Jump to content
Search In
  • More options...
Find results that contain...
Find results in...

Hello!

By registering with us, you'll be able to view our forums in full as well as discuss, share and private message other members of Behind The Gray. Why not join us now?
Sign in to follow this  
Elizabeth47

Uncharted territory

Recommended Posts

I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to know about non call jobs in his specialty.  To be honest, we investigated this even before the stroke but could not find any such job.    I asked on a board of medical spouses and they didn't know of any...   The half time here would be just fine.  We could live with that.  It is the call that kills him.  He had to go in last night and finished at midnight...  Left at 6am this morning...  Sigh.... 

You say your husband's specialty is one in which he HAS to take call, I question the validity of that. This might be true in your city but the US has a significant physician shortage so older physicians are finding and creating low intensity niches in all sorts of specialties. Maybe one of these low intensity niches is what your husband needs. Financially perhaps it is better to consider a lower income maybe plus disability and your income in jobs that can be sustained until you are 70 vs him going back to work full time and burning out in a few years.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello everyone.

 

I wanted to add a little to the wealth of sensible advice offered already. I too am a doctor. I am a GP. I am not back at work at 4 months because I believe that the routine work of a GP... a morning of 25 patients with multiple issues and problems... really requires my memory and ability to multitask to be 100%. I am trying to understand and navigate my duties as a doctor to do no harm to patients. The GMC requires me to be certain that my illness has no adverse effect on patients. I wonder if your husband has looked at the situation from this perspective. It might be quite empowering to be supported in the decision to not work or work differently because that is our duty of care.

 

Another observation. My experience is that everyone wants to make the problems we face seem smaller rather than acknowledging them for what they are. The tendency seems to be for others to reassure and encourage return to work, this in turn feeding into our own hopes that all is indeed as it was. Your husband might need to state very clearly and forcefully to his colleagues that he is unable to work at that intensity to take account of this human nature.

 

I think the idea of a sabbatical sounds good!

 

You take care of yourself too. This condition is as bad for the families as the sufferer I think.

 

Sal

  • Like 7

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi,

 

Just adding to what Sal says above.  Some of the minimising that goes on is fuelled I think because of the 'I can't see anything wrong with them, they look the same as they did before' syndrome.  

 

That is why it is very important that you assert that you are still not well enough to perform as you once did.  I don't mean in capability terms but in capacity terms.  Two people above me did not understand my condition and made my life very difficult by expecting the same as before and more.  I stood up to them but then decided that my life was more important to me and my family than to put up with their unreasonable demands.

 

On my return to work, I was still able to perform the same tasks as I did before but not in the same quantities. A large amount of travel was involved that I no longer wanted to do and found very tiring. I realised I was acceding to the pressures others put upon me and I could see very quickly that it wasn't doing me much good at all.  In fact it was detrimental to me.

 

So much so, that it prompted me to take a good look in the mirror at myself and realise that either the demands upon me reduced or I reduced hours or left.

 

In the end I did the latter and it was the best decision I ever made.

 

Nobody could have told me I couldn't do those capacities any more, I had to see it for myself.  The quality of what I did, and therefore my dignity, remained undiminished, but you are not doing anyone any good working from a position of weakness, least of all yourself.

 

In the end I took control of my own situation and left.

 

I do the odd bit of consultancy now, on my own terms and I love it, it means I am still contributing and using my skills, feeling useful and my family are seeing more of me than they ever used to.  Win Win all round.

 

This is my own experience.

 

Hope this helps you to formulate your own future.

 

Macca

  • Like 5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You guys are preaching to the choir.  My husband hates how he feels but will not slow down.  To be honest, I'm not sure he can.  He is working half time and we will see at the end of the first quarter if that will pay expenses...

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I do think our loved ones go through hell and high water also.

 

I was totally out of it but there was my hubby and daughter taking it in shifts to make sure

I was looked after okay.

 

Doesn't stop me moaning though !!   Glad I had my Family phew !!

 

Everyone should work at their own pace (mine is so so slow)

 

Good luck all xxxx

WinB143

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Elizabeth- I just passed my 2 years from NASAH and continue to struggle on many levels. Brain injury is definetly  (sorry I can't spell any more!!)  "invisible"  because we look fine on the outside- our appearance didn't change, but our brains did!

 

For me I tell people that I feel like I have someone elses brain. My memory is very fuzzy. I had mine on 1/15/2013 and had no memory of December- for example - I was in the hospital for 2 weeks, my hubby and I both had bronchitis, Christmas, and New Years and then 2 weeks later I had my bleed- but I have no memory of any of those things. Even the morning I had the bleed- no memory. I was in ICU for 2 weeks- no memory of any of that.

 

OK- sorry for rambling on.    Have you thought about taking your hubby to another (new) neurologist??   Don't tell that doc that your hubby is a doctor and bring his records from the hospital, and basically ask for a "second" opinion?   Just a thought.

 

Please keep us up to date on how he is doing. I do think about  my "BTG family" often and share some of their opinion and stories with my family (not mention names or any personal info). These people have helped me so much! I really wish I had found this site 2 years ago, but I was in another world then.

 

Best of luck!!

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Elizabeth47 I feel as if our lives are running in parallel. I suffered from a peri mesencephalic hemorrhage in nov 2014 with unknown etiology . I also had a lot of stress before that was out of the ordinary. My work got exceedingly busy and just added to it. I am now starting back to work part time but I wonder how I am going to finish each day. I am exhausted and I have vertigo. I am a perfusionist- your husband will know what that is and my job is also very demanding. I am looking to maybe reduce some more but need to keep hrs to maintain insurance.

 

I also have a 4 year old that I am desperately trying to keep up with. It's really tough right now but I dont want to give up my job. I love what I do and I am good at it. I am so sympathetic to your story and I hope he feels better soon. I understand the struggles and it's really frustrating. I was a superwoman before. Life has forced us to slow down and maybe pay attention before we missed it entirely. I am not appreciative of this gift right now, though. I am currently just frustrated at my limitations.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Margaret , so nice of you to reply so early in your recovey to help someone else. I promise that your frustration at these new limits does ease as acceptance of any change grows. We are supermen, super women for living through what we have experienced so now it's time to reflect and be kind to our amazing brains and give it some real space to heal.

Try and Keep patience when you can, it will help you in the long run. Yes it is very boring, annoying, frustrating and definitely not part of the plan to realise you have limits that you didn't previously but thats how it is for now. My daughters were 6 and 8 when I had my SAH and like many of us I had a demanding and busy job and home life but the mummy who came home from hospital was very different version to the one I was before the bleed but they (and my work ) understand this now.

 

I live life at a very different pace these days and it has taken a while to be anywhere near ok with that and sometimes I still wrestle with it but then that's usually my ego talking. Frankly I'm just happy to be here to hug and squeeze my Girls when they let me as they are now growing up so fast and mummy cuddles aren't always allowed, well not publicly anyway!

No one is healthy and fine all the time and it's ok to take the foot off the pedal especially with what has happened and yes financial pressure of course plays a part but look for any workable alternatives that give you some balance right now, it's amazing what you can cope and adjust with. Good luck

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...