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Anxious on how I'm going to cope


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Hi

so I suffered a minor bleed on my brain last Thursday, and by all accounts have been very lucky. I've never experienced pain like that or a longing for life to stop just to stop the pain.

 

 I spent 4 days in hospital including my birthday, and am now out. I got home Monday evening, I'm a single mum with 3 girls, ages 13, 12 and 9. I'm so scared on how I'm coping, I make their breakfasts and I'm exhausted, I have so much housework to do, as I had flu before this.

 

My parents have been helping with the girls but now I'm home, pretty much been left to it. Piles of washing, hoovering and 4 pets to look after too. My ex husband who I do get on with, wasn't there for my girls, he did message them but wasn't there.

 

I feel utterly lost just now. I still have pounding headaches which get worse when I try to do things, simple tasks exhaust me, just hoping I get better soon. 

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Hi Nikki

 

Sorry to hear of your bleed but glad you found us on BTG. It must be a very daunting time for you coping on your own with 3 children. I think you need to call a family meeting and discuss the way forward.

 

You have suffered a huge insult to your brain and it is going to take time to recover. You may look fine on the outside but inside is a different matter. Simple tasks WILL exhaust you and it could be for some time. I remember even getting washed and dressed would floor me for a few hours and I had a husband here doing everything else. See if you can arrange for someone to come in each day and help you. Take each day slowly and just try and achieve ONE thing a day - no more. You need  to rest as much as possible and drink plenty of water, it really helps with the headaches. If the pain continues have a chat with your GP they may be able to help.

 

If you work, don't even consider going back for a few months, you should be able to get signed off. When you do go back make sure it is on a phased return.

 

Don't feel alone though, we are all here on BTG to give you support and advice (though not medical advice). You will get better, but it will take time so be prepared - and last but not least - try and avoid stress, that won't help you at all.

 

Good luck and keep us posted.

 

Clare xx

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Hi Nikki,

 

I had a bleed and my Daughter found this site while I was in hospital.  It helps to know you are not alone in this, well it helped me and seeing people laugh again after a bleed.  Do what you can and good luck as we have all been sent home with questions we need answers to !! 

 

You will get stronger but it is a long haul, I still have a sleep when tired.  

 

Wishing you all the best on recovery and you are not alone on here xx

 

Win xxxx (alias Winb143)

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Hello Nikki... and also a very warm welcome to BTG.

 

As Clare and Winnie say... you are definitely not alone... and there is so much information within the Forums of BTG that will help you in your recovery.  As you read the content, you will take heart from the real experiences of others, and will find much support as members answer any questions and concerns you may raise

We do not offer any medical advice.

 

Thank you for sharing your situation post NASAH. You have reason to be concerned and even overwhelmed by what has happened and how you can possibly cope in the future.

 

You highlight that you have 3 young girls, several pets and as a single mum... no regular support to help with the house keeping.

The priority is your own recovery .. and as Clare mentions... this will be severely hampered unless you do get immediate help with the routine daily `chores`.

 

To have any chance of being the mum you want to be for your girls, and to return to work if you have employment...first of all you need time.  Time for yourself to adjust to your brain trauma and allow a healing process.  This will take many months.  Attempting to do everything will only serve to leave you exhausted, demoralised and even depressed as you struggle to cope. 

 

You mention that at the time of your bleed you had some family support.  Can you somehow ask your family to consider extending this support to give you any chance to become stronger and healthier.

 

I am sure all who read your thread will say `no stress.. plenty rest... keep hydrated and refrain from going back to work for at least 3-6 months and then only on a phased return. There are many mums with young family within BTG who understand your concerns.

 

I wish you well and please don`t hesitate to ask any questions o our members.

 

 

Subs

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Hi there, 

 

sorry to welcome you to our merry band but I hope you will get some answers and reassurance here.

 

when you discharge,  regardless of the time spent in hospital , the desire, ego and ambition is equal for us all is to do as we did before. Some will find due to their surgery or extent of bleed that they are more restricted in that they are not physically able to do that and whilst of course this is incredibly hard to adjust to it often it can mean they are in receipt of  more help and attention as people can ‘see’ that they can’t do as they did and are changed.  For those bleed survivors who perhaps have a shorter stay, or have no obvious physical effects then the empathy and support offerred can be short lived. People cant see in your thoughts or know how you feel so it’s time to tell them. Be brave. 

 

A family conversation is important. The children are old enough that they  can help and with togetherness you can adapt and work together. Here’s a few suggestions you may want to try.

