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Lisa Griffiths

17 years on

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Hi I’m new here , my husband had sah 17 years ago. He was walking round with it for a week in terrible pain and 3 doctors told him he pulled his neck. Anyway eventually another doctor took him seriously and he was rushed in hospital. We were told he was very lucky to have lived.

 

After all this time I have so many questions , every couple of weeks he gets these terrible headaches and feelings of been drunk (doesn’t drink), he can’t tolerate lights and sits spaced out  until eventually it passes. No one has been able to tell us what these episodes are.  To me he’s not the same person, he says some really nasty things to me and  doesn’t want any affection. We never go out together and he wouldn’t care if I never spoke to him again. He also gets obsessive about things and just goes on and on.

 

To be honest, he’s a grumpy old man and difficult to live with. Sorry for long post , can anyone relate to this?

Lisa 

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Lisa, welcome to BTG.

 

Unfortunately a SAH alters many of us, for better or worse.

Has he seen the GP regarding those headaches and feeling spaced out? Has he had another brain scan to eliminate problems?

Personally I think he needs a new referral to Neurology. You may well have to push hard for that.

It is a possibility that some counselling may help with his moods and obsessions, again your GP is the one to refer him.

 

In all probability, he himself doesn't like the person he has become, if that is so he needs help to accept what has happened and the consequences.   

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Hi Lisa

 

I agree with Super totally. SAH can change us and some of the changes are often not so good. I think it is worthwhile you having a chat with your GP although there may be problems with confidentiality. Even if it's to get some support for you on how you are dealing with him.

 

I hope you get some answers.

 

Clare xx

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hi lisa

 

I would take what super Mario and Clare are saying to you I have a feeling what's wrong but he needs to see a neurologist as a matter of urgency so push gp or speak to the secretary of the surgeon who treated your husband way back when

 

don't take no for an answer please nobody needs to suffer like he is when help is available   so seek and speak to gp   good luck to you both

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I had an SAH 4 a real bad one with complications and I found that my husband had altered towards me, as I thought it could be me.

 

So I have what you have Lisa but in reverse  lol.  Without my hubby I would be in a home by now and me in cuckooland over Hydrocephalus.  

 

He is still loving but I have to remind him about being loving towards me !!  Perhaps you two need to talk it out and say what you are both thinking/feeling.  I cried when I spoke to hubs but wiped them away and we are okay.  Still have the odd rows part of married life.

 

He and Daughter have gone through some tough times with me being ill.  Cannot understand why he never says night god bless as we used to do before my SAH, silly things like that hurt me.  Touchy or what !! 

 

Hang on in there and never stop talking xx  Listen to what others have put also xxxx

 

Perhaps that's why my hubs is aloof as I never stop talking lol.  Seriously good luck and fight for him xxxx You have both been through the mill xxxxx Now fight and if you ever need a chat come on here it does help xxxx 

 

 

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Hi Lisa, I think that would be a good idea Super is right you may have to push but if it helps then don't take no for an answer you know him best..

 

we do understand...

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Cognitive, executive and functional disability are common after a stroke. As is Photophobia, Dysarthria, emotional dissociation, (this a hard one to deal with).

 

Maybe asking your team for an MRI to see if there is any scaring that may be the culprit.

 

I've had all of the above badly at times. I've see and spoken to many different teams. But most of all learning that I've now changed was the first step.

 

I've hurt many people in different ways too, as in the way I speak, act, react and worst of all withdrawal of myself in to myself.

 

Hiding and not being open and asking for help was my downfall. Eventually I had a deep MRI, plus an ECG, both found terrible scarring on my brain.

 

These were the main culprits. Once this was found I was offered support from many Hospital departments. 

 

I also read up on so much so I could understand why I was as I was. I am pleased to say I am now a warm kind loving man, in love and very happy. Not the self destructive old meanie I was.

 

If I start to feel as though I'm slipping, the first thing I do is talk and ask those nearest to me if they see a change, if so what. We work together to deal with the problem and then I feel much better.

 

Intimacy after a stroke is very hard, there are some great leaflets out there, just ask Google sex after a stroke. There is a real fear of intimacy after a stroke and it's possible to work around this read what you find and talking can really help. 

 

I have a folder on my PC loaded with information that has helped and I wish I could share it all...

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Hi thank you so much for your replies.

 

Delta it’s good to know that you are feeling much more your old self , I’m still in process of trying to get him back to GP., A year ago he had a really awful turn and collapsed with head pain , he was taken in hospital and had a ct scan which was considered ok.

 

Stayed in over night with consultants scratching their heads! No one could tell us what was wrong although they knew his history , I’ve talked to his doctor (GP) and he said that without my husband coming in to see him voluntarily , his hands were tied. So therefore couldn’t make referral , will keep trying . 

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