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Saucychef

New member phil

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Hi all

Been reading others posts trying to reassure myself.

 

I had a sah on the 13th October 2014 was asleep and woke up with a blinding headache. Called ambulance who left me at home saying try and sleep and call again if it got worse. Ended up going to see gp next morning who immediately sent me to local hospital for a scan. At this point my headache was like no other pain I have experienced, they found a small bleed and I was immediately transferred to bristol neuro ward.

I can't really remember much about been in hospital except taking lots of drugs for pain relief which ended up stopping by bowels working so had to have intervention there.

 

I was scanned numerous times and had a angiogram no aneurysm was found although blood was present no source was found.

 

I was discharged on the 24th October feeling very weak and unstable with a weird headache and a bag of drugs to take.

 

Since getting home I have slowly got more and more emotional, feeling like I am on my own and nobody understands how I feel, my wife, family and friends don't understand how I feel.

Last night and this morning I think I had a mental breakdown, uncontrollably crying, getting angry, hitting the wall and shouting. My wife had to call my mum to calm me down, she has taken herself and my son away for a while :-(

 

I have been back to doctors this morning who has started me on anti depressants.

I feel really scared, lonely, anxious, unsure of the future.

Phil

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Oh Phil that sounds like you have been really left alone with things, it sounds like you may have had a non aneurysmal SAH? quite a few members have had that and I am sure they will share their experience with you. There are a lot of great posts here that can help you.

Strange emotions and uncontrollable crying, those feelings aren't that unusual but I am sad you have had no help or advice to help you after discharge. Your brain has been assaulted by having blood where it is not supposed to have it , it's supposed to be a closed system and so it is dealing with the effects of that so please don't beat yourself up, yes you feel weird and out of sorts but that is because of a bleed and it is hardly surprising that three week on you haven't bounced back from that so please just be kind to yourself and rest , drink plenty of water and give your brain a chance to recover.

It's good you have been checked out with angio etc and they are obviously very happy with you in terms of your physical state but the effects of the bleed will take time to ease, how long is different for everyone as each of our bleed varies in severity and complexity so no one size fits all but you know are not alone in having this feeling after discharge and I hope in time it will lessen for you.

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Phil, you're very early days post SAH ... emotions will run riot for quite a while and we all understand that here.  If you need to talk, then just keep talking on here.

 

A non aneurysm bleed, normally seems to have a very good prognosis .... not that this helps you at this time.  It's a scary time and you will feel of the things that you are feeling....but life will get better.

 

I'm sorry to hear that your wife and son have had to go away ... get yourself better, keep the contact up with your wife and son .... she is probably feeling pretty scared too and has done what she thinks is good for your boy....to be honest, as a Mum, I would have done the same if my partner was hitting the wall and you would probably have done the same too if it was your wife.  She's only looking out for your boy.

 

You will get better ... the anti-depressants will help you and will take a few weeks to kick in ... get plenty of rest, keep your fluids up and accept help. Talk to your wife, don't bottle it up ... she will feel better if you do and you will too. Be honest and open about how you're feeling ... 

 

Life does and will get better given time and there are plenty of people on here who will help to support you. x

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Phil everything you are feeling is normal and it will get better xxx

I am so sorry that your wife and son have gone but I am sure they will be home soon xxx

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Hi Phil,

 

We are scared after we find out what's wrong with us, it's natural to be scared

and we take it out on loved ones. 

 

My daughter found this site and I have been a member since I woke up in 2010.

I used to think will I die, it's  natural.  A woman came on here and said 19 years ago

I had a bleed.  It made me so happy. Not that she had bleed but that she is still going. 

 

Read what Karen and Daffs have typed it' hits the spot and you know you are not 

the only one going through it.  Saying this if you ever feel ill it makes sense to see Doc.

But this site is so good it has helped my daughter and myself.

 

Now last bit of advice my surgeon told me I must not have stress so shouting isn't allowed.

Singing is allowed  now apologise and give each other a hug.

 

Take wife out for a coffee as our loved ones go through it also.

Good luck

WinB143    

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Hi Phil,

Welcome to BTG.  I really feel for you, the last thing you need is to be left alone!  Keep talking to your wife (and your Mum), if you can, and ask if Grandma and Grandad can watch your son whilst you do so!

 

Then sit down and talk to her and your Mum in a calm and rational way.  Ask them to let you have your say and listen to what you have gone through and how you feel, without interrupting you. Then let them take it in and respond and you take it from there. What you are going through is so close to what many of us have been through.

