Life forever changed or does it get better?

[amexdm]

Hello,

Jesssica you have been through alot. I am in the US also and can empathize with your problems with the neuro doctors. They dont know what to do with us. I also suffer from PTSD and find it hard to accept the new normal. The best thing to do is talk it out and people here will listen.

I used to be the life of the party also but spent last weekend in bed.

You are not alone in this, we have all felt that way.

Tou can PM anytime if you need to vent.

David

[jhelms]

David~

You are so right. I was dismissed by the top neuro at UAB. He didn't even want to do a follow up. No one told me or my husband what to expect. What was common. We are flying through this by the seat of our pants. You, feel the same way. You need anything, I am here. The way this site is set up, I have a hard time finding things.LOL If, I miss it we will just blame the blonde hair.

I do not think they know really anything about it. I also think a lot of our neuros here, have the God complex. It was almost like it was a minor scrape and they were bothered by having to deal with it. Keep your chin up. One thing I see for sure, is that you have to get angry and be a fighter to get through this. Some days, I do shut down and go to bed, but thankfully, my kids won't allow me to do that often. They truly are what keeps me going.

I also find, that if I am in the bed, getting mad and making myself get up and do something I enjoy, helps to snap me out of it. It is almost like work to make myself do whatever it is. I just keep telling myself, I want my happy back and this will not stop me from getting it.

I don't know if that helps you at all. Hopefully, it does and I do appreciate you so much.

[MaryB]

jhelms,

So sorry you are still struggling so much. Have you gone to any therapy? I was thinking I did not even need it but just talking freely about my anger, pain etc really helped me move forward. I need to go back and check in with the therapist soon, but I think everyone needs therapy after having gone there. Not just us SAH'ers! LOL.

Just a thought- I was surprised how pleased I was. Apparently I have a extremely high standard I expect out of people and I am not really so mean! It was also really important for me to "rearrange my thinking". I was at a wedding recently with a large amount of guest that were recovering alcoholics and addicts. I was thinking recovery for me from my SAH was similar and we really do not have much different. I had to hit bottom and give it to the fact I cannot change what I have no control over in order to move forward. I learned that in therapy as well.

Hope you feel better soon, Maryb

[jhelms]

I don't even know where to start with that. I have trust issues with any doctor. Everything they have tried had made things worse, so I gave up on that route. This site has brought more understanding than anything. I had no idea what was going on and if it was normal. It is hard to find any research or information at all on SAH.

One thing I did read was how many marriages fail within 2 years after a SAH. That made me feel hopeful.LOL I'd be lying if there hasn't been hard times , but only because neither of us had a clue as to why I have changed.

He actually found this site and looked all through it . He said reading your post, he was ashamed of himself for not seeing how truly strong I have been , and how many parts of recovery, I sped through, just to be there for him and the kids. It has truly been a turning point in our marriage . He has always been supportive , but now there is a deeper understanding for us both. And I can not thank you all enough for sharing information and your journeys.

[amexdm]

Hi Jessica,

Everthing you feel is normal. I think we want our old happy back and there is nothing wrong with that (see my recent Two weeks cured thread). I am feeling the same way at the moment.

I cant imagine what you went thru with your angio and the 10 tries. That is awful and humiliating. i understand your fear of doctors, I really do. When I had my SAH in the hospital, it took them 5 tries to get my catharter in. The last try was a Resident who shoved it in me and said "There, done" and walked away leaving me naked and alone. She was like angry. I didnt ask for the damn catharter!. My wife was outside the curtain and saw it all. So i know what you mean.

If you have PTSD, you should try to see a therapist. It is very difficult to tackle on your own. If you could meet with a therapist who specializes in brain injuries I think it would help. They want me to go but I cant take time off work right now. If I go, I will let you know how it goes.

I have fought and fought for two years and you what, it gets tiring. So use all the help you can. Here for ya.

David

[MaryB]

I do not have my "happy" back either. I too was the clown and I can muster up some once in awhile but I am not the same person. I do not have the energy or can muster up the power to small talk etc...I think my SAH damaged some of my emotions- as some cry and are more emotional I am less emotional and have never cried. I can almost cry on rough days when I see my GP as he understands me and my medical catch 22. it is almost the relief that he "gets me" without me having to explain it all. I am just now starting at 2 years to add my life to work. I got back in my routine at work but never got my home life back. I do not know what to do in my home as a routine and that is my ne thing I am working on.

Happy? hum........ I am more pleased with where I am and thankful for the enlightenment that I have gotten from my SAH. I have always believe life is full of lessons and if you learn from the good, bad and struggles it makes more sense to me. I have learn so much the past 2 years. I am a better person and I feel I can offer more to some in need. I was always a hard nose, hard working, determined person with attitude by my attitude and compassion have soften.

I love my GP and my neurosurgeon. I too have a horrible Angio experience which I won't even go into here. I could of filled malpractice I think. Never had any luck with any neurologist. I am thankful my friends, family and co workers as well as boss GET IT. So that is good and I feel fortunate for that. I could not imagine having people in my life that did not educate them selves on SAH etc and understand what I have been through. AS I would do the same for my friends. I learned more about stage 4 breast cancer with HERS than I even imagine I could a few years ago!

Maryb

[Winb143]

Well put Mary and you have made me laugh and you are a caring soul xx

Keep smiling Mary

Luv ya Pal

WinB43 xx xx

[jhelms]

David~ One thing I have found is that you HAVE to take the time for yourself. You can't always go on the back burner.

Mary~ I totally understand the emotion side of things. I always feel like I lost part of me and who I was prior to this. It is like something is broken , but you can't put your finger on it. Stress... I can no longer handle or process stress . It sends my body into a tail spin.

Iola... how are you doing? Do you still get the soda bubbles? Those would always scare me so bad. I expected something bad to follow. From everything I read it is normal and harmless, but that far out, everything is a symptom and scary! I hope that you are doing well.

Edited September 11, 2013 by Karen
individual posts combined into one