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I read something in another post about family members in denial and it really hit a chord with me.


I had part of my family completely and 100% unable to understand and accept anything that happened to me.


They just found it better to ignore and put it out of their minds. It was very frustrating for me. I would like to say I felt abandoned, but I WAS abandoned.  Another part of the family had an experienced retired nurse who explained everything. But the other half just gave me the "emperor has no clothes" attitude.  Long story short, the marriage ended 6 months later and I'm probably the better for it.


I'm not hear to complain, just wanted to hear if anyone else got abandoned too. 

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I wasn't abandoned as such but was laughed at by my sister.

She actually said " I'm glad it happened to you not me" Even though bridges have been partially mended over the years it still hurts a little and I will never forget her attitude.

The worst thing was that the SAH left me disabled but life goes on and I make the most of it. Life is for living and enjoying which I do to the best of my ability. Yes it is a struggle at times but mainly when I set my mind to something I achieve it, maybe not perfectly as in the past but at least achieved.

Knowing my limitations helps. 

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Hi frmertd,


I can say I understand some of what you are saying, when i had my SAH in 2014, my partner was my rock at first, for the first few months, when I had my follow up appointment 6 months after SAH, things changed quite dramatically when we were told I should give myself at least a 2 year recovery window, even then it could take a lot longer than that. He actually said to me the doctor didn't mean it would literally take that long. Well I just said, we would just have to take each day as it came.


My family especially my oldest sister was of the attitude, " Michelle, you've only had a blood clot on your brain, i have known people who have had that happen to them and they are perfectly fine now "  now that hurt, because when I tried to explain the difference to her and the fact that I nearly died, she was very dismissive. 

My family don't understand even to this day, the after affects of that bleed, even my partner, if I am having a bad day and I still do have them, I tend not to tell him, i just can't stand to see him rolling his eyes as if to say " here we go again " I just try to deal with it on my own and I usually manage to do that.


I try to live my life for me now, our relationship has suffered, more so since 2017 when he physically attacked me, i will say, we worked through that and thankfully came out the other side, he knows it can never ever happen again, if it did, I would leave, no hesitation. I also lost my mum very suddenly in 2017 which had a huge impact on me, but i made her a promise before she passed away and I am keeping that promise.


I think sometimes it is easier for family to pretend it didn't happen, than to try to understand that it did and understand the affects that it had on you.


I am sorry that your marriage ended, you do sound like it was the best decision for you, as for family, I suppose like you to some degree, I felt like I had been abandoned and I still do. It's not a nice feeling, at the end of the day, they chose not to support or understand, as one of our members Macca once said to me " it is they who have the problem, not you " and that is very true.


I wish you well.


Michelle xx

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I don’t think people should abandon their partners. But it has to with fate, luck, karma, people s attitudes, work related stress, support system etc. I hope that you will find the peace and happiness. Sometimes it is better to forgive and forget. Be safe and rest well.  Stay away from alcohol and smoking. 

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So understand this, dont see most of my family now, (that would be normal times without Covid) and using Covid as a guide since lock down in Mar2020 to date only Two have messaged me and asked how I/we are doing, also one of my cousin said I was Ignorant and rude... How rude (and forgetful to what I'd gone through) is she!!! 


so I now basically step back, dont need that stress in my life.  


Take care, stay-safe.


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I'm sorry to read that people have felt abandoned by family and partners. I am only a few weeks out and my SAH was very minor (dr. said 3-6 months months recovery), but still need another angiogram. People seemed very upset and concerned (certainly my family), but I feel like the abandonment is about them and people sometimes don't have the depth to understand or take the time. Perhaps they are fearful themselves. I think people can be quite insensitive. Also, in the very beginning it's fresh and then people don't realize how we look fine but perhaps are struggling. Maybe it's so serious that folks can't deal with it.


I was in Intensive Care for 10 days in Covid, and couldn't see anyone. I felt abandoned in the ICU. I felt like I was back being a child and my mother wasn't there for me, and I was so afraid. So afraid and shocked and overwhelmed. I cried and cried sometimes and on occasion a nurse might not have been so compassionate and it made me cry.  Then my therapist told me after I got out she is not equipped to deal with something like this (talk about abandonment)! This just showed me who she was. Not very kind. And probably afraid herself.


It's really a lot, so I believe everyone should honor their own grief and feelings and honor that it is difficult. Pain on abandonment certainly is real and I respect it.

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I feel there is something about people not wanting to see the fragility of life and the realisation that we're not really in control sometimes with what happens with our bodies. I remember a colleague saying to me "but you're fine now" and I was so annoyed I couldn't put together a coherent sentence to answer them. Yes, I am fortunate that I don't have any noticeable physical issues but that doesn't mean I'm fine emotionally or mentally. Some people's reaction seems to be that it's easier to just pretend nothing ever happened.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Thanks for all your input. That covid story really sounds difficult. Your Covid experience must have been just a terrible,terrible experience. And it makes you think how many people are going through that right now??


 It's interesting you mention covid because when this "China Plague" (as Trump calls it, lol) , when this virus thing started, one of the first things that went thru my head was "dont go back to ICU!!"


  I've been very cautious to not catch it and it's out of my desire to not relive that experience again.  The week on ICU when I had my initial bleed was the worst experience ever. No thank you, not again. 


    I remember when I was going thru all this (2 yrs ago), some people made the point that if you break your arm, you have a cast on. But when you have a significant brain injury, you appear outwardly normal. 


   I also remember someone telling me "if your marriage is not the best before this, it will be over afterwards. " And they correctly predicted that one!!  

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I m very cautious too not catching the virus because I won’t be killed by anything made in China as a friend puts it lol. Many months later, me and my staff is still covid free. It is a miracle. Lots of prayers and meditation helps I believe. I was happy to get the first vaccine on dec 31st too. Never spent a night inside the hospital so far as a patient so no thank you.

Sometimes marriage is luck or it is the choice we made and sometimes we don’t know it till one is tested. We are almost 50. I try to make the most out of life by doing good things. 

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