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Help - excessive alcohol consumption


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Hi

 

I've not posted for a long time as my husband was doing really well and improving day by day and I really thought we were over the worse.  My husband had a SAH in 2013 and spent a year in hospitals/rehab. He is currently coming off keppra medication and will hopefully be meds free in a few weeks.  

 

The problem is his drinking.  He has always been a heavy drinker as that was his business however he is now in the pub every day and the life and soul of the party then he comes home and its hell.  He suddenly becomes very nasty and says terrible things to myself and the kids but cant remember anything the next day.  

 

Its particularly bad if he drinks whisky.  When he's not drinking he's very loving and sweet.  We've tried recording him but he won't listen to it and denies any wrongdoing.  The situation has been getting worse as he has been coming off the meds and I dont know if there is a link. I dont know if the meds were keeping him under and now he's coming off them this is the real person we are left with.  

 

I've tried the doctor, who has been a great help to us, but he says its something my husband has to do himself and cannot prescribe anti depressants if he's drinking.   I did think he might be depressed and could do with talking to someone and I tried a mindfulness therapist but that was a waste of time.  I really dont know where to turn for help.  

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Talk to your husband when he is sober and give him two choices pack in the booze or pack his bags you need to think of your children you don't want them growing up thinking that it is acceptable behaviour all the drinking.

I kicked my husband out March 2012 and it was the best decision I ever made children do as they see most of my husband's family are alcoholics I have broke that line and maybe saved my children from it but only you can decide if and when to leave.

However for him to stop drinking he needs to want to stop and if he doesn't you may aswell leave.

Goodluck hope everything works out for you xxx

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When I was little my Dad could turn nasty on shorts but my Mum left him and he came off them.

 

He(your hubby) knows he must not drink while epilepsy is about.  So I wish you all well and good luck in him stopping.

 

Perhaps another on here might have had this experience as I had an SAH and my hubby give up the demon drink !!

 

I have a glass on special occasions  and then it is watered down, but whatever amount of spirits you water down you are still drinking the same amount of booze/wine !!   Wishing you good luck  also hubby guess he might have found out how short life is or can be. !!

 

WinB143 xxxx

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You need to consult someone that specializes in addiction.  

 

You don't want to go down the road of enabling when you have other family responsibilities.  It is a terrible condition that often occurs in conjunction with other issues; in his case SAH.  He should be treated for all his issues what ever they are.  Take them all seriously.  Take yourself seriously.  You are right to be concerned.

 

Find a resource or another way to take action.  You've been so good at acting so far when you thought you were helping him recover from SAH.  He still deserves your help in whatever form that takes to keep you and your family safe from mental/physical/emotional/spiritual harm.  It is all equally important.

 

I'm glad you posted this here as many others may also become addicted to alcohol, prescribed meds, or other substances after SAH to not deal with it all.

~Kris

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Doctor is right it's only a choice your husband can make himself, (we had that with my mother-in-law), agree with Jess, talk to him when he's sober, also maybe point out that he's survived a trama that many are denied, but again Jess is right you don't need this..

 

I hope the right decision is taken and things work out for you..

 

take care hun and cyber hugs..

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Hi Tricia,

 

It sounds as though he knows what he's doing and is in denial or doesn't want to face up to the problems he's causing himself and the family.

 

He could well be depressed and using the alcohol as a means of coping .... however, we know that alcohol is a depressant and will make a situation worse with feelings and actions and I can see how it's affecting you and your family.

 

If he's drinking excessively, then he may not remember in detail, how he acted towards you, the night before. He sounds as though he's in denial and if he won't listen to the recording then it would make me think that he has some recall and knows he's got a problem and probably feels bad for it, but then goes to the pub to take those feelings away again ....a vicious circle really.

 

Your husband probably doesn't feel physically great, the morning after either! I know that some of us on here, can't tolerate a lot of alcohol because of the headaches etc. 

 

I was on anti seizure meds for some months post SAH and the withdrawal wasn't easy physically or emotionally. I was so worried about the seizures returning and it was a very rough patch for me. I am actually quite surprised that your husband is drinking heavily whilst still on the meds as I was told by my GP that alcohol can interfere with the action of the meds.

 

I wasn't on Keppra - I was on Phenytoin and had regular blood tests to check for levels, which included a liver function test for tor any Phenytoin toxicity. 

