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Daffodil

Funky SAH mood

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Well it's Christmas. It's grey outside. Typically the time of good cheer but its also strangely melancholoy time of year, or is that just me?

my question to the wonderful folk of BTG is, 'what do you do to shake off the funky post SAH mood when it grabs you? '

That funky mood when you're fed up with the pain, the fear of some more coming, frustration at not being yourself, boredom.....

do you do as Maria Von Trapp suggests " I simply remember my favourite things"? Or do you have another tip. Please share.:-P

Me.? I try and keep talking. To you. To friends. To family. And the best medicine last night was a hug and a big cry on my daddy's chest; so lucky I can still do that. It felt good. I've also had and will continue to have counselling as that helps me.

How do you shake the funk?

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Keeping busy & hoping that tomorrows a better day..... thats what I'm doing today...

And no its not just you I've felt like that for years honey....

Oh! you are lucky you can get comfort from him I SO wish I could this time of year I find so difficult without my Mum & Dad, have all the cluddles you want hun its Christmas....

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Daff,

I feel your pain. SAH is a roller coaster. So if you're on the down side just know you're on the way up. Would it make you feel better if I told you I feel worse lol? I have pits in my eyes and look old. 48 and feeling 78.

What works for me is 3 things: Wife, pillow and BTG. Wife understands, pillow soothes the head and BTG is actaully the best solution.

I also like to watch on old gay movie from like the 40's or 50's in black and white which harkens me back to a time when life was simple and people were happy and not so much violence. It works for me but I'm sure others have suggestions. Right now I just need rest and working 40 hours ain't getting it.

I'm with ya Daff and always enjoy your thoughtful and interseting posts. That cheer ya up?

Take care,

Poker Spice

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daff, I use to always be strangly blue around XMAS. Before Sah a friend said to me "I want you to tell me everthign that gives you joy at xmas". SO I would call and say "finding my box of boxes I have saved for the past 30 years makes me happy". It was odd stuff. I would have a well constructed box that was from Marshall Fields from the 60's that I keep special glass decoration in". I started to pull myself out of my funk.

Now I jsut have to keep letting it out. I use BTG as my sound board. I am thankful to have a place where people support and understand the emotions. I no longer go over board at XMAS. I have 10 people spending the night on th e26th and have no menu but I will pull something together. I do not sweat the small stuff for sure. I do not clean, cook, bake, decorate like a manic anymore as I just ended up a witch by the time whatever I was preparign for came. I am what I am & by now my fmaily adn friends that matter have already seen my worst!

Keep talking it out. XOXXOXO mary

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Hi Daff,

The good news is that as time passes you feel like this less & less often :-D I do still have some really dark days but not as much & for me what works best is acknowledging that this is a bad day, it is a feeling that will lift, it won't stay with me forever. Tears are good for you too, you need to heal emotionally as well and it is helpful to let some of the sadness out when you can.

Hoping tomorrow is a much happier day for you.

Michelle xx

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I am among friends here. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for lifting me up.

You're right David acknowledging the rubbish bits normally means a corner has been turned. Mary, you made me smile. GG you inspire me to keep battling thru this. Louise I never feel lonely here.

I sit here tonite looking at my twinkly Xmas lights, the pretenders song 2000 miles is playing( love it) sipping coke to combat the low pressure in my head and know how truly lucky and blessed I am even if sometimes it don't feel that way.

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Daff, I can only say that I've taken one day at a time - thrown away the rubbish days and learnt not to dwell on them. Time is the biggest healer, both physically and mentally.

There will be better times to come for you and even though I'm 7 years post SAH, I'm still experiencing improvement, slow but sure!

It can be so hard to get through times like xmas in the early months/years of recovery or to experience any joy from it as we used to be able to and took for granted, as everything seems like sheer hard work.

Daff, you will get there and the worry will be less and less ... what you're feeling is normal, but it will and does get better. xx

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Daff

I keep a daily log of how I am feeling, summarising any mood swings and/or strange sensations. Whilst this does not prevent me having lows it helps me to chart my improvements.

I regularly read my daily log and take hope from the fact that in the early weeks/months I felt that the dark veil of pain and fear would never lift. Yet here I am heading towards month 11 and although I still have headaches, fatigue and any number of weird sensations in my body it is an improving picture.

You are moving forwards, it is a slow process but it is in the right direction.

Keep going girl, the light at the end of that tunnel is getting brighter.

Wem

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What's that saying 'time heals all' - something like that.

I don't have any tricks. It's just time. My down days need to be that way and that's just how it is. I don't like them but I know it's part of healing so I go with the flow. It's especially frustrating when I've got a busy day planned or visiting people. Everything seems to take so much more effort when I'm down.

