Delayed onset depression

[Xmartz]

Hello friends,

I am wondering if anyone else has experienced depression following their SAH?i am 9 months out and suddenly find it difficult just to get through the day. We are financially strapped because of medical bills. And I feel like I have no purpose in the world. I can't work and I can't do much at home. Just finding it hard to have hope in anything right now!i am not the person I used to be; I feel quite dumb most of the time.Everything I think of makes my heart hurt.thanks in advance!

[Skippy]

Hey there

 

Everything you said rings very true with me.  I had counselling and that helped a great deal - it made me realise that I was not responsible for what happened to me and therefore shouldn't feel guilty.  I used to cry for no reason and couldn't stop it - it felt like I was in a bottomless pit and it just felt cold and dark around me.  Then guess what???  I found this site and have never looked back - this site is just as good, and in some cases better, than counselling in my opinion.

 

It took me a good year to stop sleeping for a few hours during the day. And it wasn't until then that I started to feel like me again - that I had purpose and meaning to my life.

 

Advice?  Easier said than done, but once you accept the "new you" and stop fighting so hard against what you can no longer do, it becomes easier to cope with. I have grown to love the "new me" a hell of a lot more than I liked the "old me".

 

Financially I was lucky enough to work with my husband in the family business so lack of income was never a problem.  I'm assuming from the fact that you have medical bills that you don't live in the UK and that your insurance doesn't cover the extent of your costs.  Is there any other services  that allow you to claim on loss of income due to illness??  Please look into anything and everything that you could be entitled to.

 

We are all here on BTG to support, sympathise and understand what you have been through and what you are going through.

 

Good luck my friend, and I pray that your health and your situation improve xx

[Winb143]

I agree with all that Sami has already put.

 

Take your time and although it doesn't seem like it now to You ,  It  Will get Better and You will  improve.

 

Go see your Doc have a talk with him if not, talk it out with us if it helps, I was absolutely on a downer when I first came on here.

 

Things do and will get better for you remember we have been through it and we still have good and bad days.

 

You need something to look forward to albeit going out for a coffee with someone.

 

I just hope you feel better soon. xx

 

Good luck

 

 

Win xxxxxxx  We are here when you feel down or need to smile again.

[Xmartz]

Thank you so much. The docs are trying some medications. Infortunately they think my bleed came from a rare disorder called PRES which could be caused by SSRIs,(which are most antidepressants), so they have to try other Meds. Also doesn't help that I have a headache 24/7!

[Super Mario]

Information about PRES

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Posterior_reversible_encephalopathy_syndrome

[Winb143]

I am not trying to make light of your situation Xm but I was,  as already said,  "on a real downer".

 

I was so glad though to be alive and see my Daughter again, I kept thinking of times that I had laughed so much.  I used to wake my Hubs up with my laughter.  I used to remember things me and my Mum did and when she was called  mutton dressed up as lamb, by 2 young blokes and she told them where to go.

 

You had to be there to know what I mean, so I decided to think of a happy situation morning and night so I went to bed with a smile and also awoke with a smile.  Hard to do in some cases I know.  Just try it for me though and see if it works.  See perhaps it is just me being an idiot but I did think of situations when I cried with laughter and it bought a smile to my face.

 

I have never been one to awake happy so it was new to me and I read somewhere when you smile you cannot be sad.

 

Might sound gobble dee gook but a smile cannot hurt us and it might help or might not, you have nothing to lose xx So try it and tell me if you felt better.  You can sing songs  (Happy Ones) .  Keep an old woman happy and give it a go it might help but if not all you have lost is your time reading this, wishing you all the best xx

Chin up

Win  xx  winks at your post hoping it might help a little  xx  Now mouth corners upwards to eyes and smile xx Good Luck xxxx

[Sharlua]

Hi
What a tough time you are having, whilst I am not sure it was depression I did get very down a few months after my SAH I felt guilty for not being more grateful for the second chance I had been given. My emotions were all over the place for a long time, GP felt I may have Post traumatic stress, my sleep pattern was dreadful.

 

I know my poor husband suffered the worst of my mood swings! Having to worry about finances must also add to the strain. It has significantly improved, nearly a year later and moods are more stable.
I do hope the new meds help you and you get some relief from your pain.
Take care

Sharon x

[Carolynusa]

xmartz!  Depression has been my secondary occupation my whole life.  It's a horrible feeling and leads one to more and more negative feelings about themselves.  I can definitely tell you this - you "must" have a purpose or you would not still be here.  You just have to get help and keep moving inch by inch towards discovering what it is.  I also cannot work and can't do much either.

It gets me down sometimes as I am a "people person" generally.  Don't feel "dumb".  I understand that also and have felt that way myself.  I know you are not dumb because you have reached out and found a support group site and are attempting to get help.  That's not dumb!  It's wildly fantastic and intelligent of you.  It shows you really don't want to feel bad all of the time but want help to come back up to the times when you felt more positive about yourself.

 

I have said before that I don't understand the medical care system in UK - if that's where you live - but I do know what you mean about financial problems weighing you down.  I was in hospital for 8 weeks and have had tons of aftercare since 6/3/14.  So far my bill has climbed to to approximately 1.7 million u.s. dollars.

While I was in hospital my employer fired me.  That was really cool of them.  The bills were starting to roll in and scare the h..l out of my family.  The hospital subsequently filed for government disability for me and it was approved.  The hospital has a community care program so they wrote off the rest.  Look and look for a way to get help for your bills.  Your health is more important than money.

 

Seek help for your depression.  It's just a bump in your road to recovery.  I have found that if I can accomplish just one thing a day I feel better and feel there is hope.  Try that.  

