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Vermont Girl

9 months out - need a check -in

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Hi all

im 9 months out from NASAH. Very lucky - no residual effects. - discharged from neurology Took 4months off from my academic dean position in research university. Like the job very much and am perceived as very competent 

 

I’m exhausted. Have gotten two sinus/respiratory infections that really knock me out - takes multiple doctor visits and meds to resolve, but sometimes takes a month. Have gained 15 pounds in 5 months. 

 

Very tired in the evenings, many deadlines for new programs and faculty development. Little time for my husband and grown family. 

 

Not at all sure this is NASAH related, except that the close call has me reexamining everything. I am being reviewed now for a 5 year reappointment - it will get approved. 

 

I keep thnking that that if I adjusted the way I worked, focus more on delegation - and lower my admin xpectations of myself, things would go better. 

Very ambivalent, very tired, but like my job, on most days. 

 

Any thoughts?

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Hi,

Yes I have some thoughts having experienced this kind of thing before I retired.

 

First, fatigue/tiredness is probably down to the SAH, but regardless, you are feeling it whether or not it is from that so you need to deal with it as best you can.

 

Second, you are so busy doing your job you have little time for anything else - and that can't do anything but wear you down, eroding your general health, your time with your family and your work is taking over control of your life.  It's time to arrest that and take back control.

 

Your last sentence says it all, but you need to stop thinking about it and just do it.  Take a couple of days off, get yourself a pen and paper, find somewhere quiet and go through what you do each day, both at work and when you get home.  You need to break it down and look at what you can delegate, set specific time for your admin, take regular breaks, even if only for ten minutes or so.  Even at home, can someone else do the washing up or hovering, making the beds etc.  Can you take the dog for a walk just to clear your head?

 

Learn to say 'No.'  It sounds to me like you are very conscientious and take on everything that comes your way.  Can you get someone else to do the task and you just oversee it instead of you doing it all?

 

Make time for your husband and family - do some quality things together or you will be in a rut and they will begin to resent being always in second place.  After all, don't you go to work to make things better for yourself and for them?  Yes, you have ambition and your career is important to you but you need to re-evaluate why it is important.  You should look at it this way I think - family first, career second.  The first is your bedrock, the second is your means of ensuring its well being (including yourself).  You will be no good to anyone if you gradually get weaker and weaker to the point where others will start asking questions about your competence and your ability.

 

So, well done for recognising that something needs to be done.  Nothing stays the same forever.  What you must do is recognise and make the changes required and don't stand still, because when you do that, you get left behind. We all do things best from a position of strength, not weakness. When you enjoy your family, you enjoy your job and you do it better.

 

You're a smart lady.  I know you will heed this.  Do it for your family, do it for your career but most of all, do it for yourself.

 

Good luck,

 

Macca

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Macca, you are a wise soul. Thank you so much. Everything you wrote hits the mark. 

 

Im seeing the “gift” of this current sinus infection and days at home it’s forced me to slow down, stop - and reappraise the way I’m doing my life. I need to find a way to do that regularly, without having to be sick to make it happen. 

 

It’s all about balance, I think. And I’ve got a lot to work on there, I guess. I do very little of taking care of things at home - my husband who is mostly retired,  takes care of everything. Paradoxically, it might be better, for my own work/life balance, if I did a bit more. Kind of more me into my “real” life. Moments when I feel quite content, are when I’ve made the rare meal and enjoyed it together. 

 

It certainly is a journey, thank you so much, Macca. 

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I agree wholeheartedly with Macca. If you can lower your self expectations you will find things easier. Take the pressure off yourself, step back and look at what can be done to ease your working situation.

I didn't ever believe I would reduce my working hours but post Nasah I don't believe now that I could go back to the punishing hours I used to love. 

It's a life changing event and journey. Slow up and take stock of they things you enjoy, then make more time for them.

 

Clare xx

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You're welcome.  We all need to step back and take stock from time to time.  Sometimes you get so close to a situation that you fail to see what should be obvious.   I've done it enough times myself and you get wrapped up in things that seem all consuming.

 

Good luck with re-planning and enjoy that family of yours.

 

Let them see some of the benefit/reward of all that work you have been doing -and you know what? - Your work will still be there when you get back and someone else may just have taken some of it on for you!

 

Best wishes Vermont Girl!

 

Macca

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Macca is the best I swear!  You always know how to make everyone feel at ease and you have the best advise.  We appreciate you Macca, and everyone on this site.  Everyone is so helpful and supportive.

 

Vermont girl- I am 9 months out as well with no residual effects thankfully, however, sickness is definitely way harder to overcome so I can absolutely relate.  I'm a realtor and get exhausted quickly with all the running around for sure.  

I used to substitute teach and do an after school program as well but gave it up as I just don't feel like I can handle.

 

 Family is so important.  Having a trauma like this is very trying on your personal relationships.  I still don't feel like myself and I don't want to do half the things I did before and I feel bad about it..... but I know my partner and family love me however I am.

 

 They're just happy and grateful I'm here and so am I everyday.  Good luck to you!

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When I was in the ICU, the ICU doc told me that he noticed, whenever he had a younger person with this. He noticed they were usually a bossy, take charge, successful , type A personality type. He didnt have any science to back that up, but he has been doing this 30 yrs and felt there is something about that personality type that makes you vulnerable.

Myself personally, I have definately chilled out since "the event". Best of luck to you.

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Thanks Krislwal,

 

Sorry for the late reply - I've just been on holiday for a week to the Canary Islands - just got back last night before we get hit with snow!

 

I've just been to the University of Real Life, that's all!  Experience is a good teacher!  Sounds like you have a great family and you appreciate them as much as they do you!  Lucky lady!

 

Frmertd - that's probably  a stress related thing he has noticed - I speculate as does he but 30 years experience shouldn't be discounted! I hope he, or someone else can find some science to back it up and then learn some preventative techniques!

 

Good luck and best wishes to you all!

 

Macca

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Canary Islands!! Wow that is quite a trip!  I hope one day I get enough courage to travel again.  Hope you had a wonderful vacation.  I'm sure it was beautiful.

 

frmertd- My personality is completely different than that.  I am a huge worrier though and I think the stress from my personal life mixed with, medications I was on in the past for years and my autoimmune disease all played a part in my bleed.   It's weird I have some doctors who say, and one being my neurologist, that it is a random fluke that happens and chances are slim to have a reoccurrence.  

 

Then I have other doctors, Rheumatologist and naturopathic, who say I have vessel weakness which scares me because all my tests so far for collogen issue type abnormalities and genetic abnormalities have come back negative.  But yet, I have RA which is a connective tissue disease.  I think I'll be looking for answers forever!!

 

I think you guys can see I am an over thinker as well!

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