Like others have mentioned, I have fewer down days now and there are longer periods between them.

Next year at this time you will be miles ahead Daff. This year acknowledge what's special to you and make that your priority. All the rest can wait.

Hugs

Sandi K. Xoxox

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Daff,

For me personally, I just need to 'Plank' as I call it. Be alone in a dim room and lay down. Today, I had a horrid day as it always happens with my hormones and was able to Plank and not cry even though I REALLY felt like it. This is victory for me as I cry EVERY time I have a bad moment/day. These times have gotten fewer and fewer as time goes on and lasting for shorter periods like 3/4hour now instead of all day.

I too keep a daily log and sometimes when I plank, I read it as well. It does give me perspective. I also listen to very soft soothing music or if I feel up to it read a very easy to enjoy/read book. I don't try and 'Push through it' anymore as this never worked and only lead to more and more and meltdown.

For the holidays this year, I decorated at my own pace, but am not shopping or doing anything that is commercial. We are going to have a nice X-mas dinner and that's it. I find the hustle and bustle is no longer for me...did it really ever represent the Christmas spirit anyway? I know this would be hard if you have young kids or something, but mine is grown and out of the house so it works.

I hope all of our suggestions help. Everyone is different so experiment and find out what works even if it takes a few horrid trials at first, but in the long run, you'll know what works best for you.

~Kris

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Hi Daff,

like Michelle says, as time passes these feelings get less and less constant. I used to think I was never going to accept the new me, I liked the old me thanks and I didn't ask for this change. A long time ago someone on here explained to me that I was going through a bereavement process. This helped me in a huge way because I then understood that this would be an ever-changing process and would eventually feel better in one way or another.

After a time I started to notice that there were actually some nice changes and not everything was negative. My partner informs me that when I got my license back and was no longer trapped in the house, I stopped being quite so angry about it all. I was put back a step when I went back to work but now I have my shiny new role, I can honestly say that I accept the new me. Yes, I get tired and grumpy but on the whole I am nicer, calmer and see the lighter side of life. I am more prone to laugh than before, I think everything has been put into perspective. It's not that I would like to go through this again, but it has put a positive spin on my life overall. I like the new me.

Dawn x

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.........and may I add- although you are still very young.... all through your life you have times of sadness and change - that you miss your old life. I personally had a hard in my early 30's when my husband working so hard on his career and all I did was take care of small kids while living in a new state. We all miss our old self but the older ones miss our old self even b4 the SAH or all the other changes in our abilities. Losing our parents, etc all these things are trauma and gives us bouts of sadness or bouts of depressions.

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Daff, I just read Mary's last post on here.

I remember her saying something similar to me a while back. I was upset, depressed & totally fed up with missing nights out & seeing live bands because I can no longer cope with noisy, crowded, busy places. All I could see was that my good time party girl days of being drunk & the wild one dancing on the tables or even just being OUT had been suddenly snatched away from me and I didn't fit in to my life as it used to be any more and no longer had much in common with my long term friends. Mary said something about this being a change that would have happened anyway. That made me mad at the time, as at 38 (extended adolecence maybe :lol: ) being wild and dancing my party pants off was my way of life at the weekends. It wasn't a gradual growing up, maturing naturally and acting my age, it was snatched away from me & stopped short in one night. That was a hard one to come to terms with.

Now I can see what Mary was trying to say to me. Even without SAH, I would've slowed down and other things would be more rewarding now (still working on what they might be :wink:). I would have still loved to go to live bands & dance all night at the weekend but, really, by now i would've started to feel a little old next to younger people doing the same :wink: Ageing hippy/rock chick was never the long term plan, think female Iggy Pop, still trying to be cool :lol:

I haven't worked it all out yet but there are quotes from others on here that, whilst they didn't make much sense at the time, have the wisdom of being (very slightly) older behind them.......

P.S I'm 42, single, have no cats and should probably start knitting :lol::lol::lol:

Michelle x

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GG, I think I said "yea, you in a tube top, hot pants & high heels dancing on top of bar would be pretty!!!!!!:devil:

LOLhahahahahahhhahahhahahhahah still laughing!!!!!

Yea, I wish for those days too! A few years ago we went to see Eric Clapton and it was an outdoor concert with lawn seats so we got there early and people watched. OMG, the 40 something years old man in skin tight leather pants & a Hawaiian shirt with dyed black hair that kept trolling back and forth was so attractive. I hope to never be that person but my inner self is exactly that person!!!!!

If you don't slow down you will only look foolish! LOL......Not that I can't still shake it baby! And at times look foolish- but that stupid knee surgery took that dancing all night bug out of my pants a bit back!