 

I can't really suggest anything, apart from go back to the GP if need be. I would also try to have a conversation with your husband, not about the drink but try to get him to open up emotionally. You've said that he's normally a loving and sweet man, so you will have to pick a quiet moment and have a calm conversation with him as to his worries.

 

I know of a few BTG male members, not dissimilar to your husband who struggled emotionally and who were depressed, suffering anxiety etc post SAH, but they did eventually seek help....some with counselling, others anti depressants and in some cases both.

 

Sadly, it's not seen in society as a manly thing to admit to feelings of helplessness and where most of us women natter away about our worries and share it, I think that it's much harder for a man to feel that he can or should seek help.

 

I wish you the very best of luck.  xx

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Hello Tricia

 

I am sure you have gone through so much heart searching before posting yesterday. Thanks for taking the time to share on BTG.

 

Your situation with hubby is such a delicate and serious one I would not attempt to try and advise you. I cannot start to imagine what it must be like be trying to keep your family together emotionally and financially while your husband is recovering from SAH and dealing with excess alcohol at the same time.

 

I have not come across any more information about you earlier in BTG. Perhaps you could tell us some of the questions that spring from your post. 

 

How long have you and hubby been together, and what is his name ? 

 

How old are your children ? How are they coping since SAH?  

 

Have you been working while trying to maintain the family unit ? What practical help have you had to help you cope ? Three years of trying to care will have been very demanding-especially so with your husbands addiction to alcohol.

 

You sounded very positive about how well he was recovering. When did things change? You say he is almost at the point of being off the Keppra. When did the reduction programme start?

 

You said he had been in hospital/rehab for most of the first year. How is he physically and mentally at the moment notwithstanding the alcohol ? Does he confide in anyone about his recovery ? When last was he willing to share a meaningful discussion with you about his recovery?

 

Please don`t feel obliged to answer any of these personal questions. You have had positive support from BTG posters -I do hope you can get the help you need to make one of the most important choices you will ever make.

 

Wishing you the strength you need to carry on

 

 

Subs

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Hello Tricia,

 

I`m sorry you are having such a terrible time with your husband,

 

I don't have any advice to add to what has already been said,

 

I do hope you find the help that you both so desperately need,

 

I hope you can work through this and come out the other side

with your marriage still in tact and your family still together. 

 

Your GP should be able to help somehow. 

 

Good luck and I wish you all well

 

Love

Michelle x

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Hi Tricia
It is very brave for you to share your worries, whilst it maybe very difficult for you to get husband to admit his drinking is causing problems, perhaps you could seek support from such organisations as Al-Anon who can support you and your children. It can be very damaging for children to witness any form of domestic abuse even if it is only when Dad has a drink, so I appreciate your worries.

 

Like other people have stated are you able to talk to him when he is sober, it does sound like you have tried that in some ways. Many people who have addiction problem are often in denial and you may have to make some tough decisions about putting yours and the children's wellbeing first as difficult as that may be. As everyone is an individual he may need to try different types of counselling as he may just find one that helps him as having a SAH is traumatic and life changing.

 

I am not sure if your husband is back to work, he could just miss this and try to recreate some sense of normality by going to pub, if that was his working life. Could you explore other activities? I hope you seek some support with this as it is a lot for one person to carry. I hope you do find a way through this, remember all on this site are happy to lend a shoulder to cry on. Take Care
Sharon x

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Hi Tricia,

Your husband had an SAH and has been put through a lot mentally and physically. So have you and your family. His drinking is because he likes to drink. You said he was always a heavy drinker. Well, he's going to do what he did before, but the brain is responding differently this time. It's his fault and he needs to get a grip and decide what is important.

I grew up with an alcoholic father and I really do not remember him sober. He was a depressed, miserable, and a weak person and it affected my young life tremendously. What do you want your kids to remember?

I do believe there is a time for sympathy and for wanting to feel safe and normal and there is also a time you have to let it go to move on and live as best you can. Alcohol is an enabler of excuses.

What do you need to be happy and feel safe and normal?

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hi Tricia

 

thank you for bringing this very difficult problem up and I admire you for doing so.

 

I know you have been to the drs, but has the dr thought of referring him to a psychologist who may have a better understanding of what in layman's terms makes your hubby like he is?

 

I know he has to make the first move in trying to stop or reduce his consumption down, so you and the family are safe.  Also could you contact Alcohol Anonymous to see if they can give you some advice?

 

The family must come first. I'm worried about him becoming nasty and your safety

 

take care

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