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On the 23rd December I had a SAH. I had no warning and I don’t remember anything. My family were told I might not survive and if I did I would be severely affected by it. I did survive and I’m ok except for one thing, I feel a huge amount of guilt, and I don’t know why. I feel guilt for my 12 year old daughter seeing me in a coma and my dad and my partner who saved my life as he did cpr on me until paramedics took over. I hurt for them and I just can reason with it.

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Zoegrove, bless your heart. You can be sure we on here understand. You should seek some counceling. It really does help! If you had pain or a physical deficit you would seek help for it. Emotional pain is no less real and bothersome. Go for it!

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Hi, welcome to BTG!

 

I sense that you are a person who is very independent and who likes to help everyone else, but doesn't like to accept help when the boot is on the other foot.  Welcome to the club.  There are many of us on here in the same boat.  Good advice from Casey. Have a think about that! The emotions you are feeling are quite common in the aftermath of SAH, so don't beat yourself up about that. Emotional turmoil of one kind or another often crops up.

 

In the meantime, just consider what has happened to you. Time for you to think out of the box for a minute.  This change has been thrust upon you in an instant.  You had no time to prepare, no time to ask for help - it just happened and there you are, plonked in no mans land, up the creek without a paddle.

 

Now what you see is people around you offering to help, whereas previously, in what seems like only moments ago, you were one of that group.

 

You've been tossed out of the boat by a freak wave and these others are now trying to help you to get back in the boat!  Accept their help.  If you were tossed out of a real boat, you would accept their help without a second thought to get back in - so what is different?  I know it is difficult to accept at the moment, but as time goes on and you accept what has happened, you will reflect more and understand what I am trying to convey to you.  We've been where you are and we've lived it and came out the other side. You will too.

 

There is absolutely no reason for you to feel guilty - although I know the feeling - but in life everyone needs a helping hand from time to time.  You can't get through life in splendid isolation.  Humans are social animals - we interact with each other, it's what we do - it's just that now it is your time to take, instead of giving - it's just that you weren't ready for it that's all.

 

You were just unlucky in that it happened to you - but lucky that you came through it relatively unscathed.  Your lottery ticket just came up!  Grab that second chance with both hands and help your daughter grow into the woman you always wanted her to be - You can still do it - go for it. Watch her achieve, watch her get married and have children of her own - it's all there in front of you and you will be there to see it!  No guilt - you still have a massive role to play in life - learn from your experience and use it to full advantage in yours and your daughter's future.

 

So accept help with good grace, and with the love that it is being offered with.  They are doing for you what they know you would do for them in a heartbeat.

 

Think positively and make the most of your opportunities and that is the best thanks, and probably the only thanks, that anyone will want from you.

 

Good luck and best wishes,

 

Macca

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I felt guilty as my family had been wonderful and saw me through not only SAH but then Ventriculitus  followed by Sepsis and hydrocephalus.

 

I was out a long while and once I had shunt fitted I awoke to know what happened to me.  Dogs went potty hubby was so good and Daughter was marvellous xxx I felt for them and felt guilty for what they had been through.

 

Once my Daughter held my arm and said" welcome back Mum" we both shed a tear or 2 dozen . I felt guilty but the stronger I got the more I was told get up as I couldn't walk but I am at the stage were I could do more.  But I play on it lol

 

You will get there and you will get stronger  but it takes a time  so pace yourself  and be patient and thank goodness you made it  to tell others your story.  I sing badly but it helps me but not my family  xxxx  Welcome and good luck this is an amazing site it helped me no end xxxx  To talk about how you feel and others can say how they were etc etc. xxxxxx

 

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Hello, and also a warm welcome to BTG.

 

So glad you found the site so quickly.  You will find great support in the days ahead as you discover that there are members who have been challenged by the hand SAH has dealt them …. and they have related in their posts about how they have tried to move on with their lives.

 

With only 26 days since your bleed, it is so early in your recovery …. and while you say you have recovered ….. few survivors make a complete recovery.  With this in mind, early advice is invariably to rest well in the early weeks and months, and don`t rush to return to work and household chores too soon.

 

At present you feel that your feeling of guilt is your only concern, however fatigue, headaches and emotional upsets are often apparent in these early days.

 

You are right to feel upset about what your family have witnessed. Being told you may not survive was so difficult for them to cope with at the time. They will have felt so helpless. And now you have survived … they too have emotions that are `all over the place`.

For you …. as Macca mentioned... SAH can damage the emotional area of the brain, and control of emotions might not be quite as it was before. For many, time is a great healer.

 

Reading the various threads on this site will help give you a wider understanding of SAH recovery, and your partner and family would also benefit.

 

Being positive will be a great help, and talk regularly with your family and friends about how you are feeling. Don`t hesitate to make contact with your consultant.

 

I too wish you well as you navigate your life post SAH.

 

Please continue to share your progress.

 

 

Subs

 

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Hi Zoegrove,

 

Welcome to BTG...So sorry to hear about your terrible experience.  You sound as if you are making a great progress, our bodies are amazing.  I too experienced tremendous guilt after my SAH and Vasospasm.  I kept telling my husband "I'm sorry" I remember him telling me to stop it wasn't my fault.  This continued for maybe several months and then I began to get a better sense of the whole thing. 

 

I work in the medical field so I am always on the helper side of the fence, but there I was being the one who needed help.  It is so difficult to accept it sometimes (sadly perhaps when we need it the most)...I did get there ...

 

The whole experience is a traumatic  not just for you and me but for all those who love us.   It takes time, your experience is still so new.  Give yourself the gift of time, it made such a difference for me, I wouldn't have believed it.  I will 2 years out in May, I am so much better with all these feelings.

 

Best wishes for you and your family as you move forward and remember you are a survivor...it is a big deal :)

Sincerely,

Jean

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Welcome to the site so glad that you found us..

 

The guilt thing is horrible but know that it wasn't your fault and there was nothing you could have done, don't bottle it up speak with the family how you feel.

 

This all takes time and you've been blessed with that sending my warmest wishes...

 

All the other replies are great as ever so making this short...

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