 

You need to focus on the here and now.  The future will take care of itself.  Do what you need to get better.  Get things in perspective, you've gone through a huge knock to your confidence and your body has taken a pounding - but you have survived and the only way is up.  Just like when you go diving, it takes longer to come back up than it did to go down, but you'll get there.

 

Two things, I think, will help you (as well as what the doctor's tell you);

1) Keep a diary and chart your progress.  You will be amazed over time at the progress you are making as sometimes progress is slow and you can almost not notice it, but it is there

2) Get your wife (and son if he is old enough) and your Mum to read through the posts on this site so they have a better understanding of what you are going through because they need support too!.  

 

These events are happening to people across the world, but we all help each other and we understand (even the bowel problem I'm afraid to say - I remember the difficulty it caused me and it brought a tear to my eye and made me wince again when I read your post! I hasten to add, I'm ok now).

 

Time is what you need and patience is what your family need, as well as to see you make progress.  We've all done it, it is a slow road to travel, but as someone on here once said - every journey starts with a single step!

 

Well done for finding us Phil, you are not on your own - we'll be here for you whenever you want us to be.

 

Ask as many questions as you like, we'll try and answer or point you in the direction of someone who can.  We're not doctors or medical people though, so we will always ask you to contact a doctor in those instances.

 

One more thing Phil - don't sit there by yourself, letting your thoughts run away with themselves - get talking to people to take your mind off things - it's always good to be among people and they will also gradually come to understand.  Talk to us if there's no-one around - go into the green room on the site where you can talk about anything you like, rather than your condition.

 

Keep posting Phil - good luck

 

Best wishes,

Macca

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Hi Phil

 

Warm welcome so glad you found the site...

 

great replies so I wont repeat them except to say your not alone we all know how your feeling.

 

Going to the GP and realising there is a problem is a very good thing so well done you.

 

There is a future always remember that its my Ani-versary on Sat 15yrs so that tells you its not all bad..

 

yes do keep posting sometimes even typing it up really helps too..

 

take care

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hello Phil!  I'm SO sorry that you are going through such a rough time.  I know how you feel that you are scared and so confused about what's happening to you.  I had a sah with coil and 2 clips not even 5 months ago.  After 61/2 weeks in hospital I came home only to find I didn't understand what was happening to me at all.  This site helped me tremendously.  I learned that others had gone through same things and worse.  Sometimes I admit that I feel that my family just doesn't get it.  They might act like I'm crazy or invalid and it makes me mad.  I tell them I had trauma but I am not stupid...or invalid.  They have been wonderful.  I think maybe your family just doesn't understand what is happening to you.  As this all plays out I feel it will be much better.  Take one step at a time and keep in touch here.  I will keep you in my thoughts and hope that you feel better each day.

 

Love to you and your family,

Carolynusa

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Thankyou guys for your replies

I have had a bit better day today, just been on my own nice and peaceful.

Had a long conversation with somebody from headway bristol. Has helped a bu

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Doh stupid phone posted before I'd finished :-(

Been thinking today this was my first ever time in hospital, don't know but maybe this is contributing to my mental state. Trying not to think about what happened in hospital, although I am having bad dreams.

Oh well tomorrow's another day hopefully I will feel a little better and a little less confused.

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Good that you contacted Headway, they understand and can give you a lot of support. To be able to pick up the phone and have someone to talk to will really help.

I believe they offer counselling as well as other services. If you are able it may be worth attending.

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Glad you're feeling a bit better today Phil - one other thing!  You'll probably notice that although you feel pretty rough and bewildered at the moment, to others you probably look the same as before you were ill.  That'a another thing most of us experience because you can't see a brain injury!

 

You are the same car with a slightly less powerful engine in it at the moment and that's the message you need to get across to others. Just because they can't see it doesn't mean it isn't there.

 

Headway are great and that's a positive step from you -well done!

 

Take one day at a time, you are on your way!

 

Macca

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So glad to hear you contacted Headway :thumbsup: when I had mine it was my first stay in hospital too scary, yes councelling would be very good help you to understand.

 

Take it easy and take care

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Hi Phil,

I had a bleed from an unknown source. Non aneurysmal bleed, but, a bleed on the brain nonetheless. I am a year and a half out and it does get better but it is a slow walk on this road. Take your time. Just because folks can't see any outward signs of trauma does not mean there is no trauma. You are experiencing trauma mentally and physically. Not sure of the meds you are taking but the ones I took made me a blubbering fool. I cried over everything. Actually, I still cry but not nearly like I used too.

You are scared and of course you are! You have every right to be. Think about what your body had endured. Poor brain is like a babies brain right now and needs lots of nurturing. Your confidence will return but it's not magic, it takes one day at a time.

Keep posting. Everyone on here truly cares.

I

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