 

  • Plan ahead for the week. Can you pre prepare breakfasts or meals and have them ready in advance the night before, perhaps people might want to help you with that? Can the children take it in turns do do one each morning  ..a good life skill? 
  • explain that after every action you need to rest quietly, like an athlete returning to fitness. Explain it’s not forever but is for now and allow more time for every task because of that.
  • They are part of your team so Ask children to help you by making and agreeing a list of things that you can to together and which can help ease the load and burden; e.g. 1 can load the washing, 1 can put it on, 1 can unload and together you all hang out to dry and have a giggle. 
  • Lower your standards temporarily . It is going to take you some  time so a bit of dirt from not hoovering won’t hurt. Or ask a friend. It’s hard to ask for help but if someone offers say, ‘ yes please, can you push the hoover round for me? ‘ 
  • Turn off background noise, give yourself some quiet to just heal that brain , be considerate that it’s had an insult 

 

My daughters were 6 & 8 when my happened and it was hard and scary for them that capable mum disappeared literally overnight and the one that came back to them weeks later couldn’t do much but it has made them very self sufficient, logical and very  able to manage their own breakfasts! Not that they always want to! Even nearly six years on I can’t always be well enough to do what they would like to but then that is life and can come from any illness or condition .

 

so slow down, ask for help,  give yourself breathing space and talk .and you  will (all) cope. 

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Thanks for all the advice, I think I do need to sit down with my family and try to explain things. I'm not good at asking for help, I hate putting others out. But you guys are right, I'm exhausted after stupid small tasks, I need help and know this.

 

Some really helpful comments here, I very grateful to you all. 

Can i just ask whilst I'm here, is tinnitus normal after this? Had a ringing in my ear on for 3 days now. 

 

 

Thanks Nikki

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38 minutes ago, Nikki A said:

 Can i just ask whilst I'm here, is tinnitus normal after this? Had a ringing in my ear on for 3 days now. 

 

 

Thanks Nikki

Everybody can get different deficits after an SAH. We do have some members who have had/still have tinnitus.

Hopefully someone who has suffered will be along in due course.

As per our usual advice, if you are worried or it does not recede please seek medical attention from the hospital you were treated or your GP.

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I had a SAH4 and when I get stressed the buzzing/weird noises start up.  Also like a shell at your ear depending how stressed I am.

 

That is where my singing comes in it seems to take my mind off it.

 

Tell your Doc about it and see what he can come up with to help you xx

 

Good luck Nikki 

 

Win xx

 

 

 

 

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Hi Nikki,

So sorry to hear about your bleed, everyone has given you brilliant advice and I hope you manage to talk to your family and get some help.

 

You have mentioned Tinnitus, I was diagnosed with it 1 year after my bleed, i'd never noticed it prior to that.

I went to my GP and he sent me for a hearing test, the doctor who I spoke to after my test said they couldn't say for definite that SAH had caused the Tinnitus but they couldn't rule out that it hadn't.

 

The reason I waited so long to mention it to my GP was because I wanted to wait and see if it improved over a period of time, when it didn't i decided to go and get it checked out.

 

You are still early days in your recovery and I think what we find in the early stages that everything is very sensitive, especially our hearing, I know my ears were worse if there was a lot of noise around me, for example having the tv to loud or a few people talking at once really used to affect my ears.

 

If you find it doesn't settle down then as others have said, speak to your doctor and they will decide what is best solution, we are all individual and everyone's recovery is different.

 

In the meantime try to rest as much as you can, I know that won't be easy with children and making sure you drink lots of water as that really does help.

 

Wishing you good luck as you start your recovery journey.

Love

Michelle xx 

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2 months out for me. The first 2 months are very very hard. Now am improving. I remember wrapping 4 presents for xmas and having to go to sleep , I was so exhausted!!!!!. You need more help at home. I cannot imagine taking care of the kids in your state!!!!!!Seriously, you are doing too much!!!!!

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Exhausted today, first day I walked my little girl to school and my sister in law took me shopping for a few things . Felt very strange and grey in the shop, glad to get home and lie down. Still not had a conversation with my family yet, dropped hints I'm struggling a little, my mums response is that the house will still be there and I should rest. Thing is yes it will be, but if I don't keep on top of it, there is no chance I will cope when I am capable. So I'm doing little bits each day, then resting. It's hard. Been getting flashbacks to when it happened now too, it's all a bit traumatic and wearing me down. 

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Hi Nikki, sorry to hear you are still exhausted and not getting much help. You really should try and have that family chat or you will end up 'crashing', 

 

Yes do little things and maybe get your kids to help too, draw up a jobs list and explain why you need help.

 

Please don't keep pushing things though, it will make it harder for you in the long run.

 

xx

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