However it is different to have it snatched away but so many things in life can do similar things to change our lives and that are just as unfair. I suppose having to deal with a cancer, a death or a chronic illness in a child or some many things can have maybe just as much as a life changing inpact. I believe there are maybe like 5 or so life changing events that change who you are throughout your life. A neighborhood childs death was one of mine. MY life was different the moment I heard that news as it could of just as easy been one of my children playing there. So as mad adn sick and tired of being sick and tired I get I know in my heart I cannot change this and I have to accept it.

What makes me crazy are inspirational uplifting quotes when I am blue.... LOL I just want to kick that person.....it is like yea I know now shut up and let me have my little feel sorry moments.

Edited by MaryB

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Trying not to laugh at how Mary says it like it is once again ;-)With experience comes wisdom & it's good to learn from that.

You are right, there is nothing like your child being seriously ill to put things back into perspective. I think we would all take more of the same that SAH throws at us than ever witness our children being similarly ill........I certainly would if I had ever been allowed to choose :frown: I wouldn't ever recommend it but all the weird feelings, sensations & pains after SAH become insignificant if your child faces the same. The feelings of loss over how life used to be become a distant memory. The only real loss is the loss of your childs' normal childhood...... all that they could have been and could achieve is wiped out in a single day.....

Again, you have made people think things through and put it all into perspective.........

Perhaps a small insight into how your loved ones feel as they watch you fight to get well again? And maybe an even bigger insight into how much worse life could be?

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Once again in trying to find the right words I take a walk around the blcok and back b4 I get it out....My point is I have had so many sad times, disappointments, trials and hard times, in and out of depression in my life and when I look around we all have sometime to bare / bear. Hopefully this is the worst thing that will happen to me and I am done. But probably not.

At work we use to say "Well at least it's not a brain tumor" Geez, we cannot even say that anymore. Everyone has to dig deep into their soul from time to to time to pull themselves up and keep putting one foot in front of the other just to make it through the day. Sometimes minute by minute but we are not alone ever.

When I felt my most crappiest my husabnd was having heart surgery and I was like " I am in charge of YOU???" That was 4 months post SAH. We were in the same building as the childrens hospital in Indianapolis and it was like SLAP my face and shut me up. The courage those children had made me ashamed for my self pity.Still could nto be in charge of my husbands helath care and keeping track of what dr said but somehow ya just muddle through the best one can.

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Daff, MY new solution is to take a walk at least around the block everyday for fresh air! The other day I walked to get some medications - about a mile. I had such a headache when I left and was so lazy but felt better.

Yep, I need to walk everyday but it is dark when i get home so I cannot or will not do that on my workign days.

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I can vouch for the passing of time & feelings lessening.... you will find that the bad days are fewer and the good days more which will make the bad days easier.

take care, hugs

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Your counsel has been wise and warm. I thank you.

When I was in hospital the I finally got pushed outside in my wheelchair after a long 4 weeks and we went to the square. It was a bright sunny day. It was the hospital next to great Ormand street so on this day when I felt dreadfully ill and morose but so glad to feel the fresh air I was confronted by kids sicker thn me chuckling and enjoying the sunshine.

I said to myself then that it's about getting out and feeling the air on our face that makes us feel truly alive. I think I forgot a bit last week. You reminded me Mary.

sometimes it's easy to be bogged in the enormity of the SAH tsunami yet what youre helping me see is its just another step, another move that we were meant to take in our lives. Hard though it is to adjust im delighted by our ability to survive and the possibility of thriving in new ways that are quite magical and mysterious.

Funk has passed.

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I have sat here reading everything you have been writing - it is healing, you all speak so much sense!

I have started copying bits and saving them to a folder on my puter to help me through dark days and also to show my family when they are struggling to understand me and my brain!

Im going to keep adding from now on to make my own 'healing book'

Thank you, Linda xx

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Hello all,

I'm six years post SAH & I am still up & down like a yo-yo (although not as bad as I was).

I still get some very black moods brought on by all sorts of things.

So I have some coping strategies.

The biggest one I have is exercise. I have taken to running every day. I find it helps me to clear my thoughts and burm off the excess energy. I also do yoga. Its good exercise, stretches out my shrunken muscles (left sided muscle loss thanks to the coil!) and if its a particularly bad day, I spend some time with a punchbag that does help a lot!

But I also lock myself away in the kitchen. food is a great comfort to me. Both preparing it and eating it. :biggrin:

Because I don't really have anyone to talk to about how I am feeling, I tend to write my thoughts down.

When I read them back to myself, I can see the improvements I have made. So I try to turn my black mood into a possitive exercise.

Keep going. You are doing great.

Ern

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