issue. You may find that a psychiatrist will refer you to a psychologist anyway. Mostly, dont beat yourself up; its OK to be finding life hard, mental health is often misunderstood even when it is recognised. You are ill, not malingering, and I hope things improve for you soon and continue to do so Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryB Posted July 21, 2012 Share Posted July 21, 2012 This makes me feel a little better about my upcoming testing. I of course live in the states so things are different but I know I only have so many spoons a day and 1/2 day of work takes them all for the next several days.,I fear the testing but on the other hand I jsut want to get it over with and have a name for where I am at. I am a fighter but my quality of life is fair to poor- if I work I will be on the sofa on lunch hour and after work, as I use up everything I have by working. I hope I get answers and pointed in the right direction. My boss had a wood farm puzzle on her desk the other day and when you put the correct farm animal in the right hole the cow would moo etc so I think I may do ok. LOL Michelle you are my hero. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mike Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 (edited) Hi all yet again been busy with a lady in need, having easily given n offered support too her all weeken, I still get confused why I can help others but not myself, not through lack of trying. U have not heard from health dpt yet for my appointment, but they r busy atm with everyone else, I try and do sometimes haveva really great few days then I get upset,my brain then produces too much cf fluid it builds up, then I crash , grrr I now go swimming regularly on my own but inform them of my medical issues so they keep an eye on me, I also go shopping n buy what I need use my buggy all the time but after all said n dine I struggle to look after me, I have support in place but I am so stubborn n determined to be me again I forget to eat drink taki meds but try to set alarms to compensate. Looking forward for my Dr to confirm PTSD n treat accordingly but time will tell.... Again thx for the input getting stronger by the day and for longer too please all gave fun n take care kindest thoughts as always Mike Edited July 23, 2012 by Karen A message from Admin - Please do not use text speak and type in full. Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mike Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 Hi been a while since i was posting last so an update, have had 2 appointyments so far and this has helped me emensly, and i wish to say thanks to everyone that has replied, i am in a really great place now and doing very very well, with help from my loving daughter and Dr's I can now say this place i am in is so much nicer than whhere i was, so once again i am able to face and take on the world, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryB Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 Mike~ I am glad things are going better for you. Keep it up and good luck in the future. Onward and upward! maryb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winb143 Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 Good on you Mikey, hope things keep going onwards and upwards for you Best Wishes WinB143 xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Louise Posted November 3, 2012 Share Posted November 3, 2012 Great to hear that Mikey take care.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mike Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 I have decided to take the plunge and go to France for the day tomorrow 23/11/2012 the furthest I have been away from home since my bleed, trying to face my fears alone but this is by choice, taking a deep breath and summoning all my courage to do this as I hate being away from the saftey of my home, going by train to london the train to Dover then ferry to Calais, having to learn to travel on my own, and get from AtoB then seeing if I can still comunicate in french lol, order some food and buy some gifts do a jiggle because I made it to Calais, then fearing the return journey as I know I will be very tired and scared but its a job I have to do then maybe I can start to face the real world instead of being in a 10x12 room all day wish me luck and if God willing I make the entire journey then I will be chuffed to peices but right now my heart is pounding like a train my head is spinning my mouth dry knees shaking hands trembling and the such Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winter Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Hi Mikey, I don't know how I missed this thread before!!! Maybe cuz I'm not oon here as often as I used to be! Congratulations on taking your trip!!! That is a huge thing to face, but sounds like you are up to it and ready. Good for you. Just do what you can. I'm so happy to hear your few appointments have helped immensely. I have struggled with depression and anxiety for some time now. I see a psychiatrist for the medication - because my brain doesn't produce the proper hormones, chemicals it needs to feel happy or what I would really call"normal". I have seen psychologists and social workers in the past (when I had insurance) who have been a major help in my life. They taught me to "think" differently in order to deal with my feelings. There are still times when I am feeling quite low. I do have some very special friends who understand and get it - they help me through it and I just keep going - because I do really want to live a happy life Good luck to you, my friend! Can't wait to hear about your excursion!!! hugs to you, Carolyn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mike Posted November 25, 2012 Share Posted November 25, 2012 Update for all, 1st I have finally gotten rid of those nasty antidepressants been 2 months now, and feel so much better, but still quite abut nervous, having travelled by train to London, the on the high speed train link to Dover, then ferry to Calais, all that went great , but then I started to panic because this was a new place new everything,.but then I heard a soft voice in my ear "daddy its fine you can do this" taking a deep breath I stepped onto French soil look around and smiled, why? Because the voice in my ear was my little girl not advising or correcting me at all on my journey, just there in case I had a fit, having not felt this happy for months, it was a great challenge it was completed, not for my next one to fly a plane even for just 1 hour lol I will do it .... Thanks for all the replies and support both myself and daughter thank each and everyone of you... Happy days are here again Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kempse Posted November 25, 2012 Share Posted November 25, 2012 Well done Mikey on your achievement - it was very brave to venture out on such a trip - and you did it:-D I hope there is no stopping you now and as you gain more and more confidence you will try more outings and continue to enjoy yourself. Best wishes to you and your daughter, Sarah Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SarahLou Posted November 25, 2012 Share Posted November 25, 2012 Well done Mikey, that's a fantastic positive story. Brilliant, be very proud of yourself and great big hugs to your daughter. Our kiddies really are our strength. Here's to many more adventures! Reach for the stars honey! Take care, SarahLou Xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Louise Posted November 25, 2012 Share Posted November 25, 2012 Well done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mike Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 Hi everyone, just an update to this thread.... I'm now on my 3rd visit to my physiologist and its been a great help, no meds yet trying to avoid them, its been great to find out that all that I thought was bad is in fact ad we all know on Btg is what? Lol normal dohh... So my head is up anduch clearer and we as a family are much better, so my personal advise is talk about it in depth it WILL help thanks for all the views and comments happy New year Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winter Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 Hey Mikey! Great to hear things are looking up and you're feeling much better! YAY Happy New Year to you and your family Carolyn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mike Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 (edited) Hi Carolyn was having a great day till I was told by my consultant I now suffer high blood pressure grrrrr..... 