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almost 6 years out and struggling with feeling inadequate and worthless


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Hi,

i haven't been here in awhile and I apologize for that.

I'm almost 6 years out from my bleed and I'm just feeling really worthless. I have 18 and 20 year old children who live at home and I feel like a dud of a mom and wife. I hate how my brain works everyday.

 

i seem to be going down a path of depression and self hatred. Anyone else have terrible anger outbursts that seem out of control? I hate when that happens, sometimes I even throw things and it makes me hate the new me even more. 

 

I say all the time that I would've rather lost my right arm than a piece of brain and I really mean it. Tonight I just want to cry.

 

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Hi Xmartz :) 

 

Sending you a great big virtual hug xx

You are not worthless at all, you have been through a huge trauma. Be kind to yourself as our lovely Karen once said to me on here.

 

Do you think you could sit down and write down all the things you are struggling with or getting frustrated with. Your children are adults and maybe as a family you could have a chat about ways they could help you. You may have done this already xx

 

Also have you contacted your Doctor or Consultant about your angry out of control outbursts. There are people you can talk to away from family members that can help you to be aware when things are getting on top of you and give you ways to cope and calm things. 

 

I really feel for you, i get frustrated when i cant do things i used to or i bang into something or drop things. Get very cross at myself. If i am tired i now know to leave things that can wait and start afresh the next day. I found that i have learnt how far to push myself. I now know my limits and when i have to step back and say no or just have to rest or ask for help. I can assure you it has taken many years to get to this stage and still get caught out sometimes ! 

 

Please always remember you are not worthless, you should be so proud of how far you have come. We all have blips, sometimes one step forwards two steps backwards. Hold your head up high and never hate yourself xx If you can, please talk with your family or Dr to get some support and help and you know we are also always here to listen and share our experiences. 

 

Keep in touch, take care

Tina xx,

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Hey there

 

Agree with everything Tina has said - be kind and accepting to yourself as well.

 

Regarding the uncontrollable outbursts - I see you're only 3 years older than me and I'm going through the same thing at the moment.  However, I do know what's causing them - the flaming menopause!!! And I do notice that the symptoms are worse the nearer it would be to my monthly cycle.  Is that ringing true for you at all? 

 

It's still worth talking to your doctor if you can, they may be able to help somehow, but identifying the reasons is just as helpful and may help you and your family understand.  At the end of the day, we don't get taught about the mental effects of the menopause and many of us just put up and shut up and get on with it.

 

Definitely be proud of how far you have come and remember, we're all still on this journey and there will be twists, turns and hurdles along the way - but we can and will get through them and over them.


Sending you massive hugs and tonnes of understanding xxx

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Hi, some lovely kind advice above and hope you are seeing you are not alone.

 

The truth and reality of our changed brains is a hard one to explain to others , how that feels, the loss and adjusting let alone accepting it is even harder. A lot of the early days is about surviving really, getting through the day, the pain, the fog and slowly slowly clawing back what we can manage and seeing what is else is possible. 

 

But my goodness we are hard with ourselves along the way, I mean no one handed us a manual of how to live after an brain injury , and so here we all are muddling along, doing as best we can with our unique injuries to our even more unique brain.

 

What I am trying to say is give your self permission to not feel ok. Do talk, do ask for help, do explain that today It may be a bad day and don’t feel you need to make an excuse for that, you don’t need to, the truth and fact is that today you feel extra fatigue, extra pain, because of your injury.

 

Whatever it is, acknowledge that hitting of a red light , feel a little bitter or cross with it if that’s the emotion but then ask yourself what kindness can you offer yourself to get through today. Try practicing some relaxation techniques and make sure you’re are eating and resting well. Looking after yourself. 

 

You are changed. We all are.  It’s a truth of our trauma but your kids will love you no less and will have learnt from your struggle ( mine are 17& 15 ) but here’s the thing, we were never going to be perfect mums , bleed or not, ( my goodness the words my kids learnt and that was before SAH) but we are still their amazing mums and here and giving it the best we can . And that’s a happy thing. 

 

Hugs. Now give yourself one too and a pat on the back for how far you have walked and overcome in the six years. 

Daff x 

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