 

Please try to keep yourself "up" - even a little up is better than nothing.  Take it a little at a time.  Come here to talk.  Remind yourself that you are a great guy/girl and can feel that way again.  Don't let that nasty depression win.  Go for it.  Get happy!

Sending you much positive thoughts 

Keep in touch

Feel better

 

Carolyn

[Xmartz]

Thank you all! You guys are great!!

[momo]

Counselling is the way forward.  You will learn coping strategies and also its just good to speak to someone you don't know but who has a lot of experience in this area.

 

I think depression should always be taken seriously so try to get the help you need.  

Also it's early days for you things will get better hold on to that thought.

 

Good luck with it all...

[Winb143]

Believe in yourself XM and never give up.

 

Hope things get better and better for you and you can smile a little as time goes on.

 

Good luck  and keep typing on here xx

 

It Really does help.

 

Win xx xx

[kpaggett]

I also went to a neuropsychologist.  They specialize in neurological conditions that induce psychological symptoms.  It was the best thing I did, but the hardest to decide to go.  I too had financial issues because on top of my medical bills, my husband lost his job that year.  In a normal situation, I could have found a job and covered the bills, but with SAH...no way!  

 

I also felt dumb all the time.  I felt like I was only thinking dumb thoughts like 'breakfast' when I had to sit down crying for 10min to decide whether I wanted coffee or not that morning.  It was slow going, and I didn't take any medications for it since I wanted my brain to heal back to the way it was.  

 

It was so sad what I had lost...my wonderful smarts and body functioning.  It is the worst loss and so personal.  I looked at it like a grieving period.  It lasted about as long as a grieving period too.  Now, I am usually free of it, but just like grief, it comes on every so often with a trigger.  I can morn for a bit and then put it away.  I sense that this will be with me for the rest of my life just like any other grief.

 

Be sure you are just as compassionate to yourself as you would be towards anyone who has suffered a great loss.

I am sorry for your loss.  I really do know how it feels.  I've been there/am there.  At BTG, we all know this feeling.

~Kris

[Chris G]

Ok.  I will have to say I was a bit depressed before the SAH because of some financial difficulties and unemployment.  But then I got a job and things turned around.  When I had my SAH, the time in the hospital was tough and restful at the same time.  Just like being in a dentist chair, since you know you cannot get up and do things, you don't have the pressure to do so, and it can be relaxing.  I also felt like I got a new perspective on live/love/family and all of that.  Once out of the hospital, I have a focus to gain back some weight, start exercising a bit, etc.  Goals to keep me focused.  And of course everyone wants to ask how you are doing. 

 

My neighbors brought us dinner a few times.  Things like that.  Then, the news gets old to everyone.  When I mention a headache or vision problems now, my wife is like "here we go again, the doctor said you would have headaches, shake it off".  Friend no longer ask how me how I am doing.  Things move on, but I am still recovering, still worried about reoccurance, still have financial concerns not helped by medical bills, etc.  It must be a bit like post-partum (sp), where you need the attention to help recover and feel needed, and it moves on too quickly.

 

So you are not alone.  I often focus back on my mindset when I was in the hospital bed and my only concerns were how my family was doing.  I have to try not to focus on how I feel, but how my actions affect my family.  Trying to be selfless actually helps.  But it also builds up and makes me want someone to just ask how I am doing or show some sympathy when I mention a symptom.  I guess ultimately, for us SAH people, its our burden to bear. 

 

Overall, I guess I am glad my family has moved on and is no longer in fear for my health, but a little hug every now and then would mean a lot. 

 

I hope this bearing of my soul helps you feel that you are not alone with these feelings.  While I don't know you, I do care.  We are all partners in this.

 

Chris

[Xmartz]

Carolyn,

What is government disability? I have social security disabity, same thing? My husband received abig pay cut so we are now literally drowning in debt. I am so overwhelmed!

[Winb143]

Carolyn is from USA so perhaps they have different names for Departments etc.

 

Good luck and  please get help from someone perhaps someone on here might know of a help line. 

 

Win xx

[Carolynusa]

Hi all...sorry been away so long. Bipolar son moved in with us and it has been a roller coaster ride. I won't rave on about that however as none of us wants to be depressed. Blah.

Chris! Wow! Amazing, honest, heartfelt post. I hope you are rising above the feelings of dismissal and, I think maybe some loneliness. I have felt the same so you are not alone.

It's been a year and a half and I still feel like that at times. Win taught me to sing and now I won't stop! Lol. I have lost 5 pounds dancing around the house! Keep smiling and try not to give too much credence to your sad feelings.

I think you will feel better as time goes on. My best to you.

Hi xmartz. I think I was just trying to make US ssi or SSSI sound like it makes sense...lol. I am on SSDI. Are you from US? Haven't read older posts yet so not sure you had mentioned it. Take care and write back if you feel like it.

Good to be back and will catch up as I can.

Keep on truckin'!

Carolyn

[Winb143]

As Carolyn put it so well I need not say another thing..But I will ha caught you lot out !!

 

I came on this site thinking the next step was death, truly I was that low.

 

Then in I came and saw lots of people who had the same as me and joked about it .

 

I am in a happy place now but we have to do it at our own pace, each of us are different. 

 

As Carolyn says "She saw my songs I typed and some days would laugh at what I typed she is my kindred spirit. xx other days she'd wince ha ha. But she typed her songs back to me  ha ha xx

 

Keep typing all as this site is a Godsend  for me.  Put things into prospective.  So cheer up when you can and any requests for a happy song just ask Carolyn  as she is also known as the singing hippy xxxx 

 

Good luck All on your recovery

 

Win xx xx