1 steps forward 5 back I feel like giving up, but my little girl needs me, and I need her too. So what is the best way to keep your BP lower? I rest alot I excersise gently I dont charge around like a bumble bee, totally chilled most of the time, I feel like its gonna get tuffer again and I dont know if I have the strength, to keep this up n down feeling going much longer, I know someone will write a great post kicking my butt (I need it tho) but I only have a certain amount of reserves left I'm drained beyond belief, I hid it all from my Charlie or try to for her, but as tears roll down my cheeks again I feel such a failure, and all I do is drag her down, but in reality I love her to bits for all she has done for me since June '10, but talking to my Psychotherapist all he says is ummmmm I guess having no friends that visit or go out with has really hit me hard for 2 1/2 yrs its just been Charlie and I, try as I may I cannot for the life of me make friends in the real world.... it SUCKS big time for us, but we plod on and try to be happy but we both know its just a front with us, and we are both very sad lonley and hurting huge, please if anyone can give my butt a huge kick please i'm begging for it help me thanks in advance ps not suicidal just very low xx Edited January 10, 2013 by mikeymack2002 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Louise Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 ok so hears the kick!! It is swings and roundabouts bad followed by good times so dont loose sight of that one, we've all been there... I have high BP its not the end honestly...if you are down that sometimes makes it go UP, yes endless rollercoaster but its all worth it reading about your Charlie, dont feel a failure your not its just one of those things that has happened. if the doc hasnt put you on BP meds or if he has, then search the internet for foods that you should eat to help the BP thats what I did fresh herbs now Garlic more veggies stuff like that.. I hope someone else comes along & gives you a far better reply than mine, but I do hope you perk up soon take care... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mike Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 (edited) Hi Louise Already on meds for high bp started yesterday, I cook with really good foods, especially garlic n ginger and spring onion, not many chips or kebabs lots of fish fresh skinned chicken, so thanks for the reply Charlie had come into the lounge and read my post as iI had fallen asleep with the post open but got a great big hug off of her, as always I cried, lol but this up n down is really getting to me and I dont want to admit defeat andf go back on my anti's again but fear I may have to, anymore butt kicking please xxxx Edited January 10, 2013 by mikeymack2002 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Louise Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Ah you already have the food thing covered then. Aw nothing nicer than a big hug eh! It is all ups and downs & if they help then go back on them, but think your doing great even if you need help take it... I go up and down like a yoyo but when lifes being good I love it, & just think this will get better agian..... take care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mike Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 try as I may this part has really knocked me for 6, Xmas over n gone birthday for Charlie n I in 6 weeks, looking forward to it but last year I totally forgot her birthday that upset me awfully, its so infuriating feeling like this I know its normal lol but when its there I cant shake it but when I'm good I'm great just wish I could find that delicate balance which we all strive for... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Louise Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 When I got told I had high blood pressure I thought Nah! cant have, I was about to have an angio thats how I found out, but I was stressed with other stuff. yeh that balance is a mystory sometimes I think yeh! got it then bam NO its a challenge but one we all have bring it on.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winter Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Mikey - Good morning! I'm not very good at butt kicking, lol, because when someone tries that avenue with me, I just get angry and rebel But I guess it works for some people. I hope you can find a different therapist, one who is actually interested in helping you and suggesting ways for you to re-think things. Kind of like medicines, doctors, everything else in life - have to kiss a lot of toads before you find the prince/princess! Kris mentioned finding a neuropsycologist - is that something you could pursue? Sounds like you're eating right and exercing, doing all the right things. Sometimes, no matter how healthy we are/and trying to be, we still need help. Doesn't mean you're a failure in any sense!!! You can only do the best you can and accept that that is good enough! I'm not a doctor, obviously, but why did they take you off the anti-depressants? If they were helping, you might want to revisit the thought and talk with your doctor. None of us really want to take all these meds, but if it gets us through the day and helps us to feel "normal, as normal as can be", then for me, I choose to stay on the meds. I have hit such lows over the past 2 1/2 years I have thought about suicide. Only "thought", wouldn't ever do it, but I was so low and in such misery with my life that it seemed it would be so much easier not to be here. I have 2 adult children and want to live to see them have children of their own, I want to be a part of their lives, and I feel I have a lot to live for. It's hard to see at times, but I know it's there. It's just going to through the rollercoaster that sucks. I tend to isolate myself when I'm feeling low. Don't want to be a burden to others, don't want their pity, just want to feel better. I'll try the butt kicking at this point! You need to put yourself out there, find some sort of support group, take a class where you will meet people with like interests (cooking class perhaps?), get moving. Do everything you can to feel better. When negative thoughts pop into your head, notice them and then cancel those thoughts. Think of something that makes you feel good - your daughter, things you're thankful for, etc... or repeat over and over again - I love and accept myself as I am. Eventually you will start believing this and more importantly, feeling it. Sometimes just taking that first step to get yourself out there is the hardest part, you can do it my friend, and will begin to feel better about the accomplishments you achieve - even if you believe they are just little things. Those little things are HUGE steps to wellness. Ok, butt kicking over. Just do it Sending you lots of healing energy for happier days and new prospects for you!!! Carolyn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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